February 1, 2008
I got up
before 7 AM. Immediately, I took in my Fixcom 4. Later, I was doing household
chores. Dishwashing. Sweeping.
Before
8:30, I prepared my stuffs. Past 9, I left Bautista. I arrived at my
parents-in-law’s house at past 9. I got disappointed to see Hanna. She is so
thin now. I pity her. Later, Mj was telling me about the milklessness of our children. I also told her my being penniless,
as well as my job application on Monday.
The
condition of our kids saddened me so much. If only I could buy them milk with
my P240+ on my wallet and purse, I would. But, I was thinking of my career. It
must be prioritized. This state would never end unless I was jobless. The
opportunity knocks once, indeed.
Before
lunch I have accepted already that this crisis is God’s gift. He wants me to
persevere. He has plan for me. He has made a place for me. All I have to do is
work hard to find it.
I was
very sad that we don’t have birthday present for Bebeng tomorrow. It’s such a
shame, but we have to attend still. Our kids must have this once-in-a-lifetime-
experience. It’s a privilege for them. I hope they are understanding enough.
Mico and
I conversed through text. He asked me ‘How’s your kids and wife?’ I told him
that they’re in crisis. He never minded it. He diverted the topic to our
meeting. He wanted me to see soon. That was when I told him about my financial
burden I was into. Finally, he was offering help. He’s willing to help me.
However, I did not take the opportunity to gain. I was in need, but I still
have hope. God is great provider. Besides, I’m not a user. I’m just an
opportunist.
Jefferson
texted me. He related me his break-up with his textmate. He’s not hurt. He just
wanted to tell it to me.
February 2, 2008
Past 6:30
AM when I woke up. Seven when I got up.
Eight,
Mj and I were preparing already in going to Ever Gotesco. We have to be early
because we would fetch Yoshimi and her aunt at KameraWorld in Bayan. Thus, at 9
AM, we left home.
Past 9,
I texted Jenny, who said that they’re about to leave home. So I waited for them
to ride. However, no Jenny or shadow of Jenny that arrived, I was very
indignant. I texted Taiwan about it. He didn’t reply. Jano texted me already
that they saw Mj. Until my irksome ended up in leaving them without notice. I
just sent message to Taiwan that I already left his daughter. I wanted him to
notify his wife not to leave the house with Yoshimi. It was already 10:30. Mj
was so irked, too. “Kung may pera lang
ako. Umuwi na ako,” she said.
Another
maddening occurrence happened. The traffic was devastating. It was already 11
and we’re almost got there. Thus, I decided to walk. Mj flowed. We rushed into
Ever Gotesco. Fortunately, the party did not start early, but the party goers
were already eating. Good thing, we’re reserved with table, chairs, and foods
by Jano and Gie.
Text
message from Jenny’s number arrived, asking our where-about. I apologized.
The
irritating incident was interchanged by happiness, when the show started. I
enjoyed the foods. Hanna enjoyed the ice cream, though she was scared of
Jollibee mascot. Zildjian has an appetite at that time. He ate rice-chicken,
spaghetti, and ice cream. I don’t know about Mj. But. I’m sure, she enjoyed,
too.
After
the party at past 12, we roamed around the mall. We went to amusement center. I
took pictures of Hanna, Zj, and Mj there. Hanna wanted to play computer.
Then, we
went to an area where token rides are being offered. Zj and Hanna had fun in a
Ferrari car race. I took pictures of them, too. There, the two had a nice
experience for the first time, especially Zj. It was his first time, too, in a
mall.
We left
the mall with smiles in our face. I just felt a little bit of guilt for leaving
Yoshimi.
We’re
home before two. Tired, yet happy.
My stay
here in my parents-in-law’s house postpones my writing of my novel. I could not
face it because my children are both makulit
and malikot. I have to face them. But,
in the evening, I could read dictionary. It’s crucial for my novel writing.
February 3, 2008
Six-thirty
I was already wide awake, Mj as well. She then insisted going with me in
Bautista. Despite of my disagreement, she still prepared the kids’s stuffs.
Past
7:45, the car geared toward Boso-Boso. I was very sad because I have no money
at all. I knew my kids would be milkless
again tomorrow. I just hoped Mama’s padala
arrived yesterday. However, Flor said it didn’t arrive. Mama did not send me.
Minutes
after our arrival, I swept the dried leaves off the yard and I also watered Mama’s
plants.
I tried
to nap because I was really sleepy, but I failed to catch sleep. I got up when
I heard that Jano was starting to cook lunch.
My mag-iina was fetched by my in-laws at
past 2. I was sad because I haven’t given them money like last Sunday. Yet, I
was glad for I could have a rest.
I took a
nap later. My head was aching, but it’s just light.
I
pursued writing. In fact, I have finished chapter 2 and started chapter 3.
Since Mico was not texting me and I was loadless,
I have had enough time to write.
I knew
Mico got mad because I did not text him. If only he knew that I really had no
money. As a matter of fact, I was thankful that Jello, his friend, who is
working in a real estate company and who will accompany me to his boss for
interview supposed to be tomorrow, got injured in playing basketball. It saved
me. Mama did not send me money. I have no budget. Jello is willing to help me.
Mico thought I was not eager to apply.
February 4, 2008
I got up
at eight. I really wanted to sleep more, but I think of my medicine. I took my
medicine later though I would not have breakfast. I wasn’t afraid if it will
make me agitate gain. Good thing I did not experience it again maybe because I
ate two packs of commercial peanuts.
No
energy to work, I just stayed in the room. I never mind the dirty feeding
bottles that need to be washed. Plus, I was wondering why still now Mico did
not text me. Today is his day-off. He didn’t send me a quote. It saddened me
much.
Past
eleven I did household chores. Later I took lunch, and while waiting for text
messages, I pursued writing. That time, Flor left to Novaliches. I might be
blessed today.
Past one
I have discovered that I have load. Mico sent me P20 pasaload. But, I couldn’t avail unli20. Thus, I asked for P5 pasalaod to Flor. She made me irate. She
promised me a load when she got in Gate 2. It was so annoying. Mico couldn’t
wait already. He’s been texting me since past 9.
Later, I
decided to give up my friendship to Mico because I was so ashamed of him. He
gave me load, yet I could not reply. He’s helping me, too, but it seemed that I
was not interested to the job he’s offering.
Mama and
Flor arrived at past two. That time, Mico gave me another P20 pasaload. Flor gave me P2, too. Thus, I
could reply Mico’s messages. We talked about my drama. He’s a true friend,
indeed. He accepted me again.
While
cooking, he texted me that Jello’s manager is out-of-town. Thus, my supposed
job application tomorrow was postponed. When I have no money, opportunities were
there, but when I do have, they would disappear.
Haist!
Is this the sign I asked?
Taiwan
got upset while I was explaining to him about what happened last Saturday.
Thus, I stopped talking.
Mico
wanted to help me financially. I did not show any liking. I declined to receive
any amount from him because we don’t even see each other yet. Then, we planned
to eyeball but it turned out to nothing.
I sleep
at 10:20 after my cellphone got empty.
February 5, 2008
Courtney's
cry was disturbing, as well as. Not to mention my toothache and couple's
noises. They made me sleepless. I decided to get up at 5:30. I pursued writing.
Later, Mico and I were texting. I think it was seven when we agreed upon our
being lovers. I accepted his love for me. Haist! It's crazy, but it's true.
In the
middle of my works, we text-- while I was dishwashing, while I was cooking, and
while I was eating, and after lunch.
He set
an eyeball tomorrow at Metropolis Mall. I chose the time, favorable to both of
us-- 6 PM. It gave me nervousness, but just to stop the mystery, I have to meet
and see him.
I
pursued writing. Afternoon, I was writing. After cooking our dinner, I was
writing. It was because Mico was sleeping.
While
cooking, Flor has annoyed me with her bad words. She answered me in pabalang. Mama and I condemned her bad
attitude. Then I promised that I won't be too close to her and I will not kid
her anymore.
Padi
Glenn texted me, regarding my job application. I told him that it was not
realized. Later he related about his eagerness to find his luck in other
employer. He wanted to have a career. So do I, I said.
Mico gave me P20 pasaload again. We texted again. However, when it was 10:30, my
battery got empty. I was not able to explain. Thus, I left it unexplained. Good
thing is I have told it to him.
My tooth
was aching terribly. I could hardly catch sleep.
February 6, 2008
When the
couple left, I got up and charged my cellphone. Later Mico and I were texting.
Our conversation ended up in postponing our eyeball. I was a bit shy kasi of my physical attributes. He might
not like me, though he's not looking for it.
I did
not show any eagerness of his financial help. I said, I will think of it first.
Past
10:30, I cooked our lunch. While cooking, Mico was planning for a meeting
today. But, he wanted to have sex with me na
and we're going to do it in Sogo Hotel. I declined. I said I did not like the
idea of the hotel thingy. We might be shot or we might have scandal video. He
got mad, telling me that he was rejected by me. We're about to break up. He
just apologized. I explicated to him that I want it to do in the right time and
place and that we have to bond first.
After
taking a bath at one o’ clock, we text again. We talked about our meeting
tomorrow. We finalized it. However, he texted me gain at around 4. He’s
implying for a meeting tonight. I did not know why I second the motion. Thus,
our eyeball was moved earlier. I prepared myself and left Bautista at 5.
It was
eight-thirty when we meet at Sogo Hotel-Alabang Branch. I was a bit
disappointed by his look and I was a bit shy, especially when I directed him to
buy me water, so that I could take the medicine for toothache. (My tooth was
aching terribly.)
I waited
thirty minutes before I have eaten my diner. He was looking at me. Later, my
toothache was gone. Then I drank beer. He did not drink his, so I took it. The
two bottles I have been taken were enough for me to gain confidence.
Since, I
had I already, I asked if he was not disappointed to me. He says, “Hindi, ah!” I believed him.
After
drinking beer, I watched tv. There’s porn there.
Next
thing happened? Whew! I was very sad. I didn’t know what was happening to my
penis. Erectile dysfunction.
He’s so
disappointed with me. I could see that.
February 7, 2008
Past
3:30, he stimulated me until I gave in. However, my effort has been useless and
not inducing. He slightly insulted me, saying that I disappointed him. I took
my silence and tried to sleep. I didn’t know what to say because I was not sue
what happened to me. I also wondered why he acted like that as if it was not
his real first time.
He
checked out at 5:30. I stayed. He left me P300 only. It disappointed me. yet
thankful I was that somehow he gave me
At seven
am, I checked out the hotel. I rode a bus to Cubao. The sadness,
disappointment, and annoyance fill my heart and mind, as I leave. Plus,
headache and toothache were devastating me.
Mico
texted me. I replied that I wanted to end our contact. He said, “Don’t say
that…” I run out of load.
I was home
at 9:30. I lied down immediately without conversing with Mama. I had no sleep
yet. So I have to catch some.
I got up
at 12 noon. After lunch I took a nap again. It was 4 when I rose up to take merienda. Still, no text messages from
Gabrieliasis. I lied down again until 6.
Past 9
when I took dinner. My tooth is aching. The pain is so excruciating. I tried to
sleep just to escape the pain.
Sleepiness
did not visit me till past one. I suffered much from terrible ache.
February 8, 2008
Arrival
of Diyang woke me up. She came for no reason at all. But, Mama immediately
confronted her about the prank call of a call center agent, whose voice is
someone like Yoyi’s. She strongly denied it. I got up and told the whole story.
Mama implied that saying no or denying is easy. But, she’s willing to know the
truth and she will condemn the culprits. However, Diyang has been stuck to her
denial.
The next
thing happened, our conversation focused on Diyang’s. After that, I was telling
her about why no one should downgrade me and my Alma Mater. I related to her my
achievements, fulfilments, and compliments I received and gained. But, that
time she doesn’t still claim my paratang.
She’s also not angry of it.
Before
she left at past 11, she promised me that she will text Yoyi and will know the
truth. After that I asked Mama if she believed Diyang. She said no. So I did.
I
believed Diyang is the one behinds the call or interview. Yoyi has an idea of
interviewing me and pretending she’s a call center agent of Teletech because
she gave her my phone number. Yoyi and she connived. Diyang’s vow of helping me
to prove it is just her frontal act of escaping. Huh! I knew she did it. She
came here today after Tintin told her that I already knew what she and Yoyi
did.
After
lunch, I washed my clothes and pants…
Past
one, I took a nap. It was past three when I got up.
No one
texted me today. I put on my mind that Mico is not going to text me anymore and
I would not expect for him. I closed my life to him. He’s not a good friend.
He’s a mere sex maniac, who tried to fool me that he’s virgin.
Five-thirty
I went to Veterans and bought viand. I cooked it at six-thirty.
Quarter
to eaight I sent this message to Mico, “U
fooled me. I tut ur virgin. Ur a sex maniac pala… a real virgin dosnt crave 4
utmost sexual pleasure… I tut kiss s enuf
4 u. Ur insatiable. Obviously, ur experncd one n pla in d name of sex
bcoz uexpct me to mke u satisfied d whle nyt… I tut wer gnna celebrate ur bday…
I waitd in sogo, bt I don’t expect dat u wll check me in immdtely. Ur a liar! U
dnt even drink. U dnt even talk to me 4 long, as if urn t intrestd anymre. I hv
no regret. Its anthr account dat wud b kept in my journal. See… u dnt even txt
me na… Salamat ha…”He didn’t reply.
Nine-thirty,
Amy replied, ‘Pautang’ to my text. I
thought she was kidding me. Thus I asked how much she needed. I was astonished
when she says, “P500!” I told her that I only have two hundred pesos. She says “Ok na ‘yan.” At first, I hesitated
because I am also in need of money, but after God said that I must help her I
confirmed to her that I would send her the P200. She thanked me.
My
toothache was gone after few minutes of taking Gardan. Thus, I have fallen
asleep.
February 9, 2008
However, my toothache came back at past 3. I took another Gardan.
Unfortunately, it wasn’t gone. I have had a lack of sleep.
I woke
up before 8 am.
After
breakfast, I rinsed my clothes and pants that I washed yesterday. Then I texted
Amy. I told her that I was not able to send her the P200 because of its
hardship. I have to pay for service charge and I need to consider the P60 fare.
She insisted at first, but she says, “Ok”, at last.
Cute of
Marlene Quiobe replied to my text. I have learned that she’s now in Bulan.
Later I told Amy to ask help from her. Sad thing, the latter does not reply.
I went
to Veterans and bought LPG and viands. Later I cooked our lunch. While doing
so, Irene Dreu replied to my text. Then, again, I asked help for Amy.
Unfortunately she couldn’t help her.
Final or
last resort, I texted Padi Glenn. I told her that Amy has something to tell
him. The two conversed. Later Padi Glenn promised Amy to help find for the
amount she needed. He would borrow from his friend.
Diyang
promised me to text Yoyi. She must prove to me that she was not involved in the
deception. Well, I will wait for the result.
Past
8:30 pm, Romeo texted me. He was inviting me to join them. I hesitated at once,
yet I changed my clothes. However when he told me that I have to go to high
school, where we studied, I decided not to leave home. I thought of myself. I
might be tripped by the addicts there. I said, “Sori ha?” Besides, my tooth was aching terribly though I took
Ampicillin.
February 10, 2008
Due to
my toothache, I have had a lack of sleep. I tried to re-sleep in the room.
However, at past 8, my mag-iina
arrived. I was partly glad and sad to see them. I’m glad because I missed them
for a week. I was sad because I still was sleepy.
Later I
fried tikoy for breakfast.
Ten,
Jano directed me to buy viands, so I went to Veterans with Hanna. When we
arrived, I immediately prepared our lunch. I was then unwell and feeling
drowsy. My head was aching, too.
Diyang
was texting me. She said that Yoyi did not reply. Is that so? Well, I don’t
believe her. She really doesn’t text her.
After
lunch, I was so sleepy. Bad thing is I couldn’t take a nap due to my mag-iina’s presence. Thus, I bonded with
them instead. Later, I gave Mj P100. She happily accepted it.
Past 3,
my parents-in-law arrived. Calove’s van followed. Wew! Almost complete-- Calove
family, Tito Jun and his daughters, Tiyo Ruben, and Tita Neng. Calove, my
ex-boss, asked me fo a langka
seedling. Without further ado, i accomplished his request.
They
left before 3:30. Then, Mama and I talked about them and Zildjian’s upcoming
birthday. I told her that Mj has no money to call or text Tito Jay. She has to
talk to him kasi about our son’s
birthday.
Mama’s
so excited to the arrival of Ate Ningning. She was so anxious to know that I
was going to Bulan with her. However, as of now, text from Ate Quennie hasn’t
arrived yet, as if it’s postponed.
I
managed to watch movie, despite of excruciating toothache I was feeling. Huh!
‘Legend of Zorro’ has helped me, so as before I sleep, I finished till end, the
movie ‘Original Sin’ by Antonio Banderas and Angelina Jolie. I found it nice.
Before I
closed my eyes to sleep, I asked God to take away our worry. Mj and I were
afraid that she’s pregnant. She told me that two or three days ago, she was
always feeling dizzy. Symptoms of pregnancy showed up. Good thing, the delay
was only 3 days.
I asked
God not to give us another child. Mj and I do not like to have another baby.
February 11, 2008
I was
awakened by noises made by Flor, Mama, and Courtney. But, I got up at 7:45. My
lower neck, upper back and nape were aching. Stiffed-nape, it maybe was.
I
watched tv all day long and at last I have viewed 'Titanic'. I liked the movie
so much. Alas! It was to be continued.
I
suffered from the terrible pain in my nape. I couldn't move freely. I pity Mama
for I couldn't help her do the household chores and help her take care of
Courtney Love, who has been tantrumic.
Till I
closed my eyes, I was still anticipating.
February 12, 2008
I got up
at 6:30. My back or nape pain was until here. Yet I could move freely unlike
yesterday. I have taken care of my niece for few hours. I have taken a bath,
too. However, it's still hard for me to stand or sit for a long time. I need to
lie down in order to avoid the pain.
No one
arrived till twelve.
Mj
regarded me and the arrival of Ate Ningning. I knew she just wanted to assure
if I was still here in Antipolo. I told her about what pain I was experiencing
and that Ate Ningning is maybe in Dubai still because no one texted me.
Myles
sent me load in exchange of a 'creed' she was requesting me to write. I sent
her my poem, 'I Can, But I Can't', thinking it was a creed. However, she hasn't
told me before that it must be all about education or practice teacher. Thus, I
scribbled in a jiffy. After 15 minutes I have sent this to her:
The Teacher's Creed
I will be a
good teacher
with a deep
sense of responsibility
I can be the
greatest educator
in the
service to the nation
I will be a
responsible mentor
who
perseveres and works hard
I can be the
noblest of all
practicing
what I've learned
I will be the
role model
for you and
everyone
I can go to
the remote area
just to share
my wisdom
I will be a
concerned citizen,
devoting my
life to this.
After
few hours, she rejected it. She says, "Masyadong
mataas ang expectation." It must be dramatic and humble.
And,
since I was experiencing pains, I told her that I could do it tomorrow. She
agreed, giving me a timeframe of 'before lunch'. However, I still
rough-drafting the second creed.
I took
Amoxicillin, but my toothache was still pestering me. I couldn't sleep. I did
everything to alleviate the ache. Salt. Toothpick. Etc. But all of these seemed
useless. I almost cried. I got up several times.
Midnight
has passed. I was still awake.
February 13, 2008
Past
1:30 AM, I was still wide awake. Toothache excruciatingly disrupted my sleeping
moment. It pissed me out.
I think
I have fallen asleep at around 3.
Unfortunately
I was awakened by the noise made by the early risers. Good thing, Mama was
awake. I found a lethargic place in their room. There, I have fallen asleep
till nine.
Before
ten, I sent the second creed to Myles. It goes this:
The Teacher’s Creed
I am our
mentor
Who can
impart my wisdom
With all
efficiency.
I am your
teacher,
Who can
practice the art of teaching
With gladness
and dedication.
I am your
educator,
Who can be a
guidance counselor
And advocate
of morality and virtues.
I am your
teacher,
Who can be
the instrument
Of learning
and of well-being.
I am your
pedagogue,
Who can
devote my time
With patience
and perseverance.
I am your
teacher,
Who can be a
role model
With great
honor and dignity.
I am your
second parent,
Who can be a
nourishing mother,
Like my
loving Alma Mater.
I am your
teacher,
Who can
always be a noble one
For the
school, for the people.
Myles
did not reply. I got mad that she did not even give any comment of my effort.
She thanked me not, either.
I sent a
text message to Ate Quennie. She did not answer back. I just said, “Hello! Msta c Ate Ningning?”
My toothache quitted punishing me. I wondered why the pain attacks during
sleeping hours. I would rather have it in daytime.
Diyang
came in. I did not give her attention. She told me that Yoyi did not reply to
her text. When Mama asked her what she did she say to Yoyi, she says, “Akin na lang ‘yon!” Apparently, she’s
just lying. She’s indeed the accomplice of Yoyi.
Well,
I’m not interested anymore to confirm it. I already have proven it.
Marjs
texted me at 4:30 pm. We talked about work, date, and our families. I have
contacted her last Tuesday.
Epr
texted me at past 7. He queried me about the eyeball happened last week in
Alabang between me and my textmate. I related him the reality. He laughed at
me. But, I told him that it was okay for it was another experience in my life.
Tortuous
toothache came back before I sleep at 11 pm. I fell asleep easily.
February 14, 2008
However
at past 1:30 am, I was awakened by tremendous pain. My wisdom tooth was like a
hand drill, drilling my ear. The pain was very unbearable. I got up and brushed
my teeth. But, it seemed useless. I tried to catch sleep, but I failed. It was
already 4 am. Thirty minutes to go, Jano will get up already.
I did
not want him to catch me awake, thus I went back to my pillows and blanket. I
bore the pain and sleepiness.
Before
the couple left to work, I transferred to the room. Yet, I still was
experiencing the pain. I could not even fall to sleep, thus, at past 6, I got
up and took breakfast.
Wew!
Nothing happened. The pain made me sleepless and restless.
I was
greeted ‘Happy Valentine’ by Marlene.
I could
still remember last year. I made personalized Valentine card for MJ. She was so
happy for it. But now, I could not even greet her through text message. I could
make her another card, but the problem is how I can give it to her.
The pain
lowered down at 8:30. My nape ache has gone, too.
I took
care of Baby Love, while Mama was washing her clothes.
I
remember, Antipolo National High School (Annex) Batch ’98 is already 10 years,
since they graduated. I am part of that pioneering class. However, I don’t want
to organize the alumni homecoming for three reasons. First, I have no money to
finance the possible expenses in contacting the alumni and in advertising the
big event. Second, I hate my high school days. Thus, I might not enjoy the
celebration. Lastly, I am not successful. It is such a shame to get together
with them, knowing that most of my classmates are irritating due to their
aristocracy and pretension. However, I am willing to attend if I was invited by
them. I, of course, love to socialize with.
Two,
after taking care of Courtney, I took a forty winks. I got up at past 3 pm, and
later on I took a bath.
Past 6,
while taking care of my niece, Mama pushed me to videoke. So I did. I enjoyed
singing while lulling Baby Love. I still enjoyed it, despite the absence of
microphone.
I was
greeted ‘Happy Valentine’s day’ by
Myles, Padi Glenn, manay Baby,Cute, Mean, and Mj. My wife says, ‘Hapi Valentines! Yan ha, nakahabol p q.
Gudnyt!” I couldn’t greet them back because I have no load.
My
toothache was just mild. I could bear the pain.
Before I
sleep, I prayed to God. I asked Him for the right direction. I wanted a
permanent settlement.
February 15, 2008
Four
o’clock I the morning, my toothache disrupted my sleep. Five am, I transferred
in the room. There, I tried to catch sleep. Good thing, I succeeded. I got up
minutes before 9 am.
Nine
thirty-five, Mj sent this message to me: “Elow!
Msta n? How do u feel nw?” I wanted to tell her that I was partly okay. I
also wanted to ask her what happened to her menstruation. I have just no load.
I took
care of Courtney. I helped Mama.
When
Jano arrived, I still took care of his child. I put her to sleep at 3 pm. Thus,
I took a nap, despite of my aching tooth. Haist! Devastating toothache of mine.
Past 3,
Mj texted me again. She says, “Ei, msta?
Ano na blta? Dk ngppramdam ah!?” Like me, she’s anxious to know if Ate
Ningning has already arrived. I knew she’s now problemizing the physiological needs of our children. She’s so
pathetic. She needs my financial aid. However, it’s so saddening that I could
provide my kids’ needs. I’m not escaping. I merely don’t have anything to give
them.
I missed
my children very much. They were on my mind tonight.
I turned
off the tv set at past 11 pm, then I asked to give me a tight sleep.
February 16, 2008
Past 4
am, I was pissed out again by my toothache. Yet, I tried to sleep back. Past 6,
Taiwan woke me up. He says, “Labhan mo
ang shorts at sando ko,” handing me down the P20-bill. Then, I transferred
in the room after I took breakfast. Nine when I got up. Excruciating pain was
still here. It pestered me the whole day. However I have found a mean to oppose
the enormity of pain. I read and took down words from a dictionary. I stored
them up into my cellphone for future use.
Past
six, Mama left to Sauyo. Later, I bought Amoxicillin and prepared our viand.
Past
7:30 pm, electric power disrupted our dvd watching. Thus, I tried to catch
sleep. My head and tooth were aching. Then I couldn’t sleep. I was thinking of
my kids and their future. I pity them. How I wish I was not sickly.
Past
8:30 pm, the power resumed. We pursued ‘Spy Kids 1”. I enjoyed the film,
despite of what I was feeling. Then, ‘Spy Kids 2’ was played next. I finished
it. Eleven pm when I went to Gie-Jano’s room o sleep. My Calvary started there.
I couldn’t sleep due to the tortuous aches. My headache was l=healed somehow by
Omega pain killer, but not the toothache.
February 17, 2008
I think,
it was past 2:45 when I fell asleep. I got up to piss at 4 am. That was when I
have had another hard time catching sleep. However, I found out that I have
fallen asleep. It was 7 am, when I transferred of higaan. Yet, I did not sleep. I just waited for my mag-iina. It was past nine when I rose
up. The breakfast was ready.
After
lunch, I read lexicon. Then, I took a cat nap. One hour made me well already.
Then, I pursued dictionary-browsing, despite of my aching nape.
I am
low-blood or high-blood. I knew aching of nape is one of its symptoms. I am
always lack of sleep. Then, we always have pork in our meals.
Six, I
watched ‘Ang Pinaka…’ at QTV, featuring the top 10 Pinoys, who have been famous
because of internet 9either blogging or youtube). I also craved that someday I
could upload my children’s videos or photos that might give them fame in the
world of commercial modelling.
I didn’t
do kitchen works. Gie and Flor take the works. I just sat on the sofa and
watched dvd.
At nine,
I watched the 2nd part of ‘Titanic’ in RPN 9. It was so
breath-taking. The passengers were so pathetic. The love between Jack and Rose
was amazing. I never thought that there’s such kind of love, given in the midst
of a tragedy. Indeed, love is everywhere. There is love in last breath.
I could
never forget that movie, as long as I’m living.
Eleven,
I was praying to God. I asked for financial blessings, especially for Mj. She
needs to have passport.
February 18, 2007
Seven-thirty,
I got up. Jano, who doesn’t leave to work, commanded me to fry the leftover rice.
So I did. However, before I totally friend it, Mama arrived.
It was
past 8 when we had our breakfast.
Quarter
to ten, Mj texted me. She says, “Poroy,
sunduin u n kmi d2. Kung mhal u tlga mga anak mo. Lam q gs2ng gs2 u n kmi
umalis d2. Kmi n lng plgi ng anak mo ang masama. Nghari-harian nmn ang isa d2.”
I knew who was she’s telling me. He’s Bernie, her brother-in-law. I was so sad
and furious of this message.
I
immediately bought load and replied,”Bkt n nmn, Mj?”
She
answered, “Dhil n nmn sa maarteng bta d2.
Ac2ally nung isang gbi p nga, e, ngkasagutan kmi ni Bernie. Cnigawan b nman s
Hanna. Knina ngparinig n nman.”
I talked to Mama about it. It was known to Jano, too. My tears were on
the verge of falling down. My voice broke down.
Mama
wanted me to go to Bulan. Jano, at first, wanted to work. I voiced out my
sentiments. My mother said that their tirahan
is the sole problem. Then, she opened up about Lola Alice’ proposal that I
sell vegetables in Sauyo. At that time, my only goal is to get Hanna away from
them. Ever since, my daughter is rejected. She’s not a favorite one.
I set
myself. It was agreed by Mama and Jano. The former gave me money secretly. I
left immediately.
Diyang
and Happy texted me. I entertained Happy’s messages. I also did to Diyangs, but
I cut it off.
I have
learned from Happy that Lerma has twin children and Christian became her
boyfriend. We talked about her lovelessness.
I gave her advice.
While
Diyang, she exactly sent this to me:
“Wen I was youngr scol s nt lrnin place for
me its wer I’l c my clsm8 crsh, I cn wer new slpr, it have new ntbuks d cvr in
my fave actrs actrs. Jus ol tht. Lrnin s is nice to me its so boooring. Now I
realzd that love n buks its gftd so f my son dnt wnt to go to scol I’l tel hm
its ok ur sme wit me. Mssyang lng baon sau ang eduk ay d lng lbro outsyd scol
ul lrn. Bsta d empurtans s motto u abkasa onli abakada. Yan lng pkosap ku sao.
Feleng ku npamanhan n keta!”
I really
don’t understand her. Her text message was grammatically and logically wrong.
Yet, I replied her. I said:
“dats ur notion abt eduction! Well, ur being
opinionated… I beg to disagree. I thnk ur insolence s d prblm. I luv to study.
I always wnted to go to skol, even nw… Skol s d prme source of wisdom. It’s
undeniably tru. Ur view s defntly naïve n nature.”
She
asked the meaning of naïve. I laughed at her. Then, I told her that I was in
Bayan, with my kids, thus, I would text het later.
In my
parents-in-law’s house, I saw the king-like. I gave courtesy to my in-laws,
then, I kissed Zildjian many times. In the short period of time, he’s with me,
I enjoyed him so much. I just pity him. He’s
payat than before.
When I
told Mj that I’m going to Bulan with Hanna, she disagreed. She didn’t like the
idea. But, we didn’t talk about it much.
Nanay
asked me about arrival of Ate Ningning. I answered her very clearly. I don’t
know why she’s interested, too.
The, I
got sad when Mj announced that her menstrual period has arrived yet. “Dagdag problema pa ‘yan,” I told her.
We talked about it and arrived to the idea of looking for something to abort
the fetus. Then, I uttered a short prayer to God. i asked Him not to give us
another child.
Though
Mj was implying that Zildjian’s milkless,
I did not give her. Besides, I have no coins or smaller amount than P500. I
wanted her to have a disposition. Then, she told me that she’s asking her
cousin, Baduday, for help. The latter is working in a canteen. I asked her, “Gusto mo sa canteen?” I admired her
answer. “E, kesa sa tumambay ako rito.
Walang panggatas.”
After
Hanna has eaten her lunch, we left. We’re home at one.
Before
two, I sent text messages to Diyang. I insulted and satire her, especially her
words, such as ‘readable textmate’, ‘inborn romantic’, ‘pocketbook’, and
‘abakada’. I also sent this “Hey,
cozener-cousin reply pls! u knw wat, I knew dat ur jst playing game wth me.
Well, u won’t win. Im gud in dat matter. Im mybe poor now and unstable bt im nt
a ne’er-do-well. No1 hs d ryt to belittle me. No1 knows me, except d Lord!”
She
didn’t reply. She would not win over me.
February 19, 2008
I was
wide-awake the whole night. It was not my toothache that made me sleepless. I
pondered very closely the idea of ‘pagtitinda
ng mga gulay’ in Novaliches. I also asked fervently to God the postponement
or stoppage of Mj’s pregnancy.
At 5 am,
I was already decided to accept Lola Alice’ proposal. I would talk to Mama
morrow.
In the
room, I have fallen asleep. It was past 8:30 am when I got up. It was due to
Diyang’s voice. She was talking very loudly to Mama. Later when she was gone, I
related to Mama about the text messages we sent and received from each other.
Then,
while doing laundry, I was talking to Mama about the pagtitinda. Though she wanted me to go to Bulan, she still accepted
the proposal. She would talk to Lola Alice first on Saturday. And, since there
was no news about Ate Ningning, I better act now. Selling veggies is a dirty
work, but it’s decent. It is business. And, I like it.
Past
five, Mama and Kuya Greg talked about pagtitinda.
I was dismayed when Mama related me the truth. Lola Alice is not giving up her puwesto in the market. She’s just giving
us bread-and-butter for a short duration. It’s just a temporary. Thus, I
exclaimed, “Huwag na lang!”
It made me even more problematic. I did not know what to do. I did not
know where to go. Mama is the only one, who could help me, except God. She’s
the only one, who understands me. However, like me, she also did not know what
to do and where to go. She loves to take care of her grandchild, Courtney, and
she promised me to take over my responsibility for Hanna. Like me, she has so
many grievances against the couple. The two were neglecting the provision of
basic needs in this house. They were not providing some of the needs. They’re
cost0sutting. They’re just making asa
to Mama. They’re supposed to be the ones, who must compensate her, but it seems
that our mother is the one who’s helping them.
I knew
their reason—my presence. They’re thinking that I’m useless and just a pabigat in this house. But, the truth
is… I’m useful. They must know that.
They’re
always implying that they’re on crisis or they’re penniless. Huh? But, when
they arrived, they had cake for Courtney. They don’t even think that we already
don’t have viand.
Past
eleven, I thought Hanna was sleeping besides Mama and Flor, but she’s crying.
Thus, I took her out. I decided to sleep with her on the bamboo sofa, despite
of its hardship.
February 20, 2008
It was
so tough to sleep in a very small, narrow place. Good thing, I have fallen
asleep. I have had many dreams.
Past
six, Hanna and I transferred in the room. I rose up at past 8:30 am.
Looking
at Mama, who was doing garden works, I craved for an own house. I hoped I could
go to Bulan soon.
Four-thirty,
Mj sent this message to me: “Elow! Msta n
Hnna? Lgi u suotan ng jacket ha? Ska anon a ngresearch k n b 2ngkol dun?” I
have no load to tell her that I already did last Monday night. I have
researched that unripe pineapple when eaten may cause the premature expulsion
of a fetus. Then, the decoction of the plant, bitter gourd (ampalaya),
especially the roots is also abortifacient. I also found out that ripe
pineapple and the gumamela bark
decoction are good emmenagogue (agents which induces menstraual flow), as well
as the infusion or decoction of sambong.
I got
mad when Jano says, “Makakalimutin na kasi ako!” Huh!? He indeed intended to
forget to buy cooking oil, not to mention rice and viand. He’s hoping and
relying so much to Mama.
February 21, 2008
Past 2
am, I was bothered by my toothache. Plus, Hanna was so malikot while she is sleeping. I have just fallen asleep again when
the couple and Flor were gone. It was 8:30 when I got up.
After
having coffee, I dishwashed. Then, I fed Hanna when she woke up. I also took
care of Courtney.
I
brought Hanna to sleep at past one. Thus, I had a chance to skim the
dictionary. I collected terms which would be useful to my writing endeavours.
Past
five, I did marketing in Veterans. Mama did the cooking.
I have
beaten Hanna because she’s turning the pages of Zildjian’s baby book very
roughly. It was 6:15. Minutes later, Mj texted me. She says, “Ei! Msta n Hanna q? Lgi u suotan ng jacket
ska medyas. Mis n mis q n c Hnna. Bka s Linggo sunduin q n sya. Mgalit k n pero
malngkot aq pg wla sya d2.” I will get mad indeed if she will.
I
controlled myself. I did not tell it to Mama, who’s so willing to support
Hanna’s needs. She’s the one, the only one, who could help us both financially
and emotionally. I, as her son, could say that she’s the sole person who is
inspiring me nowadays. She’s giving me an encouragement and hope to stand
still, despite of this crisis and confusion.
I am
clueless why Mj has to get back Hanna. If it would so, this is not the first
time. Haist! I was so tired understanding her. I don’t know why she couldn’t
sacrifice. We have so many problems to be done, yet she was just prioritizing
nonsense matters. I’m afraid of what will Mama’s reaction be. I am sure, she
will get mad.
February 22, 2008
They’re
so noisy at 4:30 am. I couldn’t sleep back. Thus, I researched in the lexicon.
Past 5, I slept again. I got up at past 8.
All day
I was almost researching. My cellphone started to cram with myriad of
information, especially vocabularies. I just hoped it would not explode.
Of
course, I was taking care of Hanna. I used to beat her somehow, but it’s
because she’s so naughty. Overall, I have given her my utmost love, care, and
attention. I took her a bath. I fed her. I brought her to sleep. I was just
disappointed by her meanness. She becomes noisy, defiant, and rebellious. She’s
retaliating verbally and physically every time we scold her. Was that the
outcome of her being with the Espinosas? However, I love her still. She’s sweet
sometimes, playful, and most of all, smart.
I get
mad every time I hear that the couple, especially Jano has got mat when he knew
that there’s no cooked rice yet. It was already past 9. Mama intended it so,
because she perceived that there’s going to eat before going home. Besides,
they left money merely for water.
It made
me sad. I was thinking or doubting if I will leave Hanna here. I knew Mama will
take care of her very closely, but I was looking at the dark side of living
here. The couple was being stingy.
Understand that having a baby, who’s reliable to formula milk, is very
tough, but they must understand, too, that taking care of their child is
tougher. Mama is so pitiful. She’s not-so-well-fed nanny.
February 23, 2008
I got up
at past 7. After breakfast, I mean, poor breakfast, I turned on the tv set. I
watched ‘Don Stewart’s Healing Show’. He’s a reverend, who is sending the
callers and texters with green prosperity hankie for free. I was amused to its
intent. There’s a reality in the testimonies of the healed and the recipients
of miracles, thus I get the numbers and the verse that supports his
doctrine—Acts 19:11-12.
We’re problemizing both our food and water.
Our viand was just sardines. Mama and I pity Hanna. She was here not to feel
this scarcity. Plus, water supply was so rare. They’re passing, but they’re not
supposed to sell us.
I was so
anxious and disappointed today. Living here in Bautista is a miserable
experience.
Before
six, I went to Bukal. I decided to take a bath there. I waited for the fetchers
to leave the premise. However, when I was about to undress, group of teenagers
come over. Geeh! I decided not to
take a bath. Thus, I filled the pail with water. I took a bath in our toilet,
instead.
When the
couple arrived, I have learned that they’re indeed in the midst of financial
crisis. I understand them. I just couldn’t tell them that what made them that
situation was Courtney’s milk. They preferred S-26 Gold rather than the cheaper
ones such as Bonna. Haist! It’s their
lives!
Hanna
and I occupied the couple’s room.
February 24, 2008
I was
awakened by Mama’s noises. She was preparing to leave. However, I tried to
sleep back. I got up when I thought there was a water supply truck nearby. Mama
left already. I didn’t see her.
While
Hanna was sleeping, I waited for the truck. It was an hour wait.
My
daughter got up at 8:30 am. I gave her a piece of bread and we went out to wait
for the water supply. That’s when Mj and Zildjian were dropped by my
parents-in-law, who were going to Boso-Boso.
I
immediately queried Mj if she would really take Hanna home today. It’s true,
indeed. But, it’s because Bernie and his mag-iina
were not in their home. Thus, I permitted her to take Hanna away from me for
ephemeral time. Besides, she was planning to work.
Mj and I
talked about her pregnancy. I showed her what I have researched. Later I gave
her an infusion of oregano. The book, ‘Building Vital Health’ says it’s good
for Amenorrhea, the absence of menstrual flow for one or more period. I should
have given her an abortifacient, but
the truth is there’s no ampalaya or
even damong Maria.
Past 10, I went to Veterans. I budgeted the P245 tightly. Jano did the
cooking.
Past 11,
I went downhill. I looked for abortifacient
agents like unripe pineapple and emmenagogue
agents like sambong. However, I haven’t
found one. I just have got star apples there, which were liked by my daughter.
We
talked about it again. She was threatening me. I must do something before it
turns one month. She also suggested the opening it to Mama. I did not say ‘No’
or ‘Yes’. I will come to think of it. She will help us, for sure, but I don’t
want nobody to know about it as long as I still can make a way to abort the
baby/fetus in herbal ways.
Zildjian’s
presence made me happy. He could now walk slowly. He’s also dancing and
clapping every time I sang ‘Sayaw Darling’. He’s so handsome and witty. I just
felt sad to know that Tito Jay is not texting or replying their text messages.
In short, there will be no grandeur birthday party on March 3, 2008, like what
had happened on July 16, 2006.
Hanna is
luckier than Zildjian.
Past
one-thirty, my mag-iina was fetched
by my in-laws. It did not make me sad. Their temporal presence was enough.
I took a
nap after they left. I was awakened at 2:45 pm, the time when I have read
Diyang’s message (sent at 2:15).
She
says, “Educ s useless f no carir. I
scondrli knw dat. Educ must b partnr by carir.”
That was the exact message. It has insulted me so much. Thus, I
immediately bought load and texted her. I sent this:
“Wat a high-falutin statement!?U mst say
dis: ‘Wats d use of ur lyf f ur both undereducated and careerless?! Gnaw and
chew every food u intake b4 u swallow it…”
She replied quickly, but it was out-of-the-wall. I knew she did not
understand my words especially the high-falutin.
“It’s
not hi, but fact,” she said.
“Where
in the world you get your words?” I asked her. I found her boba. She’s not good in English.
These
were the text messages I sent and replied:
1. I rli dnt wnt to engae n dis folderol, bt
bcoz ur implying smthing, I still did… Now
tel me wats ur problem… Y r u questning my career? R u affectd? Y dnt u fix ur own lyf?
2. Ha ha. Wer n d world u get ur words? Fiddlestick!
Well, I used to it. It thrills me.
It s nonsense, bt I hve to reply.
3. Is dis d way u txt? Pathetic. I haven’t
established my lyf yet bt Im nt contented of
having a diploma. Ur ryt, edctn s uselss bt ur more useless dan me… How old r u na ba?
4. S should I? (My answer from her text, “Hoy, baka npi2kon u n ha…”) Im actually furious! Wat u did and wat r u
doing r enuf to give me rage in my hart… U
cant mend it anymore.
5. Wers d reply? Itut ur well-learnd enuf. Ha ha. Ur
limited ‘pala’… U mst learn a lesson,
girl… Dnt evr dare to look at other’s flaws f ur more flawful dan him… Ponder b4 u utter any words… Ur lingo s a sword
dat mt kill u. It’s also an echo dat
bounce bck to u… Dnt u hve mirror n ur haws?
6. I ddnt knw wht I was stl txtng with u… Ol I knew s
dat I wnt to get u out in a madhouse!
Don’t fool me, imbecile rumormonger girl! I know ur d culprit in dat prank phone interview.
7. I cud say now dat ur an oaf. A ninny. A numskull
fathead! Ur exactly lyk ur charlatan,
gadfly mother, hu dsnt know d meaning of humility. Both of u r just living in braggadocio… My mom s
jst a grde school graduate bt I cud say that she is smarter dan u!
She quitted replying at that time. Then, she did again at 5:30 pm. She
said, “Dnt acuse me dat Im involve n dat
col cntr interview 2dat s Sun a holi day I swer 2 God!”
I replied, “Well, u cnt blame me.
ur capble of doing dat. Ur a gameplayer. Ur always questioning and measuring my
worth.”
She never replied Laughing out loud! She’s a loser, pathetic girl, who
tried to outwit me.
I have
typed a message for her, but it was unsent. It says, “Hey, b4 I quit dis baloney thing, I wnt u to know dat ‘I dnt wanna
see ur face in our premise! I dnt wnt 2 b plastc anymre. Ur presence mkes me
sick… Ur nt a gud kin… Ur a nix and nugatory one. U deserve nothing, bt my
obloquy. Pwe!”
Jefferson
texted me. He says, “Boring didi.” I seconded-the-motion, then I asked him if
he would go back home to polot this March. He said no. Hee would saty because
he doesn’t want to be a serf. The fact that being penniless made him ashamed to
show up in Polot. I told him my plan and my loss of appetite in working as
living here in the metro. Before we end it u, I have told him that I am looking
forward to jamming with him before I leave.
I cooked
our dinner. While doing so, I joined the videoking.
Before
ten, Jano stopped the videoking. I
slept at 10:45 after praying to God. I asked Him again to diminish the fetus in
Mj’s womb.
February 25, 2008
At six,
I was awakened by Courtney’s cry. It’s a good opportunity because I could see
the water supply water. Thus, I waited for it.
It was
so cold outside, yet I have been patient in waiting. However, it just put me to
dismay. The truck ran out of supply.
Then, I
swept the clutters in the yard. I also burnt it.
While
waiting for the water supply truck, I was browsing the Merriam-Webster’s. After
more than an hour, I prepared our lunch, which was ginataang langka.
I sent my name and address at the number flashed in the Green Prosperity
Handkerchief.” But, there was no confirmation.
I
pursued dictionary-browsing, while cooking and after lunch. And, past one, I
watched dvd. I finished ‘All the King’s Men’ till the end, despite of its
boring plot. It somehow gives me wisdom about politics and vocabulary.
Past
three, I was skimming the lexicon again. I was waiting Flor to wake up, so that
I could take over the bed. She did at past 4. I did forty winks. I got up at
past 5.
Minutes
later, mama arrived. She brought so many vegetables. She also has gift for
Zildjian, a shirt and shorts, and pansit
bihon. It gladdened me. We would have a contribution for his birthday.
February 26, 2008
Before six, I was already wide-awake. I decided to rise up early because
I have something to do. I reorganized my or our (my kids and I) stuffs. I put
them in one container. While doing it, Mama and I talked about going home to Bulan.
She, too, was decided to live in Bulan.
I
prepared excruciating messages for Diyang that will surely hurt her. Then, I
prepared our lunch. I pursued having critical messages after eating. Later, I
faced Zildjian’s scrapbook. I wanted to finish it before March 3. But, his
pictures on my mobile phone are not yet printed out. I also started making him
a birthday banner. I have just finished ‘Zildjian.’ ‘Happy 1st Birthday’ will be done
when I do have materials.
I spent
my whole day in enhancing my mind or gathering knowledge. Yet, I have been a
cook. I just stopped skimming the dictionary at 9 pm.
Before I
slept, I prayed to God. I asked Him again about our problem.
February 27, 2008
Early at
6, I got up. They’re so noisy. I couldn’t sleep. After breakfast, I took care
of Courtney while Mama was washing her clothes. I was also collecting words and
encoding them into my phone. Good thing, Baby Love has been supportive.
At 8:51
am, Mj sent this to me: “Ei, msta? C mj
2. Pulse alarm! Meron na me nung Monday p, kya lang sobra lakas, nahihilo n nga
me e, ubos na dugo q.” I immediately thanked Gd. He’s so kind. He listened
to my prayer. He used or touched the oregano to heal Mj’s amenorrhea. I was so
happy. I have overcome our greatest problem.
I wrote
and read almost all day. And, before I took a catnap, I personalized the photo
album of Hanna. I put captions on it. It turned our awesome.
Before I
started cooking, I re-started Zildjian’s birthday banner. The couple’s arrival
postponed my endeavor. I have to cleanse the fishes, as well as, to cook our
viand. I pursued it after cooking. I almost have done it.
I have
accomplished many things today. It’s maybe the result of the good news and
blessings I received this morning. God is indeed great!
Thanking
God was the last thing I did before plunging into subconscious. I praised Him
for the favour He gave me.
February 28, 2008
Again, I
rose up early… Taking care of Courtney came next. I simultaneously did nannying and learning. I also pursued
encoding and saving nuisance messages for Rodea.
I cooked
our lunch early, so that I could do more. After lunch, I let Mama fell asleep,
while I was taking care of Baby Love. When Mama woke up, I said, “Ako naman!” However, I didn’t pursue sleeping.
I instead worked Zildjian’s baby book.
Six,
while watching ‘American Idol’, I was lulling Courtney. She’s been tantrumic. God thing is I was
entertained by the show, I was viewing.
Mj
texted me. She’s asking if I have been in PCSO. I was touched by her
thoughtfulness, yet I anticipated for some tidings about Zildjian’s forthcoming
birthday. Sad thing, I couldn’t text her. I have no load.
February 29, 2008
Again,
for the third day, I woke up early. It was after the couple left. I was doing
it with gladness. It is my responsibility or, I should say, payment for the
gratitude of living with them.
While nannying or baby-sitting, I was
collecting vocabularies. This is the best way I could entertain myself, and at
the same time, I was learning. Thought of Zildjian’s upcoming birthday and its
uncertain celebration has been temporarily forgotten. However, when Mj texted,
worry filled my heart. She says, “Elow!Msta?
War plan u s bday ni Zj? Pnta b u? Ewan q nga kung my hnda e, bhla n.”
It
saddened me. It also irritated me. I wanted to reply. I just don’t have load. I
wanted to say, “Bkt p aq ppunta? Wla nman
plang hnda!” Haist! What’s happening to our lives?
I pity
Zildjian, but I couldn’t do a thing. I was also not blaming myself. There’s no
point of doing so. I indeed don’t have capacity to give him even a simple
party.
Hanna’s
first birthday celebration has been that grandeur because there were sponsors.
Tito Jay and Tito Nick sent us money. But now, no one did. Mj has tried to
contact them, but she received no reply.
I don’t
even feel anything mean towards them. I am the father. I should have been the
one, who endeavoured.
After dinner, I rewrote the
‘Pahilis’ draft. I drafted month ago. It somehow made me forget my
disappointment.
