My Journal -- March 2008

March 1, 2008

                When the couple left at past 7:30 am, I got up to start my day. Actually, I was about to babysit Courtney. Thus, after having coffee, I took care of her. While doing it, I was watching tv, which entertained me. I have been occupied by some chores, but it’s for a short time only.

                Mama did the cooking. Then, she took over the babysitting at past one. I immediately took a nap. But, before that I waited for Mj’s text message or tidings about Zildjian. However, nothing arrived.

                The couple arrived before three.

                At 3, I pursued writing or rough drafting ‘Pahilis’. But, before I have started, Gie told me that I have certain amount (more or less P300) to be claimed at Eastland as bonus. Bilog told her so. The latter has received his, which was P1300.

                The tidings gave me hope. It’s a blessing. I would have something as present for Zj on Monday. Yet, I was problemizing my fare. I only have P28 in my purse. I heard Jano will be absent on Monday.

                Mama left at past 7:30 pm. Her departure also gave me hope. She might have income. I just hoped she arrives early on Monday.

                I pursued rough drafting of ‘Pahilis’. I stopped writing at 10 pm. It was almost finished. It only needs re-writing. Tomorrow, my piece would be a complete academic autobiography. It’s ready to be shared to my family or friends. And, hopefully I can publish it.

March 2, 2008

                Early at 6, Courtney’s cry has disturbed my sleep. I could hardly catch sleep again. Yet I didn’t get up immediately. I pondered about Zj’s forthcoming birthday and my supposed bonus. I also anticipated for Mj’s arrival.

                Seven, I transferred in the room. Nine, when I got up. We have no breakfast. I just took in coffee. Then, I stayed in the room doing nothing, but self-pitying. I also pity Zildjian. I really don’t have the capacity to give him even a simple celebration.

                Past one when I went out the room to eat.

                One: forty-three, Mj texted me. She says, “Elow! Msta? Ipghhnda u b Zj? Wla kc hnda d2 e.” This message was so painful. I almost wanted to cry. I was very disappointed. I thought, Michael or his gf will buy Zj a birthday cake and Tita Lo will give ice cream. However, it seemed that there is indeed nothing for my son tomorrow.

                My only hope is Mama. If she arrives early tomorrow or with money, Zildjian’s birthday will be celebrated somehow. I knew she will make a way. Yet I was still sad. I stayed in the room after lunch. I came out at 3:30 pm to take a bath.

                Past 4, Jano directed me to do marketing. He cooked the bihon, bought by Mama for Zildjian. It’s okay! At east, he spent for its ingredients. Besides, it’s not indeed for his birthday. I prefer spaghetti for my son’s first.

                I have already accepted the fact that Zildjian would never have a party, yet I was still very sad. Thus, I consoled myself, trying to forget the frustration through doing stuffs in the room.

                Gie, Jano, and Flor were videokeing. I knew they know why I didn’t join them. I have announced before that I would not go to Rancho tomorrow because Zildjian has no handa. In fact, I committed to babysit Courtney morrow.

                My sadness was healed when Mj’s text message arrived. She says, “Elow! Punta b u tom? Bnigyan n Ka Sonny c Zj ng 1 thou. Hndaan ko khit kont. Punta u ha!?” I was very joyful to that good news. I thanked the Lord immediately.

                Minutes later, I found myself joining the three in singing-along.

March 3, 2008

                Today is my baby boy’s first birthday.

                I got up at 6:30 am, yet transferred to the room. I took breakfast at 8. Then, I started anticipating for Mama. I was also double-minding if I would go to Eastland or not.

                Flor’s excitement affected me. My plan was to leave after lunch. But, because she’s preparing, I opted to leave early. It was past eight when we do.

                Nanay was not there when we arrive. She’s in the market. Seeing the pancit canton and bihon disappointed me. I thought they will cook spaghetti. Yet, I was thankful that my kids’ milks were provided. Plus, Mean shouldered the cake.

                Past one, I, Flor, and my mag-iina went to Bayan. We first came in the church. Mj prayed. I just uttered, “Lord, God bless us” upon entering the cathedral. Then, we  window-shopped. Mj wanted to buy Zj pair of sandals, but her money ran short. We’re both disappointed.

                Zildjian’s birthday was very simple. He has no guests. His handa were only biko, pancit, cake, and ice cream, not to mention the juice. But, I think, he’s been lucky enough. If only Ka Sonny didn’t give him, he has no handa at all. He’s still very lucky. At elast, he has a cake. He’s not that unlucky like others, who really nothing to blow off. Thanks to Ka Sonny, Mean, and to the Lord!

                Mj proclaimed her determination of working abroad during our conversation. Her disposition rooted from the envy of the houses she has seen in the television. She fervently wants a house with a breath-taking garden. I second-the-motion.

                Past 4, we left Rancho. Hanna’s with me.

                Mama wasn’t home yet. Thus, I entertained Hanna because I saw her nearly crying due to homesickness, melancholic ambience, and separation from Mj. She was asking for ‘Mama’.

                When Gie arrived, I asked her if she has been in Pasig. I said, “Sayang!”  after she said, “Yes!” because I forgot to make an authorization letter, so that Bilog would claim my bonus at Eastland Mfg, Inc. She told me to without much ado. I jotted down a letter. Presto! I handed it down to her, with my ID.

                Before I sleep, I thanked God for everything He gave me today, especially the little party for Zildjian. Satisfying! He’s lucky because Jesus loves him.

March 4, 2008

                Jano and Gie left their baby to Flor’s care. However, I was forced to get up and bring her o sleep because the babysitter was texting. It was past 6. Hanna was still sleeping.

                I washed the dishes and swept dried leaves outside, while my kid was sleeping. Afterwards I also did something intellectual.

                Mama arrived at past 10. She has so many bitbit: veggies, delicacies, chicken, and fish. She immediately looked and asked for Zildjian’s presence. Thus, Flor texted Mj.

                After lunch, Gie texted me asking me the condition of her baby and if Mama was already home. She gave me load. After few exchange of text messages, Mj and Zj arrived. Their arrival was expected. I told it to Gie hoping she would buy cake for him. I was so glad when she says so.

                 Afternoon, I and Amy were conversing through text. She was asking me about how and my wife become couple. Then, we talked about our close friend, Frenel. According to her, Frenel is already in Dubai. But, she has no contact yet. Thus, I advised her to go to their house so that we can have her number. Then, we reminisced about our business plan. We must pursue that.

                Jefferson and I also conversed.

                Before five, I prepared Zj’s handa. I grilled bangus. Later, I cooked bihon. I followed the frying of chicken. Before eight, I was almost done. The couple arrived 10 minutes later, with the cake promised by Gie.

                Divina asked me if I could advise her love problem. I said yes, but we would do it when I am not busy.

                Picture-taking happened next.

                Before nine, I was advising Daba about her love crisis. She was asking if she would accept guy’s love though he has another. I said no. She deserves a true love. We end up our conversation at 10.

                My children were both asleep at 10. Thus, I texted my friends.

                I boozed at 11:20 pm.

March 5, 2008

                My family and I go up very early. It was I think, past 6. Later, I was taking care of my children and my niece. They’re so hard to babysit, especially Hanna, who’s so hard-headed. Good thing, the three fell asleep after taking a bath. Mj and I have had a fine time eating lunch.

I sent pointers in making resume’ and preparing for interview to Epr, I have encoded days ago. It could help him anyway.

                Hanna was crying. She wanted to go with them. I consoled her through flowers, cellphone, and cuddling. She continuously searching and wanting her mother’s presence. Before six, I let her se microphone. She was not singing. I just wanted her to forget her separation with Mj.

                Then, later, I bit her because she pooed and made a mess out of it. It’s so stinky. I pity her later. I gave her time and toys. We did coloring. I taught her few things.

                In the evening, Hanna wanted to sleep beside me on the long sofa. Mama took her in.

March 6, 2008

                I got up at seven. After breakfast, I reorganized my bag of clothes, which was colonized by ants. Good thing, Hanna was still sleeping.

                Before 9, my daughter woke up. I fed her. I see to it that she’s full.

                Ten, I attended Courtney and Hanna, while Mama was cleaning up the trash out of their room. Then, I cooked our lunch. It was before I took a bath and I bathed Hanna.

                I have whipped Hanna due to her stubbornness.

                Though I was so sleepy, I never had time to nap. I was just thankful that Hanna has fallen asleep. Then, at past 3:30 pm, I took over Courtney’s caretaking from Mama. She was so tired and sleepy.

                Mj greeted me, “Hapi monthsary!” I have read it late, so I haven’t sent a reply. However, when she texted me again at 4:16 p, saying, “Poroy, my letter pla sau d2, Don Stewart, Marikina,” I was forced to reply. I told her about it. I also explained how the Green Prosperity Handkerchief is being used. I said, “Try mo.”

                I thanked God for it. I hoped it’s the sign.

                Before five, I washed Hanna’s clothes. Then, I started cooking at six, while watching ‘American Idol.’

March 7, 2008

                Courtney Love’s crying and having tantrum at the wee hour disturbed my sleep. I wanted to sleep more, but it failed me. Thus, I got up and started my day.

                Baby Love has been a cry baby today. She has disturbed my sleep or siesta. She made it hard for Mama.

                Mj texted me at past five. She reminded me that she will be here on Sunday. I replied, “Wg n u pmunta. Nhhrapan aqng mgptahan ky Hnna. Bka lmbas p n hnd q alam.” She answered back like this: “E d sma q n muna c Hnna d2, mis q n ang anak q. Sunduin q n sya s Sunday.” I was so mad. Thus, I was forced to say these words—“Sunduin mo na. Pero sabi n Mama, wg n rw ibbalik d2. Wg nu n kmi dsturbuhin pg my prblema kau jan.” She just said okay, as if she’s willing to accept the consequences of her madness and stupidity.

                I was very sad, but it’s not because I might be separated with my kids, but because Mj was not really determined to go overseas for sacrifice and for our well-being and goodness. She would rather be with our children and starve than to work abroad and have a better life.

                Sigh!

                Then, Mj sent this at 7:45 pm: “D aq nkkipagaway sau. Kung ayaw u kmi m2log jan ok lng nmn e, sbi q lng n sunduin q ulit c Hnna dhil nmimis q, pwd u nmn kunin ulit d2. Pro kung un sbi Mama u…Ok!” I already have no load, so my reaction was hanging.

                Why she has to get Hanna away with us? Doesn’t she know that Mama was hurt every time she learns that Hanna was being hurt in their premise?

                Yet, I was decided to give Hanna back to her custody. However, when Jano overheard about my leaving to Bulan, he suggested that Hanna must not stay with Mama. It hurts me. I pity my daughter. But, he’s right. Mama could not take care of the two—my child and Courtney.

                Before that, Mama showed me the P1000 Jano gave her as her wage. She was pushing me to leave early as I can, so that I would not be affected by the Holy week. I actually was ready.

March 8, 2008

                Right after the couple left, I got up and started keeping and securing my stuffs. I gathered them in one place. I also packed my things that I would bring to Bulan.

                Mama was talking about her plan of going to Bulan this Holy Week with Auntie Vangie. Also, she’s advising me about our future. And, she confirmed that’s he’s willing to take care of my daughter, despite of Jano’s disagreement. Thus, I talked to Hanna. I didn’t baby talk with her. She says, “Samako, samako.” Then, she embraced me so tightly, as if I was going to leave her immediately. I enjoyed the time left with her.

                I was already decided that I will leave after lunch. However, Flor Rhina has irked Mama. She was nagmamaktol in pecuniary reason. She thought in the P1000 salary of Mama, she has a share. She hasn’t understood that I really have to leave. Besides, P1000 is not enough for a nanny, who also does laundry.

                Mama condemned her act—her obnoxious act. Thus, I was forced to leave early. I hate to see her acting like that.

                At 9:30, Hanna and I left Bautista. My daughter was so excited to see Mj and Zildjian. In fact, before we go she’s crying out for me to move quickly. Good thing, I never forget to bring my important belongings.

                In my parents-in-law’s house, I watched my children play. I watched them tug over a piece of toy. I watched them cry simultaneously. I’m going to miss them. Thus, everything I have got time and chance I kissed them so lovingly on their cheeks, on the lips or on their eras. However, I don’t want to crave for their presence when I was in Bulan. I would be contented with their pictures in my cellphone.

                Past one when Mj told her parents about my trip. Thus, in a jiffy, Nanay wrote a letter for Elek. Michele bought pasalubong for Nicole.

                Mj tried to postpone my trip, but she failed.

                I left at 2 pm. Hanna cried when we parted ways. I pity her so much. I wanted to stay with them, but it’s not the clever thing to do. I have to look for my horizon.

                I arrived in Cubao at 3 pm. Immediately, I bought ticket. Nice thing, it was only P350. I would have an allowance in Bulan.

                Four when the bus geared toward the south. I was fascinated to the billboards on the way. I forgot to utter prayed to god. I did it at 5. I asked Him to make me or us safe in our journey. I also wished for good fate in Bulan. I opened up about the green cloth. I set a sign. If I was blessed with P300 from Monday to Friday, it means Don Stewart Ministries is not a fraud or it means I must pursue sending P300 as my contribution to his ministry.

                Six I was texting to Mean and Myles. I told them about my arrival tomorrow in Bulan.

                At eight, Mj asked me if I already supped. I answered her. She has learned that O only paid P350 for fare and I ate mami as my supper.

                I tried to take a nap. I was not feeling well because of feeling of nausea and vomiting, but I have fallen asleep somehow.

March 9, 2008

                It was raining in Sorsogon at 5 am. It’s a blessing for me. It was likes a welcome for my arrival.

                Past seven when I arrived I Iraya. I was a bit shy when I greeted them, especially Ate Ningning. However, I overcome it. Besides, they were all accommodating especially Aileen.

                Ate Quennie was there, too. She’s the one who reminded AT Ningning about Mj’s working abroad.

                Ate Ningning explained to me that she could not help Mj physically because she’s not going back to work again either in Dubai or Canada. It was apparent to their house, being built. But, she advised me that if Mj rally wanted to, all she has to do is to find an agency, which could make her fly with no placement set-up.

                I texted Mj about this. She commented nothing.

                Then, I conversed with Aileen regarding their house. I envied her secretly. She’s now on the way to a better future. But, I would not make a point on my envy. I’d rather I mean, will make or find my way to a brighter tomorrow.

                Ten, I cooked our viand.

                Past eleven, I texted Auntie Vangie. I asked her if Mama was at their house. She said Mama was not there. I also directly told her that I am in Bulan. Our conversation took long. She said that my decision of staying or working here is a good decision. I also told her that Papay Benson asked me if they’re going to be here on Holy Week. She said, “Hindi pa nplano. Usap muna.” I thanked her of her time and good words at the end of our text exchange.

                I took a nap at past 2. It was after I was disturbed by the kids. Three when I woke up. Later I refreshed.

                Before six I drove the bicycle through Managa-naga. It was after I fried the fish. I was going to surprise Amy of my presence. I really did. We talked about my family, Frenel, and job opportunity. We focused on the application tomorrow at Bulan Municipal Hall, where the lending company asked aid of job placement.

                Amy was already hired, I was so glad for this. It’s the God’s plans I told her when she failed to have or loan money from Glenn for civil service examination. She never forgot it.

                I was so proud of her, after she related to me how hard the exam and interview wee. She also raised my self-confidence.

                We finalized our lakad before we part ways at past seven.

                At the middle of our conversation, Mj texted me, asking why I was not texting. I related to her what I made me busy. She has learned about my job application tomorrow.

                After I ate supper, I wrote an application letter. I also prepared my credentials and attire. Then, at past 9:30 pm, I was catching sleep.

March 10, 2008

                I rose up at 6:30 am so that I could prepare myself and my stuffs in my job application. I also helped cleaning the big fish. And, at 7:30 am, I biked through Managa-naga. Amy wasn’t prepared yet. Thus, I went to a computer shop and have my resume printed.

                It was past eight when the examiner texted Amy. I was, at that time, writing my application letter. After finishing it, we went to Bulan Municipal Hall.

                There, we immediately were approached by the proctor. He just finished his business with an applicant. Then, I took exam.

                We’re two examinees at that time.

                I found the exam easy-difficult. There are two sets of exam: objective type and abstract. The first type was the harder set. In fact, I have five unanswered questions. I ran out of time, but of 35 questions, I only have answered 30. In abstract, I have completed the 45. But, I wasn’t 100% sure I could perfect it.

                Nine-thirty, the exam and application form ended up. I was asked if I was willing to be assigned anywhere. I said, “Anywhere, Sir!” I was also queried about Amy. I told him that we’re classmates in college.

                That’s all.

                I went to Managa-naga and talked to Amy. She was upgrading my self-esteem. I left at 10 am after we finalized our lakad in Zone 2 this afternoon, until the good news arrived.

                I waited for the result of the tests.

                Four pm, I biked through Polot Tricycle Terminal to look for a resident of Liman, who knew Reno. I will ask him/her to hand carry the padala to Nicole. I haven’t seen one.

                The proctor texted me, inviting me to come for an interview tomorrow at 8 am. I was so glad. Thus, without further ado, I bought load. I confirmed that I would be in that interview. And, in my joy, I went to Managa-naga. I broadcasted my success to Amy and her family. She or they entertained me. Amy gave me advices about medical. I might fail in x-ray. I was not problemizing the expenses. I can loan to Ate Ningning or Aileen. What bothers me much is my lung disease.

                At five, I went back to the terminal. There, I texted Mj. I related to her about my exam. She has no load. But, I sent many text messages. I also told her about the shoes I was wearing.

                The shoes I used were Jano’s. They’re almost trash. The soles were already defective. In fact, the socks I wore were so muddy.

                I was problemizing the socks. I washed them, but the sun did not shine this day. I would have no sacks tomorrow. However it will not hinder the interview tomorrow.

                Divina, after I told her that I was in Bulan, invited me for a jammin’ with Mariel. We might bond on Friday or Saturday night.

                I went home at six-thirty.

                Before dinner, Ate Quennie came in. We talked a little. It’s about her first permanent teaching tomorrow in Matnog. I have got a chance to tell her about my exam. I also requested for prayer regarding my health and interview.

                Before eight, Taiwan replied about my question, “Musta jan?” I related to him about my exam, as well. I knew Mama and they would be glad to know about it.

                The next hours, I was texting with Diyang and Marjs. I sent inspiring quotations and words to enlighten the former. I told her that I wanted to see changes in her lifestyle. While Marjs and I talked about her cravings for fresh fish and vegetables. She missed the taste of these foods. She also asked about abortificient and revealed something about her lovelife. I’ve learned that she’s starting to lose the love she feels for her husband.

                I prayed to god before I sleep. I thanked Him and asked for His help and  for my good health.

March 11, 2008

                I have to charge my wireless phone, which was low-battered by my texting last night with Diyang. It was fifty minutes before six. Then, later that time, I sent good morning quote for my active textmates. Auntie Leny was the first to reply. She answered me with morning greetings, too.

                Seven, I took a bath. Then, I ate breakfast.

                At seven-thirty, I was walking through municipal hall. I was too early. Plus, Sir Ruel Palamos texted me that he would meet me at nine. Thus, I waited too long.

                I wasn’t bored because I was texting Rodea. I gave her advices about making changes on her life, saying “Sorry” and many more. She didn’t reply.

                Before nine, I was hailed by the interviewer. I was the only one interview in the room. He introduced himself. He’s an HR Manager pala. I then was given a chance to introduce myself. After stating my name, residence, and latest job, I opened up why I was in front of him. Finally, he focused on my status. I’ve learned that the Taytay San Kausawagan, Inc. is a Christian company. He pointed out why I was not hired. It’s because I have two kids yet unmarried.

                Sir Ruel is straight-forward. Yet, I was the one, who asked him if I’m qualified. He says, “You’re qualified.” I passed the exam. My contemporary examinee did not pass. He told me that his company is expanding, so they’re always hiring. He assured me that I was always open to apply.

                I asked him, too about my age. I wasn’t getting any younger. He proved to me that it’s not matter.

                Before we shook hands, I told him my interest and willingness to be a part of his lending institution. I was so proud of myself. Though I failed to win the job, I have learned naman my capability and qualifications.

                I was texted by Garilao. He has learned my where-about. Later I was asking him, Glenn, and Mean if they know some job vacancy in Bulan. It was only Glenn, who replied. But, unfortunately, he did not know one.

                Also, I texted Mj. I said, “Mj, nainterview n aq. Im nt hired. Im qualified dw acadmcally, bt I faild 2 pass der mst imprnt standard. Dahl dw my 2 aqng anak pero single p. okey lng kc bngyan aq ng interviewr ng chance. Pwd dw aqng mgaply anytym. Hnd nla ita2pon ang papers q. Hndi n aq mageexam uli. Imagine pngukulan p aq ng tym. Aq lng ang interview nia ngaun. D pmasa ksaby q khpon. Pwd nman nia aq itxt n hindi aq hired. Ok lng!”

                Eleven, I thanked Sir Ruel Palamos, who interviewd and gave me exams. I said, “Gud day, Sir! I jst wnna thnk u 4 spending tym 4 my interview and 4 considering my application. Im looking 4wrd wrking wth u and ur company. God bless u!”

                He replied.

                Diyang requested something from me. Her favor is not that hard, thus I promised her to go to his grandmother’s house to tell the latter about Auntie Helen’s arrival on Holy Week. She thanked me in advance.

                Then, I asked Mariel if she knew some job vacancy. She did not know any.

                Past one, I biked through the market and waited for taga-Liman, who knew Reno, so that I could ask favour to carry Nanay’s letter to Ilek and pasalubong for Nicole. However, I saw no one. Thus, I drive through Managa-naga.

                On the way, I saw Mavic, Diyang’s grandmother, along the street. I was indeed looking at her. Thus, I told her about her daughter’s going home. We just talked a bit and I left. She thanked me.

                I went to Amy’s house, but before that I texted Diyang, relating her my-and-Mavic’s conversation. She thanked me.

                Amy entertained me, but before that or while I was talking to her, I was answering Garilao and Epr’s text messages. The former was asking about my job application and if he would be qualified to apply, while Epr asked for the entire information because I was convincing him to apply, too. I was explaining him why I wasn’t hired. He says, “Sayang!” But, I assured him that I was interested really to pursue my application due to the company’s good background—awardee of certain award, expanded, and Christian.

                At first, Amy is not believing in me. She thought I was kidding her. But, when I elaborated it further, she was convinced. Her joy and excitement subsided, too. But, she consoled me, though I told her that it was okay. She also promised me that she’ll help me when she’s starting already.

                Later, Amy’s sister and mother joined our conversation. I was forced to open my life to them just to make our talk colourful. I then saw them entertained with my antics, amazed by my experiences, and affected by my problems.

                I had fun talking with them. They also shared anecdotes, stories, and accounts of their lives.

                I left at past 3. I went back to the trike terminal because someone (Fortes) texted me. It was after I texted them that they have to fetch the letter and package there at 4:30 pm.

                I was too early. I waited too long.

                While waiting, I searched for job vacancies. There’s one in South Star Drug. The problem is the place. I will have to apply in Camarines Sur or Pasig City. Huwag na, I sadi to myself.

                Waiting was so long. It became longer when they texted me, “Dito pa kami sa Guruyan.” It was already 4:30. And, I was fretful. I wanted to go home.

                Mj texted me at 5;35 pm. It was before Tya Fe arrived. She was with Nicole. My wife says, “Ei! Msta, ano gawa u? Ok lng un. Try u p rn bng mg-apply dun ulit?” I wanted to talk to her about it, but I don’t have enough load. Plus, I was lowbat.

                After I handed down the padala and said “Musta?” to Nicole and “Pinapauwi ka na  ni Lola mo,” I left home. It was 5:45 pm. I was so sleepy and hungry.

                While eating dinner, Ate Quennie ang Mama Leling opened up the interview I went through. I told them the whole truth. They, especially Ate Quennie advised me to prioritize our marriage, even in civil, over Mj’s pag-aabroad and owning a house. She says it’s God’s will.

March 12, 2008

                Though I slept early, I was feeling sleepy pa, when I woke up at 5:30 am. I got up, but I came back to my higaan. It was seven when I decided to start my day.

                My whole day has been a boring day for me. Plus, I was craving for own house. I wanted to settle down, have peace and comfort, and have a quiet simple life in the comfort of my home. However, the dream seemed so hard to get. I wanted to visit our roofless house, but the problem is I didn’t have enough money. I was thinking to use bike in going there, yet I would need money for my food.

                If only Mama’s here. I knew she would make a way. Like me, she also craves for a home—where we can do whatever, in Jesus’ name.

                Five-thirty, I bought load because Epr, happy, and Padi Glenn texted me. I replied to them. Jefferson regarded me and the news about here. I also asked him again to go back to Bulan, but he’s stubbornly declined. I promised him that will not insist it again. Next, Happy asked me if I was really in Bulan. She, too, was here because flood destructed her dwellings. I left sad about it. We also talked about Christian, who was rumoured to be married soon. And, Padi Glenn confirmed, too, about my where-about. He also queried about the lending firm I applied in. I then advised him to apply.

                While cooking, Ate Quennie opened up to me the grievance she felt with Aileen. She asked for my advice. I did and she would do it in God’s sign. Then, we pursue it with spiritual topic. We started with cellphone’s disadvantages and connection to Satan. Thus, I showed her and Mama Leling the green hankie and the pamphlets, which Don Stewart Ministries sent me. They called it cult. Then, Ate Quennie proposed that I must lecture it with the youth to make them aware of false prophets and cellphone’s evil side. She says, “Puwedeng-puwede kang lecturer dahil matalino ka.” I showed her willingness. It is my pleasure if I will be a lecturer.

                Our conversation continued. We exchanged experiences, problems, Bible passages, and testimonies. We ended up at 9:45 pm. It was one of lively conversations, I had with her. She thanked me.

                Then, when I came upstairs, Kuya Bambi and I continued biblical talk. He asked me what bothered me. I opened up. I told him that I was in the midst of confusion --career or spiritual life. He suggested me to prioritize spiritual life. “Seek ye first the kingdom of God and the goods shall be added unto you,” he says.

                It was eleven when we sleep.

March 13, 2008

                Two o’clock in the morning, we’re all awakened by Ate Quennie’s calls. She was crying. Yet, she managed to tell us the problem. I got up and opened the door. She then opened up the matter.

                It was about the problem she encountered by Delon and his men with the malfunctioning Don Pedro boat. They’re afraid the lawlaw would get lowbat. Thus, I helped contacted Delon. I also texted Blanca and Kuya Bambi.

                The crisis was not that hard. It only needs proper communication.

                I came back to sleep after I see to it that the rescue and rescuers were all set.

                Five am, noises of the fishermen who successfully overcome the problem, awakened me. I tried to sleep back.

                I got up at seven.

                And, at eight, I washed my clothes.

                Nine, I watched tv in Aileen’s house. I love to watch there because I could freely view the shows I wanted to watch. I used to watch lifestyle, travel and living channels.

                Eleven, I read the Bible. I also researched about false prophets. I wasn’t finished yet.

                After lunch, I took a nap at Aileen’s house. No one noticed me till I got up at 3 pm. Minutes later, I took a bath. Then, after merienda, I watched tv again till quarter to six.

                Kuya Bambi took over the cooking. Thus, at six I went to the Catholic church. There, I uprooted the balete tree/shrub, dwelling on the wall. I would make it into bonsai.

                After I washed the dishes, I went to Zone 8. I meet Norman there. I left after 2 minutes. Then, I came back to the church. I have got more bonsai trees on the wall.

                I was home before nine.

March 14, 2008

                Immediately after I woke p I swept some clutters in the front yard. I also did kitcheworks. Then, at 8, Aileen directed me to wash their tricycle. I accomplished it without doubt. I made it after one hour. At nine thirty, she paid me P50. It secretly gladdened me. Thus, I bought load and texted Auntie Vangie. It was a reply to her quote she sent last night. She answered back, asking if I already have work. I related to her all ABOUT MY APPLICATION AND FAILURE. She was shocked when I told her that it’s because I was living in only with Mj. She advised me to pan our wedding asap. I agreed with her, but I also stated that I couldn’t do it immediately since Mj was not here n Bulan. However, I said this: “Gsto q rn po n mksal kmi kc po mbgat po ang buhay pg wlang legality ang pagsasama.” She says, “Ay 220 yang cnbi u! Ayaw q lng skin manggaling ang salitang yan buti naicip u n kc mga bta ang nagsu2ffer kya nga hanggat maari may paraan nman pkasal n kau d2.” Later, we end up in a very nice topic. Auntie promised that she will talk and ask help (financially) from Auntie Emol. She just wanted to finish asay’s graduation. She says, “Baka Mayo na.” I thanked her.

                I was so glad. I related this to Ate Ningning and Aileen. I immediately texted Epr. We also talked about career. I told him that he must not be ashamed if he’s jobless now.

                After lunch, Jasleen dared me to videoke. I did not decline. I love to sing now. So, we did. However, she left at past one to school. I was left alone, but I sang again. I just stopped at past two because I have to take a bath.

                Right after I have taken a bath, I was forced to cook or make biko. I did everything from preparation to final touch of the toppings. I have made it at past 4. My sweats were falling through my body, but it was okay. At least, I have made Papay Benson happy and satisfied.

                Five, Diyang texted me, asking if the Bulan Summer basketball Tournament is already starting. After I replied, she began asking questions. She opened up about her scary experience with a devil, who according to her, “I ws badtrpng by Satan.” She was being pestered by an incubus. I advised her to pray fervently. Upon our conversation I was using bible verses that shocked her. I wasn’t like this before. She commented. She also laughed Kuya Bambi’s advice to me about my confusion (career and spiritual issue). She said I must pursue my career finding because I have mind. I declined and showed her that I’m happier here in Bulan because God is nearer with me every time I was here.

                She thought I’m going to be a pastor. I corrected her. And, condemned her. I said, “Don’t underestimate the pastors. Godly persons have the capacity to help you financially, emotionally, and spiritually. Don’t be blinded by materialism and successful people in your surroundings. They couldn’t help you.” She stopped answering back. But, it’s okay. At least, I have sent her the verses such as ‘Seek ye first the kingdom of God…” and “for what shall it profit a man if he gains the whole world and loses his own soul.”

                She’s so irrational and illogical.

                II texted Mj about what Auntie Vangie-and-I’s conversation, but with a joke.

                Six, I started cooking. Later, Daba texted me. She’s in the Centro. We’re going to meet tonight. However, Anying did not reply till she’s got home. Anying replied at seven. She has been a proxy proctor. It’s okay.

                Mj and I haven’t had a final say about our supposed wedding. She thought I was kidding her. She finally said, “Pag-isipan ko muna.” I just responsed, “Asus! Kunwari,”

                Jefferson ad I conversed unlimitedly from seven to 10:30 pm.

                Before I forgot, Mama reacted on my good news. She was excited to see me and Mj being wed in a Born Again Church. I corrected this. I said “Sa huwes.” Auntie Vangie didn’t say that we must be married in grandeur way. But, Mama didn’t want to be disappointed again by our wedding like Jano-and-Gie’s nuptial. Thus, she swore that’s he would ask financial aid for this.

                And, Mj texted again at past nine, confirming the seriousness of my tidings. I did tell her the truth and focused on my birth certificate. I must have one, which is coming from NSO. I will ask money from Mama. Mj will call the NSO Helpline Plus and pay the delivery charge at Metrobank.        

                Amy and I communicated at 10:30 pm. We teased and kidded each other, but we have talked about his boyfriend’s visit tomorrow. She wanted me to introduce to him. And, she wanted me to choose the right guy for her, thinking I have the right to do so.

March 15, 2008

                At 5:30 am, I was already wide awake. I thanked God after few minutes. I also tied to remember my dreams. And, though I never succeeded to recollect, I knew they were negative. Thus, I said, “God, ayaw ko pong mangyari ‘yon.”

                Seven-thirty, I went to Bulasu. I conversed to Ate Quennie, while enjoying the sight of her awesome garden. I related to her about my supposed wedding with Mj.

                After 30 minutes, Kuya Bambi arrived and told me that I was being looked by someone. I went back home immediately. It was Norman. He was with a woman, who wanted me to do a lettering job in their school wall. I declined to accept the work because I haven’t done it before. They might not be satisfied with the outcome. I apologized.

                Ate Ningning sought for suggestions about their home. I gave my best, though I have no masonry background. I told her that her store must be halfed and half woule be her sala.

                Past nine, I helped Aileen to move their tv set. Then, I was with Ate Ningning and eking when they go to market. I went home alone with the pinamili.

                I cooked immediately.

                Past eleven, Diyang texted me. I entertained her questions. Though some of them were poppycock, not to mention the grammar, I didn’t correct her. I just hate her perceptions, views, and outlooks. She kidded me, saying “You could be happier if you have a mistress there.” I said no because I’m going to marry Mj already. She excitedly inquired about it. Thus, I related the whole story, as excited as her.

                Past one-thirty, I cooked palitaw. While cooking, Amy was texting with me. She’s inviting me to come to their house hurriedly because she has something to say that’s he couldn’t say in the text.

                After one hour of cooking, I was done. Then I took merienda and took a bath. So, at 3, I left to Managa-naga. Amy entertained me. She gave me Frenel’s number. The former went to Zone 2 just to ask for our friend’s contact.

                Amy told me that she’s going back to work in Canada as apple picker. In fact, she sent her resume a while ago to the agency. We planned of business. She wanted ‘5-6 business, which might be a lending firm when time comes. As we talk, she kept on telling me that I must love my wife. I could no longer find someone like her.

                I left there at past 4. Then, I biked through Zone 3. I tried to look for Norman, but he didn’t show up. I biked again aimlessly. That was when I saw Aileen and her kids. And, in front the Bulan Freedom Park, I met Tina Calvario. We talked and regarded each other. I have learned that she’s already teaching as a regular in Matnog as of August. We exchange phone numbers. I have also learned that she miscalled me on Feb. 23, 2008.

                Then, I biked again. I have no plan to show up with Glenn, but he saw me. He’s playing basketball with his friends at that time. Thus, I waited for almost 20 minutes. After waiting, he approached me. We talked over several topics. I related to him some of the accounts of my life. He did, too.

                We parted ways at quarter to six.

                Then, I visited Sharon’s baby in Obrero. She’s actually my goddaughter, though she’s not baptized yet. She’s so pretty.

                Sharon told me that she’s planning to work in Dubai again. Then, without shame, I said, “Oi, isulod man an asawa ko.” She showcased willingness to help. I asked her the requirements.

                I left ater 20 minutes. I was home before seven.

                Seven, Mj texted me, relating to me that Mama gave P350 for my birth certificate. I immediately I bought load and texted her. I sent her my birth certificate information.

                Later, Diyang texted me. I replied to her.

                When I bought load, I approached Kuya Tantan. We talked about our pawned property in Polot. I have learned to him that Ate Ningning’s coco lumbers were from the coconuts in Polot. I felt bad because they don’t ask for our permission. According to him, it’s almost 11 trees were chainsaw, But, I didn’t show him any bad reactions. We pursued talking. He told me about the meanness of my uncle, Dico. And, the nicest thing he said was the fact that he was cleaning or clearing the premise of our lot and house.

                Eight, I was texting Diyang, Mj, and Gloariane. Diyang thanked me that I haven’t downgraded her so much, unlike the people around her. I replied, “It’s all your fault.” Mj was asking about our wedding. Gloriane has just replied. She asked about my meeting with Tina.

                Diyang quitted texting at past 10. Mj’s text messages take too long to arrive. She said, “I love you and good night! At past 10:20 pm. She also wanted me to say so. I just said, “too.”

                Amy and I were texting, too, for more than an hour. We just talked nonsensely. We kidded each other.

                I slept at 10:30 pm after uttering thanks to the Lord.

March 16, 2008

                At five, I was already wide awake. I couldn’t sleep again. I wanted to get up and write, but I opted to lie down again. I think I have fallen asleep. I got up at six. I started to write.

                Seven, I prepared myself in going to church. After half an hour, I left to Obrero. I was too early. I was the first to arrive in the church. Auntie Eunice was there. I gave her courtesy. Then, two oldies women welcomed me. They interviewed me.

                Past 8, the praise and worship started. That’s when a familiar face sat beside me. I talked to him after we sang. He’s an employee at Anfini Internet Café. I feel guilty because I never been honest to him. His change was more than to what I must have. I was sorry, but then we shook hands.

                Before it, Lola Bening talked to me about Lolo Aton and Lola Lipin’s dispute. She assured me that I’m still their choice to be a caretaker.

                Some of the church members shook hands with me. They still know me. I was also recognized by the adolescents I taught in Vacation Bible School on 2005. They’re all grown-ups now. Some are being used in praise in worship. I then thought of my children. I wanted them to be part of that church. I wanted Hanna to be a song leader someday and Zildjian as a guitarist or drummer.

                I was filled by the Holy Spirit. His presence lingered on my body I was joyful when I went home. I immediately texted it to Diyang. She replied at past one. Later, I have sent her God’s words.

                Diyang asked or requested for my prayer because her lower back was aching. Minutes later, she notified me that she’s okay. God is great. I just think of her healing.

                Ate Quennie and I talked about Diyang, her spiritual crisis and Bible. But, at that time, Diyang was not texting. We have had a nice biblical and spiritual conversation. She said that though Diyang is not showing any change, time will come the words I used would be the instrument of her metamorphosis.

                We changed topic after merienda. We’re done at past 4.

                Before I lied down to sleep, I sent biblical messages to Diyang. I hoped they would inspire. I just wanted her to quit questioning God’s capacity. I explained to her the meaning of omnipotent, omnipresent, and omniscient.

                I rose up at 5:45 pm to prepare the menu. However, Kuya Bambi took over the cooking. I was then free to text and watch tv. Mj and I conversed. I have learned about my kids. She says, “Konti lng kain ng kds. Hay naku, c Zj sobra n lkot nkkipgharutan n rn e. Ska sobra iyakin, c Hnna lgi k hnap.” I’ve also learned that my kids were bought of milk in cartons. Thus, she would be on problem again tomorrow. I asked, “E di ibibili u n ang bgay ni Mama?” She confirmed it not. She also said that they’re going to be at Tita Lo’s house morrow.

                I slept early, but before I did, I prayed to god. I included Diyang on my prayer. I thanked Him.

March 17, 2008

                When I got up, I did some kitchenworks. I also grilled lawlaw for breakfast. After eating, I went upstairs and Bible has been my pastime. I highlighted the verses that might help me strengthen my faith and help me in evangelism, especially to Diyang.

                Then, I watched tv at Aileen’s house.

                After lunch, Auntie Leny inquired if JRS has arrived. Thus, when I said nothing, I promised her to go to the King’s Tailoring. At one, I left to Relanse.

                The rain made me stopped over. I was seen by Mark Conde in the waiting shed. We regarded each other’s family and job. We also talked about alumni, classmates, and their failures and successes. We parted ways at quarter to 2 pm. I then went to the shop. There’s JRS that arrived. I was forced to go home when Mama Leling asked me if I would go home immediately, so that I could bring the measurements to be cut by Papay Benson.

                Happy and I were texting since one o’clock. We end it up at 3 pm. She opened up her love problem. That was the second time she did it.

                Before six, I biked semi-aimlessly. I just went to Bulan Freedom Park and church. I went home at six-thirty.

                Mj texted me at 8:30 pm. She said that she already called NSO Helpline. But, I have to make or send my authorization ad ID. I directed her.

                I slept at past 10 pm. It was after Marjs texted me, Romeo as well.

March 18, 2008

                When I woke up, the breakfast was almost ready. Minutes later I was having my meal. After that, I texted my colleagues with morning greetings. Then, I read the Bible. I highlighted some verses.

                Nine, Ate Ningning and I went to market. We market viand and merienda. I left home alone with the pinamili.

                After feeding the construction boys, I started to prepare our lunch.

                Past 12 noon, Mj broadcasted that Don Stewart Ministry sent me again a letter. She also told me that he used P100 in the P350 given by Mama for my NSO birth certificate. She bought it milk. I said, ‘Ok.’ She will pay it, she added.

                Past one, I was cooking ginataang halo-halo.

Past five, while I was biking, Mj sent this text message to me: “Elow! Sbi ni Mean d n kelangan ung NSO birth certificate. Ang kelangan nating kunin sa NSO Cenomar dw certification dw un ng singleness ntn, 330 un. Ska license 250. Kelngan dw tau ang personal n kukuha.” I just asked one thing, if certification of singleness must be walked personally. She said so. She asked about the expenses. I kid her “Hati tayo, aba…” She says, “Wala aq pera… Cno ba nagyaya ng kasal?” I stopped replying. She texted me again at past eight, asking if our wedding will take place pa or if I will go back to Antipolo. I did not reply, though I still have P4 load. I really don’t know.

                I cooked our dinner at past six.

                I was so tired and sleepy for the whole day of doing. In fact, while Kuya Bambi and I were conversing I was hiccupping.

                I think it was past nine when I have fallen asleep.

                Eleven-thirty, Delon’s knocks on the door woke me up. Then  Anabel texted me. She asked, “Poroy. May cp knb? Nsa Antipolo kb ngaun at hgit s lhat may work knb?” I replied her. We just spent two text messages each on our conversation. I slept again.

March 19, 2008

                I woke up just to have coffee. I went upstairs right after I washed the dishes. Then, I read the Bible.

                Eight, I went out the house. I felt bored. I wanted to go anywhere. Thus, I went to the bridge and left after few minutes. Then, I went to the shore. Still I found no comfort being there. I decided to go back home and stayed in Aileen’s garden. However, it just gave me envy. I craved for a house.

                Nine, after rough drafting a request letter, I went to Managa-naga. I told Amy about my agendum. It was the claiming of our yearbook at RGCC. After rewriting the draft, we left to our school. There, we talked with Anying, who said that the yearbook was already printed. The only problem is the page, where the administration pictures were supposed to be passed. She advised us not to pursue our complaint. I really would not, since it’s already made.

                I was home at 10. I watched tv at Aileen’s house.

                After lunch, I took a bath. Then I watched tv again. The mag-iina left, so I have had a chance to nap while watching.

                Before six, Eking and I biked through Bulan Central. We roamed around the church. We’re home at 6:30 pm.

                Past eight, Mj texted me saying “Ei! Gud eve! Mta d k ngpprmdam ah?” I have no load.

                 I was already asleep at ten pm because I couldn’t heard the tones when Bernadette, Amy, and Jefferson texted at Past 10. However, I uttered prayed to God. I asked for a sign. I wanted a house of our own.

March 20, 2008

                When I got up I haven’t see any sign… But, I still hoped.

                Past seven, I didn’t know what to do and where to go. I went to fishpond, instead. Kuya Tantan wasn’t there. I just wanted to ask when we’re going to Polot.

                Mj texted me. She wanted me to buy load. Thus, I bought load before lunch or before Kuya Jape arrived. I immediately answered her. I said I have no money for fare. She didn’t reply.

                Twelve-thirty, Eking and I went to the shore. We swim. I also gathered seashells, as souvenir or as a gift for anybody else.

                Past two, Eking again and I biked through Layuan. We looked for spiders there. We only have got three. However, I have got two balete trees, I could make into bonsai. We’re home at past 3.

                Whiel watching tv, Ate Ningning asked me about Lolo Aton and Lola Lipin’s dispute. She thought I was the reason of their court case. I clarified it to her.

                Past 4, I was forced to help Kuya Jape in clearing and cleaning operation. We eradicated the clutters in the surroundings, especially the piles of woods.

                Mj texted again at past 6:30 pm. She asked if our wedding is tuloy. I said so.

                Amy wanted me to come over their house, so that I could meet her bf. I said I couldn’t leave the house. I slept early, instead.

March 21, 2008

                Six, I was already awake. It was past seven when I prepared the langka to be cooked. I have cooked it before 11:30 pm. Afterwards, I cut my hair. I was just starting when Auntie Helen arrived. I was force to talk to her because she kept on regarding and talking to me, even though she’s not facing me.

                After lunch and dishwashing, Auntie and I videoke. Jasleen was just so irritating. She wanted to monopolize the microphone. I took a bath first, then, we pursue singing.

                Delon wanted me to come with them in fishing tonight. I said, Yes. I might earn for my fare. I also wanted to phone call Hanna.

                Four-thirty, I went to the Don Pedro boat. I helped in preparing stuffs. I lifted chests, etc. Five, when we left ashore with a smile and hopeful mind.

                While waiting for our dinner, I was feeling dizzy. It’s almost a year since I last did fishing. I also replied Tina’s text message. I text Mj, as well. Her reply has just irked me.

                Past seven when we’re about to eat supper, we pulled first the net due to entanglement. We changed location. It was past 8 when we supped. Minutes after dinner, the action started. I thanked God. Eleven-thirty when we’re done de-netting the fishes and packing them. We drove home immediately.

                I was texting though I was not hoping for reply. It’s because my load was about to expire. I replied to Jefferson’s. I texted Happy, Mean, and Amy. Frenel texted me at last, all the way from Dubai. I just couldn’t reply her.

March 22, 2008

                After delivery of our catch, they decided to go back to the ocean. I wanted to refuse, but I have no right. It was already one when I lied down. I tried to sleep despite of my higaan, sleeping position, and coldness. I was like floating in a river of ice. It was really cold. My sweater hasn’t helped me.

                Past two when I got a big plastic. I put it on my body. It helped me heat my body. Five-twenty when we started the de-netting. It was a scanty catch. We only get there 2/3 chests. In all, we collected 8 and 2/3 chests in three arias. I was home at past seven. I took a rest and nap after breakfast.

                Ten-thirty, I was awakened by noises in the surrounding, not to mention the summer heat. Past eleven-thirty when I went downstairs to eat lunch.

                Past 12, I was writing a letter that would be used in Ate Ningning’s house. She rewarded me with halu-halo.

                Later, Delon handed me down the P330 as my share. I immediately bought load and called on Mj. I talked to Hanna, as well. Mj wanted me to go home. I said I’m not sure when.

                Then I was replying with Diyang’s questions about God’s words. I also texted Epr. We had a long conversation.in fact, he wanted me to write a suicide not. I asked why. He confirmed that he’s not going to apply this. He just wanted to express something ‘emo’ about why there’s a suicidal attempt and what’s behind every suicide.

                Papay Benson was pursuing me to go fishing. I wanted, too, because I was planning to buy yero. It was due to Mj’s desire of living in Bulan.

                Before five we left the shore. I was then praying for a good catch. Then, I decided that I would pursue fishing till I can or till my body can. I would not be ashamed if somebody mocks me that I was fishing and not working for my career.

                I told Amy to look for a house where I can rent. She’s so excited to do it tomorrow.

                Diyang thanked me for texting with her, as well as for helping her enlighten her mind. She said that thank is not enough.

                Nine, the de-netting started. It ended up at past eleven. Minutes later, we helped one boat to de-net their net. In all, we collected 8.5 chests. I thanked God. It’s enough.

                After we sold our catch, I waited so long. I did not leave my co-fishermen in fixing the boat. I was home at past 2:30 am.

March 23, 2008

                I immediately lied down to sleep when I arrived home. Before nine, I was already awake. I ate breakfast and started writing. I was texting, too.

                Jefferson was persistent. He wanted me to write a suicidal note. So, to give his request, I made a rough draft. Here it was:

                Today, the life of an emo punk rocker has come to an end. I regretted not. However, I was sorry to annihilate my own self.

                Every breath of life is God's masterpiece. It's the greatest gift that He bestowed us. But, living in this world is terrible. I was like living in hell. Yes, it's like Satan's throne.

                People are in denial of Jesus Christ's omnipresence, omniscience, and omnipotence. Everyone is in doubt of His greatness and His power. All think of material well-being and ephemeral satisfaction of flesh.

                To this very moment, my breath has stopped. It's my choice. No one enticed me to do so. Not the music I have listened to. Not of course the defeats I have gained. Not the insatiability of material wealth. Not all of these. No one, but the rancour, enmity, fulmination, malfeasance, immorality, nihilism, iniquity, obloquy, infamy, parsimony, resentment, famine, profanity, pusillanimity, corruption, hostility, rapaciousness, coveteousness, obscenity, repudiation, retaliation, reproach, antagonism, rout, sacrilege, and disputes, that are taking place in our world and being practiced rampantly by everyone.

                The Lord has been so kind to me. He blessed me with wonderful life. He gave me to experience the brutality of the world, the hatred and unfairness of my fellows, the discrimination of the people, the mockery of the fools, the stinginess of fate and fame, and the ridicule of the worthless ones.

                I knew someone is waiting for me yonder in the hottest and most miserable place. And, I knew God is mourning for my untimely and unintelligent death. He, too, could do nothing about my final decision. I expected for my final destination beforehand. However, let me speak my apologies.

                To my country, sorry. I have never contributed to the history. I have never given you something to be proud of.

                To my fellowmen, I'm so sorry. I have never been kind to you. I showed you my wickedness. I advocated indifference. I have never been cooperative. All I think of was myself and my own sake. I merely retaliated to what you did to me.

                To my friends, forgive me. I dealt with you so scantily and unfairly. I put you in the verge of peril and I accompanied you in your journey to fornication, negligence, and apathy. We turned away from righteousness and holiness. I joined with your bad deeds and lifestyle. I disgusted you, as well, like how you irked me and degraded me.

                To my family, please accept my apology. I have never been a good kin, a good brother, and a good son to all of you. I have never listened to you. I never have been sensitive to your feelings. I have been a black sheep to our family. I opted to live my own than to cooperate with you. I envied you, my siblings. I disrespected you, my parents. I failed to follow your will and teachings. I questioned your love, care, and kinship.

                To You, my Lord, pardon me. I disobeyed You. I took You away in my heart till this very minute. Pardon... But, Lord, I love You. I believe in You. Your existence is the only thing that I couldn't forget till my next life. Thank You for the love! I knew this is unforgivable. Lord Jesus, I just wanted to be a sacrifice like what You did to us, when You died in the cross of Calvary. Please accept my repentance. And, please tell the world that You have forgiven me.

                And, to all of you, mortals, I pity you. I pity you because you're living in carnal world and in evil earth, where everybody is evil to his renegade fellows.

                Remember my death. Remember forever my lost. Prayer is what I need, as well as your metamorphosis --from sinful living to divinity.

                Today, I wept. But, I'm happy now, for I knew I would be a quintessence of faith and faithfulness.

                Farewell, my mundane and cruel world. Adieu, my Saviour...

                I have sent this completely to Epr at 11:45 am. He complimented me. He liked it much. Then, He entitled is as ‘My Farewell’. Our text conversation continued till he asked me if I could text with his half-sister. I said, Yes.

                While waiting, I was texting to Diyang. She asked me few questions. I tried to give her perfect answers. I could see changes from her. She is now believing to the power of God’s words, prayer, and faith.

                Epr’s sis texted me after few minutes of waiting for her. I inquired about her personal data. She’s Shaine Dumlao, 16 years old. Then, Epr interfered. He said that my English, I used, was just basic. It has irked me much, but I didn’t say anything bad. I pursued questioning her, while trying to use high words. I have learned from Jefferson that Shaine was just being thought by their mother.

                Shaine and I talked about Jeff. I asked her how long she has been with her brother. I was not satisfied by her answer. I said to her that I have been more acquainted to his brother that her and I knew more about Jeff’s life that her. It was when she was being stubborn to her notions.

                Epr and I conversed again. I explained why I quitted texting with his half-sister and what we conversed about. I then have learned that he was in confusion right now. Is this why he requested for suicide note? He says, “Ha? D ko magets. An parts san lyf ko.. Di ko msabi sa imo? An bag o lng yta niyan an di ko pa nsabi.” I told him that my life is an open book because I wanted him to confide with me. I also assured him that I’m able to give advice and suggestions and God’s words. It was four when we stopped texting.

                I decided not to come fishing because I could feel that I was not needed in Don Pedro. Besides, I promised God that I would go to church this evening.

                After texting, I went to Bulasu so that I could share my ‘text-encounter’ to Ate Quennie. But, unfortunately she’s not there. Thus, I went to the fish pond. I conversed to Kuya Tantan.

                Seven, I go to Baptist Church. I was welcomed warmly by Pastor Duran. He also talked to me after the service. I was forced to tell him about my upcoming (yet, not yet finalized) wedding.

                I was blessed when I went out the church I have learned new God’s words and a motto: “To fail is not to make a life-long failure.” It will help me somehow, someday.

                While writing, I was watching Pinoy Big Brother Teen Edition Plus Premiere. I slept at 10 pm.

March 24, 2008

                I was awakened by Aileen at 7:00 am because Auntie Leny wanted me to accompany her in going to Sorsogon. I got up immediately. I just took in hot coffee then I was ready. We left at past 7.

                In Sorsogon, we went to post office and mailed a document. Then, we went to DAR afterwards, we snacked. We also mailed important papers to Auntie Belen through JRS. Past ten, we waited for the Queen’s bus. It was such a long wait.

                Henceforth, at 9, I received text messages form Auntie Vangie, Jefferson, and Mj. My wife said, “Ei, msta? Pdala nmn u pngmilk. Said na q e.” I pity her. It saddened me much. I wanted to send her, but I was thinking of my plan. I didn’t know what to prioritize. The yero? Or the milk?

                One, Auntie Leny and I were already in Bulan. I was home at past 1:30 pm. And, right after I took lunch, I was directed to buy plywoods and nails.

                Two, I was cooking merienda—pansit.

                Three-thirty, Ate Quennie asked for my help. I revised her speech. I simplified it so that pre-schoolers would easily comprehend it. She liked my revision. She gave me an abundant compliment.

                Four, we went to JP Laurel Elementary School and watched Charity’s graduation. I envied Ate Quennie. I am wishing that Hanna and Zildjian will be achievers and academically smart, too.

                During graduation, I attended Charity because Ate Quennie was in the stage, as requested. So she couldn’t give utmost attention for her graduating daughter, who has been so naughty.

                Seven, the graduation has ended up. On the way, Ate Quennie and I talked about Moving-Up Exercises. Then at home, Delon and she had a misunderstanding about their daughter. I could see Ate Quennie’s change of aura. However, before she left home. She thanked me. Then, at 8:41 pm, I texted her. I said, “As I look at u during Charity’s graduation, I have seen a proud spirit in your aura… I then thought of my kids and wished that someday I could experience being a proud parent. I couldn’t wait for that day. I’m glad for you and your daughter… You must be celebrating today. Cheer up!” She replied, “Thank u very much for bearing with me. Now, I’m crying for mixed emotion. You’re a great blessing to e. You help me so much. God bless!” I then answered, “Don’t weep for your disappointment, but cry for joy. In every gladness there’s sadness. But, focus on the god one. He just didn’t understand you. He must be proud of you that you have experienced that. But, since he misunderstood you, you must be the one to understand him. You’re always welcome! Good night!”

March 25, 2008

                I rose up at past seven. Minutes after, I washed my clothes. Eight, I was done. Then, I was commanded to tend the palay. I did it. And, at eight-thirty, I went to Zone 3 particularly at PALFSI, where Irene Dreu works. I wanted to know if the company is still hiring. But, when I was there, I couldn’t see advertisement of vacancy. So, I went back home.

                Past nine-thirty I was cooking. I just took it over from Kuya Bambi.

                Summer heat was tremendous. I was sleepy, yet I couldn’t sleep due to it.

                Before I took a bath, I re-sacked the palay that we sundried.

                Five-thirty, I was cooking. And, after dinner at 7:30 pm, i went to Ate Quennie’s house. I wanted to converse with her. Unfortunately, she’s not yet there. And, though she arrived after 15 minutes, we couldn’t talk because her other-in-law was there and Charity has tantrum.

                I went back home at 8:30. I was then texting with Amy. I was regarding her and her training in Calbayog City. She said that it’s so hard. I advised her to persevere.

                While watching tv, I was writing. I was finishing the ‘Pahilis’. Jeff replied at 9:30 pm. He’s in Laguna. These were his text in chronological order:

                1. Instnt obedience wil teach u more about God than lyftym of Bible discussions. He he nagbbsa ako kya di ako nktxt.

                2. Hind to Bible. Christian book to. The Purpose Driven Life. Title Rick Warren. Author.

                3. He he. Bnsa ko to para matuto about God. dahil sa textmate ko mhlig dw sya mgbsa Christian boks. Kya nga ko ngbgo dhil dto. Ah so much to tel nxt tym. I cnt imgine myself as a pastor. Hehe

                4. He he. A textmate ko mao man ghpon ydto n sinabi ko saimo sdto n tga Ilocos. Un an nbago sako kya di na ko ngisog s fmily ko. Kya natuto ako mgpatawas. Dhil didi s bnbsa ko.

                5. Sbi dto s nbsa ko, the Bible says: “To worry yourself to death w/ resentment would be a foolish senseless thing to do.” Kaya hinale ko na kulog sin boot ko. Di ko ydto ktrato n ktxt ko frnd n lng.

                6. He he. Wala lng trip lng being an emo ensnd ko n kara momy ydto n note. Ska n lng nato pgusapan. Di na ko nakabsa hahaha. Mlowbat pa ako. Wara ko didi charger. Yadto Sucat. Bukas blik din ako didto.

                I was so glad in our text conversation. I was so happy to know that he has changed by the book of Rick Warren. I wanted to read that book, too.

                Before our conversation ends, I have asked why he asked me to write him a suicide note. He hung our talk there. It’s okay! I knew he’s willing to explain. Besides I have already an idea.

                We finished it at 10:30 pm. But before he stopped, he sent me two quotes about ‘surrender.’ I liked them.

                I thanked God for my friend’s metamorphosis.

March 26, 2008

                Few minutes after waking up, I grilled the lawlaw for our breakfast.

                Past 8, Ate Quennie texted me. She wanted me to see Charity. I went to Bulasu immediately. There, I was directed by Delon to buy him Dolfenal and champorado for Charity.

                I stayed there till past 9:30 am. I was replying to Diyang’s text messages. She just quitted sending text after she’s starting to feel the presence of the Lord despite of Satan’s pestering. She also was in need of coming back to Jesus, she said.

                Today, I was re-drying the palay. I was done at 4:00 pm.

                Before 5, I was commanded to buy viand. I was so glad to do it because I could have the change.

                When I arrived I immediately prepared our dinner. But, I have to give the sautéing of ampalaya to Aileen because I would have to get dress. I was going to attend prayer meeting.

                Before I left to the church, Mj texted me: “Ei! Msta? D k ngpaparmdam ah. My problem b?” I said nothing and I regarded them. She said, “Aus lng! Wla lng, ilng arw k rin d ngttxt. Wla pa b blita?” I asked her what news she wanted to hear or from where. She didn’t reply till I was in the church. I just hoped my reply doesn’t hurt her.

                Padi Glenn texted me, too, while Pastor Nelson Duran was preaching. Yet I replied to him, saying I was in a prayer meeting.

                Pastor’s preach was interesting. It’s all about Good Samaritan. This made me craved to help or to extend help for my fellowmen.

                During prayer request, I was asked to give my request. I said wisdom for evangelism. Then, Pastor hailed me and Kuya Bambi. We made a round. Kuya Bambi prayed first. I followed next. I was assigned to pray for (1) Pastor Duran’s license to marry couples, (2) sick brethren, and (3) wisdom. I was so nervous yet I have to pray vocally. My voice was trembling, yet I made it.

                In my prayer, I asked for wisdom, so that I could help Diyang and Jeff spiritually.

March 27, 2008

                I did kitchenworkss right after I got up at past 6. Then at seven, I spent time reading the Bible.

                At eight, I went to Bulasu. I spent 30 minutes there. I went home to charge my cp. Jefferson texted me. I persistently asked him to tell me his life changes. So he did. We pursued our text conversation when I arrived from the market. He told me about his mother. He has no plans so far. Yet, he’s satisfied and happy. I also shared my life to him. I told him that I wanted to settle down in Polot with my mother and my mag-iina. We shared good, inspiring words. We also talked about my plans to my kids’ education and my envy and carvings to own a house.

                Before twelve, He stopped replying. But’s it’s okay. We have tackled almost everything about our lives.

                Twelve-thirty, Papay Benson and I went to lumber mill. We waited for the lumbers to be milled. It’s 2 pm when we’re home. I was so tired from terrible heat exposure.

                Past 4, Eking and I biked through BNCSA and watched Recognition Day. There, I thought of my kids. I couldn’t wait to teach my children in their assignments, etc. I couldn’t wait to come up the stage and pin them ribbons of honors or don medals on them for academic excellence.

                Five, I decided to canvass of circumcision fee. We first went to Padi Glenn. He said, “Aabutin yata ng P1000.” Then we biked through Pawa hospital. I have learned that it’s only P350. And, before we stopped over at the shop, I inquired in another clinic. He price was very expensive. P2000, huh!

                After few minutes stay in the shop, we went back home. I then started to grill the eggplant for tortang talong.

                While cooking, Mj and I were texting. She wanted some development or news about our wedding because she and her mother have broadcasted it already to their relatives. Ia dvised her to text Flor. She did it immediately and has learned that on April 1, Auntie Vangie would be there. I told assured her that I, too, wanted to be with them here in Bulan, especially in Polot.

                I went to Ate Quennie’s house. I bought them viand first. Then, we conversed. I announced my bestfriend’s change from being a rebel son to a loving one. I also told her about Diyang’s changes and developments. She’s so glad to hear theat. Then, she wrote a note. She would include Diyang and Epr to her prayer tonight. She asked me, too. I asked her to include wisdom, wedding plan, and guidance to my prayer request.

                We have a lively conversation. We shared verses. We have tackled several topics. She showed me a personalized artwork (stone with Bible passage) made by her suitor. I love it.

                I went back home at 9:15 pm.

March 28, 2008

                I read the Bible at 6;30 am. I got up at 7 am.

                At 8, I did marketing. When I got home, I immediately cooked it because Eking and I are going to Pawa this 1 pm for his circumcision.

                Before one, we’re in the hospital. After few minutes, the circumcision was taking place. I could see Eking’s braveness. It only lasted for 20 to 25 minutes.

                Eking inquired a lot of things about his wound. It’s funny that he wanted a fast healing, so that he could play na.

                Past 2, I was texting with Happy. She asked me about a certain interview query. She complimented and thanked after. I also replied to Cute and Klyn’s text messages.

                Before 5, I helped Papay Benson and Kuya Bambi in cleaning the palay stockroom.

                Quarter to six, I biked through the church. I looked for balete trees. That’s for my bonsai-garden-to-be. I wanted my house be filled with potted bonsai. I also intend to sell them for reasonable prices.

                I was home at 7 pm.

March 29, 2008

                I got up at past 2 am. I saw Amy’s text and a missed call in my cp. She said that Frenel tried to contact me. It was 11:30 pm when she dialled my number.

                Five-thirty, I texted back Daba. I also texted Frenel, explaining why I haven’t entertained her call. Then, I got up. I planted bonsai trees. I grilled lawlaw. I swept at the buladan.

                Eight, I have done laundry. I also have helped Eking in cleansing his wound. Later I was sun-drying the palay. I was very tired. I suffered from sunrays.

                Ten, Ate Ningning’s package arrived. Next thing happened, noise. I have received nothing except for the food we ate or cooked. I asked the miniature cup. She gave it to me.

                While sun-drying, I texted Epr. And, before he stopped replying, he asked me to write a farewell letter for him. I promised him.

                After lunch, Kuya Gerald and Boboy arrived all the way from Polangui.

                Sun-drying of palay is not an easy job. It is indeed a tough one. In fact, I could fell chest pain today. I was not minding it much.

                Kuya Bambi helped me in re-sacking the half-dried palay. We’re both tired. So, we did it slowly. Kuya Gerald did not help us. He only did after we’ve sacked the all. He helped us carrying them and piling them.

                It was past six when we finished it. I was so tired.

                While taking arrest, I was writing Epr’s request. It goes like this:

Dear Alterego,

                Leaving is a hard part in a friendship being left alone is much harder. Nonetheless, the hardest thing to do is to leave the closest friend with no assurance of coming back in the soonest time.

                I’m leaving you. I’m going to be separated with you and your brotherly companionship. I don’t know when we are going to be together.

                Our nexus will be disconnected temporarily. Yes, just a few years. I’m sure our hiatus will not be the reason of our permanent separation. Our separation will surely strengthen our bond.

                It is a saddening truth, but we must accept that in life, there’s n certain. Even I couldn’t portend what life0changing opportunities await us in our itinerary. Thus, don’t shed a fear when I say farewell.

                We both know how painful it is. But we must know that this is not forever. We’re doing it because we have to find better views of horizon in far off places. It is necessary. It is inevitable.

                I’m weeping, too, right now. But, it is not due to our distance. It is because we might forget how important our friendship to each other. I’m secured no one could make you happy. I’m worried that you would be unhappy and bored with another’s company. I’m not at peace thinking that you might be discriminated by aristocrat people, who will cross your path.

                You’re the best person I have so far, except for my family. I couldn’t afford to lose you for so long. Your absence is a minus to my blissful life.

                The days when we hang out, do folly things, wander aimlessly, and laugh together are the mere things I have right now as I go the distant land. Through these memoirs, I think I could go on to my journey. I’m happy that my mind is full of our jocose bonding moments. I think it will not hard for both of us.

                As we live separate lives, let us hoist the day we become best buddies, despite of our total differences. Instead, we built a bridge to connect our contrasting mores, avocations, dreams, and principles. Those dissimilarities give us stick-to-itiveness and deepest concerns to each other.

                And, as I walk away from you, let me leave you my heartfelt thanks. Thankful I was that someone like you has been my companion for many years without remorse against me. You understand me and give me brotherly love.

                Friend, I never know when we would be together again. Yet, I’m hopeful that one day, you and I bond together as merry as we did or more than that. I just hope a frolicsome reunion will happen in the nearest time.

                You take care always. I would not be where you are to catch you when you fall, to lend my hand when you stumble, to hearken when you’re in distress or chaotic state, and to defend you when somebody defies you, and obstruct your way. But, I’m here to pray for your safety, success, happiness, and peace.

                As you endeavour in your life, please don’t take away God’s presence. He is your greatest companion, and not me. You might forget me. But, you shall not neglect Him.

                That’s’ my last words for you before I put a point on this epistle.

                Goodbye, my best friend! Goodbye for now. We’ll see each other soon.

                My farewell doesn’t necessarily mean everlasting it is however the orifice to our never-ending gimmicks and merriments. Let our strongly-pillared friendship be interchanged by long distance rapport. Don’t let the miles be the gap to our communication.

                Farewell to you.            

                I have done the half of the epistle at past 9:30.

                We stopped texting at 10.

March 30, 2008

                I got up at six. Later I swept at the cemented flooring outside for sun-drying purposes today.

                Before seven, I was writing. After this I took breakfast. The next thing happened was lifting sacks of palay. Kuya bambi and Boboy helped me.

                Today is Yoshimi’s 2^nd birthday. I texted Mj if they’re going to Bautista. She didn’t reply. I then asked Taiwan. He said, he didn’t know. It was 2:45 pm when he confirmed my mag-iina’s arrival. He said, “D2 na cla Hnna, twag k dw hinhanap k ng anak mu.” I have no load for me to talk to my daughter.

                Flor texted me. She said that Hanna was indeed looking for me and keeps on asking for my presence.

                Quarter to 5, Mj sent this to me: “Ei! Ano gawa u? Kttpos lng nmin kumain ng kids. C Hnna hnhnap k.” I have no load to enable me to reply.

                We re-sacked the palay first. We’re done at 5:45.

                Past six, I called my mag-iina. I talked to Hanna. She’s so talkative. She told me what she ate.

                Mj couldn’t hear me. Our conversation was obstructed by poor signal.

                I also phoned on Jefferson. Poor signal spoiled my load. We only had few seconds talk. Alas!

                My text to Mj was answered by her. However, it arrived very late. She started to suspect that I was texting with somebody.

                So as my text message to Jefferson. He answered it very quickly, nut it didn’t arrive as fast as it should be. It was nine-thirty when we had a smooth, normal conversation. I asked what he misses in Polot. He said, our place, their place (in Bukana) and buko. I also told him mine—river, standing-by, our house, bonsai, and cleaning and planting in our yard. We also reiterated our funny memoirs such as the morning when we get up with a mysterious vomit between our pillows. No one knows who throws up. And, the night when we drink mixed beer and brandy. I liked it, while he grimaced to its bitter taste. We also talked about our cellphone units. He asked me how to send MMS. I answered the best way I could.

                It was quarter to twelve when we bade ‘Gudnyt.’

                Diyang texted me at past eleven. She wondered why I was not texting her. It’s because I didn’t know where to send my message.

                Again, she’s in trouble Satan’s presence was interfering her endeavour to change. I, as usual, gave her words of God and inspiring messages. I said that if she had God’s presence and love in her heart, she could fight against archenemy. I said, “Hatred is for Satan. Love is for God, because God is love.”

                She’s calling me angel. I asked her to stop calling me that name because I’m just God’s servant. She warned me, too, that Satan might attack me. I did not show any fright. Instead, I related her how happy I am now due to His love and presence.

                Before 12 noon, I ran out of load. She was asking me if Satan could read her mind during praying time. It hangs. I couldn’t afford to answer it. Yet, I texted her, ‘Sori’ using Kuya Bambi’s mobile.

                I prayed for her after our conversation. I hoped Ate Quennie, too.

                Before I forgot, I have broadcasted that Diyang was being helped through prayer by Ate Quennie, not to mention my orison.

                I also advised Diyang to ask prayer from a pastor or regular church-goer, in lieu of going to mangtatawas to heal her breast pain or cast out her demon possession.

March 31, 2008

                I got up at 6 am, despite of my back ache. My chest was inflamed, too, with phlegm. Without taking a coffee yet, I started doing in the buladan. It was after I picked guava tops in Bulasu for Eking’s treatment.

                After breakfast, I biked through Lagamayo Telecoms. I inquired for cellphone battery. I was shocked to the prices—P750 for the original and P300 for the class A. thus, I didn’t buy. I instead bought two ukay-ukay merchandise for my children. They’re jumpers. I’m sure Mj would like them.

                Mj and I conversed thorugh texting. They’re not going to be home today.

                I was the one, who cooked the lunch since i wasn’t too occupied by palay sun-drying. Kuya Muibien was hired to do the task.

                Jeff and I were conversing at that time.

                After lunch, Boboy and I went to shop. He asked for money from Mama Leling. Then, we looked for a dental clinic. The two clinics were not yet open at that time. In Obrero, we found one that’s open.

                We bought sopas ingredients, before going home. I cooked it immediately.

                Four, we re-sacked the palay. Though Kuya Muibien was present, I was still exhausted. Five pm, we’re done.

                Then, I text-conversed with Jeff. I was regaining my sinew.

                SEVEN, Ate Quennie arrived. Chatty was with her, who was crying because she thought of the tricycle driver, who was about to go back to Matnog alone. Charity wanted or requested prayer from her mother.

                She’s a compassionate girl, huh! She knew the power of prayer at her young age.

                Then, I let Ate Quennie to read some of Diyang’s text messages, especially the part, where she’s thanking Ate Quennie. We talked about her with grateful hearts, which somehow she was trying to correct and mend her life.

                Nine-thirty, Jeff sent me the lyrics of my favorite songs. This afternoon, he gave me ‘Untitled’ and tonight, he sent me the ‘Brick.’