My Journal --January 2008

January 1, 2008

The truth is I don't want to welcome the new year. Before 12, I was lying down, pretending to sleep. It was just Mj, who insisted to wake me up. I really don’t like because every time the world celebrates, I am mourning. That’s what how I always feel.

If not for the presence of my mag-iina, I wouldn’t get up. I just did not want Mj to feel the way I feel or I was feeling. Thus, I have to hide it from her.

I envied Jano. He’s so happy. He greeted his mag-iina and kissed them. He made noises. He did rituals. While me? I just blew Hanna’s torotot. I did not even put coins in my pocket. However, I did not miss the chance to greet my friends, through text messages.  In that way, I could feel joy. A simple joy is a joyful as being happy.

After our media noche, we entered the room. Minutes later, Tito Boy’s family came in. The only two, who didn’t come were Tito Boy and Kuya Bullet. Good thing is we’re inside and our kids were already sleeping. They’re so noisy. I couldn’t even close my eyes. When they left, we started to catch sleep.

I got up at eight. I immediately did cleaning, sweeping, and dishwashing, but I did a little of eating. I have still no appetite.

Taiwan and Yoshimi were the first to arrive. He has a gift for Hanna. Next, Chriz and his mag-ina came in. They’re not the most anticipated guests.

Auntie Vangie’s FX, driven by Paul C arrived at 3. Mama and Flor were with him, so as Tito Sam and family. Some of the gifts were also there. Taiwan, Jano, and I rumbled for jackets. It just saddened me. However, I accepted it later.

Minutes later, Auntie Vangie and her family arrived. Greetings or exchanges of greetings come next. Without further ado, she gave gifts. Zildjian has received, too. Hanna has received one dress. Mj, as well.

Then, I decided to stay inside the rom, when the noise and kaguluhan started. Besides, I could feel dizziness. I told Mama that I’m not feeling well, hoping I could hide myself from their conversation, I mean, from a possible conversation. I don’t also want to see Auntie Helen and Tito Ben, who’s drunk. However, Auntie Vangie peeked in the room. She talked to me about my sickness and last medication I did. Later, she gave me P500 for x-ray. She advised me to get well soon for my family’s sake. I thanked her.

Six, we left Bautista, But before that, Auntie Vangie gave P100 for Zj and Hanna. She also didn’t know that I was going to bring home my mag-iina. But, I told it to Mama.

In my in-laws’ house, we have confirmed that the get together, hosted by Ka Sonny was taken place at 12 noon till merienda. Good thing is my kids were not set aside. Ka Sonny gave them money, enough for cans of milk.

At past 9 PM, Mean Gloriane and I were texting. We talked about how we celebrated the new year. I told her that I mourned. She did the same way pala.

Later, Amy texted me. She has a new number, thus at first, I have to guess who she is. I thought she’s Marjs. After few text messages, I was out of load. Alas! I wanted to talk to her pa.

Before I forgot, Eor also texted at 10 AM. I have learned that he’s going back to Bulan on January 5, 2008.

January 2, 2008

                It was eight when I got up. I have had a good night sleep.

                Eleven, I was frying fish because Tatay wasn’t there. He was called for a mechanical work by Calove, so as Nanay, who was going to accompany Lola to a doctor.

                After lunch, I set myself. It was 12:30 PM when I left to Bayan. There, I went to Asher Imaging and Medical Diagnostic center. At one, I was already x-rayed. And, since the result would be issued at 4 PM, I bought first my kids’ milks and diapers. That time, it was their money. Their own income…

                Past one, I decided not to leave Bayan. Thus, I waited there. I settled in three different places before I got the result at 3:30.

                When I read the result, it doesn’t shock me anymore. I knew I have a weak right lung. I walked home sadly, thinking how I could overcome my sickness. I was starting to worry, where I was going to stay—in Bulan, in Bayan, or in Bautista. I was sure no one wants to adapt a sick person. This thought hurts me.

                I’m homeless. I’m jobless. I’m penniless. But, I’m not hopeless. I wanted to get well soon. I will fight against my pulmonary disease. I will kick this out.

                I was home at 4. Tired and gasping. I immediately lied down and announced to Mj, “Positive.” She read the result. That was when my tears fell. I hide it from her.

                Mj was stopping me to go, but she’s disappointed. Then, she asked when I will go back. I said, “Dalawin mo na lang ako sa QI.” She pinched me.

                I left Rancho at 5:30. I was home at past 6.

                Mama advised me to go to PCSO tomorrow, so that I could have medicines for free. That was I was planning to do, but I wasn’t sure if I could be entertained tomorrow. She confirmed it. So I will, morrow…

January 3, 2008

Four-thirty, my alarm clock woke me up. After more than 30 minutes of preparation, I left Bautista. And, after two hours of travel, I was already at PCSO.

Patients were numerous. In fact, I failed to write my name on the log book as first 100 patients. I was the 150^th. Later, waiting took place--- a very, very long waiting.

When I was called for the second time, it was when the doctor sees my x-ray result. Her words were unusual to a doctor. She asked, “Hindi ka nagpapa-checkup sa iba?” She also confirmed if I am a resident of Antipolo and asked me if it is just okay. Then she has pronounced “Sputum”. I knew what it is. And I have to make it. However, she instead came to a liver test. My liver must be checked first because of my drinking history and it might be the reason of my PTB and pleural effusion. Besides, she has to make sure that my liver is healthy, so that it will not affect the medication for my right lung.

It disappointed me. I thought and hoped I could have medicine today, but then even a single pill… nothing.

I was so devastated. Plus, Jano has irked me when I arrived at 5 PM. He’s annoying. He doesn’t understand what I feel. Thus, while eating I was crying.

I have told Mama before that I don’t want to pursue it anymore. “Mamatay, mamatay,” I said.

After eating, I lied down, then, I cried to the Lord, asking for the right way. I asked pardon for being weak. Later, Mj texted me. She asked me about my lakad. I

related all. She couldn’t react about it because she only sent me messages twice.

January 4, 2008

                Mama woke me up at 6. She borrowed P200 for her fare to PCSO. She was directed by Lola Alice. I slept again and got up at 8:30.

                Past nine, I was cooking langka jam.

                After lunch and after I have taken a bath, Flor and I gambled. We played tong-its till 4 PM. Then, I lied down, trying to sleep. We gambled again at 6:30 to 8:00.

                I was eating when Mama arrived. She has so many pasalubong. Lola Alice gave me P500 and fruits. Auntie Lanie gave me Taheebo capsules. I was so blessed, though I have an illness.

January 5, 2008

                I got up at past 7, then I ate pandesal. Later I cooked champorado. I ate again. However, I only ate few. I still have no good appetite.

                Mama got my dirty clothes and washed them. Thus, I took over the cooking. I cooked afritada for lunch.

                Flor and I gambled again. I have had load because of my winnings.

                Before 12, Leonisa and I were texting. I told her about my living. She gave me words of encouragement.

                Six-thirty-three, Mj sent this to me: “Ei! Msta n u? Nga pla, ngsbi n me ky Tta Lo. Mybe nxtwk dw. Ok p kya ung job?” I replied, “Ok p un! My dgdg n optnty nga. Nghhanp dw cTita Merlyn g yaya ng anak niang Canadian. Issama s Cnda. Sbi q ky Mama, kaw n lng. Db gusto u caregiver?” This is the most wonderful reply she ever made. “Ok lng skn. Ms mganda ngga cguro kung sa Cnada n lng. Wat do u thnk? Desiddo n aq pra stin.”

                At last, she’s now decided. I think my sickness helps.

                She greeted me in advance. I also greeted her happy 4^th year anniversary. And, I advised her to get passport as soon as possible and to study how to speak English or should I say, practice. I know she knows how.

                Before I sleep, Amy and I exchanged text messages. I have learned that she’s not living permanently in Bulan. I also told her about my sickness.

January 6, 2008

                I got up at past 7, took in breakfast and took a nap inside. I went out after Jano and his mag-ina left to church. I watched tv. It was 9:30 am. I tuned in to channel 4, wherein Rev. Ernest Angley’s miracle crusade in South America was the show. I wholeheartedly watched it. In fact, I followed on his prayer and later did my own. I took away my grudges. I asked for forgiveness. I confessed. I thanked Him. I was crying. Then, when Rev. Angley was doing a healing, I touched my lung. He asked, “Do you have Jesus in your heart?” Yes, I said. HE then took away my illness. I cried in joy.

                Past 4, Mj greeted me this way: “Hapi 4^th anniversary! I wish n sna ms 2mgal p tyo. A hundred yrs! I love you!” I just replied, “Same 2 u.” I knew we could. She must do a sacrifice to make it possible.

                Before 5:30, I have learned straight from Myles that Sharon gave birth to a beautiful baby girl today. I asked excitedly when will be the christening. She’s not sure.

                We sleep early at 9 pm.

January 7, 2008

                I got up at 8:30 am. Then, I immediately took in breakfast. Later, I have got nothing to do. I wanted to go to Rancho, but Mama resisted me. Thus, I instead read a booklet about prayer. I have learned many things about prayer. According to the author, “Prayer is the simplest cry, yet it also can be the most exacting spiritual discipline.”

                Afternoon, I was so bored. I craved to go to Bulan. I was anxious for Mj’s pag-aabroad. I wanted to have our own house, where I could move freely and do my hobbies and likes. Thus, I found myself imagining a simple house in Polot, where I was making a wonderful surrounding. I also have seen myself serving the Lord and raising my children very well.

                If Mj’s pag-aabroad was realized I’m planning to rebuild our house in Plot. Then, I will open a sari-sari store and a snack bar. I will also put videoke bar, wherein I will ban liquors. I will only offer punches, shakes, and softdrinks.

At the back yard, I will put itikery. I love ducks (itik) since ten. So, I will have a source of eggs.

                At the front yard, I will make an orchidarium, garden, and bonsai area. Mama will be my gardener. She will love to do it.

                While doing all of these, I am going to take care of my children. I want to be a hands-on father with them.

                In this regards, I promised God that Mj will be the last woman in my life. I will have a happier life if she will be mine forever.

                I cooked our viand at six.

January 8, 2008

                I got up and took in breakfast before 9 am. Then, I washed Baby Love’s bottles. Later I took a bath. Ten-thirty, I left to my parents-in-law’s house.

                Mj and I had no chance to talk since she’s very busy in our kids. It was 5:30 pm when we did. We talked about her pag-aabroad. I told her that she must furnish a passport as soon as possible. I also opened up to her my plan of going to Bulan.

                We have had a lot of talks, but it ended up in giving her money for Hanna’s milk. I pity my daughter so much. I couldn’t accept the fact that she has no milk. That was the reason of my presence.

                I was so annoyed because Michael was using my cellphone. It was 10:45 pm when he returned it. Alas! I could never reply to those who texted me such as Epr, Myles, and Meann.

January 9, 2008

                Four-thirty when I got up. I woke Mj up, too. I then immediately washed my face. Later I was sipping a hot coffee. I knew it was bawal to me or to someone who’s about to undergo blood test. Thus, I gave my coffee to Mj after three sips.

                I left to PCSO at 4:45. I arrived there before six. Later I was waiting. I waited more than one and a half hour.

                I was very nervous and scared of looking how the syringe thrusts in every skin. The needle being used is thick. The blood needed is 20 ml. or more. I was shaking. However, when it was my turn, I tried to calm down. It was my first time. And, I have a fear of injection and syringe. But, I could bear the iota pain. Then, I found out that taking out of the needle is more painful than thrusting it in. Though, the pain is as painful as ant bite.

                Before eight, I left PCSO. I then ate at a carinderia before riding a jeepney to Cubao.

                I was in a jeep (Cubao-Cogeo) when I texted Epr. He replied late. Later we’re exchanging text messages. I have learned that he’s still in Sucat and he’s not going home to Bulan this January. He’s applying for a job. Then, he asked me what makes me busy. So, I told him about my lung problem. I confided everything. I think he pitied me. He also was shocked how I got it. Later I was advising him to quit drinking liquor and smoking. I also kid him that when I become okay, we’ll drink again.

                Our texting continued even when I was home at 9:30. He just bade goodbye when he has something to do. I thanked him for the time he spent with me.

                We texted again at the evening, but that time I gave him a textmate. I gave him Arlyn’s number. But, I told him to act as a rich and handsome guy, since latter is requesting for a Piolo Pascaul-look-a-like and a millionaire one. Later, I gave Arlyn his number.

                Funny thing is Epr did not like what he’s doing. He found out Arlyn, dull and boring.

                I also texted Amy. She wanted to go to Bulan on holy week. I said yes if she would contact Frenel. I told her that I want to reunite with the two of them.

                Past eleven, I was still wide awake. I did not know why I could not sleep. I have already talked to God. I have thanked Him for the success of my blood test. I thanked Him for the opportunity to be healed. I also asked Him to heal Lola (Mj’s grandmother). I have then wished for a success of my lakad tomorrow. I hoped I could have medicines and vitamins. I also asked Him for help especially for Mj and my children. I asked pardon, too, for being nothing to them.

January 10, 2008

                Before my alarm clock rang, Taiwan woke me up. I did, immediately. I knew I have just fallen asleep. Yet, I still went on. I washed my head, hands, face, and feet. It was very cold yet I still did.

                I was waiting for a jeep to ride when my alarm rang. It was 4 already.

                Past 5, I was already in PCSO. I immediately logged in my name on the 64^th slot. Wew! I was already late.

                Next thing happened… waiting.

                It was a very long wait. It was nine when I was called… to wait. That’s also the time I claimed the blood test result. I analysed it if is positive or not. The test seemed positive, but I did not think of it much. I indeed waited for my turn.  

                The doctor who entertained my last visit was absent, so I was assigned to another physician, who’s more intelligent and accommodating. She said, “Dapat isinabay na ang sputum.” The bobang doktora did not make a request for it though she spoke about it. Thus, I was told to have a sputum AFB smear for 3 days in any clinic in Antipolo City. So, it means, I have to pay for it with my own money. I understand her. I knew I would spend the same amount if she would refer me to have it at PCSO, because I would have to go back and forth for 3 days.

                The doctor, who accommodated me, spent a lot of time for me. She pitied me, I knew. She made sure I would have medicines today. So, she made a prescription for my vitamin b complex (20) and an endorsement. She assured me, too, that I would pass my sputum nest week because I would be enrolled to the so-called PTB program this day or that time.

                I went to a nurse station and waited for a while. Presto! I was enrolled. I signed a contract first, promising that I have to:

                *report on the day and time they set,

                *bring all the empty foils of my medicines,

                *ring the index card, they provide, in order to know the ‘follow-up’ medicines,

                *submit urine, if necessary,

                *and call on (02) 781-4079, if I could not come on the set date.

I also promised that I am willing to drop out the program if I fail to follow their simple rules or if I disobey them for two times.

It was very easy. I just did not know if I always have money for fare. So help me God.

They prescribed me for 3 tablets once a day, 3o minutes before breakfast medication of Rifampicin (Fixcom4). It was good for 14 days or two weeks. I would be back on January 24.

Quarter to eleven, I was already outside the PCS premise. I was very glad for I have had medicines and vitamins. My lakad has paid off. My chance to be totally healed increased.

I was doing it patiently for my kids and for my family, as well as, for my friends.

Past twelve when I got home. Jano was there. He said “Anong balita? Ang saya mo ngayon, a. Last time, bad trip ka. Sabi ko sa ’yo, tiyaga lang, e.” I said, “Dapat walang gamot.” I mean, I would be happier if I would not have to take medicines. I would love to be free from sickness.

I ate my lunch immediately. Later, I took a nap till 4 pm. Then, in the room I pondered. How did I get the job? Why me? Later, I was convinced that it’s God’s will. I was convinced that it’s the fruit of my mundane living when I was not yet a father.

Past five, I visited my stuffs. I wanted to do something or to fight against boredom. So I did. It somehow alleviated what bad vibes I was feeling.

Then at six, I decided to pursue writing. It is the only best way of diversion. Tuberculosis is a serious thing. It will bore and frustrate me or stress me. So, to divert my attention, I have to busy myself writing. It will somehow help me forget that I am sick and I’m useless to my family, to my kids.

Thus, at seven, I started writing. I pursued the ‘Pahilis’. I did it till nine.

Before I sleep, I thanked God for this lesson. I just hoped for help, support, and

guidance for me and for Mj. I pity her. She would bear all the responsibilities I abandoned temporarily. How could she provide our kids’ needs, since she’s jobless, too? I asked God about it. I also apologized for all of my shortcomings.

January 11, 2008

                Before seven-thirty, I was forced to get up. I have to take Rifampicin for the very first time. I took in 3 tablets in a row. I almost choke. The tablets are huge. Then, I set the alarm clock. Eight am, I have to eat breakfast. But, we have nothing. So, I asked Mama. Later, I gave her money. She bought noodles. 

                Ten minutes before eight, I was just boiling water, when I could feel terrible stomach ache. It was the effect of 3 tablets. Later, I was gasping. I could not breathe.

                Stomach ache and gasping were gone after I have taken my breakfast. Wew! Terrible effect.

                I pursued writing.

                Ten, Auntie Vangie sent me an inspiring quote. I replied, sending her inspirational message. After 15 minutes, she sent this: “Poroy nkapagpa xray n b u? Ano findings?” This was my reply: “Opo. Tb n po, pblikblik n rn aq s PCSO. Nbgyan n aq ng Rifampicin. Ksama n po aq sa PTB program na. Evry 2^nd wik po ang blik q dun.” Later, these are our conversations through text:

                Auntie: “Tama pla kutob q kya pla pumayat u… kung ganun hnd u dpat masyado nagaalaga ng mga bat… Alam u n cguro..Kya ckapin u n wag mkpalya sa pag-inom ng gamot pra mblis recovery u ha?”

                Me: “Opo. Wla n po aq dun sa mga anak q. Hnd q n nga po cla knkiss. Mtgal n. Alam q rn po kc n my tb aq. Bgo pa aq nkpasok dun sa Psig my nrrmdman n aq. Dnya q nga lng po ang xray. Ayun, lumala…”

                Auntie: “Ay, ikaw ha nanaya pla u. Bad un, ah. E, nsaan u ngaun kng wla pla u s mga bata?”

                Me: “D2 po aq kna Mama. S kgsthan q po kc na makaiwas ky A.Helen… Grbe gnawa nya skn bgo aq umalis s Bodino. Kung 2tuusin, cla ang dhilan ng lhat ng i2.”

                Auntie: “Ano kmo c Ate Helen bkit ano gnwa nya sau n hnd q alam? Bkit nsbi u n sya ang may kasalanan?”

                Me: “Mhabang storya po. Pero bgyan q po kau ng idea. Plit nla po aq cncra. Ngttahi cla ng story. Mnliit nla ang edkasyon q. Useless dw. Ayaw nla aq jan sa Bodino.”

                Auntie didn’t reply. I knew she pondered what she has learned. I hoped she would not be biased.

                Mj texted, too, after a minute. I have uttered a prayer, “Lord, sana mag-text po si Mj.” She said, “Ei msta n u? Wat result s chck up u? Nga pla s Monday dw me bgyan ni Tta Lo.” I told her that I indeed have TB. I also added the test I have to go through. She didn’t reply back. It was okay because that time I was shivering. It was after I tried to pare the squash all the way from refrigerator.

                It was terrible. It was my first time to experience that kind of chill. Thus, I called out Mama, “Mainit na tubig.” Later, she was wiping my face, hands, arms, feet, and talampakan with hot compress.

                After one hour, it was gone. Then, I took in my lunch.

                In the middle of my shaking, I was also texting to Epr. I told him confidently that I have TB. Later, I bade adieu telling him that I was crying because of that tremendous occurrence in my life.

                Mj didn’t know what had happened to me.

                Past nine, I went out the room and watched TV till 4 PM. I was already fine and well.

                Eight, Mj texted me, saying “Elow. Kelan u pnta? D2 kmi sleep kna Tta Lo bkas p kmi uwi wla cla, e.”

               

January 12, 2008

                I got up before 7:30 AM.

                Mama was so afraid that I might experience shaking again. Thus, she advised me to drink Milo first before taking medicine. So, I did. Good thing is I never experienced stomach ache and gasping.          

                While waiting for a reaction of 3 tablets I took in, which has 2700 mg in all, Flor and I gambled. Until we end our gamble at 12 noon, nothing happened to me. Shaking did not come back.

                After lunch, I took a nap.

                Three to six, I was watching TV. I liked the movie ‘Tatak ng Tondo’ starred by Erap and FPJ. It was an example of a friendship movie. I remember my friend, Epr, who later texted me. Sad thing, I could not reply because I have no load.

                Before I sleep, I thanked God for he helped me take the reactions of the drugs, I was taking in.

               

January 13, 2008

                I got up before seven. Then, I prepared for my medication.

                After I have taken Fixcom 4, I started to sunbath. I have read in a book that the sunlight is helpful for a TB patient. Besides, I was told by Mama to do so.

                I was writing at 9:30. I started later the rewriting of the ‘Pahilis’ chapter I have written two days ago. Before eleven-thirty, I have done rewriting,

                Jano and Gie have guests. Thus, I have to stay at the room. I just came out when I have to eat lunch. Later Flor and I gambled, till past five.

                Later, I spent my time watching. It was after I prepared my things. I was leaving tomorrow.

                Before ten o’clock, I think I was already sleeping.

January 14, 2008

                Past 6:30 AM, I was already awake. I couldn’t sleep again because of devastating mosquitoes. Instead, I got up and took in my Fixcom 4.

                It’s named Fixcom 4 because it composes of 4 formulas such as rifampicin, Isoniazid, Pyrazinamide, and Ethamvutol. It has also four distinguishing measurements such as 150 mg., 75 mg., 400 mg., and 275 mg., Fixcom 4 has a total milligrams of 900. Therefore, my intake every after breakfast is 2700 mg. The dosage is so high.

                I left Bautista at 8:00. I arrived at my parents’-in-law’s house at 8:30. Nine, I went to Bayan and looked for the Barangay Health Center. I have seen it immediately. thus, I inquired about my request for sputum AFB Smear. The clerk told me to look for San Jose Barangay Clinic and ask for their instruction. I would be back if I already have phlegm. So, I looked for the clinic at Sto. Niño and Carigma Street. However, there’s no such thing as Brgy. San Jose Center or Clinic. I already asked, looked around, and walked around the streets. I instead went home. I was decided not to undergo sputum test. Besides, I have no phlegm. I was not coughing hard.

                So tired, I was when I arrived. I was gasping. It’s because I walked.

                I have learned that Mj was only given P1000 by Tita Lo. Kids were already milkless.

                She texted Tito Jun. She asked for financial assistance. Without much time spent, she was promised for an aide. He says, “Within d wik.”

                Later, we talked about her pag-a-abroad.

                I also texted Ate Queenie and Ate Ningning, telling them that Mj has already a passport. I asked the latter how to send it. Both did not reply.

                I took a nap at 2 pm.

                At 3:30, Mj talked about her passport. We agreed upon that I will accompany her on DFA. She has a flyer on how to get a passport, but she doesn’t know how to get there. So do I. However, I have to do it to ensure her safety.

                Past four, I left Rancho. I was home at past 5. I slept early at past 9.

January 15, 2008

                I took in my medicines at 7:30 AM. Later, Ate Queenie texted me, telling me that Ate Ningning will be back, but this time she will be working in Canada. I replied. Later, I was regarding Delon’s paglalawod and her teaching. Then, I confided to her about my tuberculosis. Our conversation ended up in talking about God, His words, and His kindness. Finally, she says, “Press on, Bro. looking unto Jesus d finisher and author of our faith. I’m very hapi 4 u. Nkamoved on krin spiritually sa wakas dats vry imprtnt. Bksyon u d2 pg uwi ni Kkay, sbay ka.”I told her that I was not sure because I was just relying on PCSO’s help. I was medicating. She told me that Kuya Tantan will be the one to pitch Ate Ningning in the airport. I wanted to come with them, so I suggested that Kuya Tantan visit here first.

                At first, I was worrying for Mj. Who’s going to help her to find job in Dubai? However, I realized later that Ate Ningning still has the capability to do so, though she’s going home or she’s planning to work in Canada.

January 16, 2008

                From the sofa, I changed higaan on the mat. From the banig, I went inside the room. I got up at past 8:00. I then took in medicines at 8:30 AM.

                Past 9:30, I went to veterans and did marketing of our viands.

                Before and after lunch, I was doing Hanna Margaret’s scrapbook. Yesterday, I did Zildjian’s.

                Past 2, I took a nap.

                Three, I cut my own hair.

                Four, I was watching ‘Moms’ on QTV Channel 11 because Ate Eireen was one of the guests. The show has a topic of “Cyber Business, Real Money.” I’ve learned that she was selling antiques for almost 7 years. She’s a great businesswoman and a good guest, indeed.

                Past five, I was doing ‘scrapbooking.’

                Mj texted, telling me that Tito Jun did not give her yet. She also told me to bring her black coat, she will use in her passport ID.

                I have no load. I couldn’t reply. In fact, I got mad when Myles texted me asking for load.

January 17, 2008

                I totally got up at 8 AM. My body wanted to stay on higaan, but I have to take medicine. Thus, I pushed my body to do so.

                Eight-forty-five when I have taken breakfast. But, before that I took in first ‘Daily Bread’. I was reading Tagalog version of it, since I started taking in Fixcom 4. Alas! I don’t have English version.

                Nine-thirty, I pursued writing ‘Pahilis.’

                Eleven, I computed Gie’s maternity pay.

                Next thing happened… boredom. I did not know what to do. My last resort was to lie down.

                Five, Taiwan opened up a job opportunity for Mj. According to Jenny, her father has a friend, who’s hiring for sales ladies. She wanted a companion, so she’s inviting Mj. It was an urgent search. Alas! Mj has no passport yet.

                I couldn’t sleep at 10, because of Courtney Love. Her parents were not yet around. She’s taking care of by Mama. Haist! They arrived at 1 AM.

January 18, 2008

                I have taken my medicines 8:42 AM. Thus, I have eaten breakfast at 9:12 AM.

                The weather is not that fine. It’s so cold. However, I pushed myself to take a bath. It would somehow help me. It would somehow heal me.

                While watching TV, a text message from unknown texter was sent to me. I replied and asked his name. The next thing happened, I was inclined to reply.

                He’s a discreet gay, according to him. He’s looking for a textmate. I said, “I’m sori. I want a female textmate.” He made a bargain. He really wanted me to be a friend. Thus, I said, “Ok.” Later, I was telling him my name, residence, and age. But, I warned him to be honest. He made a confirmation that he’s telling no lies.

                Past two-thirty when we stopped texting. He has to sleep. But, I have learned a lot from him. He’s a call center agent at HSBC, Alabang site. He’s a resident of Alabang, 24 years of age. In return, he has learned, too, from me. I related to him about my sickness, my family, and writing prowess. He’s indeed interested to me. Good thing about him is that he’s giving me words of encouragement.

                I took a nap at 4:30 PM. Past five-thirty. Mico San Gabriel, my new tetxmate texted me again. He’s asking me to send a picture of mine through MMS. He has actually pasaloaded me. Bad thing is I don’t have a GPRS. I couldn’t send a multimedia message.

                Mico told me that he will treasure me as a closest friend. Wow! I couldn’t believe it. I hope this is not a fraud. I hope no one is fooling me.

                I texted Epr and asked him if he’s the one texting me. He confirmed that he’s not.

                I run out of load. Alas! I wanted to converse with my new pal for long.

                Courtney Love has disturbed our sleeps.

January 19, 2008

                Past seven when I got up. It was also the time when Mama was reprimanding Flor. I pity Mama. She’s so occupied. She hasn’t even taken her breakfast, yet.   

                After breakfast at past nine, I went to Veterans. I did marketing there. I was cooking at ten.

                Later, Mico and I were texting. His interest to me was obvious. Yet, I was confiding to him still as if I knew him very well.

                Quarter to twelve, I received a text message from Mj. She related good news. She says, “Elow! Msta? Ung cheque ang pnhram skn n T2 Jun, kya lng d p nfollow up ni Me-ann s cty hall. Bka s Mnday p. Kay Sis q n lng ipalkad 1,300 my application n d2.” I replied with happy words. I also told her about Jenny’s invitation and my possible sojourn to Bulan.

                Almost the whole day, I was texting. My new textmate is so patient texting me. In fact, he told me that I have a sense. He enjoys conversing with me. So do I. Besides from I could practice my English vocabulary, I could also learn from him especially in call center world. I was asking him one by one about the work.

                I have learned all the way from him that foreign callers were sometimes shouting and cursing him. I was partly shocked by this truth. Thus, I told him that I would never ever dare to apply again in a call center.

                We’re texting till past ten. He’s doing it while working. I just asked pardon from him that I was so sleepy. However, sleepiness was so hard to catch. I spent time thinking, reminiscing, and pondering.

January 20, 2008

                I rose up forcefully at 8 because I have to take medicine. After taking, I started to read broadsheet. I indulged myself in reading until 8:45 AM. I almost forgot to eat breakfast due to the interesting articles and columns on the newspaper.

                After taking a bath, I replied Auntie Vangie’s text message. I also sent her an inspiring quote. Later, I was telling her that I am ore stronger than before and I have learned already my lesson. I thanked her as well at the end of our conversation.      

                Past 3, I and Mico conversed again. It was when he started to confide about his life and his gender. At the end of our texting, he strongly told me that he wanted me to be his first sex experience. Wew!

                Bilog arrived at past 4. Later, he told me good news. According to him, I have something to be claimed at Eastland. It was my 13^th month pay. Mam Lea of HRD inquired about it at the accounting department.

                I was so glad to know that I have P1000 to be claimed. I immediately thought of buying kids’ milks, especially Hanna. I wanted to buy her a can of Lactum 1+.

                Again, we texted till 11 PM. We have had a nice conversation. We tackled almost all topics about me, including personal matters. I have found out that we have experienced similar traumatic experience.

January 21, 2008

                I have lack of sleep. However, I still got up early at 7. It was when I have read Mj’s text. She announced that Michelle have given birth to a baby boy. I replied, “Ows?” Yehey, may makakasuntukan na si Zildjian!” I was so glad to know that because I don’t want Zildjian to be gay. If he would have no boy playmate, there’s a tendency.

                I left Bautista at nine.

                In my parents-in-law’s house, I enjoyed seeing my kids. I took care of Zildjian, too. Hanna missed me so much. I missed them, too, so much. I fed them.

                Quarter to one when I left to Pasig. It was raining.

                I was so annoyed when I rode on a wrong jeepney. I was gone astray. Thus, I arrived late at Eastland. It was already 2:45 PM when I got there.

                Next thing happened, waiting for so long.

                Almost four when I was called. My waiting was paid off when I received my 13^th month pay of P941 plus ATM reimbursement (P150). I thanked God. I was so happy.

                I dropped by at Ever Gotesco. I saw there Gie and Bilog. However, I left them immediately.

                Ever Department doesn’t have a complete variety of milk. Thus, I have to go to Bayan. There, I shopped at Super Palengke. I was at my in-laws’ house at 5:30 PM. After 10 minutes, I left to Gate 2. I bought first eggs and hotdogs.

                I was home at 6:30. Later I handed down P100 to Mama. She needs pocket money because whenever she likes leaving home, she could leave.

                Later, I was texting my new pal. I was telling him my written story, Alter Ego through text. He found it nice. He complimented me as a pro writer. Bad thing, I run out of load. Thus, we have to stop it there.

                I slept at past 10. I have fallen asleep easily because I drank milk and vitamin.

January 22, 2008

                I got up at past seven. I have taken my breakfast at past 8. Later, I was texting to Mico. I pursued storytelling. However, I stopped at the climax. I wanted him to have time thinking how my story runs. Then, we pursue texting. We talked about living solo. He told me that he wanted to experience it.

                We texted the whole day. Mind you, we have almost tacked everything—from frustrations to dreams, from fears to friendships. He’s now more vocal to me, in terms of his feelings. He couldn’t wait to see me in person.

                I have opened up to him about upcoming birthday of Zildjian. I told him that I’m problematic right now because of this. I did not expect for his sponsorship, but I invited him in advance later, he asked what gift he will give to my son. I said, “Whatever. I’m appreciative naman.”

                Before dinner, I rewrite two chapters of ‘Pahilis.’

                After dinner, our text conversation continues. We talked about ideals. We shared our dream houses. I have learned that he wanted to buy a condo unit in Alabang and his dream house is similar to mine.

                Later, we went intimate. I began to relate the stories happened between me and a friend. It gave him interest, so he asked fervently, I replied truthfully. Next thing happened is he’s telling me his heart. I couldn’t believe it.

                The load he sent to me was used already. Alas! Our conversation was not yet finished.

                The thought of him made me sleepless. He really wanted me. Thus, I was thinking to end up his craziness.

January 23, 2008

                I was so lazy to get up. If only I would not take medicine, I would not rise up. But, I did at past 8. And, after taking it, I lie down again.

                My new pal is very sweet. He always reminds me to eat well, every meal.

                He also sent a text message. He wondered why I quit texting him last night. Later, from waking up to his going back to Manila and from arriving to Manila to leaving to his workplace, he detailed them all to me.

                All day, my body seemed so hard. I was feeling coldness, which makes me stay in the blanket. I was also feeling nausea and vomiting. In fact, idea of not reporting to PCSO tomorrow comes into my idea. Yet, I prepared my clothes at 5:30 PM. I know I am healed. So what will be the use of the medicines, PCSO will give me. It might harm me, instead.

                I tried to catch sleep early. Unfortunately, it was so noisy. I couldn’t sleep.

January 24, 2008

                Exactly 4 AM when I got up… so as Taiwan. I immediately prepared myself in leaving to PCSO. I didn’t take a bath. I just drank coffee and changed clothes. Presto! I rode a jeep at 4:20 AM.

                Five: forty-five, I was already in PCSO. Without further ado I logged in my name. I made it to the 36^th. Not that late! After this, I took medicines. I just waited for 30 minutes before I dined in a canteen nearby. I just ordered rice-and-sunny-side-up.

                Then, I texted Mico. I told him that I went through a neurological diagnosis yesterday and I was diagnosed with a newly-discovered disease, which has no cure yet and I said that I was closing friendship already because he’s the reason why I got that disease. He replied. His message has a sadness and wonderings on it. I completed my text. I have Micosangabrieliasis. He laughed and answered that he also has Froilaphobia.

Later, he told me that he’s falling for me. Wew! I answered him, “I’m afraid for its consequences.” It made him sad. Yet, I have given him a consolation. At least, we could still be friends.

                After a very long wait, I was called and given medicines at 10:40 AM. Then, I left PCSO immediately.

                In Cubao, I went to Gateway Mall. It was my first time there. I was there because Taiwan directed me to exchange his overheated Nokia battery. Unfortunately, I failed to see the Nokia Care Center. Thus, I mall-hopped. I went to Ali Mall. I immediately asked for number. Then I waited. We! It was a 30-minute waiting. But, it turned out useless. Nokia didn’t exchange Taiwan’s battery with a good one.

                I was so hungry, it was already twelve. Thus, before I ride a jeep to gate 2. I dined in at MC Do. Wew! One piece chicken, one cup of rice, and Coke for P65. How about the Mc Money I used. I was fooled. But, it’s okay. My hunger was satisfied.  

                I was home at two. We’re (Mico and I) texting already at that time. We shared two bad experiences to each other. He was used by his brother. While me, I have been a sex slave by my cousin.

                We’re texting till past five. But, before we end it up, we have agreed to meet on February 10. He gave me a chance to choose between beach and Tagaytay. I opted beach for many reasons. We will be in Batangas for this. I was so excited.

                But, before that, Mj texted me. She was expecting for my presence. That was my promise to her. I told her because I was already tired, which is true. Then, I advised her to prepare the kid’s clothes for Glyriens’ first birthday. We’re invited by Gie and Jano.

                Taiwan did not come home tonight. Alas! I could have seen Mico, since I was asking for his picture that he will supposedly send through MMS in Taiwan’s number, since I can’t receive MMS.

January 25, 2008

                I got up at 8. And, I took in medicines immediately.

                Right after Gie left, I played a DVD. I watched ‘Slither’. Terrifying, yucky horror film! After watching, I sent messages to Mico, telling him few of my anecdotes and stories. He replied at the lunch time.

                Mj texted me, saying that they might be here on Sunday. Alas! I couldn’t reply. But, I knew she understands it.

                I requested load from Mico. He gave me P5. I then told him that I have no money yet because of my lakad yesterday. Thus, his worry ends. He knew now that every time I couldn’t text or reply him, it means I’m loadless.

                While I’m on my higaan (We don’t have bed kasi.), I remember Myles. She’s not texting me for the past few days. However, I did not miss it, maybe because of Mico. But, one thing I’m sure of it’s because I don’t feel texting with her anymore. In the evening, she texted me, “Eow!”

January 26, 2008

                I have taken breakfast at 9:30 AM because I woke up at 9. Afterward, I dishwashed. I have to overtake kitchen works because Mama left to Sauyo at 7 AM this morning.

                Having no load bores me. I couldn’t reply to Myle’s messages. I couldn’t even text Mico. Wew! It’s killing me. Instead I typed and saved my stories in my cellphone. Those stories ranged from my first year in college until I graduated. I featured there my happiness, hardships, kalokohan, and nastiness during my college days. I’m going to send those to Mico. I’m sure he will like them.

                I cooked our dinner but, before that, Flor Rhina has irked me. She’s so obnoxious. Irritating! She would make you really mad.

                Myles was missing me. She’s texting me “Eow!” and  “Gud eve” repeatedly. Alas! I was not able to text her.

                Before setting myself to sleep, I joined the couple in DVD watching. We watched ‘The Ring’. I liked it.

January 27, 2008

                I was on the higaan when my wife and my kids arrived. It was minutes before nine, while waiting for the alarm to beep (It would signal me to eat breakfast). I missed my children so much. Thus, I kissed them tenderly.

                Jano directed me to cook breakfast. Immediately, I did it. It was fried rice-hotdog.

                Time passed by so quickly. It’s lunch time again. I was the one who cooked our lunch. Later, we watched ‘Seed of Chucky.’ Hanna’s so scared of it. I pity her. Then, I embraced her and tackled to her that they were just dolls.

                I gave Mj P200, while the 2^nd DVD movie was being played. It was the least I could do as a father, so far. Good God is keeping me financially wealthy for month.

                Past two, my parents-in-law arrived. They fetched my mag-iina. I haven’t had a chance to kiss Zildjian goodbye. He’s sleeping. But, I did with Hanna. In fact, she’s happily waving adieu pa.

                Their presences and visit today made me happy. It would leave joy in my heart till I close my eyes tonight or till I wake up tomorrow morning. I’ve always been satiable with their short presences. Being with them for few hours is like being with them for a week. We’ll going to see each other again on February 2, 2008, on Glyrien’s first birthday party. Gie confirmed the invitation.

                Jano was the one who cooked our viand.

                We watched horror movies, ‘Ghost Ship’ and ‘The Ring 2’. I finished the latter till past 10:30 PM.

January 28, 2008

                I got up at 8. I immediately boiled cassava for my breakfast. Then, while cooking it, I took care of Courtney Love. Gie was taking a bath. They’re going to Pasig.

                Mico gave me load. So, I sent him my written or saved messages, which are my stories. Now, he could understand me na.

                Then, at one, I was texting Epr. I told him about Mico, which shocked him. Then, he related me about his textmate.

                Flor wanted to tell something about Gie and Jano’s comments to me. But, I did not let her. I explained that I was now more immune to the bad impressions. I will not let nobody to ruin my good mind and thinking. However, it made me think. I was still wondering what they said about me.

                Before 2:30 PM, Diyang came in, without knocking. I was so startled. Thus, I was forced to entertain her. She talked about PCSO. She also asked for cellphone number. Good thing, she left after few minutes.

                I was texting the whole day. My thumb was numb already. But, I didn’t want to stop. Later, Mico recommended me to his friend, Jello, who is working there as property consultant. The latter conversed with me. He gave me pointers in an interview. He told me that I have to go there as soon as possible or by tomorrow. “What?” I asked. I did not let him to tell to his boss to make an appointment for me. I was scared of my looks. I might not be hired. I told Jello that I would research first about real estate. Then I will text him.

                Diyang and I were texting, too. Latter I asked her why she’s admiring most the call center agents like Yoyi and Carina to the point that she’s calling it a success. I explained and disagreed that working in a call center is not a basis of success I also said, “Success of Juan would not be the success of Pedro because success is not standard. Even in junk shopping, there’s a success.” She did not reply about it. She’s afraid, maybe.

                She came back here and showed her cellphone, that according to heris malfunctioning. Then I showed her the text message of Mico. She wowed. Then the text messages of Jello. She did not talk to me. She conversed with Flor.

                Past eight, Mama arrived. She has so many pasalubong.

                Jano arrived after 30 minutes. He handed me the invitation to Glyrien’s birthday party on February 2 at Ever Gotesco, Jolibee.

                Mico and I were texting till 11 PM. We talked about several topics. We also finalized our meet-up and about the sending of my picture. We will meet in Alabang and we’ll go directly to Laguna Hot Spring Resort on February 10. But, I will email first my picture to him.

                Ditang texted me. At first, she’s so corny. Nonsense text messages! Then she started to ask me questions like my three wishes to a genie; most important thing I possessed; meaningful definition of love; etc. I answered them all. We end up tackling her weakness—lalaki. Bullshit! She’s so smart in terms of lalaki. I hate her for that. She’s so maarte, as if guy will love her for that. I have told her this: “If I were you, I look for someone, who will accept me, love me, and respect me.” She did not talk about it.

                My cellphone battery turned empty. Alas! Mico still wanted to converse with me. Thus, I sleep.

January 29, 2008

                I woke up at 6:30 AM. Immediately, I charged my cp and greeted Mico. Before I have taken my breakfast, we have talked about several things.

                Ate Queenie texted me, saying “Hlo, nagusap kmi ni Kikay kgbi. Magusap nlng dw kau pgdating nia.” Then I have learned that the latter will arrive on February 12. It gladdens me.

                I also have conversed with Romeo Frilles. I told him about my lung disease.

                Before nine, I stopped my communication with Mico because my unli load has expired already. I knew he got mad. I them washed the dishes. Later, I confided to Mama about my conversation with Rodea. She commented that Diyang is just getting wisdom from me. We also talked about Gie-and-Jano’s meanness. According to my mother, she has seen the dislike of the couple for her presence. She wanted her own family to stay here. Jano has been so ungrateful.

                Mama decided to leave the house. She is now determined to work again in Sauyo, despite of the hardship. I pity her. If only I have my own house. I didn’t want her to work anymore. She’s indeed the one pa, who promised me for help. She’ll support me while I’m jobless.

                I texted Jefferson. Later, I was giving him topics, which he could talk about with his gf-textmate. He thanked me.

                Afternoon, Mico and I were texting. We talked about travel. He wanted to go to Paris and wanted to live there in America, where he could love freely. I told him that my dream countries are USA, Australia, and Canada. Finally, we end up to a nice project.

                I would write a novel about a man, who found solace in an island. I have texted him its storylines. He liked it much. So, he requested me to write it for him as my gift for him on his birthday on March 8. So, I promised him.

                I bade adieu to him later. Then I immediately gathered writing materials. Before six, I was starting the draft. I was just occupied by the text messages or by replying my friends’ queries.

                Pursuance of novel writing continues till past 830 PM. Mico’s text messages were disturbing. Thus, I text-conversed with him. We talked about favorites. We stopped texting before 11:30 PM. I was so tired and sleepy already.

                I talked to the Lord first. I thanked Him for the blessings. I wished for things and asked for pardon, as well.

January 30, 2008

                Six-thirty when my sleep was disturbed by Flor’s noises. At 7, I got up and immediately took medicines. Minutes later I was preparing hotsilog for breakfast. While doing so, I was replying to Myles and Mico’s text mesaages. Right after breakfast, I grabbed my pen and paper. However, Mico and I were texting. Yet, I was given by him time to write afterwards. Later I texted him that I made already the first chapter.        

                I cooked our lunch at 11 AM After lunch, I took a nap.

                Past one, I was texting with Mico…

                Past two, Teletech call center staff (female) called me. I was shivering whiles she’s interviewing me. I was a bit startled when I have learned that she’s from Teletech. I never applied or passed any application to them. Yet, I answered all her questions. It was along conversation. It was my first phone interview. Good thing is I made it. At the end, she scheduled me for an exam. It’s tomorrow at 2 PM in Teletech Cainta (Robinson’s Mall).

                I told Mico about it. He encouraged me to pursue. He gave me pointers and ideas. He made me  decide and told me about his disappointment in job application in Motortrade. He was told that thye have minimum height requirement. He failed it. I pity him/ then I told him about my failures.

                Later, Sharon texted me, too. She’s getting me as his daughter’s godfather. I was a little startled when she announced that the minimum cash gift on her baptismal would be P500. I did not talk about it much. I did not say that I could. But, I accepted the godparenthood.

                Before I sleep, I thanked God for the blessings I also asked for help in m exam tomorrow.

January 31, 2008

                Before seven, I have taken my Fixcom 4 already. Minutes later I was preparing my stuffs. It was 7:30 AM when I took breakfast. Past eight, I was already set. I was about to leave, but doubt stopped me to leave. I told it to Mama. I said, “Parang ayaw kong umalis.” I have an intuation that the call yesterday was just a fraud. Yoyi and Diyang are my suspect, since I texted the latter about Yoyi and the caller says “Aira Diokno” I just can’t remember it.

                Latter, mama was so furious. She has also a strong belief that Yoyi and Diyang, were the people behind the prank call. She says that if we prove it she will do a thing that they might not forget.

                Last night, I texted Diyang, “Umamin ka!” She did not reply. This time, I sent this, “I knw wat u did yesterday…” And later, I sent this message: “Life is unfair. However, people are more unfair than life. They tend to make prejudices and criticisms, without knowing first the subject. Yet, I’m thankful for them. Their prejudices are my strength… and later, their bad words against me bounce back to them… I can say now that God is fair all the time.”

                Ten, I sent this message again to Diyang: “Remember the golden rule? Apply it and you will have joy in your life, happiness in your heart, and peace and contentment in your mind. Don’t do bad unto others, huh!” There’s no reply from her.

                I pursued writing after I texted Mico. He asked why I decided not to take exam at Teletech. So, I was forced to relate to him the whole story. Alter, he asked me, “What your plan?” In my anger and with full determination, I said, “Decided to apply in that real estate company.” He’s so glad to hear that from me. Thus, right away, he told Jello about my decision. I wanted to be interviewed on Monday.

                While texting with him, I was writing the novel. I have to rush it because I have to give it to Mico on his birthday, as a present.

                Mico sent this message after telling him that “How could I sell myself to the interviewer when/since I have no enough sales experience?” he answered “Sabi nya as long as you have understanding about sales ok na un, u have trngs din naman, kapalan lng dw ng mukha, kaya mi dw un sbi nya.” After reading that, I have gained confidence. I have exclaimed tuloy, “I can make it!” *Laughs.

                Our conversation continues after lunch. However, he told me that he’s sad that our scheduled trip to Laguna on February 10 is about to be postponed. He’s afraid that we might not see each other na.

                I tried to nap, but it failed me. Thus, I pursued writing.

                I felt sad when Mama Left to Sauyo. She was fetched by Greg, Lolo Angel’s driver at past one. But, it gladdens me, knowing that she will have earnings.

                I pursued writing. I have almost done writing the 2^nd chapter.