March 15, 2006
I waited for
Calove and company to arrive or to fetch me here till nine, yet they'd never
come. It saddened me and it created boredom. I wished Hobee was here.
Past nine, we
(Mama and I) sold the barb wires I collected. We earned P45. It would be used
for today's needs. I wanted to eat fresh fish or veggies.
In 'Homeboy',
Boy paid tributes to the 2006 Graduates. It saddened me. I reminisced my 2004
collegiate graduation. It was so saddening that Mama was not able to attend in
my most unforgettable moment in my life. I don't blame no one. I understand our
situation. Yet, I was grateful, then.
Three-forty,
Taiwan arrived. He's still working at RC. Five, Jano arrived. He under-timed
because tomorrow he would be early for a Bicol delivery.
We're
complete in picture yet I felt emptiness. I didn't know the origin of it but
one thing I'm sure of, I am not comfortable living in a house with Jano. He
always made me uneasy. I am at home only when he's not around.
Today I’ve
written a comedy skit entitled 'Reklamador'.
I was so
sleepy that I couldn't even understand what I was watching thus I turned off
the TV and slept--- without even praying. "I'm sorry, Lord."
March 16, 2006
I woke up with a smile in my face.
I still hope that someone would fetch me here.
One o'clock,
Mj with Hanna Margaret arrived. I was so happy to see and kiss her again. I
never expect their arrival.
Mj told Mama
that Calove went to Boso-Boso recently and they also went to Batangas yet they
hadn't swim in one of the beaches there. She told me that it would be held on
April. I just didn't mind her.
I was not
ready to talk to her. I know she was hurt that I was neglecting her. I just
wanted her to realize her mistake. Though, I was so excited to talk about
Hobee's upcoming first birthday celebration, with her, I told myself and kept
my emotion.
But before
they arrived, I have made Curio-City cards' sample. These will be realized if I
have had money.
Tomorrow is
my daughter's 8th month birthday. She would have a 'handa,' according to
Mama--- ginataan!
After PBB
Celebrity Edition, I clicked off the TV and started to pray. I asked God to
bless my baby's physical attributes. I wished He give Hobee strong body for
immunity to sickness and beautiful hair before or on her 1st birthday. I also
asked forgiveness to my and our sins.
March 17, 2006
Seven when
Marge woke up jolly. I greeted her Good Morning and Happy Birthday,
immediately. Then, I or we changed her diaper, shirt, and pyjama because they
were all wet.
At 8,
Hanna Margaret could now recognize faces. She could now locate sounds. She
could now name me correctly as 'Papa'. If she like a picture, she could locate
where it was. She could now shout and laugh soundly. Although, her built is
lean, she is vigorous and jolly. Though she is 'kalbo', it doesn't affect her femineity.
She would not be mistaken as boy. She's beautiful. She's long bodied and
long-legged. She's a mere 'morena' yet has a fair skin. All in all, she's
well-developed, not under, not over!
Nine, I
already talked with Mj. We talked about Margie's upcoming birthday. I think,
she liked my plan. I told her that I wanted it to be realized. She confirmed
the promise of Tito Jay, who has also pledged to send us money for our roofs in
Polot. It gladdens me. Thus, I would not be so excited to it. I would rather
expect too much in money for birthday party than money for roof renovations.
Promises are made to be broken.
We cooked
'ginataang ube-gabi' to commensurate Hanna's 8th month birthday.
"Lord
God, thank you for the happiness brought by Margaret's presence. Bless us always.
In Jesus' name, Amen!"
March 18, 2006
Seven, I took
the chance of getting closer to Margie. We went outside to have vitamin D from
morning sunrays. Eight, they left to Rancho. I was not sad, in fact, I got joy
in my heart. At least, I have been with her for two nights.
At one, I've
accomplished another stockings butterfly..and small butterfly again and big
dragonfly the next hour.. Haay! It's so fulfilling feeling. I could do whatever
I wanted to do every time I am here. My artistic hands do not want to rest. My
ideas are always there but the problem is...the materials. I needed glue, glue
gun, canvas, paints, paint brushes and whatnot... If I could have them, I
reckon I could forget hunger. Poverty in here. I am not that complainant one,
especially when we have no viand or food. I only protest when I was bored. I
always interchange boredom to artistry. I am doing artworks because there is a
need to do so. Arts heal my ennui. It conceals my heartaches. It conceals my
life-flaws.
Jano arrived
at 10 PM. He brought groceries and rice. He has 'pasalubong' from Bicol. It
gladdens me --- his 'pasalubong' and 'bitbit'. However, I could feel again the
same thing whenever he's near to me---- intimidation. He's an intimidating one,
although he does not intend to do so. I don't know why... but it's the reality.
March 19, 2006
Although, I
was awakened by so many noises, I set myself again under my blanket till I
totally awake at 8. Then, feeling of intimidation starts all over again. I was
so uneasy what to do, where to go.
He got up at
9, then, turned on the radio. I have dusted the windows and floor. I couldn't
even plug the TV on. Yet when I saw him sleeping, I took the chance.
Watching
television during Saturdays and Sundays gladdens and educates me much. I always
wish he is not here during Sunday morning.
Even though I
am close to Mama, we often talk, and I trust and confide to her, I couldn't
tell her about my feeling towards Jano. I don't know if she could notice it. I
am aloof and quiet every time he's present. I don't know too if he could feel
it. He doesn't talk to me about future, anyway. We only say household words
such as 'ulam,' 'tubig,' 'kape,' and the same.
Tonight, he
confronted Flor Rhina's frequent staying too much outside till evening. He said
unnecessary words to her. I felt the pain that Flory felt. In fact, she didn't
eat dinner.
"Dear
Lord, Thank you for the graces. I pray Oh God, my bid brad. He's different (for
me). He's doing misery to us, like telling a lie that he already paid Meralco bill,
and his license was confiscated. Please resolve this, God. And forgive our
sins, Amen."
March 20, 2006
Last night,
I've planned already about productive things to do today. However, it changes.
I helped Mama to redesign her garden. We moved rocks. We transplanted plants.
In short, we bond through the garden works.
Gardening, I
should say, is a stress-remover. It makes a gardener worry-free. Like Mama and
I, we could forget bad thoughts about family, about household problems. It does
not only beautify the surroundings, but it heals.
Now, I conclude...
Mama is still strong because she loves gardening. She could be mistaken as
asthmatic due to her lean body, yet she still could lift a boulder.
In my case, I
am so bored here, yet I sometimes am entertained and stunned of her garden
aesthetic, that I even forget wishing to leave here.
While doing
garden works, Mama and I talked about big brother. We reckon he will protest
again to the few renovations we made. Then, I suggested to Mama the idea of
leaving here and going back to Polot, where we could do whatever, we want to do.
I was hoping
that tomorrow Calove would go to Cadcad, Boso-Boso. I wanted to go and stay
again in Rancho. I could see Jano's hardship of supporting our daily
consumption.
March 21, 2006
I was so glad
today that Jano would not be home for two nights because he would be
out-of-town (Baguio City and Ilocos) for delivery. I don't care if Ka Sonny
won't arrive to fetch me here.
Eight, I cut
my hair. Flory asked me what the name of my cut is. I replied, "Cute
cut!" But before that I copied 'potpourri' making in a book. I am
interested on it.
While
watching TV, I visited my kept-knick-knacks such as toys, reading materials,
etc. I've found my lost poem entitled 'Hanna Margaret', which is written by me
last August 16, 2005.
House is not
a home, isn't it?
A home is
incomplete without these:
Nourishing
mother; responsible father,
Not to
mention his happiness
And a child
who'll be a family's bliss.
Me, my
beautiful daughter
And her
loving mother
Represent a
happy family and home.
God, thank
you so much.
A Hanna
Margaret is enough.
Receiving a
gift like this
Epitomizes me
a good parent
To my
wonderful baby--- my baby.
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