Isang Gabi ng Pamamalakaya

Maaga pa lang ay namalengke na ako ng mga babauning pagkain. Bumili rin ako ng gasolina para sa makina ng bangkang aming gagamitin sa pamamalakaya. Iba naman ang naatasang bumili ng yelo at magbuhat nito patungo sa sasakyang-pandagat namin. May mga magsusuri naman ng makina at kabuuang bahagi nito, gayundin sa mga banyera, plastic, at lambat.

Nang araw na iyon, muli na naman kaming dadayo sa karagatan ng Samar upang doon ay makipagsapalaran. Ilang araw na rin kaming dumarayo dahil tila naubos na ang mga isda sa karagatang sakop ng aming bayan.

Buo ang loob namin na makakahuli kami ng mas marami kaysa sa mga una naming huli.

Bago tuluyang dumilim, naghahanap na kami ng mapupuwestuhan. Marami-rami na rin ang mga bangkang magbabakasakali sa gabing iyon ng masaganang huli, kaya mas mahirap ang makakita ng perpektong lugar na aming pakakawalan ng lambat.

Habang naghahanap, napansing kong nagkalat ang mga ibong puti sa karagatan. Animo'y mga senyales sila ng presensiya ng mga isda dahil
sa tubig sila nakatingin. Ang iba nga'y nakaabang na sa mga boya ng lambat.

Natuwa ako. Ganoon din kasi karaming ibon ang nakita noong unang beses kong sumama sa paglalaot at unang beses na nakaranas ako ng masaganang huli.

Kaya lang, lumayo pa ang bangka namin doon sa may mga ibon. Hindi ko na inusisa ang timonero kung bakit. Nanghinayang lang ako.

Nakahanap na kami, ilang minuto ang lumipas. Malayo kami sa mga bangkang nauna pa kaysa sa amin.

Pagkatapos maipakawala ang mahabang lambat para sa tamban--- mumurahing isda ngunit masarap kapag inihaw, muli kong namasdan ang paroo't paritong mga ibon. May dumapo pa nga sa aming boya. Kinatuwa kong muli ang pangitaing iyon.

Tatlong oras din kaming naghintay. Kasama na doon ang aming paghahapunan. Kasama na rin doon ang pagdaan ng dalawang malaking pating at ang paglitaw ng malaking pusit, na hindi nila nahuli, gayundin ang kuwentuhan.

Natakot ako sa kuwento ng kasamahan namin tungkol sa isdang may tulis. Bigla na lang daw itong tatarak sa mukha ng mangngisda, lalo na kapag may hawak kang ilaw, petromax, flash light o kahit anong maliwanag na bagay. Nakakatakot. Ayoko na tuloy dumukwang sa dagat.

Sa loob ng tatlong oras na iyon, narinig namin ang tatlong magkakasunod na putok ng dinamita. Hindi ko alam na ganoon pala ang tunog ng dinamita. Kung hindi nga lang nila pinag-usapan, hindi ko malalaman. Talamak daw talaga ang ilegal na pangingisda, kaya naman apektado ang maliliit na mangingisda, na kagaya namin.

"Aria!" bulalas ng lider namin, matapos niyang malamang lumubog na ang mga boya.

Isang madugong aksiyon ang naganap. Mabilisang paghila ng lambat paahon sa bangka. Sa bawat paghila ay kumikinang ang lambat dahil sa masaganang huli. Sobra ang tuwa ko, naming lahat. Hindi ko na lang ininda ang sugatang kamay ko dahil sa tusok ng palikpik ng isda.

Walang mapagsidlan ang aming ligaya. Wala na rin akong mahihiling pa sa gabing iyon. Naranasan at nakita ko na halos lahat ng mga bagay tungkol sa dagat at pangingisda. Nakita ko na rin kung paanong ang mga isda mismo ang lulukso sa aming bangka. Pakiwari ko noon, nasa mundo ako ng pantasya. Pambihira ang tagpong iyon. Tila nagsi-circus ang mga isda. Mabuti na lang, maliliit lang sila. Hindi sila ang isdang may tulis, kundi tumarak na ang isa sa dibdib ko.

Wala na rin kaming mapagsidlan ng aming mga isda. Napuno na ang dala naming dalawampu't anim na banyera. May tatlo pa kaming lambat na tatanggalan ng isda.

"Ikarga natin at ibenta sa mambabagoong," suhestiyon ng isa naming kasama.

"Lulubog tayo," sagot ng aming lider.

"Tawagin natin ang mga kasamahan natin," banat naman ng isa. Kinuha ang cellphone at tumawag.

Isang malaking problema tuloy ang maraming huli. Ikakapahamak naming lahat kapag ikinarga namin ang lambat na 'mata-mata' kung tawagin ang huli. Hindi rin namin puwedeng iwanan ang mga lambat, dahil magagalit ang may-ari.

Wala kaming nagawa kundi magtawag ng saklolo mula sa 'kapit-bangka'.Ibinigay namin ang huling tatlong lambat na punong-puno ng isda. Laking pasasalamat nila sapagkat wala pa silang huli. Hindi pa raw lumubog ang mga boya nila.

Habang hinihintay silang makatapos sa pagtatanggal ng isda sa lambat, sinabi ng lider namin na ang bangkang iyon ang gumamit ng dinamita kanina. Ang mga isdang dapat sa lambat nila pumasok, sa lambat namin dumiretso. Natawa ako. Ang karma nga naman, marunong!

Habang dahan-dahan na bumiyahe pauwi ang aming sasakyan, iniisa-isa ko ang mga aral sa buhay ng karanasang iyon.

Kung Ano ang Puno, Siya ang Bunga

Mahirap magpalaki ng anak, ayon sa mga magulang. Sa deeper sense ng kasabihang ito, nakasalalay sa kanila ang ugali, kilos at pananaw ng anak. Kung ano nga raw ang puno, siya ang bunga.

Kaya, kung pasaway ang anak, malamang ganoon din ang mga magulang. Ang maling ginagawa ng mga nakakatanda ay nagiging tama sa mata ng mga bata, 'ika pa nga. Namamana o nagagaya ng mga anak ang ugali at kilos ng mga magulang.

Kapag ang bata ay malihim, ito ay dahil sa ang kanyang magulang ay pinapalaki agad ang maliit na bagay. Halimbawa: Nakabasag ng baso ang anak. Manggagalaiti sa galit ang magulang na para bang walang kapatawaran ang kanyang nagawa. Maaari namang magalit sa mahinahong paraan.

Kung ang bata ay hindi isinasaalang-alang ang damdamin ng kapwa-bata, gayundin sa kanya ang mga magulang. Halimbawa: Kung hindi niya susundin ang utos ng magulang, pagagalitan siya. Ito ay pambabalewala sa kanyang nararamdaman. Hindi nakikita ng magulang ang mabigat niyang dahilan sa pagtanggi.

Kapag ang bata ay madaling uminit ang ulo, kulang siya sa papuri ng mga magulang. Sa halip, lagi siyang hinuhusgahan at tinutukso. Naisasantabi rin ang paglago ng kanyang mga kakayahan, talino at talento. Ikakahiya ng bata ang lahat ng mga ito dahil ang alam niya, wala naman siyang papuring matatanggap mula sa mga magulang.

Kung ang bata ay madalas magselos, siya ay madalas ding ikumpara sa iba. "Bakit si Ano, magaling sa ano? Bakit ikaw, hindi?" O kaya "Bakit hindi mo gayahin si Ano?" at "Ang layo mo kay Ano. Wala kang binatbat." Masakit ito para sa mga bata. Nakakaselos talaga.

Kapag ang bata ay duwag, kasalanan ito ng magulang, na naging sobra kung protektahan ang kanyang anak. Halimbawa: Ayaw makagat ng lamok. Ayaw madapa. Kung ang bata ay hinayaang magkabukol, lalaki siyang matapang at may paninindigan.

Kapag ang anak ay binibilhan ng magulang ng lahat ng bagay, kahit hindi naman niya kailangan, siya ay matututong mang-umit, mangupit o magnakaw pagdating ng panahon, sapagkat hindi siya nabigyan ng pagkakataong mamili ng gusto niya at hindi siya tinuruang magsumikap para magkaroon ng bawat naisin niya.

Kung ang anak ay nabubulyawan, napapagalitan, nasasaktan, napapalo o napapahiya ng magulang sa harap ng ibang tao, kapamilya man o hindi, siya ay hindi makakatayo sa sariling paa, dahil natatakot siyang mapagalitan, masaktan, mapalo o mapahiya.

Kung ang bata ay mahina ang loob, ang mga magulang niya ay madalas siyang payuhan, sa halip na hikayatin. Magkaiba ang payo at hikayat. Kung nagkamali ang bata, hindi makakatulong ang pagbibigay ng payo, dahil tila pagalit ito sa kaniya, bagkus hikayatin siyang maging maingat sa susunod, upang siya ay magtagumpay.

Kapag nagsisinungaling ang isang bata, ang magulang niya ay matindi kung magalit sa maliliit na pagkakamali. Halimbawa, ang bata ay nakasakit ng kaklase. Pinagalitan at pinalo siya, kahit hindi pa alam ng magulang ang puno't dulo nito. Kaya naman, natututong magtago, maglihim, at magsinungaling ang anak.

At kung ang bata ay madalas abalahin ang ama o ina niya, ito ay dahil abala sila sa ibang bagay at hindi sa atensiyon sa anak. Nakalimutan ng mga magulang na may obligasyong emosyonal sila sa bata. Ang pagmamahal sa anak ay dapat ipinadarama rin.

Mahirap talagang magpalaki ng anak, pero, may mga anak na nakakapagsabing mas mahirap magpalaki ng magulang, lalo na kung ganito sila.

Trabaho

"Gisingin na si Tristan. Umuwi na kamo." utos ni Sir sa aming mga naiwan dahil wala kaming naipasang gawa.

Pagkalabas ni Tristan, naisip kong sabihin ang nasa loob ko, na matagal ko nang itinatago.  Ilang buwan na rin naman kasi siyang pinapayagan ni Sir na umuwi na lang kahit natulog lang sa klase, simula sa una o ikalawang asignatura hanggang uwian. Samantalang kami, lalo na ako, na dilat na dilat mula umaga hanggang hapon, ay uuwi nang huli dahil hindi agad nakatapos sa mga activities. Unfair si Sir!

Mabait naman si Sir. Minsan, nabibigyan niya pa ng pagkain si Tristan. Hindi niya pa ito pinagagalitan. Lagi niya itong napupuri dahil sa kasipagan. Sus! Kasipagan bang masasabi ang pagtulog sa klase?

"Sir, ang suwerte naman ni Tristan. Sana si Tristan na lang ako." Sa wakas, nasabi ko na rin ang saloobing matagal-tagal ko na ring kinimkim.

"Bakit? May trabaho ka ba?"

Hindi ko nasagot si Sir. Natameme ako. Ano ba ang gusto niyang sabihin? Wala akong trinabahong activity o wala akong hanapbuhay?

Gayunpaman, naisip kong magrason. "Magtitinda na rin ako sampagita."

"Sige! Try mo." ang mabilis na sagot ni Sir at tunay na nagpakislot sa puso ko. "Masuwerte ka nga, hindi mo na kailangang magtrabaho para mapakain mo ang sarili mo o ang pamilya mo. Mag-aaral ka na lang, hindi mo pa magawa." dagdag pa niya.

Hindi na ako kumibo. Bagkus, mabilis kong tinapos ang gawain, na siyang hadlang upang makauwi ako nang maaga. Kapagdaka'y tahimik kong iniabot kay Sir ang papel ko. Tiningnan niya ito at ako at saka sumenyas na umuwi na ako. Siguro ay pinagtiyagaan lang niya ang mga sagot ko. Hindi ko naman talaga alam ang gagawin ko dahil hindi ako nakinig sa kanya. Dumadaldal lang ako, habang nagleleksiyon siya. Lagi ko na namang ginagawa iyon. Lagi naman akong nakakauwi. Hindi niya ako maikukulong sa gusto niyang disiplina.

Nagbunyi ang kalooban ko. Nanalo na naman ako. Hindi niya ako mababago. Ako ay mananatiling ako.

Lumipas ang mahigit isang dekada, pulis na si Tristan. Grabe pala talaga ang kasipagan at determinasyon niya. Natutulog lang siya sa klase dati, pero ngayon... siya na ang hahawak sa kaso ko.

"Classmate, kailangan kitang ikulong. Sana nagtrabaho ka na lang nang marangal." Binuksan niya ang selda. Pinapasok niya ako at muling nilagyan ito ng padlock.

Nagwagi na naman siya. Talo ako. Wala talagang nananalo sa pagbebenta ng droga. Tama si Sir. Sana nag-aral na lang ako.

Mas Bobo

Ang kaibigan mong tatawagin kang bobo kapag nag-away kayo, hanep!

Hindi niya siguro naalala na nagamit niya ang utak mo dati noong magkabati pa kayo. Nagpatulong siyang gumawa ng kanyang narrative report. Naging flat one din ang score niya sa take home test na pinasagutan niya sa'yo. At may iba pa.

Bobo ka nga dahil tinulungan mo ang kaibigan mong mas bobo sa'yo na walang utang na loob.

BlurRed: Kutob

"gud eve, dee! red 2. musta kn?" Tinext ko si Dindee.

Alas-diyes na iyon ng gabi. Patulog na ako. Nakapag-good night na nga ako kay Riz. Gusto ko lang malaman ang kalagayan ni Dindee bilang kaibigan niya. Mabuti nga't ibinigay sa akin ni Karryle ang number niya.

Sampung minuto akong naghintay sa reply niya. Wala!

Nag-send uli ako ng message. This time, apologetic na ang tono. Sinabi kong malaki ang naging kasalanan ko sa kanya. Kaya, sana ay mapatawad niya ako. Huwag naman sana niyang kalimutan ang pinagsamahan namin. Kahit iyon na lang.

Naghintay uli ako. Kalahating oras. Isang oras. Wala.

Alas-sais na nang mamulat ako. Agad kong tiningnan ang cellphone ko. Kumabog ang dibdib ko nang makitang may reply si Dindee. Halos ma-delete ko pa ang text niya sa sobra kong excitement.

"Oo parehas tyo..."

Nalungkot ako na natuwa. Nalungkot ako dahil hindi niya pa ako pinapatawad. Natuwa naman ako dahil sinagot niya ang text ko.

"klmutan n ntn ang nangyRi." 

Sent.

Kahit nasa klase ako at kahit katabi ko si Riz, ang reply pa rin ni Dindee ang iniisip at inaabanagan ko. Napansin niya nga ang madalas kong pag-on nito.

"May hinihintay ka?" inosenteng tanong ni Riz.

"Oo... Ang... pinapaload ko kay Mommy." pagbubulid ko ng kasinungalingan. Sana hindi niya napansin ang pagpiyok ko.

"Ah. Darating din 'yun. Kung para sa'yo, para sa'yo..."

"Ano?" Gusto kong ulitin niya ang sinabi niya. Malinaw sa pandinig ko ang binitiwan niyang mga talinghaga. "Ano ulit ang sabi mo?"

"Ha? Hindi mo narinig ang sinabi ko?"

"Hindi! Kaya nga nagtatanong ako..."

"Ang sabi ko... darating din ang load mo. Hintayin mo lang!" Nairita pa yata siya sa akin.

Alam kong tama ako ang narinig ko. Bigla tuloy akong kinabahan. Tama nga ang sabi ni Mommy, malakas daw ang kutob ng mga babae.

AmAnak: Laruan

Naglalaro ang anak sa kanilang kutson nang inabot ng antok ang ama.

Ama: Matulog muna tayo, Be. (Hinawi niya ang mga laruan at naipon sa isang tabi.)

Anak: (Nakasimangot) Naglalaro pa ako, e.

Ama: Mam'ya naman.

Anak: Mamaya ipapaligpit mo na naman agad ang mga laruan ko.

Ama: Hindi na. Kahit magdamag kang maglaro mamaya. Gusto mo? Sa labas ka nga lang maglalaro.

Anak: (Hindi sumagot. Nahiga na lang at nagtakip ng unan sa mukha.)

Si Makopa at si Balete

Isang araw, nagising si Makopa dahil sa ingay ng mga ibon sa kanyang mga sanga, ngunit imbes na magalit, natuwa siya. Namilog ang kanyang mga mata sa galak dahil ang pinagkakaguluhan pala ng mga kaibigan niyang ibon ay ang mga namumula-mula na niyang mga bunga.

"Magandang umaga, mga kaibigan!" masayang bati niya. Madalas niyang gawin iyon sa lahat ng mga kaibigan niya, lalo na kay Balete.

Humuni-huni lang ang mga ibon at nagpalipat-lipat ng sanga at masayang pinagmasdan ni Makopa kung paano sila naghanap ng uod mula sa kanyang papahinog na mga bunga.

Nang mabusog ang mga ibon. Nagpasalamat muna ang mga ito bago nagliparan palayo.

"Salamat din sa inyo!" Kumaway pa siya. "Wala na nga akong mahihiling pasa Panginoon. Ako na yata ang isa sa mga pinakamapalad na nilalang ng Diyos!" Naisaloob niya.

Maya-maya, nagising si Balete. Binati niya ito. Tulad ng dati, kunot ang noo nito, ngunit hindi naman galit. Siguro dala ng katandaan, kaya natural na salubong na ang kanyang mga kilay.

"Kay saya mo yata ngayon, Anak!" Anak ang turing ni Balete kay Makopa, simula pa nang sila'y naging magkaibigan.

Limang taon pa lang si Makopa sa lugar na iyon, kaya si Balete na ang kanyang naging tatay-tatayan.

"Opo! Hitik na hitik po kasi ako ngayon sa bunga. Natutulungan ko pa ang mga ibon at ibang hayop."

"Mapalad ka sapagkat nakakapagbigay ka ng ligaya sa ibang nilalang," malungkot na saad ni Balete.

"Bakit naman po kayo malungkot?"

"Tingnan mo naman ako... Kinakatakutan. Walang halos gustong lumapit sa akin. Patanda pa ako nang patanda." Nangulubot lalo ang katawan ni Balete.

"Hindi po ba nakakapagbigay ka rin naman ng ligaya sa mga hayop? Ikaw po ang tirahan nila. Ang bunga niyo naman po ay nakakain rin ng ibang ibon."

"Oo, anak... pero iba ang ligayang dulot mo sa lahat."

"Hayaan niyo po, darating din po ang araw na kayo rin ang magiging kaakit-akit sa kanilang paningin." Nginitian niya si Balete.

"Salamat! Ito ang tatandaan mo, ha? Hindi naman ako nagrereklamo kung anong mayroon ako o kung ano ang naibibigay ko. Kuntento na ako sa buhay ko."

"Pareho po tayo, `Tay!"

Ilang araw pa ang lumipas, hinog na hinog na ang ibang bunga ni Makopa. Masayang-masaya niyang pinagmasdan ang mga nakakaakit na prutas sa kanyang mga sanga.

Marami ang natatakam sa kanyang mga pulang-pulang bunga.

"Aray!" Isang malaking kahoy ang pumukol sa kanya. Pagdilat niya, tatlong batang lalaki ang nakita niya. Nagkandalaglagan din ang mga hinog at hindi pa hinog niyang mga bunga.

Sumigaw siya sa galit, ngunit hindi siya naririnig ng mga bata. Bagkus, inulit-ulit pa ng mga ito pagpukol sa kanya hanggang sa mapuno nila ng hinog na bunga ang kani-kanilang mga supot.

Habang masayang-masayang nagtatakbuhan palayo ang mga bata, habag na habag naman si Makopa sa kanyang sarili.

"O, bakit ka umiiyak?" maamong tanong ni Balete.

Humikbi muna si Makopa. "Bakit kailangan nila akong pukulin? Hindi ko naman ipinagdadamot ang aking mga bunga?"

"Mapalad ka, Anak."

Umurong ang mga luha na nais pang pumatak mula sa mga mata ni Makopa nang marinig ang sagot ng kaibigan. Kumunot ang noo niya. "Hindi po kita maunawaan."

Idinikit ni Balete ang kanyang sanga sa mga dahon ni Makopa. "Mapalad ka dahil ang mga punong namumunga lang ang binabato. Ang katulad kong walang bunga ay hindi nakaranas ng ganyan. Pinupukol ka nila dahil hindi ka nila maabot. Ganyan ang tao... Ganyan sila."

Lumiwanag ang mukha ni Makopa.

"Isipin mo na lang na nakatulong ka sa mga batang iyon, na pumukol sa `yo. Wala silang makain. Wala silang kakayahang mamunga ng katulad ng prutas mo, kaya nila iyon ginawa."

"Nakatulong po ako, kahit nasaktan ako?"

"Tama ka! Tandaan mo. Nawalan ka man ngayon, ngunit patuloy ka pa ring mamumunga. Walang makakapigil noon." Tinapik-tapik pa niya ang tuktok ni Makopa.

"Salamat po! Hindi na po ako magagalit kapag may mambabato sa akin."

Sumilay ang ngiti sa mga labi ni Balete.

BlurRed: Unan

Naging matatag kami ni Riz sa bawat pagsubok na dumaraan sa relasyon namin. Hindi kami nagpapadala sa anumang mga negatibong bagay at desisyon. Pero, aminado akong nakakagawa pa rin ako ng mali sa kabila ng labis na pag-iingat ni Riz na magkasira kami. 

Minsan, nakita niyang napangiti ako habang binabasa ko ang text message sa akin ng pinsang kong si Karryle. Akala niya kung sino ang katext ko kaya ipinakita ko sa kanya. Medyo hindi pa rin siya kumbinsido nang mag-focus siya sa kanyang sinusulat.

Ang totoo, kinukumusta raw ako ni Dindee kaya kinilig ako. Naputol lang ang pag-rereply ko dahil ayokong maging sanhi iyon ng pag-aayaw namin. Pag-uwi sa bahay, saka ko tinext si Karryle. 

Nalaman ko sa kanya na madalas na silang magkita ni Dindee. Every Saturday rin yata ay dumadalaw siya kina Lola at Lolo. Na-miss ko siyang bigla. Hindi ko lang masabi sa pinsan ko.

"Bgay u nga skn # nia," ang tangi kong nasabi kay Karryle. 

Binigay naman niya sa akin nang walang kahirap-hirap. Kaya, nag-good night na ako sa kanya at nag-Good eve kay Dindee. Nagpakilala ako, siyempre. May "Hello! musta?" pang karugtong.

Habang naghihintay sa response niya, binalikan ko ang mga araw na magkasama pa sila sa bahay nila, gayundin ang mga sandaling nagkukuwentuhan, naghaharutan, nagtatawanan at nakikinig kami ng music sa kamang kinahihigaan ko. 

"Ang hirap magmahal, Red," wika ni Dindee. "Hangga't maaari, ikaw at ako na lang..." 

Hinagkan ko ang noo niya habang nakakulong siya sa braso ko. "Oo, Dee... Ikaw at ako lang." 

Sabay kaming pumikit. Pagdilat ko'y tanging ang paborito niyang unan ang kayakap ko. 

Niyakap ko ito nang mas mahigpit. Naaamoy ko pa rin si Dindee doon. Masaya na ako kahit hanggang pantasya na lamang siya. Wala mang "ikaw at ako", may nagpapaalala naman ng naging siya at ako. At, mananatili iyon sa aking isip at puso. 

Ang Tanging Matinong Empleyado ng Hideout Mfg. Corp.

Buo ang loob na nilapitan ni Marky ang matandang katrabaho, na pinangingilagan ng karamihan dahil daw sa masamang ugali nito. Gusto niyang mapatunayan ang paratang ng iba.

"Magandang araw po! " bati niya rito. "Makiki-share lang po." Nginitian pa niya ang lalaking nakikitaan niya ng pagiging isang mabuting ama.

Ilang segundo rin siyang tiningnan ni Mang Fred bago siya sinenyasang makakaupo na siya.

Maingat niyang nilapag ang tray ng pagkain sa mesa at tahimik na nagsimulang kumain. Abot-abot ang kanyang kaba dahil ilang buwan na siya sa kanyang trabaho ay noon niya lang uli nakaharap si Mang Fred.

Hindi siya mapakali. Pasulyap-sulyap siya sa matanda at sa mga katrabahong nasa kabilang mesa. Ang pakiramdam niya'y nasusunog ang kanyang puwet sa pagkakaupo sa harap ng kinakatakutang empleyado. Gusto niyang magsisi kung bakit sinubukan pa niyang lumapit sa kanya, gayong kay rami pa naman ng bakante upuan.

Nakahinga nang maluwag si Marky nang matapos si Mang Fred sa kanyang pagkain.

"Mauna na ako, Mark." mahinang turan ni Mang Fred ngunit dinig na dinig ni Marky ang pagpapaalam ni Mang Fred.

Hindi ganun ang inakala niyang gagawin ni Mang Fred. Kilala siya bilang suplado, nandededma, bastos at barubal na nilalang. Marami ang ayaw makisalo at makihalubilo sa kanya. Pero, sa oras na iyon, naisaloob niyang nagkakamali lang ang mga katrabaho nila.

"Hoy, bata, ako lang ang matinong empleyado sa kompanyang ito! Paghusayan mo." Naalala niya. Hindi niya makakalimutan ang linyang ito nang una silang magkita.

Agad na bumalik si Marky sa working area. Naiwan niya kasi doon ang cellphone niya.

Laking gulat niya nang maabutan niyang nagtratrabaho na si Mang Fred. Kalahating oras pa naman bago mag-time.

"Mang Fred, hindi po ba kayo matutulog?" Noon ay nawala na ang takot na nananahan sa kanyang dibdib. Paghanga na ang pumalit dito.

Kagyat na sumulyap sa kanya ang matanda. "Kailangan nating maabot ang order ng Wishulak Hotel. Pare-pareho tayong malilintikan, kapag hindi..." Tinuloy niya ang kanyang ginagawa. "Ito lang naman ang pinagkukunan ko ng kabuhayan kaya hindi ko na iniisip na lugi ako. Malaman man ito o hindi ng mga boss natin, hindi na mahalaga. Mas mahalaga pa rin na gumawa ng mabuti kahit walang nakatingin. Alam nating lahat na nalulugi na ang kompanya. Kapag tuluyan itong magsara, pare-pareho tayong mawawalan."

Mas humanga si Marky kay Mang Fred dahil pambihira ang kanyang disiplina at dedikasyon. Siya lamang talaga ang matinong empleyado sa kompanyang iyon.

Imbes na matulog, sinamahan ni Marky si Mang Fred sa paggawa. Marami-rami rin silang natapos sa loob ng kalahating oras, kahit pa nagkukuwentuhan sila.

Simula noon, naging magkaibigan ang dalawa. Dalawa na rin silang kinaiinisan ng mga katrabaho. Naging dalawa na ang matinong empleyado ng naghihingalong Hideout Manufacturing Corporation, na lingid pa rin sa kaalaman ng mga mapanghusgang katrabaho.

You and I: Friends

I value each detail of all-of-you,
whom I share my joy and woe.
I also treasure those little things,
even those endless laughters.

I really love the way you are
and the bond when we go far.
I cherish the days, we're together
because I can forget my despair.

I appreciate your understanding
and the care, without pretending.
I give importance to your affection,
during the times of my affliction.

I thank you for the time you share,
which made my life to fully glare.
I am so grateful for the friendship,
and for the bliss of our fellowship.

I am glad I have found in you
the smiles, which are so true.
I am lucky that you are in my life.
You make me strong during strife.
               

Ang Tunay na Tagumpay

Hindi lahat ng tagumpay ay mabuti. Marami ang nakakasama sa sarili at kapwa.

Tagumpay sa pagbabalatkayo.
Tagumpay sa pagnanakaw.
Tagumpay sa pangungurakot.
Tagumpay sa paninira ng puri.
Tagumpay sa pagtsitsismis.
At iba pang negatibong tagumpay...

See? Hindi lahat ng tagumpay ay may magandang dulot. Ang iba, pansariling kapakanan lang ang naibibigay.

Ang tunay na tagumpay ay nakakabuti para sa lahat.

'Wag Kang Magalit sa Mundo

"Galit ako sa mundo!"
ani ng isang problemado.
Nasaktan, kanyang puso.
Iniwan kasi ng kalaguyo.

"Masakit naman talaga ito,
lalo na't siya'y mahal mo.
Pero, ikaw lang ay inabuso
at iniwang nagdurugo."

''Wag kang magalit sa mundo,"
ang aking pang sabi at payo.
"Hindi ito ang nanakit sa iyo,
kundi isang masamang tao."

"Salamat, aking katoto!
Iyong tinuran ay siyang totoo.
Dapat magpasalamat pa ako,
pagkat kinakalinga niya ako."

"Oo, tama ka, kaibigan ko!
Ang mundo'y kakampi mo.
Mga luha mo'y dito tutulo.
Makikinig sa hinagpis mo."

Pagluha'y kanyang inihinto,
ngumiti sa akin at humayo.
Suliranin ay tila naglaho
pagkat kakampi niya'y mundo.

My Journal -- June, 2007

June 1, 2007

One AM, we're done fishing. We've caught 19 chests of 'lawlaw'. I thanked God, although I was disappointed. Yet, I accepted it later. It's better than zero. At least I could pay Aileen.

It was 5 AM when I got home and took a rest. Past nine, I woke up. Then, I found myself doing kitchen works.

My income was P731 in all (P631 for the 19 chests and P100 or extra income).

Twelve, I called on Mj. Bad thing is Hanna doesn't want to talk to me. Thus, my P15 load has been useless. Mj just got angry. She wants me to go home as soon as possible. But, I told her I was not sure when. She, then, texted "Wag ka na lang umuwi." It makes me laugh.

After I washed my clothes, I went to Polot. I was going to meet my batchmates. But before I got there, I saw Remus. He offered me a barbeque. Then, we talked about last year's general alumni homecoming of SFES. I have learned many things like he is the present president and the activities. He did on his term.

Past five, I meet Epr. I asked him why he did not come on vispera night. I did not blame him. It's my fault, indeed.

Past six, I went to Mariel's house, where Divina waits. We then talked. Later, Dindo arrived. His presence gives me a bit of timidity. Then, their friend, Ryan Guardian came in. The topic they're talking about excludes me. Good thing is Epr arrived.

Past eight, I called on Auntie Vangie's mobile. She couldn't hear me. Thus, my P10 was just eaten by the network.

Epr left me to my batchmates. We're invited to a birthday celebration by Joan, Anying's brother. I wanted to eat more because I was sure, I couldn't have a dinner tonight. However, I never did due to my friend's same timidity and refinement. They, too, controlled themselves. The, we drink two grande Red Horse. I drowned myself on beer so that shyness left my body. However, it never helps. Most of the time, I was quiet. Ryan and Dindo have their own agendum. It excludes me. Another thing is the temporal parting of Divina and Anying. I just texted the former to go out and join us in our conversation. That then, I found myself a little bit confident. I have used my vocal cords, already.

Dindo and Anying tease me and Divina. The latter was vexed because she did not drink. While, we all know that she drinks. I couldn't read her reaction. She knows how to handle vexation like that. But she never says that I was already committed so they must not pursue that deed. She never complains. I knew she has a feeling for me.

It was 11:45 when we left to sleep. Good thing is Joel and Joelynda were here, too. Thus, I have had a chance to sleep at their house. Epr has fallen asleep already.

June 2, 2007

Past six, it was when I got up. They're already wide-awake. Joel offers me a hot coffee. I wanted to leave but Epr was still sleeping.

I waited to him so long until nine. He was going to A.G. Villaroya. That's why Joel brought him there by their motorcycle. I rode on it, too. My fare was saved.

Before eleven, Leonisa, Jano and Kurata texted me. Leonie was asking my where-about. She just wants to regards me. Jano asked what had happened to baptismal certificate form --if it is found or not yet found. And, Kurata sent quotations. I, then, asked if she could recommend a maid. We, then, end up in job application, which ends up in giving Jessa's number. It could help contact Oliver Magante, a regular employee of a call center.

Eleven, Jessa replied and gave Obing's number. I texted Obing at four PM. Good thing, he replied immediately. We have agreed to email each other so that I would know more about the job. I thanked him for the quick response.

Five to six-thirty, I was cooking.

Past seven, I was biking. And, on the way home, I met Jay-R. We talked a bit. He updated me of his activities since May 30. He told me about Dante, a gay man who couldn't talk.

Past eight, I sleep.

June 3, 2007

Seven, I got up. minutes after I have taken a hot drink, I was dishwashing.

Today, Zildjian is already 3 months old. I hope Mj calls me. I hope Tito Jay has sent her money already.

Nine, I miscalled and texted Marjs. her reply shocked me. She was here in Bulan since fiesta and she's leaving again tomorrow. I, then, proposed for a meeting with her. She couldn't. Then, she proposed a thing. She wants to apply in a call center, too or to go abroad. I told her that I like her thoughts.

I also texted Me-Ann Gloriane. When we regarded each other’s lovelife, I've learned that she's got a crush on Christian Garilao. So I promised her for a help. Yet I will not put her to shame. She, then gave me Tina Calvario's number, who later texted me.

Tina Calvario was liked to me during my college days. Now, she's texting me. I have learned from her that Getz and herself were about to be annulled. Her husband's working in Taiwan. She's teaching at Montesorri School. They have a 3-years old son.

This truth shocked me. I can't believe it. They have been bf and gf since they were high school. Yet, they come to this point.

I told her that I want her to relate the whole story through text. Thus, on June 9, we will talk about it.

Past 2. I was already at Dindo's house. I was so shy to converse with him. Good thing is I have managed to talk. It was three when Divina and Anying arrived. Thus, the conversation becomes lively.

We did not talk much about alumni. Instead, we talked about love, commitment and pasts. We did it while indulging in the 'hinagom', we make.

Our conversation focuses on relationship. In fact, Anying opened up Divina and my pasts. Dindo giggled. I did not see Daba's reaction. She did not blush, either.

It was past six when we part ways. I, then went to Mamay Gaya's residence. On the way, I dropped by at our abandoned house. I pity it. It almost breaks my heart.

Jay-R was there, so as Roy. They invited me to have dinner. After it, we started with two grande of beer. I was tipsy when Marjs called. I insisted for the postponement of her trip. But, she really will. I thanked her for calling. She indeed wants to see me. I just could not leave.

Before we finish the beer, Dante and Noli arrived. The former gave me a share for a mixed drink. They buy gin and Sprite. I was forced to quaff. It's nice, but I drunk. If only we haven't drank beer.

Ten, we went to 'baraylehan'. They forced me to come in. Yet, I was not forced. I was ashamed of myself. I'm a father now. I was supposed to be out-of-sight.

Outside the dancing area, I waited so long. It bored me. Good thing is Jay-R and Date decided to go home as early as one AM.

June 4, 2007

I have experienced 'pamamahay' at Manay Aday's room. Plus, mosquitoes disturbed me.

It was 7 when I got up. Jay-R was not there already. I converse to Manay Aday for a few moments. Then, she decided to visit Tammy's house. Bad thing, he's not there. Thus, we're stationed at Tisay's house.

Past eight, when I left Polot. Past nine, when I got home. Instead of having a rest, I was forced to take the kitchen work because Kuya Bambi was the one who rested.

One, I called Mj. She asked and insisted me to go back to Antipolo as soon as tomorrow for a job at Antipolo City Hall. I have to fill out an application form. I told her about our alumni and outing.

I did the cooking of our dinner. And, I was thinking what if I text Mama. So, I did. She advised me to tell Papay Benson for courtesy.

I slept early at past nine. But, before that, Divina and I exchange text messages.

June 5, 2007

Six AM, I got up. I have to go to Polot today. I left after I asked permission to Papay Benson. He actually permitted me immediately.

I, first, went to Pay Bading's house. I talked to him about 'pagpapakawit'. He's busy, so I looked for another. Good thing, Manay Aday recommended the one who was working on the river bank. I went to see him. He is Joseph. Manoy Nante was there, too. Thus, I waited for him. While, waiting, I talked to Mamay Gaya, who recommended Bolodoy to buy my coconuts. I. then talked to him.

Waiting has been so long... until 1 PM. I, then, went to Joseph's house. Unfortunately, his 'kawit' was out of order. He recommended 'Mador'. Two PM, when he started the work. Bad thing is his equipment is malfunctioning and his ability for the job seems so lack to expedite the work. It takes four hours to half-do the 'pagkawit'.

It was my first time to manage the 'pagkawit'. It's been a long time since Papa did the management. After more than ten years of 'pagkakasanla', at last, I was reaping (again) the products.

Past six-thirty, I received the first income of P1000. Then, I paid the 'parakawit' and 'parapalaw', who was Manong. It was P150 in all.

Before I left Polot, I eat rice and bopis at the store or carinderia. I haven't had a lunch due to timidity. I lied when Mamay Gaya and Manay Aday invited me to have a lunch.

When I got home, Ate Quennie and I went to the house of her recommended girl, who's qualified to be Auntie Vangie's house maid. Bad thing is the sisters want to work together. Auntie needs only one. Thus, we will talk to them again tomorrow. If they don't want to separate, then, Auntie will not hire them.

I slept at 10 PM.

June 6, 2007

Six, I was forced to got up due to urinary habit. My back was aching, too...

Eight, I went to Bulan Municipal Hall and looked for Auntie Eunice. She was not there, yet, thus when I got home, I texted her instead. She couldn't understand me and Jano's problem, so at eleven, I came back to meet her. I showed her my certification rough draft. Without further ado, she typed it in the computer with some revision. She printed it out, and presto! The certification has made.

I, then, went to Tito Steve's shop and let the certification signed by him. Finally, I sent the two copies through JRS. I have spent P60 on it. It's okay! At least I have helped Jano and Gie.

Jano thanked me.

After dinner, I visited Aileen's fish pond. There, I was seeing how Kuya Tantan catches crabs. Fifteen minutes later, Ate Jennilyn texted me. At first, she's talking about the maid, Ate Quennie and I have contacted last night. Later, she was asking me about the money. She says, "Nagtawag c Ape hanap ni Ante Vngie ang bayad ng t-shirts. Bkit d mo bnigay. San ung pera? Txtbk" It shocked me. It's so long ago. I thought Sassy gave the money to Auntie Vangie. I went home immediately and talked to Ate Jennilyn. Then, I asked for the receipt issued by Auntie.

I knew I'm innocent, thus, I texted Auntie. I asked her if she hasn't really received the P3,000 as payment of the shirts, Ate Jennilyn bought. Auntie was so furious. I could see it in her text. She insisted to know who told that. Thus, I forwarded to her Ate Jennilyn's text. For that, she has known the leakage. It was Kuya Jape who has committed misinterpretation. However, after some exchanges of messages, we bade goodbye and utter 'gudnyt' to each other with peace of mind. I have cleared my side. She has cleared her side, too.

June 7, 2007

Six, I got up and we got all very busy. Ate Jennilyn and her 'mag-ama' were leaving back to Polangui. It gladdens me.

Aileen asked me if I want to go fishing again. I was not decided whether to join or not. Being undecided for how many days made me lazy. The truth is I really don't want to. Since, I have earned from the coconuts, and I have partially paid Aileen, all I wanted now is to rest and to have fun. But, the big problem is where I can get the budget for every fun I would have. Our alumni reunion needs to spend for load and other expenses. Haay! I hope Aileen hired me as labor in constructing their house. If this would so, I could pay my P200 debt to her.

After lunch, I took a bath. Then, I started to catch sleep, despite of terrible heat. Good thing is I have fallen asleep. It was four when I got up.

Seven, I was texting with an anonymous guy, who has gotten a crush on Marjs. He told me that he has read my text messages on her inbox. Later, he asked me if she has indeed a family. Then, I told her my connection to her. Finally, he thanked me for the info and he assured me that he would take care of her for me.

Then, Mj texted at 8;14. She says, "Kelan k buwi? Pnplyas n kmi n nnay. Tnwag p nya aso c Hnna kngat kc c Akisha. Kung my pera kng q ngaun aalis n sna kmi knna. Sobra n tlga cla. Pslod lng 2. 2 lng." It breaks my heart. I was like sandwiched by two boulders.

I replied. I didn't ask why. I already knew it. It has been her problem, since then. And now, it came to the worst stage. For Mj, it's over. She gives up. She's now willing to leave them.

Another text was sent. It says, "Tgal p. 3 days n wla mlk kids. Ewan q mainit ulo knna. Kht nun kmi d2. Uwi k n agd pls. D n me blk d2." It makes me cry. I pity her. I pity my children, most of all.

I asked God, "Is this karma?" I think so. But, I thanked Him that this is bearable. I knew we could pass through this.

It makes me sleepless.

June 8, 2007

I woke up early at 6. It is my promise to Mj. I was going to send her money. However, ML was not yet open at 7 AM, so as the loading station, that offers cheap load charge. Thus, I waited so long till eight.

Mj texted at 10. Then, another waiting has happened. She announced at 11 that they're about to leave. Flor has been there since 7 AM.

By the way, I have told it to Aileen. I couldn't stop my tears from falling. I was crying, while I was relating the incident to her. It's okay. At least, I have unleashed my heart's burden. Besides, she must know it. She must know what happened to me and to my family. It's a big lesson to everyone. Favoritism is indeed awful. It's not a good practice. It ruins foundation.

Now, I am more confident to soar. I am now more determined to find a decent and high-paying job. I have to find one. Now that we're four, I must practice and undertake my responsibilities, as a father and as a husband. So, help me God.

Past 12, I went to Arlina's house. She's the maid I hired for Auntie Vangie. There, I oriented her. I also meet her mother and big sister, but before that, Mj texted. They're about to leave Rancho. I pity them for the heat is terrible at that time and they have no lunch yet. But I was thankful that she was now determined to live with us or together with Jano and Gie.

Favoritism of Mj's mother is her long-time problem. She is underdog, in terms of care, love, and understanding compared to her siblings. However, I never thought that it would come this way. I couldn't believe that Nanay, my mother-in-law would shoo My away of their house just because of Hanna bit Akisha. If there was another reason, I think, it would be the logical reason. If I haven't sent them money for two weeks, it's because I was confident that they could give my 'mag-iina' their needs.

Since the electric power has just resumed, Aileen and I have started our 'labada' at 5 PM. She paid me P100 for my assistance and help.

After dinner, I rode a bike and went to see Jay-R. I asked him if he wants my silver rope necklace, I was pawning. Bad thing is he has no money, yet. But he promised on June 11. Then, I went to Garilao's house. I confirmed if he could join on our outing tomorrow. He could.

Next stop is Dr. Can's clinic. I and Glenn talked about the outing. He's not sure if he could join us, but he wants to, because Irene would join us.

I went home at past 9:30 PM. Good thing, they were still awake.

I was in the mood of watching TV, that I have viewed 'Maalaala Mo Kaya?" I enjoyed the show. It's all about friendship.

June 9, 2007

Though I have had only few hours of sleep, I still woke up early. I, then, swept the yards. Later, I took care of Skye, while Aileen was doing a market job.

Past 10, I went to Mean's house in Zone 8. Tina Calvario was there already. We're both timid when we first see each other. I did not know what to say or how to approach her. She's still that charming girl. She has some improvements, I pity myself.

Mean served us with macaroni salad and pineapple juice. While dining, we have some talks about our outing. Then, we went to Dr. Can's clinic to talk to Glenn.

We're 'problemizing' our service. I contributed P100. I never mind that Zildjian was being checked up again.

At 10 AM, Mj sent this: "D2 kmi ngaun clinic pchck up q Zj ngttae n nmn d q p lam kung amoeba. Tntest p lng tae nya. D2 kmi byan." My high-levelled joy falls down. I think, God doesn't want me to be happy. Everytime I was on the verge of happiness, He is giving me a burden.

I asked Mj where did she get the money. She says, "Bngyan ako ni Nnay." She did not ask for it. So, I think she and her mother were already in good terms.

She, then, insisted me to go home tomorrow, but I couldn't. I have to join the annual general alumni homecoming in Polot on Sunday. Besides, I have committed a word.

Past two, Kurata texted. She was asking my wellness. We, then, exchange text messages. But before that, I have also conversed with Daba and Ryan Guardian through text. The latter and I were not yet close. I have merged with him once. He promised to sponsor San Mig Lite beer on June 10, but he told me to cook a 'pulutan'. He preferred chicken for it. Thus, I have no choice but to spend P150 for this. Haay! My budget is in danger.

Past 4:30 PM, I left home.

At Dr. Can's clinic, the tricycle driver was waiting for Christian. I found out that the driver was my ex-collegiate classmate. Small world.

We waited for Christian so long. Glenn almost gets mad. Mean and Tina keep on texting of our whereabouts. It was past six, when we left Bulan.

We're 10 in all. I, Padi, Christian, Irene, Mean, Tina, Joan Alanib, Donna Dominguez, the driver and the two unknown to me. The presence of some makes me shy.

It was past 7 when we arrived at the resort. Mj texted me, asking and regarding me and our outing. "Enjoy. Have fun,' she says.

I found out that being with some unacquainted people reduces confidence. That's what happened to me. Boredom strikes minutes after our arrival.

Tina has promised to tell me all about her life, but she did not come near to me. She's always with Joan. Thus, I merely joined the two couples -–Irene-Padi and Christian-Mean.

I have seen some of 'taga-Polot' there. I have a talk with some of them. I or we also meet Sir Pebrero in the premise.

It was 12 MN when we left the resort.

June 10, 2007

It was past one, when we arrived in Bulan. It was 2 AM, when I have totally lied my back down on my bed. Minutes later, Kuya Japi arrived. Seven when I got up.

While cooking at 10:30, I was texting with Mean, Eva, Irene and Boboy. Mean and I talked about last night' happening. She finally promised me a 'pabaon', which she'll buy at Jollibee.

While eating, Jano announced through text that their wedding would be on August 4, 2007. Then, Daba, Anying, and Ryan reminded me of our gathering tonight, so as our 'pulutan'.

Two, I went to Bulan proper. I first took a reservation at Elavil Bus Terminal. Then, I lend P100 from Padi Glenn. He's drunk, yet he gave me. Lastly, I bought chicken for our 'pulutan' tonight.

Past four, I have already cooked the chicken. I hoped it would be appreciated by my classmates and batch mates.

Past five, I was already in Polot. I went first at Anying's house, then I stayed at the court, where I have helped Butcho in his works.

Anying texted me. She wants me to have a dinner at their house, since I came early in Polot. So, I joined her. While eating, a mystical person was texting me. He seems closed tome, so I was entertaining his messages.

The general alumni homecoming started very late. However, we're composed of 21 participants, namely: Rodea, Mariel, Divina, Lanielyn, Irene, Annie, Melissa, jimmy, Teddy, Dindo, Mark M., Dominador, Albert, Eraño, Aldrin, Francis, Gilmore, Robert, and I. Ryan G, Jocelyn's boyfriend attended, too. In fact, he donated beer. He's like our real batch mate.

The mystical texter of mine continued texting...

Epr and I exchange text messages, too. We're kidding each other. He envied me. He kept on asking what was happening on our reunion.

That event was one of the happiest. I couldn't forget that. I have gain friends such as Ryan. Another unforgettable experience was our victory in a parlor game called 'Longest Line'.

June 11, 2007

The party ends at 3 AM. At that time, I was with jimmy. I asked him if I could sleep over at their house. He did not decline.

At six-thirty, though sleepless, I went back home. When I got home, I haven't had a sleep. I was busy cooking and preparing for my leaving. I bought tickets. I paid Padi Glenn. I texted my friends.

Mystico texted again. It made me mad. Then, I texted him back using bad words. Thus, we ended up in mockery. He threatened me. He says:

1. "Bwaaaaaaaahahaha! U nvr knw hw sly I am. As u sed I nvr do wel Im wting at da station. U btr b hry!"

2. "Do u wnt m 2 kill ur kdz? U wsh 2 die 2 fckass!"

3. "Hehehe u scrd by da thrt of my rge! Man I told u, btr hry f u wnn c dem alve!"

4. "I wont coz Im w/ u. Im ur dvl bro u cant lst m da evil of urself"

That's when I decided to quit replying him. It scared me actually. He's not kidding, since he threatened to kill my children.

Three PM, we went to I.BEA Liner Terminal. Arlina and I were about to leave Bulan in few minutes, when Ryan arrived. He talked to me about his problem. It gladdens me that he trusts me already although we have just bonded in one night.

At four-thirty, mystic texted again. He says, "Hey, Bro wtch out! Dnt slp while da bus s hitng d rod u may nvr wek up agin." I minded it not.

June 12, 2007

At five AM, we're already at Cubao Bus Terminal. Past six, we're already at Tandang Sora. Auntie Vangie was still sleeping, so we sleep first. It was past 9, when we see each other. I gave back the change of P950. Then, she handed me down the P500.

Mama and I were leaving, too. Thus, we hitched on their van till Del Monte. While in the van, Auntie was talking to me. She asked about my plans. She advised me, too.

Ten-thirty, Mama and I were at 48 BMA Ave., QC. We looked for Ate April, but she was not there. Good thing is Josephine arrived. She invited us to their residence. We conversed, together with Mama. She showed us their photo album. I could say that she's lucky to have her husband, who's working abroad. 

After we bade goodbye to Josephine, Mama and I rode a jeepney going to Cubao. On the way, she handed me down P500. Later, her mind has changed. Instead of going home in Bautista, she preferred to go to Sauyo. We parted ways at Fairmart.

My head was heavy. I was hungry, too. I called Mj. I told her to prepare immediately because I want to go home, as soon as possible. I want to rest and sleep.

Past two, I was already at my in-laws' house. Tatay was doing a mechanical work. I smiled at him, but I did not come inside of their house. I could not still forget what happened between Mj and them.

We left without further ado, impolitely. I was sorry, but that's how I felt.

In Gate 2, I bought milk for Margaret and Zj. I also treated Hanna at Jollibee.

Past three, we're home. Few minutes after, Hanna and I went to see Rodea and her son. April was there. Roberto was not drunk. Baby Lander was there, too. I was saddened by his physical appearances. He's thin. He has sunburns on his face. His balls were sagging. Plus, according to Diyang, his milk was being supplemented by brown sugar, which is not recommended for infants. Haay! I pity Rodea, too.

She came with us when we left their house. There, she saw how healthy Zildjian is. She realized that breastfeeding is healthy. I hoped she would pursue breastfeeding.

Jano and Gie arrived at past seven. I then found myself relating to Gie the alumni homecoming, we just celebrated on June 10.

Before I sleep, Mystico sent this: "Hey, Bro! Does ur erection feels gud 2nyt? U fuckin coward dog!"

June 13, 2007

I got up before eight. After breakfast, I started cleaning our room, which was occupied by Flor. It was so cluttered and dusty, as if it was never cleaned.

All day, my head was aching, yet I was glad. I was glad to see Hanna, who is hyper and smart, so as Zj, who is getting better. Although, he's not so well, he's still fat and heavy.

I thought my mystical friend, who curses and threatens me has stopped, but he is still alive. He sent me this at 7:45: "Hey! How u doin guts budy? Fel gud huh! Tink bout lyf aftr det coz ur ner 2da graveyard.. Hmmm.. Hahaha!" He's really out of his mind. He's not doing any good and (funny).

I don't know who he is. I don't even know why he's doing this. I knew I haven't aggravated no body. I have no enemy. I haven't had any in my entire life. This is my first time to receive threats. It really is an alarming state to everyone, who would receive it. Now, I realized that cellphone is the same as money. It is also the root of all evil.

Jano and Gie want me to find a job. Gie handed me down an ad, that's searches for personnel. I wanted to apply as telemarketers, but I was thinking of expenses, it would give me.

"Lord God, please give me right mind. I don't know what to prioritize. I have only P300 on my wallet. I have to give my kids proper nutrition. They need milk. If I have a job, I could support them. What would I do to my P300, if they were almost milkless. Plus, we have to help Jano in budgeting. I have to spend for food and water. God, help me, please. Amen."

June 14, 2007

It was 8 when we woke up... Nine, I was doing laundry. It was supposed to be Mj, who is going to do it, but due to tantrums of Zj, I took over the job. It was okay! Besides, I missed doing it for them.

All day, I spent my time seeing my children. I enjoyed watching Hanna plays. I enjoyed making Baby Zj smiles. They're so cute. They complete my day!

Six-thirty, Hanna and I went downhill to buy load. I dropped by, first at Rodea's room. Her baby was not there. Diyang related to me that her in-laws wanted her baby to take away from her. I advised her. I also proposed something. If she wants, Mj is willing to breastfeed her baby. She was glad to know it. But, she could only take back her baby on Saturday.

Since the electric power was cut, we sleep early. Before we totally fall to sleep, my mystical pal texted me. He say, "Yo dog! I'd send u a message but u nvr gve shitty reply. R u quitng playng w/ my fcking game? Loser! Hows Zldgn?" I wondered why he knew my son. Then, I thought of a possible person, but I have not found one, who could do this hell.

My ex also texted. She regarded me and my family. She also told me about what happened to her in the past few days. Unfortunately, Mj saw her name in her message, since the latter used other's number. She began to pinch me. Minutes later, I send a message to my stalker. It goes like this: "Gud evening! Dis wil b d lst tym I'l reply on ur queer messges whther u pursus it or not. Anywys, I dnt care now hu u r. it dsnt mttr 2 me f wr enemies or frnds." I waited for his reply, but he didn't.

June 15, 2007

Seven-thirty, when we got up. I immediately sweep at the yards. Breakfast came next. Then, Mj started to intrigue my love affair with someone. She wants me to tell the truth. The truth is I don't have a mistress. I have only got a communications with my ex and with so many girls, who are all friends of mine.

I was waiting for Obing's text at 9, but Auntie Vangie's text was the one arrived. We, then, talked about my job application in city hall and call center. Later, we tackled Mama's plan of living in Polot. According to her, she wants to help Mama, financially, but their business nowadays was in crisis. She was also wants to help me find a job, so she would tell Reggie about it.

Mary Jane left the house at past 12. She brought Hanna with her. Zildjian was left to my care. At first, it was so easy to take care of him, but when he tantrums, it almost maddens me. Good thing, he falls asleep at past 2. Now, I realized that Mj's position is indeed tough.

My 'mag-ina' arrived before 5 PM. She hasn't made my resume. She only bought diskette and brought my requirements. My P300 has become P120. Haay! Expenses! Expenses!

Marjs texted me. We exchanged messages, later. One of them was complaining about hard job application is. I told her to keep going. I advised her not to quit and give up. She thanked me and my presence and concern.

When Msytico sent a message, he was consoling me. He used clues, such as Slim Shady, Slim Anus, etc..., which made me think that he's Jefferson, a person I knew very well. He'd fooled me, huh! Bad thing is I don't have enough load to reply to him. He wanted to chat with me. In lieu, he sent excerpts from Eminem's song. I, then, sent him a message, that goes like this:

Jam with me next time,

Even we're far apart

Friends, we are

Forever, my pal

Enjoy with other's company

Reward yourself

Since you're just starting

O, I have to say bye

Next time, I'll text you.

This is an acrostic of his name. I hoped for this, he could tell that I knew him already. I wished he stops fooling me.

June 16, 2007

Minutes before 8 AM when I got up. My body was aching, especially my buttock—left buttock. I did not know what had happened to this.

I suffered from the pain due to my left buttock ache. It was terrible. I couldn’t freely move. Bad thing is every time I cough, it hurts. The ache is unbearable. It increases at the dusk. I preferred to lie down. However it still strikes.

Jano and Gie had guests. Since he was baptized, he treated them. I let them cooked our dinner.

Before I forgot, Zildjian started ‘pagdadapa’.

Jenny Altarejos greeted me, “Happy fathers’ day!” She’s the first one to do this. It’s one day advance.

I still was waiting for Obing’s text message. 

June 17, 2007

 I woke up early at past 6. I recooked the ‘pinakbet’. Then, I took breakfast with Hanna. Mj joined us later.

Today is Fathers’ Day. Bad thing is my buttock ache was still painful. It’s a bad gift for me.

Today is Hanna’s 25^th month birthday. One month to go, she’ll be celebrating her 2^nd year birthday. I hoped I could find a job as soon as possible, so that I could give her a wonderful birthday party. I was not dreaming of a party like her first birthday party. I only want a simple, yet happy celebration.

Ten, Tito Sam approached me. At first, we talked about their postponed plan of going home to Bulan and about Ate Jennilyn’s meanness, but when it goes further, he begun to advise me. He wanted me to work and stay here in the metro, since I am a college graduate.  He suggested that I better enrol in Napolcom. I didn’t know how to tell him that I want to work here but the big deal is the budget in job application. I preferred to keep silence. Besides, I wanted to surprise him. I hope I have been hired at Antipolo City Hall.

I didn’t know if I would get mad or be glad, every time they say that Zildjian is Taiwan’s look-a-like. I am just accepting the fact because I am so proud of him.

Four, my buttock ache persisted. The pain increased. It almost made me cry. Mj and Flor think I am just acting. They just don’t know how I feel.

I asked Gie if she could type my resume. She accepted it and my draft and diskette.

I don’t know why, but Mj and I haven’t had dinner. We forgot it or we simply have no viand. 

June 18, 2007

Six, I got up. It was after Flor left. I ate rice and mango. I found it yummy. Then, while waiting for my ‘mag-iina’ to wake up, I watched TV. I was planning and thinking, too, of the best way to do. I don’t want my family to experience starvation, like we always have, every time we’re her. I realized also that it is easy to spend P1000 than to earn it.

Eight, when Mj got up, I told her to leave due to my financial incapability. She prepared immediately, which almost makes me cry. I don’t want them to go, but it was the only way we could save our few money left in our hands.

She has P100. I have more than P80. I then gave her P30. Haay! How could I start job application? How could I, if I’m penniless?

When they left, I started the laundry. Good thing is my buttock ache lowered down. Yet, it’s still painful.

Since I bought a load, I have had a chance to text those who texted me last Saturday and Sunday. One of them is Jay-R. When he replied, he told me about working at GMA Network. According to him, he has a cousin working there and who’s willing to help him. So, he wanted me to apply also. All we need are cedula, picture, NBI clearance, brgy. clearance, and police clearance. He’s going to be here on or before June 30.

Then, Auntie Vangie texted me, as well. She told me what to do. Reggie was going to help me submit my resume. So, when Jano and Gie arrived, I immediately asked if she finished my resume. Bad thing is she hasn’t. So, I have to wait for it. It’s okay. Besides, my buttock is still aching. It must be healed first.

Mystico revealed himself. He’s Jefferson, indeed. He vexed me. Afterwards, I told him that I knew him already. 

June 19, 2007

When I got up, my buttock was still aching. It made me lazy. I lie down again. I then spent my whole morning in texting. I just swept at the yards.

Jenny and I exchanged text messages. I’ve learned from her several bad news about her family. I confided with her, too.

All day and all night long, I was texting. The mobile phone seemed to give up and overheat.

I am going to Tandang Sora tomorrow. Thus, I slept early. Bad thing, mosquitoes and rat pestered me. The rat is so noisy.

June 20, 2007

Six, I was preparing for my ‘lakad’. I ate breakfast and took a bath. Seven, I left the house. Nine-thirty, I was already at Auntie Vangie’s house, but, before that, Sierra texted me. I have learned from her that Padi Glenn enrolled at RGCC. I, then texted him. And, I also texted Klyn. We have an ‘usapan’ that we’re going to meet today, but we couldn’t, since Auntie Vangie hired me as an extra stockman in their garments factory.

In their house, before she announced that she’s hiring me, we talked. She told me about Mama. She wanted me to tell Mama that that the latter is not needed anymore in their house due to empathy. She pitied Mama. She didn’t want to see her working for them. Then, Auntie Vangie oriented me about call center, Reggie, and interview.

Later, Reggie arrived. He looked at my drafted resume. He was disappointed by it. I might not be hired because I am lack of technical know-how. Yet, he taught me how to improve my resume. My confidence level lowered down.

Past ten when we left their house. Good thing is Mama gave me some of her coins, she took out form her piggy bank. I have had an allowance till Saturday.

Five, the half-day work was done. Then, I mingle with finishing girls. Abeng and others started to make fun of me and Rachie. They were reiterating the past, They also interviewed me about my family.

Six, I left Bodino. Past eight, I arrived home. Jano was happy to know that I have got an extra job. I’m sure Mj would be glad, too. I texted her sister’s number. I received no reply, thus I didn’t know if she knew it already or not.

I packed my stuffs to be brought at my workplace. Ten, I started to sleep. Bad thing is sleepiness declined to visit me. Plus, mosquitoes were pestering me again. The most maddening of all was the rat. 

June 21, 2007

The result? I have had more or less two hours of sleep.

Quarter to five, I left Bautista. Past six when I arrived in Bodino. It was too early. I wanted to sleep, but I didn’t know where.

I noticed Tito Zaldo’s blank face. He never regarded me. So I did. I did not know if he likes my presence or not. Besides, I don’t care.

When Auntie Vangie arrived, she asked me, what is Mj’s reaction about my extra job. But she took it back when she remembered that Mj was at their house. Thus, she told me, instead to call Mama at six. Good thing is she has given me a chance to use the phone.

Three PM, Jenny Elizaga texted me. Later she proposed an employment-abroad matter, she was asking if Mj is indeed determined not to work abroad. She wanted me to induce her because she, too, needed to do it, as a sacrifice due to their accelerating needs. She told me some of her reasons. Thus, I promised her that I would convince MJ.

I telephoned Mj at 6 PM. I told her about my job. She seemed so happy. I also talked to Hanna, who was in a mood. She says, “Daboo”. I love you, she means. Then, I contacted Mama. She, too, was shocked about my new job, I haven’t told her about Jano’s ‘bilin’ to me due to technicalities. She couldn’t hear me.

Seven-thirty, Auntie Helen and I have had a bonding outside. We talked several issues. One of them was about her past suitors. Coincidently, Epr’s father is one of them. I have learned from her that he’s a deaf.

This is my first night here, Since, I have only few hours of sleep last night, I hoped for a good night sleep. 

June 22, 2007

I have had a good night sleep last night.

Jenny texted me. She said that Taiwan did not permit her to work. I couldn’t afford to reply her because I have no load.

All day work was tiring. However, it offers good life for me and for my family.

Five PM, Auntie Vangie told me that Reggie was hired at the call center he applied at. It increased my high regard to him.

Six, Jen and I were texting. We talked about working abroad and Taiwan. Then, I texted Jay-R. I have learned from him that he is going to be here on June 25. June 26 is his expected date of arrival. I told him that I’m excited.

My buttock ache was striking again since last night. It made me restless. 

June 23, 2007

I woke up at 6 AM because I thought 7 AM is our time, but it turned out at 8. I knew it’s 8. Thus, I tied to nap in the stockroom.

Ten, Diyang texted me. She wanted me to relay her message to Auntie Helen. I pitied her baby because she’s feeding him with am.

Past ten, Anabel asked me why Tito Zaldo and I were not talking to each other. I reckoned he doesn’t feel my presence. I told her that he apologized already since 2005.

I have no ‘sahod’. Renoi said Auntie Vangie has forgotten it. Thus, I owed P200 from Joy.

Past 5, I texted Auntie Vangie, asking her if Mama is still in their house. I hoped so, because I wanted to borrow money from her. She confirmed that my mother is still there, hence I went to their house and arrived at six. Minutes later, I left their house.

Auntie paid me P700. Mama handed me down P1000. It was her salary. She wanted me to get my ‘mag-iina’ ang bring them to Bautista. She wanted them to stay there. So, I phoned Mj. I asked her if she wanted to stay in Bautista, while I was working from Monday to Saturday. She declined.

I window-shopped in Cubao. I also ate a combo meal there for only P28, which was composed of pancit, macaroni salad, and mango shake.

I got home at quarter to nine. My ‘mag-iina’ was waiting for me. My kids were ‘diaperless’. I immediately bought for them.

I wanted to go home, but it’s raining, so I decided to stay here. I instead texted my friends. Few replied, such as Sierra, Eva, and Jenny.

June 24, 2007

I was awakened by a dream. I didn’t know if it’s a ‘bangungot’ or nightmare (night). It was 6 AM.

My dream was about all about Jano and Gie’s new born baby. I was waiting for their arrival. Minutes later, a taxi stopped. When Gie and Jano came out, they’re so glad and excited to show us their baby. I was shocked to the baby’s attributes. She is long to its normal height. She seems an alien. Big-headed. Face is wrinkled. She’s matured to her age. Jano commanded Taiwan and me to take photo of the baby.

Past eight, we’re preparing to leave to Jenny’s house. I was going to fetch my red shoes there. Nine, we’re already at Abobo’s house. I have seen Taiwan’s father-in-law at last. Then, we took pictures of Zildjian and Hanna through Tai’s mobile. Ten, we left Golden Hills. We then shopped at 167 and super Palengke. We bought children’s needs and some other necessary needs of mine and Mj.

Past one, I hitch-hiked in the car of Tito Jun, being driven by Tatay. I told them to drop by so that they could get my mag-iina’s stuffs.

Five, Chriz, who just attended a birthday party together with his ‘mag-ina’, interviewed me about garments. He also asked about his father.

Six, Epr and I were texting. He still texting ‘kalokohan’. I just patronized it because I have not had a textmate at that time.

I sleep early at 9. I was exhausted. My buttock was aching, too.

June 25, 2007

I woke up at 5:00. I left home at 5:30. Wew! I arrived in Bodino at past 6 AM. I blamed myself for being too early. I waited for someone who would open the gate for me. Six-thirty, Junior came out. I took the opportunity, after a few minutes, I tried to sleep upstairs, but mosquitoes pestered me.

Leo arrived for work, thus the stockroom was filed by five, including me. When we have nothing more to do, I hopped to Finishing Department, where the girls are accommodating and fun to be with.

After lunch and while doing a dish washing job, Auntie Vangie talked to me about Mama. She also opened up about the business standing and how hard it was now.

Five, I told Renor about Jano’s request. I was so ashamed to do it, but I have done it politely.

Six, Mama called on me. She said that she’s going home tomorrow. She also reminded me to pray for my job placement.

Six-thirty when they left. I washed my clothes.

After dinner, Mj texted me. I have no load already so I phoned her instead. She’s making sure if I was okay.

I slept early at 9. I never minded those hindrances such as noise from TV. 

June 26, 2007

I got up at 6:30 AM. I drank hot chocolate before taking a bath. And, while waiting for the time, I texted Mj, responding to her morning greetings. However, she told me that’s he has a ’tampo’.

Past 9, Marjs texted me. She said that she did not report to her supposed-to-be employer. Alas! She took the chance for granted. At 12, we continue our texting. She was then entertaining me. She asked me if my wife is indeed pretty. I told her that my daughter is pretty and my son is handsome.

Five, Nelia and I were exchanging text messages. She was my ex-co-worker here at Infinite. She’s now in HongKong. She was having a lending business here in our workplace. I told her that I want to borrow, too.

Six-thirty, Aileen sent a quote. I then asked her if their house is already built. I’ve learned from her that’s he wanted to move in as soon as possible because Kuya Tantan is being jealous. Before I bade goodbye, I told her that I’m so happy for their accomplishment. She thanked me.

I lie down at 10 PM. It was due to Kuya Junior’s late dining. 

June 27, 2007

Three AM, I found out that the electric fan was not giving me enough air. That was why I was bitten by mosquitoes. I was pestered by them all morning long. It made me sleepless. Hence, when I I was working, yawning was inevitable. I blamed Tito Zaldo, even if he intends it or not.

Ten, it’s our break time. Finishing Girls proposed a thing. They want me to dine with them every day. Their viands were more than they need. They’re so kind and understanding. They wanted me to gain weight.

Mj was indeed angry. She did not text me this day.

Five, Abeng borrowed P100 from me. Since, I have no P100-denomination I gave her my P500 bill.

I sleep at 9 PM, hoping for a good night sleep. 

June 28, 2007

I got up at 6. After taking hot drink, I took a bath. Working here requires an early waking-up and bathing.

Break time. I dined with Finishing Girls. I hoped it would give me body development. They wanted me to stay working here in garments. I told them that I was ashamed to work as long as I wanted to. I only could stay till June 30. They bargained. July 31 is the bargained date. I commented not. If they only knew that I wanted to stay yet I wanted to work outside. I’m just waiting for either Jay-R or the city hall’s job. 

June 29, 2007
Again, waking-up early and bathing after hot drink were my activities at 6:30 to 7:30.

Break time and lunch break passed. Then, afternoon break time comes. Minutes later, Mj texted me. She said that I have to go home today because I would be having an examination tomorrow at Antipolo City Hall. It excites me, thus I related it to my co-workers. They, too, were glad to hear about it. Later, they make a deal that if I would be hired I would treat them in a food chain. I accept the deal.

Before that, Norman texted me, asking for financial help. According to him, he's at the hospital due to his liver disease. He was borrowing P300 from me. I said sorry and told him my reasons. He insisted. He tried to defy my conscience. He just stopped when I told him that I am not believing him.

Five-thirty, Auntie Vangie, Auntie Helen, and I were conversing. They have learned about my exam tomorrow. Auntie Vangie gave me some interview tips. She handed me P120, too. And, when I left at past six, she offered me 'goodluck'.

I shopped first at Anson's Supermarket-- Anonas Branch, before I rode a jeeo to Antipolo. I bought Lactum and diapers. I also purchased pork ribs as my over-all 'pasalubong'. My P600+ was spent.

I got home at past 9. I embraced Hanna so tightly. I kissed Zildjian so lovingly.

June 30, 2007

I was awakened by noises at 5:30 AM. We got up at six-thirty.

I was so excited to take the exam today. Unfortunately, it was postponed because of oath-taking ceremony. I got mad to Mj, since she was the one who texted me. I suspect she just wanted me to go home early. She didn’t know that I lost my one day salary. Alas!

I left Rancho at 12:30. I left P250 for our kids’ vitamins.  On the way home, Jay-R replied to my text. He said that he’s postponed today. “Hindi kc d2 ung mging kma ko s trbho. Bale 3 n dw km als d2.” It’s okay.

One, I went down at Rodea’s house. There, we talked a bit. She has fallen asleep, so I left after a while. 

I washed my clothes while watching TV.

Six, I reorganized my, Mj’s and Hanna’s stuffs. I love to keep for the sake of memories. That’s why I was taking care of our memorabilia such as photos, books, writings, CS’s, etc.

“Poroy, 2mwag ung staff ni Sumulong d2 exam mo bukas 11am Mgdala ka ng pencil! ASAP!” That’s the text message I received, using Michael’s number. I replied saying I would be there tomorrow.

Past twelve when I turned off the TV set. I couldn’t wait to know who’s the big winner of PBB Season 2.