MY JOURNAL (March 15-21, 2006)

March 15, 2006

 

          I waited for Calove and company to arrive or to fetch me here till nine, yet they'd never come. It saddened me and it created boredom. I wished Hobee was here.

 

          Past nine, we (Mama and I) sold the barb wires I collected. We earned P45. It would be used for today's needs. I wanted to eat fresh fish or veggies.

 

          In 'Homeboy', Boy paid tributes to the 2006 Graduates. It saddened me. I reminisced my 2004 collegiate graduation. It was so saddening that Mama was not able to attend in my most unforgettable moment in my life. I don't blame no one. I understand our situation. Yet, I was grateful, then.

 

          Three-forty, Taiwan arrived. He's still working at RC. Five, Jano arrived. He under-timed because tomorrow he would be early for a Bicol delivery.

 

          We're complete in picture yet I felt emptiness. I didn't know the origin of it but one thing I'm sure of, I am not comfortable living in a house with Jano. He always made me uneasy. I am at home only when he's not around.

 

          Today I’ve written a comedy skit entitled 'Reklamador'.

 

          I was so sleepy that I couldn't even understand what I was watching thus I turned off the TV and slept--- without even praying. "I'm sorry, Lord."

 

 

 

March 16, 2006

 

     

   I woke up with a smile in my face. I still hope that someone would fetch me here.

 

          One o'clock, Mj with Hanna Margaret arrived. I was so happy to see and kiss her again. I never expect their arrival.

 

          Mj told Mama that Calove went to Boso-Boso recently and they also went to Batangas yet they hadn't swim in one of the beaches there. She told me that it would be held on April. I just didn't mind her.

 

          I was not ready to talk to her. I know she was hurt that I was neglecting her. I just wanted her to realize her mistake. Though, I was so excited to talk about Hobee's upcoming first birthday celebration, with her, I told myself and kept my emotion.

 

          But before they arrived, I have made Curio-City cards' sample. These will be realized if I have had money.

 

          Tomorrow is my daughter's 8th month birthday. She would have a 'handa,' according to Mama--- ginataan!

 

          After PBB Celebrity Edition, I clicked off the TV and started to pray. I asked God to bless my baby's physical attributes. I wished He give Hobee strong body for immunity to sickness and beautiful hair before or on her 1st birthday. I also asked forgiveness to my and our sins.

       

 

 

March 17, 2006

 

          Seven when Marge woke up jolly. I greeted her Good Morning and Happy Birthday, immediately. Then, I or we changed her diaper, shirt, and pyjama because they were all wet.

 

           At 8, Hanna Margaret could now recognize faces. She could now locate sounds. She could now name me correctly as 'Papa'. If she like a picture, she could locate where it was. She could now shout and laugh soundly. Although, her built is lean, she is vigorous and jolly. Though she is 'kalbo', it doesn't affect her femineity. She would not be mistaken as boy. She's beautiful. She's long bodied and long-legged. She's a mere 'morena' yet has a fair skin. All in all, she's well-developed, not under, not over!

 

          Nine, I already talked with Mj. We talked about Margie's upcoming birthday. I think, she liked my plan. I told her that I wanted it to be realized. She confirmed the promise of Tito Jay, who has also pledged to send us money for our roofs in Polot. It gladdens me. Thus, I would not be so excited to it. I would rather expect too much in money for birthday party than money for roof renovations. Promises are made to be broken.

 

          We cooked 'ginataang ube-gabi' to commensurate Hanna's 8th month birthday.

 

          "Lord God, thank you for the happiness brought by Margaret's presence. Bless us always. In Jesus' name, Amen!"

 

 

March 18, 2006

 

          Seven, I took the chance of getting closer to Margie. We went outside to have vitamin D from morning sunrays. Eight, they left to Rancho. I was not sad, in fact, I got joy in my heart. At least, I have been with her for two nights.

 

          At one, I've accomplished another stockings butterfly..and small butterfly again and big dragonfly the next hour.. Haay! It's so fulfilling feeling. I could do whatever I wanted to do every time I am here. My artistic hands do not want to rest. My ideas are always there but the problem is...the materials. I needed glue, glue gun, canvas, paints, paint brushes and whatnot... If I could have them, I reckon I could forget hunger. Poverty in here. I am not that complainant one, especially when we have no viand or food. I only protest when I was bored. I always interchange boredom to artistry. I am doing artworks because there is a need to do so. Arts heal my ennui. It conceals my heartaches. It conceals my life-flaws.

 

          Jano arrived at 10 PM. He brought groceries and rice. He has 'pasalubong' from Bicol. It gladdens me --- his 'pasalubong' and 'bitbit'. However, I could feel again the same thing whenever he's near to me---- intimidation. He's an intimidating one, although he does not intend to do so. I don't know why... but it's the reality.

 

 

March 19, 2006

 

          Although, I was awakened by so many noises, I set myself again under my blanket till I totally awake at 8. Then, feeling of intimidation starts all over again. I was so uneasy what to do, where to go.

 

          He got up at 9, then, turned on the radio. I have dusted the windows and floor. I couldn't even plug the TV on. Yet when I saw him sleeping, I took the chance.

 

          Watching television during Saturdays and Sundays gladdens and educates me much. I always wish he is not here during Sunday morning.

 

          Even though I am close to Mama, we often talk, and I trust and confide to her, I couldn't tell her about my feeling towards Jano. I don't know if she could notice it. I am aloof and quiet every time he's present. I don't know too if he could feel it. He doesn't talk to me about future, anyway. We only say household words such as 'ulam,' 'tubig,' 'kape,' and the same.

 

          Tonight, he confronted Flor Rhina's frequent staying too much outside till evening. He said unnecessary words to her. I felt the pain that Flory felt. In fact, she didn't eat dinner.

 

          "Dear Lord, Thank you for the graces. I pray Oh God, my bid brad. He's different (for me). He's doing misery to us, like telling a lie that he already paid Meralco bill, and his license was confiscated. Please resolve this, God. And forgive our sins, Amen."

 

 

March 20, 2006

 

          Last night, I've planned already about productive things to do today. However, it changes. I helped Mama to redesign her garden. We moved rocks. We transplanted plants. In short, we bond through the garden works.

 

          Gardening, I should say, is a stress-remover. It makes a gardener worry-free. Like Mama and I, we could forget bad thoughts about family, about household problems. It does not only beautify the surroundings, but it heals.

 

          Now, I conclude... Mama is still strong because she loves gardening. She could be mistaken as asthmatic due to her lean body, yet she still could lift a boulder.

 

          In my case, I am so bored here, yet I sometimes am entertained and stunned of her garden aesthetic, that I even forget wishing to leave here.

 

          While doing garden works, Mama and I talked about big brother. We reckon he will protest again to the few renovations we made. Then, I suggested to Mama the idea of leaving here and going back to Polot, where we could do whatever, we want to do.

 

         I was hoping that tomorrow Calove would go to Cadcad, Boso-Boso. I wanted to go and stay again in Rancho. I could see Jano's hardship of supporting our daily consumption.

 

 

March 21, 2006

 

          I was so glad today that Jano would not be home for two nights because he would be out-of-town (Baguio City and Ilocos) for delivery. I don't care if Ka Sonny won't arrive to fetch me here.

 

          Eight, I cut my hair. Flory asked me what the name of my cut is. I replied, "Cute cut!" But before that I copied 'potpourri' making in a book. I am interested on it.

 

          While watching TV, I visited my kept-knick-knacks such as toys, reading materials, etc. I've found my lost poem entitled 'Hanna Margaret', which is written by me last August 16, 2005.

 

          House is not a home, isn't it?

          A home is incomplete without these:

          Nourishing mother; responsible father,

          Not to mention his happiness

          And a child who'll be a family's bliss.

 

          Me, my beautiful daughter

          And her loving mother

          Represent a happy family and home.

          God, thank you so much.

          A Hanna Margaret is enough.

          Receiving a gift like this

          Epitomizes me a good parent

          To my wonderful baby--- my baby.

MY JOURNAL (March 8-14, 2006)

    March 8, 2006

 

          Six-thirty, I attended Hobee. She rose up very early, maybe due to a mosquito intruded our mosquito net. She has two bites on her forehead.

 

          Seven, she fell asleep again. I, too, lie down.

 

          We had no breakfast today. Yet I have drunk coffee twice. First, when Nanay served me. Second, when Mj did.

 

          We are still in war. I don't want either to raise white flag. I will let her learn from her bad treatment over me.

 

          Nine, Mich with Tethel arrived. Hmp! I didn't want to comment again.

 

           I have heard them talking about me and Mj while I was emoting inside, in front of a lone window and while Mj was taking a bath. They already know how mean Mj is. I wished, then, that they give me money so I could go home.

 

          All day long, I consumed my time pretending. It was so hard to sit and look at the same point while they were looking and wondering what I was doing or what was happening to me. It turned out useless. I was still here. However, I would not give up, till they realize I must be gone out here.

 

          Every day I was here, my life goes harder and harder. I was not even enjoying their presences. I could not even feel my role as a father. I was self-pitying.

 

          "Oh, Jesus Christ, our God, please renew our lives. Amen!"

 

          I've learned from "Game KNB?" today---Tyrapanophobia (fear of injection).

 

 

 

March 9, 2006

 

          I had a bad night sleep. Last night was so hot---- terrible! Then, my scalp has been so itchy. I scratched it for an hour. Yet, I didn't freak out. I attended Hanna instead, before breakfast.

 

          Today is a red-letter day of Neiczel. Her parents went to market early. They would prepare 'ginataan'.

 

          While we're taking in our lunch, money from Nanay's sibling has arrived. Everybody was happy. I, too, was glad. I hoped Nanay give me so that I could go home.

 

          My mind is open-door for knowledge. I unlimited myself in unlimited wisdom I could read and learn. Today, I have learned new words from reading dictionary.

 

          They exchanged the foreign money at 4. I hoped they would give me money as fare. However, they don't even ask me if I wanted to go home now.

 

          I, then cried and cried beneath the pillow. Why don’t they understand me? I just don't want here to stay for long. Why they are unaware of my feelings? Now that they already have money, they would shoo me away easily if they really wanted.

 

          The tears I cried were due to ennui--- a boredom to my life. I wanted life which is quite dissimilar to my past life. I have asked it to the Lord. He showed me a sign. Yet, I must do something to possess it.

 

          Then, I realized...Mama is the only mortal who can help me to go home. I was waiting for no one or for nothing here. I know she is now worrying about me, to our house as well, in Polot. She is the only one I could talk to whenever my heart swells in burden and in pain.

 

          This is the third night Mj and I were on warfare. I decided not to talk to her even if I have gone home.

 

           Though, I was mingling with them, I knew what was going on. I was bottlenecking.

 

           Lola called to claim the money sent by Tito Jay. It was truly for her not for Nanay. It was a frustrating news, huh!

 

 

 

March 10, 2006

 

          I had a bad night last night. I could hardly sleep. I almost gone naked, and my back ached tremendously. I thought that was my penalty of being sensitive.

 

          Since, I was not hoping that I would be given money for fare, I was shocked when they asked me if I would like to go home. I nodded merely. And, before Nanay had Mich went to market she gave me P50. I left at 11 AM. Tatay and Elek tried to stop me and told to wait the uncooked rice, but I still left.

 

          I kissed Hanna lovingly. I felt her pain of losing me and my temporary presence. In fact, she cried after I bade adieu. I almost shred to tears.

 

          I then neglected the presence of Mj. It was her fault!

 

          It saddens me but a side of me was glad...

 

          I went to lotto outlet to bet. I saw and noticed the queue of hopeful people like me. I fell in line and stayed there, because the queue was so long, until past 12. I could feel he hunger yet I was hoping that I will win it now.

 

          It was past one when I arrived here in Bautista. Mama was partly amazed of my unnoticed arrival. She presto fried egg for me.

 

          While eating, I confided to her all---Mj's meanness, my plans, expectations, wishes and disappointment and some anecdotes and especially Hanna's upcoming birthday party.

 

           In my excitement, I made a written master plan of Marge's approaching birthday. I will give it to Mj so that she will decide if it is desirable or not.

 

          I told Mama that I was afraid it could not be realized like what happened to Hanna's christening last August 21, 2005. They were the ones who planned for it. Although it was successful, I didn't like it.

 

          If only my plan would be followed, I reckon everyone would enjoy not only the food but he entirety of the party. I wanted it to be unique and talk-of-the-town.

 

          Then, I elaborated it to Mama and Flory. I guess they have approved it 90%.

 

          Mama and I watched Lotto draw at 9. We both were hopeful to win. However, I only got one digit. I didn't fret. It was God's will.

 

          Jano didn't arrive. I prayed that he was in good term...

 

          I viewed the launching show of "Gudtym''. I found it funny.

 

          Then, I talked to God upon turning off the TV. I asked Him apology to my sins and to everyone's sins.

 

 

 

March 11, 2006

 

          Seven, I got up and took in tuna-in-can and rice breakfast.

 

          I watched TV at 9. I missed out 'Art Jam, yet I've fully viewed 'Mag-Agri Tayo' and 'Maunlad na Agrikultura' in Channel 4. In the first show, I've learned about 'Itikery'. Ducks are so weak in frequent temperature changes. And, what I enjoyed most was the second show. I've learned 'Kulob System', which is used in hardwood propagation like bamboo. I called Mama so she could view it too. It was all about horticulture. Amazing! I think I wanted to try it...in Boso-Boso.

 

          Our lunch...boiled cassava! Thus, I watched cooking shows in TV like 'Ka-Toque' and 'Makuha ka sa Tikim'.

 

          Then, I made a curio from objet trovive of certain plant stalks. It was based by indigenous bamboo. Mama liked it.

 

          One-thirty, I've made two artworks---- calligraphy and abstract, made from coffee. The abstract one can be made into greeting card. It will be a business, huh!

 

          At the end of the day, I felt so much contentment and happiness in my life. I have done whatever I wanted to do.

 

 

          Six, while Flory and company were doing Bible study outside, I read FHM. I've learned three different types of caps--- trucker cap, baseball cap and racer cap. First type is the one which has a net. Second type is a closed-type one. Third type is like baseball cap which has a belt-like at the back. Now, I was enticed to collect caps.

 

          Our dinner was egged noodles. It's so beefy-yummy! We couldn't wait Jano anymore. We know he would bring, but we're so hungry due to lunch lessness.

 

          Past nine when they (Jano and Gie) arrived with bags of groceries and whole dressed chicken. The last was stunned seeing me. She told me that her sister, who is to be wed has already bought cactus. I wonder what it meant.

 

          Jano asked me about Taiwan. What? He has a mobile phone. He has opportunity to notify, to know or to have a news about Taiwan's employment and Jenny's pregnancy but he was the one who has no contact with him. How come? Is he so busy?

 

          Then, he was borrowing money from me. Is he insulting me? Or is he really on a crisis? I know I was still liable to Gie of P1,000--- the balance, I have owed when Hanna Margaret was born, but do he need to imply it? I will pay it...soon when the time comes...

 

          I thanked God for everything. I didn't name them one by one because it's too many... instead, I generalized my thanksgiving. Then, I asked good health, sound mind, healthy emotion, and whatnot.

         

          Eleven… it was.

 

 

March 12, 2006

 

          Seven, when my eyes opened voluntarily. Then, I got up after 15 minutes to start a wonderful Sunday.

 

          While Jano was doing carpentry outside, I turned off his sound and on the TV. I knew there are so many shows I like every Sunday such as cooking, home make-over and travel. So, I enjoyed viewing, while the remote control was complaining.

 

           I've learned from the chefs--- the use of banana leaf in embutido-processing. Interesting!

 

          I was so excited to Hanna's upcoming birthday. I was looking for menus in magazines, thinking party ideas and planning crazily. I just really like it grandeur and unique.

 

          Last night, I started curing my carabao feet, too. I could see changes. It turned out smooth. The nearly expired lotion, Mj gave me was effective, huh!

 

          Mama has been so supportive, excited as well, to Hanna Margaret first birthday planning stage. She had a planned menu she would impart to me.

 

          I have written today an Article 2 of Marge's Law (Baby Marge Law, in my March 4, 2006 account). It goes like this:

     

Article 2: Using Poor Language to Children is Illogical.

 

          A child needs to talk with; however, parents must be a good model. It means no baby talk, speak clearly and articulately and label things correctly. Baby-talking is talking like a child, who is just about to talk. Inarticulate use of words do not boost the intelligent quotient of a child. And labelling things incorrectly is not a sharpening process of child's development of the mind. Poor language, on the other hand, affects the communication skill of a child.

 

          After I have viewed 'Sharon Tonight', that tackled a theme of ‘from rag to riches', my business instinct insistently came out. It sounds ridiculous but I'm hoping that someday, my planned business names would be registered to Security and Exchange Commission. It sounds shameful, but I'm proud to plan and plan...

 

          Here are my business names:

          .Curios-City

          .Black and White

          .Itikery Farm

          .El Saga

          .Re-Encarnacion Garden

 

          If it is God's will. I would be (still) a faithful Christian, kind son, generous brother, grateful relative, helpful in-law, loving husband, responsible father and concerned citizen...and best, thoughtful friend!

 

          I was so strong through the wind blows because Jesus Christ, our God, told me so... I'm willing to wait.

 

 

March 13, 2006

 

          After a semi-sumptuous breakfast, it was 8, I helped Mama in gardening. We made a bamboo pole orchidarium. We then exchange gardening ideas. I told her I like suiseki (collection of rocks).

 

          I watched 'Homeboy' and I've learned cooking term. It was 'canapes', which is lumpia-like. The only difference is that canapes ae not filled, they are rolled and cut in bite sizes.

 

          Mama was so stunned to her violet orchids; however, I have discovered that they were eaten by violet worms. She was so upset. The bloomed ones were eaten by pest worms so as the bulb. Yet... I killed them all. Quits!

 

          At seven PM, I have written 'Billboard', a comedy skit.

 

          I've learned today--- malarkey. It is a noun which means nonsense, and insincere and foolish talk.

 

          Mama sauteed green papaya and corned beef for our dinner. Although, I am not fond of eating unripe papaya, I have eaten much of it...with rice.

 

          In my prayer, I included Ate Ningning, who is now working in Dubai, fighting for nostalgia and pain of her separation to Eking. I wished for her endurance, hope and strength. I also asked God for Hanna Margaret strong body to bear the bumps and humiliation of Akisha. She was being hurt by her every time they're near.

 

 

March 14, 2006

 

          The morning was so cold. I couldn't help to rise. Yet, when Mama woke us up, I remember that today is the day Ka Sonny is supposed to go to Boso-Boso and he is gonna fetch me here. I rose up afterwards. I was so thankful that loving Mama had already prepared sunny side-up for breakfast.

 

          Mama called me when she noticed that my anticipation would be useless. She directed me to unscrew the 'lababo' doors. It gladdens me that the 3 doors would be useful for an artist like me.

 

          Then, I have made two butterflies, made from stockings, by her request. It's a fulfilling project.

MY JOURNAL (March 1-7, 2006)

March 1, 2006

 

          Months passed so fast. I couldn't imagine this day is another month of the year. Not more than five months to go, Hanna will be celebrating her first birthday. And of course I was planning for a grandeur banquet. Who knows?

 

          Yesterday, Hanna has been so fastidious, and she was coughing as if she was just 'nag-iinarte'. However, today Mj confirmed that she has colds I suspect it was due to terrible heat and irksome dusts outside.

 

          She was frequently weeping. It puts me to a bad trip state. Yet, I was sorry for her. It was just irritating to my ears. If only she plays instead of crying, I could bear the hardship of playing with her all day long. I'm her father, that's why I didn't resist myself. I was still there to take care of her. Besides, no one would do it. It's only me and Mj.

 

          Anyways, I have alternated reading and writing. Today I have learned a new word-- "ilk", which means 'sort or kind of'.

 

          Good thing, Bernie brought home raw chicken. We have had viand tonight. "I'm sorry, Jesus."

 

 

March 2, 2006

 

          While Mj was still sleeping, I took Hanna out to put her in sunshine. Then, I feed her with porridge, brought by Immaculata couple. Lastly, I let her to play.

 

          We have had no breakfast today. I knew we would be "lunch less' later. However, a regular client of Tatay came with his defected car. It was an answered prayer!

 

          I took over the rice cooking. Tatay was gone for a home service. Unfortunately, the rice was not well-cooked. Tatay, however, had remedied it.

 

          While Hanna was sleeping, I wrote and wrote.

 

          Three, Elek and Mich went to 'bayan' to pawn jewelry. We have no more food again. Then, they came back with GG and alamang.

 

          Tatay entered into an agreement. A vulcanizing shop owner used the spare space downstairs to operate his business there. It's a source of income.

 

           Five+, I have heard, and I caught Mj's Bro shouted at Hanna, who was crying loudly. I was amazed to the fact that he could do that to his niece. I know Hanna's cry is irritating but does he need to act like that?

 

           Tito Jay called, all the way from Japan. His call made us everybody happy. He promised to send Nanay for Meralco bill. But most important of all was his promise to send money for Akisha, Neiczel and Hanna's first birthday celebrations. I almost jump for joy. There was no reason now for me to worry and think too much for it. I've planned already the menus, programs and everything about the uniqueness, success, and happiness of my baby's first year in this world.

 

 

March 3, 2006

 

          Whenever, we were sleeping in this lower double deck, Mj always pushes me to rise though I was still sleepy. I didn't have the right to sleep here for a long time. I don't care if Michael would sleep here. All I want is to let myself indulge in a deep and undisturbed sleep. It was so devastating!

 

          I thanked God and asked forgiveness as well, that Gregorio Family left this noisy, crowded house. However, before they left, I discovered Hanna Marge's distorted pinkie. I told it immediately go Mj but she seemed unaffected, that she continues playing scrabble with Gregorios. When she came back, five minutes later, I was angry then, she showcases happiness towards my daughter instead of pity. Thus, I proclaimed my rage, and it ended up to misunderstanding. She minded that I was blaming her. But truly, I just wanted her to stop playing and mind the problem.

 

          Then, I let Hanna sleep. Before she had fallen to sleep, I have been so irritated. I couldn't understand myself why I was so irritated to Hanna's unsteadiness and Nicole's presence, all I knew was I pity Baby Marge.

 

           When she fell asleep, I laid down beside her, pretending to sleep. Mj tried to wake me up for lunch dining, yet I did not rise up. Few minutes later, I talked to God. I wonder if it was innate or accidental due. I was starting to conclude it was innate yet the thought of accidental insisted.

 

           One, when Nanay told me to eat lunch. I don't know if Mj told her the reason.

 

           Nanay is kind, indeed. She served me snacks, when I was awakened from pretentious sleep.

 

           After I took a bath, my temperament cooled down. Then, I examined again Hanna's pinkies. I found out that her left had right pinkies were distorted or curved, unusual, in other word. But the right is more curved and evident. I Bikolano's term, it is named "garanggang".

 

          The 60% of my mind concludes it was innate and 40% generalizes it was due to accident, because I have only discovered it today. I knew every smallest part of her body, why I haven't discovered it then?

 

          I could accept or bear her frequent head and mouth bumps to the crib or to a hard stuff but I could not accept the fact that she has distorted pinkies.

 

          Finally, I asked God for acceptance of the truth and healing of her distortions.

 

          All in all, today I wanted to go home in Bautista and to Bulan. Hanna, Mj and I must have own house, own dispositions, own lives, because these are the essences of a family.

 

 

 

March 4, 2006

 

           Last night, I proposed to the Lord that every dream I must dream that night would not be a reverse of its meaning and interpretation. I told Him to show me in dreams our future and right thing to do.

 

           And today, I have dreams. (1) I met Glenn Calampiano, my college classmate, and my best friend. I didn't see him for almost year now. Yet, the dream says he is now a father and still not one-woman man. He's so healthy, too. In fact, he is almost obese. (2) Kuya Bambi was put in the table. He was proclaimed dead, but I saw him moving. I also saw a lot of 'bahaw' everywhere in their kitchen. While I was thinking of best way to do about those 'bahaw', Kuya Bambi rose up and came to me. I was not scared. He talked to me, then... I thanked God for my special people in my life are safe and sound.

 

          Mj and I were not yet in good condition. I don't talk to her so as her to me. In fact, she didn't eat breakfast (rice and tuyo) with me in the table. Yet, I was helping her taking care of Hobee.

 

          After breakfast, while attending Marge, I have read a health article. It's all about junk food and its bad effect. I copied some sentences and phrases. I could use it in my planned "Children Law".

 

          Our lunch viand was tuyo (still). I could feel the crisis.

 

          Porayray uses conventional diaper from morning to six. We frequently changed it. Sometimes, she just weewee in our lap or wherever. She had consumed so much 'lampin'. It was fine. I just couldn't take the fact that she is now milk less and I couldn't do something to resolve it. She would only use Akisha Mikaela's Enfapro tonight till 'I dunno'.

 

          Four, while Hobee was sleeping, Mj and Meann went to 'bayan' to pawn jewelries. Unfortunately, the pawnshop rejected them. They had gone home penniless.

 

          In lieu, Tatay sells the bronze and antique verselets or cups in the junkshop to enable us to survive this night from starvation. "Nakakapanghinayang!" Yet, helpful.

 

          Our dinner was 'tuyo.' Though, it was our viand last breakfast and lunch, it still yummy. I was thankful.

 

          We watched Jessica Soho and I've learned from her that the rose could also be eaten. It was being used by some chef. I will try it sometime.

 

          Before I sleep, I prayed to the Lord Jesus asking for blessings, for forgiveness and for my loved ones' needs.

 

 

March 5, 2006

 

          Today is the official starting day of summer! It doesn't excite me. What excites me most is going home. I am on the nostalgia right now. Thus, I read and took notes of the mottoes of US states.

 

          I also copied foreign expressions, quotations, phrases, and words which are vital to a writer like me.

 

          We had all survived the 3-time meals today. God is great, indeed! He always blesses us. Hanna Margaret has been almost naked due to her "diaperlessness". However, she wore one at 7.

 

 

March 6, 2006

 

          As usual, I must get up early and go out the deck. Mj and I then vex each other. She told me that her love and care were gone already. I replied, "It doesn't matter anyway!"

 

          I was thankful to the Lord that Tatay have had an income from mechanical servicing.

 

          I took over the cooking.

 

          Two PM, I, Mj and Hanna Marge went to Monte Rosas because Meann was there. She told us to bring Akisha there. At first, I was hesitant and ashamed to go but I still did.

 

          Calove is really a good person. He likes me so as my Hanna. He always acknowledges my presence. He feeds up again my daughter. He always wanted me to eat as much as he wants.

 

          I told Mj that I would take home the Readers'Digest of Tito Jun, dated November 2005 because I liked the content. So, I did. Besides, I am collecting it. If only I am a cono or nouveau riche to enable to subscribe on it.

 

          Hanna had her own milk tonight, after almost 2 days of sharing milk with Akisha, because Tita Lo gave Nanay P500.

 

          Tomorrow, we're going to Boso-Boso. I was so glad, at least I could be home again. I will tell Mama to help me.

 

          Somebody called to Nanay and announced the postponement of trip to Boso-Boso. Alas!

 

 

March 7, 2006

 

          I really couldn't sleep here as much as I want. Unlike in Baustista, I could do it. Maybe because I am living with them, and Hanna Marge must be taken care of.

 

          Mj has upset me again today She never learned! Thus, I was quiet and not talking to her. All I did was read or write.

 

          By the way, I cut out information, usable for Marge Law, from health magazine. I, then, gathered the states of America and the presidents of the USA. They will be helpful to Hobee in her future education. I wanted her to be a smart gal.

 

          Mj asked me why I was not talking to her or what was the problem. I replied not. If only she knows how much I felt whenever she shouts on me.

 

          Six-thirty PM, she had a dispute to Mike. I have seen and heard her attitude. I didn't like it. If I'm moody, she is then, a hot-tempered one. Imagine, she hitched the mosquito net she had unhitched before their quarrel took place. Haay! Is she affected to our LQ? LQ, huh!

 

          "Lord, God, Thank you for the blessings. Give us again what we need. And please help me to go home. I missed Bulan, my properties there. You're the only one who could help me, oh, Lord. Amen!"

My Education: My Contribution to the Future

        "Education is what survives when what has been happened has been forgotten." It is quoted by B.F. Skinner, an American philosopher. Whatever happens, an educated person will always be one.

Everybody wants to be educated because everyone has the right to avail quality education. Despite of the expense of acquiring bachelor's degree, nobody is satisfied of gaining low educational level. Since, education is a continuous process. Most of the degree holders further their education. They believe that education is growth.

Nobody wants to be under-educated. Everyone hopes to be educated and professional. Unfortunately, very few thinks of what contribution they can give to the future.

It's quite heart-breaking that scholars nowadays are not well-oriented of what education could give them and what they could share to the society. Some are studying because there's a need to have diploma. Many are planning to go abroad and leave the country after graduation, which contributes to the brain-drain.

Though, overseas employment helps the Philippines very much, it does not mean that the overseas employees are already contributors to the future. Yes, to the future, but not to the future of the Filipinos.

Well, I have no right to oppress them. This is why I'm studying very well so that I can have a contribution to our nation's future -- not to other nation's future. If it's God's will, I would rather teach here in our own country and teach the Filipino children -- who are the real futures. If am lucky enough to pass the licensure examination and get a teaching job, it is now my contribution to the future.

nuous process. Most of the degree holders further their education. They believe that education is growth.

          Nobody wants to be under-educated. Everyone hopes to be educated and professional. Unfortunately, very few thinks of what contribution they can give to the future.

          It's quite heart-breaking that scholars nowadays are not well-oriented of what education could give them and what they could share to the society. Some are studying because there's a need to have diploma. Many are planning to go abroad and leave the country after graduation, which contributes to the brain-drain.

          Though, overseas employment helps the Philippines very much, it does not mean that the overseas employees are already contributors to the future. Yes, to the future, but not to the future of the Filipinos.

          Well, I have no right to oppress them. This is why I'm studying very well so that I can have a contribution to our nation's future -- not to other nation's future. If it's God's will, I would rather teach here in our own country and teach the Filipino children -- who are the real futures. If am lucky enough to pass the licensure examination and get a teaching job, it is now my contribution to the future.

WHY WE OFTEN CLASH

I couldn't understand  
why we often clash
If not monthly -------- weekly
If not weekly -------- daily

Grrr! It exhausts me.
I need to comprehend   
the cause of this crash
I'll do it immediately
I want it in a jiffy.

So, girl, listen to me.
You're romantic
While I'm realistic
You're more sensitive
While my temperance is active
You show it affectionately
While I can't publicly.

Clash of characters, it is.
Sole reason of quarrel, this is.
Why we often clash?

Pssst...! Ssssh!
Hush! It is because--------
You are you
I am me.