MY JOURNAL (March 1-7, 2006)

March 1, 2006

 

          Months passed so fast. I couldn't imagine this day is another month of the year. Not more than five months to go, Hanna will be celebrating her first birthday. And of course I was planning for a grandeur banquet. Who knows?

 

          Yesterday, Hanna has been so fastidious, and she was coughing as if she was just 'nag-iinarte'. However, today Mj confirmed that she has colds I suspect it was due to terrible heat and irksome dusts outside.

 

          She was frequently weeping. It puts me to a bad trip state. Yet, I was sorry for her. It was just irritating to my ears. If only she plays instead of crying, I could bear the hardship of playing with her all day long. I'm her father, that's why I didn't resist myself. I was still there to take care of her. Besides, no one would do it. It's only me and Mj.

 

          Anyways, I have alternated reading and writing. Today I have learned a new word-- "ilk", which means 'sort or kind of'.

 

          Good thing, Bernie brought home raw chicken. We have had viand tonight. "I'm sorry, Jesus."

 

 

March 2, 2006

 

          While Mj was still sleeping, I took Hanna out to put her in sunshine. Then, I feed her with porridge, brought by Immaculata couple. Lastly, I let her to play.

 

          We have had no breakfast today. I knew we would be "lunch less' later. However, a regular client of Tatay came with his defected car. It was an answered prayer!

 

          I took over the rice cooking. Tatay was gone for a home service. Unfortunately, the rice was not well-cooked. Tatay, however, had remedied it.

 

          While Hanna was sleeping, I wrote and wrote.

 

          Three, Elek and Mich went to 'bayan' to pawn jewelry. We have no more food again. Then, they came back with GG and alamang.

 

          Tatay entered into an agreement. A vulcanizing shop owner used the spare space downstairs to operate his business there. It's a source of income.

 

           Five+, I have heard, and I caught Mj's Bro shouted at Hanna, who was crying loudly. I was amazed to the fact that he could do that to his niece. I know Hanna's cry is irritating but does he need to act like that?

 

           Tito Jay called, all the way from Japan. His call made us everybody happy. He promised to send Nanay for Meralco bill. But most important of all was his promise to send money for Akisha, Neiczel and Hanna's first birthday celebrations. I almost jump for joy. There was no reason now for me to worry and think too much for it. I've planned already the menus, programs and everything about the uniqueness, success, and happiness of my baby's first year in this world.

 

 

March 3, 2006

 

          Whenever, we were sleeping in this lower double deck, Mj always pushes me to rise though I was still sleepy. I didn't have the right to sleep here for a long time. I don't care if Michael would sleep here. All I want is to let myself indulge in a deep and undisturbed sleep. It was so devastating!

 

          I thanked God and asked forgiveness as well, that Gregorio Family left this noisy, crowded house. However, before they left, I discovered Hanna Marge's distorted pinkie. I told it immediately go Mj but she seemed unaffected, that she continues playing scrabble with Gregorios. When she came back, five minutes later, I was angry then, she showcases happiness towards my daughter instead of pity. Thus, I proclaimed my rage, and it ended up to misunderstanding. She minded that I was blaming her. But truly, I just wanted her to stop playing and mind the problem.

 

          Then, I let Hanna sleep. Before she had fallen to sleep, I have been so irritated. I couldn't understand myself why I was so irritated to Hanna's unsteadiness and Nicole's presence, all I knew was I pity Baby Marge.

 

           When she fell asleep, I laid down beside her, pretending to sleep. Mj tried to wake me up for lunch dining, yet I did not rise up. Few minutes later, I talked to God. I wonder if it was innate or accidental due. I was starting to conclude it was innate yet the thought of accidental insisted.

 

           One, when Nanay told me to eat lunch. I don't know if Mj told her the reason.

 

           Nanay is kind, indeed. She served me snacks, when I was awakened from pretentious sleep.

 

           After I took a bath, my temperament cooled down. Then, I examined again Hanna's pinkies. I found out that her left had right pinkies were distorted or curved, unusual, in other word. But the right is more curved and evident. I Bikolano's term, it is named "garanggang".

 

          The 60% of my mind concludes it was innate and 40% generalizes it was due to accident, because I have only discovered it today. I knew every smallest part of her body, why I haven't discovered it then?

 

          I could accept or bear her frequent head and mouth bumps to the crib or to a hard stuff but I could not accept the fact that she has distorted pinkies.

 

          Finally, I asked God for acceptance of the truth and healing of her distortions.

 

          All in all, today I wanted to go home in Bautista and to Bulan. Hanna, Mj and I must have own house, own dispositions, own lives, because these are the essences of a family.

 

 

 

March 4, 2006

 

           Last night, I proposed to the Lord that every dream I must dream that night would not be a reverse of its meaning and interpretation. I told Him to show me in dreams our future and right thing to do.

 

           And today, I have dreams. (1) I met Glenn Calampiano, my college classmate, and my best friend. I didn't see him for almost year now. Yet, the dream says he is now a father and still not one-woman man. He's so healthy, too. In fact, he is almost obese. (2) Kuya Bambi was put in the table. He was proclaimed dead, but I saw him moving. I also saw a lot of 'bahaw' everywhere in their kitchen. While I was thinking of best way to do about those 'bahaw', Kuya Bambi rose up and came to me. I was not scared. He talked to me, then... I thanked God for my special people in my life are safe and sound.

 

          Mj and I were not yet in good condition. I don't talk to her so as her to me. In fact, she didn't eat breakfast (rice and tuyo) with me in the table. Yet, I was helping her taking care of Hobee.

 

          After breakfast, while attending Marge, I have read a health article. It's all about junk food and its bad effect. I copied some sentences and phrases. I could use it in my planned "Children Law".

 

          Our lunch viand was tuyo (still). I could feel the crisis.

 

          Porayray uses conventional diaper from morning to six. We frequently changed it. Sometimes, she just weewee in our lap or wherever. She had consumed so much 'lampin'. It was fine. I just couldn't take the fact that she is now milk less and I couldn't do something to resolve it. She would only use Akisha Mikaela's Enfapro tonight till 'I dunno'.

 

          Four, while Hobee was sleeping, Mj and Meann went to 'bayan' to pawn jewelries. Unfortunately, the pawnshop rejected them. They had gone home penniless.

 

          In lieu, Tatay sells the bronze and antique verselets or cups in the junkshop to enable us to survive this night from starvation. "Nakakapanghinayang!" Yet, helpful.

 

          Our dinner was 'tuyo.' Though, it was our viand last breakfast and lunch, it still yummy. I was thankful.

 

          We watched Jessica Soho and I've learned from her that the rose could also be eaten. It was being used by some chef. I will try it sometime.

 

          Before I sleep, I prayed to the Lord Jesus asking for blessings, for forgiveness and for my loved ones' needs.

 

 

March 5, 2006

 

          Today is the official starting day of summer! It doesn't excite me. What excites me most is going home. I am on the nostalgia right now. Thus, I read and took notes of the mottoes of US states.

 

          I also copied foreign expressions, quotations, phrases, and words which are vital to a writer like me.

 

          We had all survived the 3-time meals today. God is great, indeed! He always blesses us. Hanna Margaret has been almost naked due to her "diaperlessness". However, she wore one at 7.

 

 

March 6, 2006

 

          As usual, I must get up early and go out the deck. Mj and I then vex each other. She told me that her love and care were gone already. I replied, "It doesn't matter anyway!"

 

          I was thankful to the Lord that Tatay have had an income from mechanical servicing.

 

          I took over the cooking.

 

          Two PM, I, Mj and Hanna Marge went to Monte Rosas because Meann was there. She told us to bring Akisha there. At first, I was hesitant and ashamed to go but I still did.

 

          Calove is really a good person. He likes me so as my Hanna. He always acknowledges my presence. He feeds up again my daughter. He always wanted me to eat as much as he wants.

 

          I told Mj that I would take home the Readers'Digest of Tito Jun, dated November 2005 because I liked the content. So, I did. Besides, I am collecting it. If only I am a cono or nouveau riche to enable to subscribe on it.

 

          Hanna had her own milk tonight, after almost 2 days of sharing milk with Akisha, because Tita Lo gave Nanay P500.

 

          Tomorrow, we're going to Boso-Boso. I was so glad, at least I could be home again. I will tell Mama to help me.

 

          Somebody called to Nanay and announced the postponement of trip to Boso-Boso. Alas!

 

 

March 7, 2006

 

          I really couldn't sleep here as much as I want. Unlike in Baustista, I could do it. Maybe because I am living with them, and Hanna Marge must be taken care of.

 

          Mj has upset me again today She never learned! Thus, I was quiet and not talking to her. All I did was read or write.

 

          By the way, I cut out information, usable for Marge Law, from health magazine. I, then, gathered the states of America and the presidents of the USA. They will be helpful to Hobee in her future education. I wanted her to be a smart gal.

 

          Mj asked me why I was not talking to her or what was the problem. I replied not. If only she knows how much I felt whenever she shouts on me.

 

          Six-thirty PM, she had a dispute to Mike. I have seen and heard her attitude. I didn't like it. If I'm moody, she is then, a hot-tempered one. Imagine, she hitched the mosquito net she had unhitched before their quarrel took place. Haay! Is she affected to our LQ? LQ, huh!

 

          "Lord, God, Thank you for the blessings. Give us again what we need. And please help me to go home. I missed Bulan, my properties there. You're the only one who could help me, oh, Lord. Amen!"