My Journal -- December, 2006

December 1, 2006

Two o'clock, I was awakened by a strong wind. Super Typhoon "Reming" was now felt in Antipolo City. It made me sleepless.

My dreams are:

"I was peeping Papay Benson, who was eating sugar-coated pili nuts while on a steady rocking chair. It was evening and I was on the street side. He feels my presence. He stood up and went to my direction. I hurriedly ran away and went to the back of their house. There, I saw Kuya Bambi, who says nothing. Raulito Luna, a neighbor and who had seen me long before I hid, voice out my where-about. I got angry to him. But before Papay Benson came near, I finished the scene. “Near the stairway, I saw Ivan Lee Espinosa and a little boy, playing with a strange tile game. I approached him asking if it is a domino. I then quickly realized that it was not because they or the tiles are colorful. He told me the name but unfortunately, I have not clearly heard it. Minutes after, Auntie Vangie and Tito Rey pass by. I thought they were going to a meeting, gathering or important place/venue. They were dressed up. Next things happened were not clear."

Six AM, I was awakened when Jano woke up to watch weather news. Then, I joined him. We found out that Bicol Region was severely affected. Good thing is it changes direction.

Next, I prepared the hot water. After few minutes, I eat breakfast. That then when I remember last night's Andok's lechon manok. I have found a wishbone, which said to be a wishing bone. Thus, I kept it. And now, I was thinking of what best way to do with that. I'll keep it till Mj arrived. Or do it now?

Past eight, while waiting for 'Kabuhayang Swak na Swak' to sign on, Jano came to an idea of making a bench. It irritates me. Despite it, I still followed him. Thus, I postponed my watching TV and writing.

We immediately started bench-making, though wind's blowing. Good thing, there's no rain.

From eight Am to seven M, I was occupied by the following:

8 AM to 2 PM –Bench-making with a bit of sweeping the clutters due to storm and a bit of garden renovation2 PM to 4 PM – General cleaning in the kitchen4 PM to 7 PM – Washing clothes (mine, Mj's and Hanna's) and fetching water and filling the water containers for Gie' and Jano's bath tomorrow.

I was so tired...

Good thing is I temporarily have forgotten my hopelessness due to frustration of waiting Aramis' call or Taiwan's arrival. However, it resumed after all.

Here are the entries on my December 1, 2006' Autosummary:

MISSION: To pursue writing

VISION: To have /finish my project tonight

DESIRE: To e-mail Rodea on or before Dec. 3, 2006

WANTS: To know how to send e-mail

NECESSITY: Computer, laptop

HEALTH: Strong, vigorous, active

WEALTH: Poor

DREAM: My dreams include Ivan and Raulito

THOUGHT: Auntie Vangie has criticized me or my joblessness

MEMORY: I remember Ivan's bad dead to me when I was 15-16 years old

MOOD: Mood? I'm in a mood of working

LOVE: I missed Hanna

HATE: I hate clutters! Thus, I cleaned up.

FEAR: Afraid of being jobless till 2007

SECURITY: I'm not secured. Our lives now are in question.

ANGER: Irritated when Jano disturbed my watching-TV at past 8

ACTIVITIES: Helping Jano in making bench. General cleaning in the kitchen. Clearing operation. Etc.

ATTAINMENT: Mission not accomplished

INSPIRATION: Rodea and her total awakening

OBSERVATION: Though you work all day, clutters still remain.

APPRECIATION: Jano and I had made or half-made a wonderful bench

EXPECTATION: I stopped expecting Taiwan's arrival

VIOLATION: I violated myself. I over worked myself.

QUESTION: Do I have to continue waiting for Aramis?

RECOGNITION: Jano recognized the result of my garden renovation

SECRET: Fear, I felt

PROBLEM: Needless to mention. I need and want job. Whatever job, will do.

HOPE: Do I have to hope? I'm almost hopeless.

ADVERSITY: Myself. For being nothing. I could do nothing because I have nothing

BELIEF: I'm not egoistic, so as Rodea.

IDEA: I have got a lot of ideas on my mind. One of them is putting up a business. How?

EXPERIENCE: All day working in and out the house without ceasing is so tiring, huh.

DIVERSITY: My experience today was my diversion

LEARNING: "Egotism is habit of thinking and talking much of oneself."

"Bugaloo—bugaw"

Jano asked me if I like to drink beer. I replied "Where?" Thus, he commanded Flor to buy. Actually, he already has drunken one bottle of Colt 45, before he asked me. It's okay. I'm only a moderate drinker.

Tomorrow, Mam will arrive. I hope she would be amazed of what Jano, and I have done today, especially my garden renovation. My endeavors were dedicated to her.

And tomorrow is the day when an 'on-the-spot hiring' for call center agents would be held in Commonwealth. I have planned to ty despite of my computer illiteracy. But tonight, I changed my mind. I will still wait for Taiwan. I just don't know till when. I'm willing to anticipate till January but the trouble is the stress it could bring to me. I couldn't accept the fact that Christmas day would be as lonely as before due to pennilessness.

However, my life is merrier compared to those who felt the fury of supertyphoon 'Reming.' My fellow Bicolanos were most pitiful victims. Mud flows. Worn-out houses. Destructed properties. Lost hopes. Haay! It's frustrating, while my problem is an iota compared to theirs. "I'm sorry, Lord."

While I was watching TV, I was then tipsy. I remember my friend, my best friend, Epr. I wished we could be together this Yuletide season.

Last Christmas and New Year's Eve, we're both penniless. We're both sad for I just slept while others were making gala and merriment. He, too, has been frustrated that we were together.

The book "A Thought A Day" is my all-time favorite. It is like an "Our Daily Bread", which offers divine wisdom. Thus, since Rodea was requesting from me an inspirational e-mail, I decide to get from the said book. I started it last Thursday. It's half-done.

Also, I re-started reading one thought per day. And Dec. 1 is all about 'irritability'. "Irritability is the flaw of character whereby people permit themselves to be unpleasant, curt and ill-mannered with others for no other reason than they do not happen to be feeling just right. It signifies a lack of self-control, inability to subject one's feelings to the demands of charity, woeful immaturity of character."

Now, I must admit that I have been irritated sometimes by someone or something. I often lost control that leads to anger and hatred. I must then be sorry to God. I have been so naïve, immature, and childlike without much knowledge about the importance of feelings.

Hence, I resolve to myself to be pleasant all the time, as long as, I could hold my emotion. I just hope people around stop being irritable to me for they were triggering me to do unpleasant acts. It is addressed to Flor Rhina. She often makes me irritated. She's an irritable human being.

December 2, 2006

My plan of going to Commonwealth for an 'on-the-spot hiring' would not be realized for two reasons: (1) I have no money, (2) Mama was not yet here as of 7:30 AM. Therefore, God is willing to give me another opportunity. I knew God is the greatest provider. He would not make me drown in hopelessness.

Speaking of Mama, she's been on my dram last night. My dream about her was yucky.

"Mama arrived from Sauyo. We're all gladdened by her arrival. I did not know if Taiwan of Jano or Flor was happy too when she comes home especially when she told us that her only 'pasalubong' was apple, which was quartered. It was a big red apple. The trouble is when she announced that the quartered fruit was affected by her 'vomits'. It was obviously sticky. However, I get mine, wash it and eat it happily. I also have seen Taiwan and Mama were eating their shares. I didn't see Jano and Flor eat."

It was queer dream! I don't know if I could do that in a real situation.

While waiting for Mama, I swept at the garden. Then, I washed Hanna's rubber mats, dirty slippers, rags, and others, while watching 'Art Angel', where I've learned how to make pop-up greeting card and Christmas socks.

It was nine when I saw Lolo Angel's jeepney. It means Mama would not arrive today. It saddens me.

Thus, I felt I was all alone. Missing Hanna follows. Pitying myself comes next.

I made myself busy. So, at 12:30 PM, I have made a personalized greeting card for Mj, which says:

Honey,

Today is our 35th month of togetherness. One month to go, it's our 3rd. Can't believe it.

Now, that we have Hanna Margaret and a second child in your womb, I would be happier if we would have our own house. I want a home, where you, I, Margaret, and her sibling might dwell privately, happily and godly.

The moment, I'd like to ask your help, support, and guidance. Let's build our house together! So, help me to my endeavors.

To date, I'm taking my step to get it. Just don't question me and my might.

Happy Mensisary!

Bee,

The, I've learned today from a 'A Thought A Day' the physical characteristics that indicates character.

Since Jano was not home at 12 midnight, I stopped waiting. Later, I slept.

 

December 3, 2006

I was so lazy to get up. I dilly-dallied in my 'higaan', before getting up at past 8. But my body was not in good condition.

We have no more sugar for coffee. Irritating! I could not have a hot drink. There's left-over rice which I fried. That's my breakfast!

Then, I fought back my laziness. I did some household chores. They somehow energized me.

Ten-thirty, I watched "Negosyo, Atbp' in NBN 4. It features e-commerce or e-business. I've learned about on-line business and terminologies such as: domain name, website development, shopping cart, search engines, etc...

I hoped this information would be applied on the soonest time.

Twelve, Jano and Gie arrived. He was saddened by the fact that Mama was not yet home. But who was sadder was me for he was moneyless. According to him, he hasn't had his salary yet.

I didn't know why I was so sleepy this afternoon. My head ached too. Thus, my mission was not accomplished.

Josephine Magramo's mobile numbers was sent to me through April. I want to meet her this December. She's also eager to see my daughter and Mj.

Four, Jano gave P100 for food. I then went to Veterans, where I have been slightly confused how to spend it in so many needs. Good thing I did it wisely. I have also asked permission to Ate Lanie that I couldn't yet afford to pay her. My debt was only P30.

Seven when Chriz arrived. I almost cried to disappointment. His query about what happened to my interview in Aramis triggered my gloom. It made me worried. Thus, I think of suicidal note. It's queer, but I indeed planned to kill myself. I think, I'm useless.

Outside, where no one sees me, I talked to God. I asked Him for help. I said, why me? I'm so willing to work. I'm industrious, patient, and hardworking. Why?

Good thing is after an hour, heartache due to this crisis, I have recovered myself from the down state.

 

December 4, 2006

I remembered my dreams. They were actually many, but I could only reminiscence one.

"I had sexed with two persons. It was strange and weird. A man I shared with threesome has two genitals. I fingered him in his vagina, so as the tomboy. The lesbian is his sister."

Then, April and Dick made some noise. They have disturbed my sleep. I indeed planned to wake up at 8 AM. However, I found out it was better. I have had a bonding moment with them, especially to Dick-Dick. I have learned so much from them. I have confirmed that April is trying to kill her baby in her womb: Dick-Dick, like me, was jobless: and he's also a gardener, I mean, he loves to plant.

I was trying to convince them to think about the abortion's effects and its after-effects.

When they left, I told it to Chriz, who was so shocked. He has also learned from me about Diyang. He also condemned them. According to him, it's a sin.

I did not mean to rumor them to Chriz. I just want to ask help. I'm concerned cousin to them. I disagree to what they're doing to themselves. Besides, I was using myself as an example of survival. I am a proof of confidence. My story, my joblessness as a father is enough to change their minds.

Good thing is Diyang has already decided to split up her fiancé and to carry the fetus. The trouble is she was planning to give her baby to the willing person.

At noon, I proudly and shamelessly asked Chriz how to send an e-mail. He wrote it.

I realized that the command is indeed easy to do. I cold now make it. For sure!

I also related to him about the on-line business, I have watched yesterday. He just discouraged me. According to him, fraudulence on the internet is inevitable and rampant.

Okay! Besides, it is far from reality.

April and Dick came again at 3. They stayed till 4:30. I am now at ease to Dick-Dick compared before. I hope he feels the same way.

Jano arrived at past 5. He was jolly. It was because he already received his salary. In fact, he visited my 'mag-ina' there. He also gave money for Hanna's milk. I felt shame to myself.

Since Chriz taught me how to send e-mail, I am now ready to e-mail Rodea. And the "Unsolicited Ideas" are what I would send her. They are the product of my effort. I researched them. Most of them were quoted from the book "A Thought A Day" Few are my own words. However, they are all mine now! They will be a part of my literary collections.

Jano handed me down P200 budget. He reasoned out why it was only that. It was okay! I just hope Mama arrives morrow. She surely has money.

 

December 5, 2006

Irritating! I hate cold morning! It worsens my arthritis. I couldn't sleep. It's so painful.

Good thing is I had dreams.

One. "My friend and I have just gimmicked last night. In front of Mama Leling's house, motorcycle of Aileen was there. Gigi teases Aileen, saying "Gimik uli tayo mam'yang gabi" and implying to borrow the vehicle. Aileen replied" Gimik kayo!" But she's upset to the idea. Then, I saw and got two 25 cents nearby."

Two. "I entered Ate Grace's kitchen. I saw there her empty grocery rack. I did not know why I was there. Then, I went on to see her store. She was quiet yet emotionless. I couldn't read her mind. I could see her store—empty, as well. Thus, without further ado, I went out and started to feel guilt."

Hence, at 8:25 AM, I immediately paid her P100, though I had a balance of P13 plus P15 of new purchase. For sure, I made her happy today. I realized that she is really and naturally emotionless. She's blank. You will never know when she's happy or sad.

Nine, while waiting for Mama, I started sweeping dried leaves in the garden. However, five minutes ago, I discovered that Lolo Angel's jeep was already there. It means Mama did not come home. It frustrates me. I wanted to stop sweeping but I pursued it for cleanliness' sake. I worry that I might not have fare on Friday to my in-laws' house.

Eleven, my 'mag-ina' surprisingly arrived. I was so happy. However, the joy I felt does not stay long. I was frustrated by Mj's revelation. Hanna has no milk. She left their house because they were also in crisis.

I slightly condemned her why she did not buy milk for Hanna and preferred to come here. I could understand her. But now that I was problematic too, I would rather choose to miss them than to be with them. In fact, their presences scare me. It also triggers my worry.

Good thing is April was here till 5. She somehow helps me to diversify myself in forgetting my problems. Dealing with her temporarily hinders me to think about it.

Five, when they all (Tin, April and their children) gone, problems start to invade my mind. I could also feel Hanna was affected to it. She has tantrum. It upsets me.

Then, I and Mj came up to a hardest decision, which was to change Hanna's milk into Bear Brand. Good thing, Flor has been cooperative to us. She followed from Mj's direction. She did the owing to ate Grace. It's such a shame. More than that, I pitied Hanna. I wanted to cry. I wanted to scream.

What's happening to my life?

I texted Josephine this afternoon using Tintin's cellphone. However, she has no load. Thus, we did not converse in the text.

I also texted Aileen Sia, Norman Guyala and Jay-R Gelua. But all of them replied nothing. I knew why. They were not using those numbers anymore.

Haay!

What's happening to our lives?

"God, what is happening to my life? Why are you whipping me so hard? Do I deserve this? I'm not that bad, oh, Lord. Yes! I sometimes forgot to pray, and I did not go to church or fellowship, anymore. But, Lord God, I have been loyal to you. Don't afflict me so much. My 'mag-iina' was affected."

Today is supposed t be the day I must buy Mj's vitamins. But I couldn't afford to It's okay!

But what I could not accept was the fact that Hanna was consuming Bear Brand. It's actually, a family milk, not a 1- to 3-year-old milk. It could put Hanna to harm.

"Lord God, I would accept it, but please take care of Hanna's health. I also would like to ask Mj's good health and safe pregnancy. Please give her the nutrition she needed, though she would stop taking Vitamins. God, give me a job that I could support my family. I want it now. I was so willing to start in the very low position as long as it's Your will and it will glorify You. I would always like to live simply. Pardon me. I have been worried from Your afflictions. I have been scared from your challenges. I forgot to trust Your promises. I'm sorry. Forgive me, in Jesus' name, I pray, Amen!"

December 6, 2006

Jano was absent today. Thus, we were all 'on the move'. Good thing about it was we had a healthy breakfast. However, I haven't enjoyed the food because my stomachache worsens. It's so painful. So, I lie down.

Next, I commanded Mj to take over fish-cleaning, which she often not does. When she did, I felt no pain already as if it blackmails Mj.

Then, I handed down the personalized card to Mj. Today is our 35th Mensisary. She was delighted to it. Although she has not prepared hers, it's okay!

Eleven, when we're feeding Hanna with Bear Brand milk, she did not like the taste. I pity her. I blamed myself secretly. Good thing is she took it after Mj dissolved sugar on it. It's okay if she has left-over. Just a few.

Anyways, before I forgot, I want to reiterate my dream this dawn: "I was near the street, specifically, street to Mama Leling's house. I was thinking if I walk or ride. I have no money at all in my pocket. Seconds later, Jimmy Buere came in, he questioned me what I was doing and without much ado, he handed me down the coins amounted to P7.50. then, I implied that I would love to pay him back through my bod. He's gay."

Two PM, my 'mag-ina' left Bautista. I have old and confirmed Mj that I couldn't afford to go at their house on December 8, because of money matters. She also got Tintin's cellphone number so that she could contact me before she went here.

I'd love to go there but shame was all that hinders. I couldn't take to mingle with my in-laws till I do not have job.

Mj left a letter for me as her reply to my card. She says:

Bee,

Happy 35th Mensisary!! Sorry kung ngayon lang kita na-greet. Well, anyway, Thank you kasi ikaw na lang palagi ang unag nakakaalala. Sorry!

I love yu so much and take good care of yourself. Sorry kung hindi kita masyado maalagaan. Alam mo naman na kung gaano ko gusto palagi tayong magkasama, pero kailangan na umalis kami ni Hanna.

I'm always praying naman na magkasama-sama na tayo sa a family sa isang house. But don't worry, Bee, I know God has better plan for us.

Mahal na mahal kita, and I will always be here for you. I will try my best to be a good partner and a mother for our babies.

God bless you!

Tsup!

Honey

Four-thirty, I omit P10 coin from Jano's bear bank. It was the second time I did it. However, these were not for me. I was practicing if because our budget is always insufficient.

"Pardon me, Lord."

Six-thirty, current interrupts. It was devastating! I was writing.

Jano, Chriz and I drink beer after they have drunk a bottle of brandy with Alfoy and two unknown people. While drinking, I overheard Jano says he's coin bank’s money was lacking with P12.50 when he counted it. I felt guilt. I think he's not teling it to Flor, but for me. I omitted only P12.25 last October 27, 2006. Only P12.25. But he says P12.50. I knew it was me he has pen-pointing. Plus, the P10 coin I omitted this afternoon.

Haay! It's not my character. But because of the situation, I must. I did not use the money just for myself, but for us. I bought noodles, coffee, and sugar. Now, if he would question me where did the P200 goes, I would tell him the truth. It's paid to Ate Grace. I would also open up the real score. Chriz' presence was an addition to our budget.

I was tipsy when I found myself conversing with Jano and Chriz. I became vocal.

 

December 7, 2006

I have had a very long dream. It's episodic, which started off with Kuya Tantan:

First. In a canteen, I could see Kuya Tantan working in a happy and fast way. He was a probe, I mean, a trainee. He's not fit to the position, but the owner wants him to try to convince them. While, he was washing or cleansing the chopped cabbages, he was being laughed and mocked by the people around us. Some were employees. Others were customers. Yet, he was still smiling as if he did not hear the mockery and jests to him. Thus, I approached him, asking him if he really likes what he is doing. He just smiled.

Second. I and Kuya Japi went to a public school. There, we waited for a teacher who was receiving lots of people with different purposes. When it's our turn, Kuya Japi talked to her extending my resume or biodata. She scanned it awhile and asked if I already passed an application before. I replied 'No'. She didn't believe me. She knew that I did. Thus, I changed my answer and explained. It was because when I passed it and I was interviewed, I waited so long for a call. I considered it null and void and that was why I was applying again. She was convinced to my explication. But she's not willing to hire me. Thus, I quickly and wholeheartedly asked her for a chance. I said, "Give me a chance to show you my worth.' Without further do, she stands up and says ' O, sige! You're hired!" Outside, she showed me the list of jobs or positions. She specifically points the position of me, which I received gladly. We thank her. I thanked her and bade goodbye. On the way back home, I disorganized Kuya Japi's hair to show him how much happy I was and how much I thank him. Then, I asked him if we would be in the same department. He says no. It saddens me. But I did not showcase it.

Third. To make the story short, in a deep well a woman and my months old daughter were on the wall. They were being clapped by the onlookers and being photographed by the press people. My daughter seems enjoying the water for she never cries. However, when the woman was being told to come up, she declines. Next thing happened was worries, shouts and other reactions of terror. The woman gets mad. She was like a mental patient. It made me horrified. I was shouting. It scared me. What if she puts down my baby? She would be drowned to death. Good thing her sanity comes back. She extends my daughter up the well and when I was holding my wet baby and realized that she needs a towel or whatever warm clothes, I asked. But nobody extends help. I went hysterical. What kind of people are you? And so on and so forth.

Fourth. Taiwan and I were about to report. He was already an 'endo' to that company. I was going to report when I was startled to see a man who was characterized as sting man on my third dream. We were both shocked. I haven't yet recovered from it when he reprimanded me with what I did to him. I wanted to explain and tell him to understand my anger to the incident. But I preferred to accept his decision. I lost the job. I went out while Taiwan approached his ex-co-workers inside. In a bench, where I was sitting, I over-heard the conversation of Taiwan and his friends. He was asking for help.

Fifth. I knew I have fallen asleep in that bench, when a handsome man, a trustworthy man approached me. He says, "I have learned that you know how to cook." I nodded. He continues; "Would you like to be a cook?" Delighted, I said, "Yes!" He directed me of what to do. Then, I approached the lady employer. She lets me follow her. In the kitchen nearby, we come in. She leaves me there. I must cook at least one menu. I then look around. The place was full packed with diners. I could see some other cooked dishes. Then, I visited the refrigerators. I firstly, chose to prepare dessert, specifically fruit salad. However, I realized that I must cook. Good thing is I have seen early that there's already a dessert. Thus, I think and act in a jiffy. I visited another fridge. There, I saw pork chops. I decided to cook pork steak.

I was just bitten by a mosquito. Thus, my dreaming state has ended. Kainis!

Seven when I got up. Then, sweeping at the garden was prioritized.

Minutes after, April arrived. I dealt with her, while doing household chores. I was never tired mingling and understanding her.

Nine, I sold my junks or scraps. It amounted to P25. Thus, I realized that 'there's money in trash',

Nine-thirty, unexpected happens. Lolo Angel arrived and handed-down P500. Mama sent it. It makes me inspired. Thus, I found myself doing tiring household chores. I did them tirelessly and in order.

April stayed here. In fact, she shared P15 for our lunch. She has learned from me that egg could be cooked as adobo.

Five, I have been in a dilemma. I didn't know what to do with P500. I wanted to save it for Hanna's needs, but I have to buy viand for my siblings and Chriz. Thus, I went to Cabading and bought 'bangus' (P50). I have spent P70 in all. Plus, P222.50 and P30 for Bonakid and fare.

In my in-laws' house, I could see their gladness when they saw me with a can of milk for Hanna.

Then, I realized that I'm always welcome there.

While Mj and I were eating, she opened up Nanay's plan for us. It gladdens me so much. It was about the space in a commercial complex in Gate 2 that was given to Michelle and Bernie. I did not ask why Nanay preferred us to be the tenants. What matters to me was that the trust they give us. They knew exactly how eager I was to have a business of my own.

They planned for us. According to them, meats are best merchandise to sell by us since I have a grandfather (Lolo Angel) who has a piggery. He can be the supplier.

Now, I become more secured to our future. I just hope the complex opens as early as January 2007. I would be merrier if it will start that month. The earlier, the better.

I was so excited! I couldn't wait for it. Mama would be glad to know it.

However, Mj told me the trouble. Where do we allocate our starting capital?

Sleepless, I have had.

 

December 8, 2006

One AM, I was still wide-awake. I didn't know why. Maybe I was experiencing 'pamamahay.' It's been a long time since I last stayed here overnight. But I think the sole reason of being sleepless was excitement. I was so excited to that plan. Though, it was not yet final, I knew it's possible.

Thus, I spent the time in thinking other matters such as: going to Taiwan's in-law's house to get the dresses, they borrowed; sending e-mail to Rodea: and going home before lunch because Chriz and Flor might not have a lunch there.

I think it was 3 AM when I have fallen asleep. Unfortunately, at 4, musical and instrumental band that passed though disturbed (again) my sleep. Everybody got up except me. But then again, Reno arrived at 6:30 AM all the way from Bulan. Haay! I haven't had a complete sleep. I indeed haven't had a dream! That was when I got up.

Nono is obviously thinner than before. He is leaner than me. What happened to Bulan? Is there really a crisis there?

Today is the feast of Immaculate Concepcion of Peace and Good Voyage. That was why I'm here!

Thanks to Arturo, who won yesterday P2000 in jueteng. If he did not, they have no 'handa' today. Hen, Bernie bought cake and ice cream for additional 'handa.'

The house has been noisy and full-packed. The blame must be put to Onel, who bought first the three Red Horse grande. 'Inuman' contributed to noise pollution, indeed.

I did not drink though they invited me. I was decided to go home this afternoon. I knew house would be in trouble if I don't.

I have observed Hanna. She was being 'maarte,' 'attention-less' and 'astig.' She always craves for somebody's attention. She often snatches her cousin's toys. In fact, at her age or as the youngest granddaughter, she could fight for herself. She often bites them. She's, in short, 'astig.'

I should say that it was because of rivalry.

Haay! I don't want Hanna to be hurt, dominated, or downgraded by her cousins or anybody, but I also don't want her to grow like a 'squatter' person. I wanted her to be kind, courteous, sweet, and elegant.

She must stay here, with Mama's care. Here, she has no rival. Yoshimi is too young to be her rival.

Mj tried to stop me from going home. I told her that I have obligations in this house. It would be harder for me if I go home only tomorrow. Despite of it, I still went back home. If she only knew. Another reason was the discomfort of their house. I couldn't sleep well due to a warm air. And now, we or they were always complete. Nono was there. Gregorios was there. Plus, me. What position would be?

I pity Hanna. I saw her cry when the tricycle, I ride on, moved forward. She indeed cried loudly.

That was when I realized that she hates being left. But she loves to go or leave. She would rather leave than be left alone.

My plans were not realized. Since I would only have P50 after taking out P30 for fare, I preferred not to e-mail Rodea. Then, my plan of inquiring the ad: 'Wanted: Canteen Helper' in Gate-2 was postponed. I would still love to do buy-and-sell in the newest commercial complex in Gate-2, which is about to open. I would let my in-laws plan for me and for my 'mag-ina's' welfare.

Six when I arrived home. Chriz was expectedly here. The house was not so good but not so bad.

I immediately cook and clean. I also watered the plants.

Jano, according to Chriz would go home tonight. Thus, I was problematic about the water for his bath tomorrow. He would blame me for that. But I would not let it happens. I brought viands from my in-laws' house. He must be thankful for that. I don't want to tell him why I was short in budget. He would be shocked. It was because I owed and paid Ate Grace. It was when Taiwan and his 'mag-ina' were here. I just did some tricks and magic on it!

He arrived at 11:30 PM from a gimmick. It gives me a lot of problems: 'waterlessness and budgetlessness.'

I would like to blame Chriz about problem #2 because he told Jano about P500 'padala' of Mama. Thus, Jano hoped for it. He never knew that money was indeed for Hanna Margaret. I was so tired of taking care of this house, the garden and everything Mama does when she was here. I deserve the consolation. Besides, Mama bought LPG. She was giving not all her salary to me. If only Jano would know that I paid Mama's debts in the stores. And those debts were supposedly Jano's credit. Thus, I was not receiving all her salaries. I was just asking what I need, Hanna’s needs.

I was so upset when he tried to hold the budget. He was not supposed to give. After I told him that it was spent for Hanna's milk and after I explicated to him that I bought milk-in-can preferably because it would be funny if I only buy milk-in-carton and spend fare just to secure Hanna was drinking milk which was good only for a day or two.

He gave P100 only. It annoys me. It made me furious. What's happening to him? Chriz was here. Hanna is drinking or consuming milk, not to mention diaper usage. Then, I'm jobless.

Thus, right after that I planned. Tomorrow I would leave the house. I would give the budget to Chriz. I would then seek for job. Canteen helper is my first choice. It would give me a 50% surety of job. That's the fastest way of earning than to any other decent and white-collar job. Then, I thought of Taiwan. I would ask help from him especially in financial matter. One hundred pesos would be a big help for me. If that so, I could afford to ride while looking for job opportunity. I would stay in my in-laws' house during night, only, till I get a work.

I prayed to God, asking for help, guidance, and clear mind. I also wished Mj and I win the 7-17 we bet in jueteng yesterday, for it would be helpful for every one of us. I apologized to Him too for thinking of rebellion against Jano.

 

December 9, 2006

I got up in a jiffy when I heard water supply truck. However, I missed it when diarrhea starts again.

That time, I realized that God did not permit me to rebel. Rebellion would help me find a job, but He might punish me. Diarrhea is a worst enemy, for it would attack anytime, anywhere. It would put me to shame.

Thus, I started doing my routine, my chores...

Then, eleven it was, I went downhill to converse with April. But Flor was there, too. We have had no chance to talk seriously.

When I went back home, Chriz had already fulfilled what I directed him. It was 'waiting for water supply truck'. Thanks, God! I would wash my clothes later.

This afternoon I couldn't detect the filthy odor. I knew it was a dead rat. Every time I enter Flor's bedroom I could smell it. Thus, I moved out all the stuffs while cleaning the room and changing its original position. I also took out unnecessary stuffs. I was almost done when Chriz told me to open the switch box. I found the filthy dead rat inside!

I wished Flor Rhina cooperates in keeping room organized and clean.

When Jano and Gie arrived, the house becomes joyful. The couple seems so happy tonight. In fact, the thought of rebellion was gone. I could have been blaming myself if I did it.

We watch "Pinoy Dream Academy Last Explosion Night.' I was disappointed to hear that Rosita Bareng, my bet, was expelled. She in fact was frustrated too. I thought her fans would save her. She deserves the prizes at stakes. But the world is unfair! That was what I realized.

 

December 10, 2006

My dream was all about friendship: "In Zone 4, Bulan, Sorsogon, I was melancholy walking down the gloomy street. It was an evening--- a sad evening. I was then looking for Epr. I saw Claire and Maggi. They rejected my greetings as if I was invisible. Thus, I went on looking for my friend. All of a sudden, I was in a bulk of crowd. It was in a movie house. I fell in line and saw Mary Ann, my college classmate. She replied to my 'Hi', but that was all. I haven't had a cue what was the 'Now Showing'. I just paid P10 for an entrance fee. Inside, I noticed the antiquated interior of the theatre. It was made of fine woods. One thing I noticed was I entered in an orchestra, and deluxe was preferable. I haven't seen my friend."

It's a stormy day. The air is so cold.

I did not know if I would be glad to the postponement of Jano-and-Gie's lakad this morning. But I noticed that Gie was wealthy today. Our breakfast, she bought, were 'taho,' 'puto' and 'kutsinta.' Then, Jano gave the P3500 to me for electric bill tomorrow. He has gotten his bonus, huh! It secretly gladdens me. At least we would all be secured to consume electricity. Then, I also thanked God for stopping me yesterday. If I rebel, I don't know what would happen to us.

Tomorrow, I'm gonna see my 'mag-ina.'

Due to rain and coldness of weather, we all had a siesta and when Jano and Gie get up, my sleep was disturbed. But it was okay because, again, they bought merienda.

Not so long ago after we took in our snacks, Alfoy, Lemar, and Lemar's brother arrived. I knew they would have a drinking session.

They tried to entice me to quaff a bit but they were unsuccessful. I set myself not to drink brandy, wherever I am, whoever induces me and till I have sanity on my head. Drinking alcoholic drinks is indeed dispensable.

Thus, I have come up in an idea of having a CD compilation of my favorite songs, of memorable songs and theme songs to myself, to my girls and to my friends. It would let it CD-burned, and I would name it 'My Soundtracks". Here they are:

Because of You (Keith Martin) Until the Time is True (Five)Ever Since the World Begun, Hawak-Kamay (Yeng Constantino), Boulevard of Broken Dreams (Greenday),Californication (Red Hot Chili Peppers),Total Eclipse of my Heart, Perfect (Simple Plan, )The Reason (Maroon 5, )Will of the Wind, Show Me the Meaning of Being Lonely (Back Street Boys), Mama (Spice Girls),Unwell (Matchbox Twenty), When September Ends (Greenday).

It was ten when the drunkards finished the last drop of 'Empe.' It was then the time I took my dinner. But it's okay. Jano opted it. He's just being kind. In fact, he tried to tell me the advantage of 'pakikipag-inuman.' He told me that Lemar is a regular employee of Casino Filipino. Yeah! I envy him and I pity myself that I'm jobless, since I'm a graduate of BSC, compared to Lemar who, I think, is not. But I couldn't accept the fact that I must have to drink to get a job. It's a no-no. I would get a job though I'm a teetotaler.

Jano would not be home tomorrow till Thursday because his delivery would be on a far province. I just didn't ask him where. What more important to me is that he accepted it. At least I would not be tired of attending his water for bath. And, I would have privacy.

I was thinking if I will bring my 'mag-ina' here tomorrow. The trouble is MJ is anticipating for Tita Lo's 'padala' to them as 'pamasko.' But I will be there tomorrow after paying our Meralco bills.

"Thank You, Lord! Thank You for we could now enjoy electricity consuming. Tomorrow I would pay our dues. Thank You for blessing Jano with that money. Lord, God, guide me. Protect me tomorrow. I hope I could pay it safely without loss or bad fate. Then, help me in decision-making. I was in chaos. I did not know how to get a job. There are so many vacancies but, I was double minding. There's always a trouble such as resume/biodata, picture, fare or the same. You know, God, how much I have longed for a job. Please, Lord, help me. Give me a job. Whatever job will do, as long as it's decent. Thank You! Thank You for everything. Pardon me. Pardon us, the sinners. Amen!"

December 11, 2006

Seven-thirty, I left Bautista, despite the rain, to pay our electric bills. It was past 8:30 when I have got there.

The lines were so long. I waited so long.

I wasn't shocked when I paid P3,493+ because November bill was included. Alas! Just couldn't have a kickback.

I, then called Gie, as she told me. We have no budget left. The change was only P60, which was enough for fare. She gave me the directions on how to go to her workplace in QC so that she could give me our weekly budget (P500).

My head was aching while I was on the jeepney. Plus, traffic was devastating.

There, Gie's co-worker told me to prepare my resume' so that he (He's gay.) could find a job for me. It interests me. In fact, he blamed me for being not prepared. I regret too for I intentionally left my requirement files including my prepared resume'. He also advised me to take away my timidity and to use non-maong pants when applying. I appreciate his kindness.

After Gie has given me the money, I left immediately due to a 'bowelling-reason.' I was constipated. However, I must mail Gie's greeting card in Cubao. I had a hard time looking for that far-off post office.

Then, I dropped by in my in-laws' house to satisfy my constipation. But, I haven't.

Mj insisted coming with me in Bautista. I did not want too. But because of what I have observed and what she related to me, I decided to take her and Hanna home.

Their house was fully packed by my in-laws. Complete family, huh! Then, Hanna's milk was shared to Akisha. It's okay. Hanna shared milk with Akisha's too, oftentimes. Quits!

We market in Gate-2.

Two-thirty when we got home. Mj and I had a headache. We took in merienda. Then, I swept dried leaves at the garden. Flor has been negligent.

 

December 12, 2006

I woke up at 8AM and immediately prepared pancakes. It's been a long time since we last eat pancake. It was when we were still in Boso-Boso.

Boso-Boso... Boso-Boso. I missed Boso-Boso, especially when Mj asked me if I want to live again there. It was the idea of my mother-in-law. Her mother offers to talk to Tita Lo about it. I replied that it is dependent to what life there has to offer. If they will only pay us the same amount and if they will not provide us with our needs and wants such as kitchen, TV, etc., there's no reason to live or to dwell again in that remote area.

I would love to have a privacy. Having a private life is what MJ and I were longing for. Now that we're going to be a four-membered family, we really need a house.

Since, I was occupied by attending Hanna, I haven't had enough time to write. Thus, I was excerpting these entries in my Auto-Summary, dated to date:

MISSION: Just to do whatever comes into my mind

VISION: Envisions happiness and contentment ahead of me

DESIRE: To renovate our Christmas tree

NECESSITY: Toothache reliever

HEALTH: Swelling gums started to distort my chin

WEALTH: Budget: P200+. I have no personal money.

DREAM: About Lolo Angel and unloading of cows and goats

THOUGHT: Pancake reminds me of Boso-Boso life and days

MEMORY: Mj told me that Nanay was offering to talk to Tita Lo so that we could live again in Boso-Boso

MOOD: Joyful

LOVE: Hanna inspires me, as always

HATE: I hate the stinky smell of Moning's poo. I hate her!

FEAR: I have no fear since Nanay was planning for us.

SECURITY: Nanay has been concerned to us. I feel more secured now to our lives.

ANGER: Upset, when I was vexed by Flor despite of my silence and our gap

ACTIVITIES: Gardening (AM). Christmas decorating (PM)

ATTAINMENT: Planted papaya seedlings. Changed Christmas tree into decorations

INSPIRATION: "House is not a home."

OBSERVATION: Hanna is indeed 'pasaway.' Yet she's sweet.

APPRECIATION: I appreciate Nanay for planning for us.

EXPECTATION: I didn't expect for Mama or her 'padala' today

VIOLATION: Deconstructing our Christmas tree

QUESTION: Mj asked me if I want to live in Boso-Boso again. My reply was 'depende'.

RECOGNITION: Flor gave Christmas presents to Mj ang Hanna. She was packing too, for my siblings, Yoshimi and my in-laws

SECRET: Willingness to live again in Boso-Boso

PROBLEM: I problemize my gum swellings

HOPE: Mj and I talked about Tita LO's padala. I hope she would be shared with it.

ADVERSITY: Swelling gums

BELIEF: I knew God has plan for me and for my 'mag-ina'.

IDEA: Today I accomplished the idea of deconstructing the Christmas tree

EXPERIENCE: Swelling gums would be the 2nd time if it puts me to a severe pain

DIVERSITY: None

LEARNING: Mangosteen—queen of the fruits

Before I forgot, my dream was: "I saw a closed van that stopped in front of Lolo Angel's property. I also could see him. All of a sudden, a tied-up white and very lean cow was unloaded by truck men. Then, goats were also unloaded. That was when I thought that Lolo Angel would venture in cow and goat raising aside from his piggery and cock raising. I couldn't see Mama."

Before I sleep, I asked God to heal my swollen gums. I told Him that I did not want to be a "Babalu' again.

 

December 13, 2006

Today is Auntie Belen's birthday. I wish she realizes. She must realize that her entire life has been worldly. She lives in fraudulence. She victimizes her own family such as Mama and Papay Benson. I hope she returns Papay Benson's land title.

My dream was: "There was no party going on in our house, but unexpected and uninvited guests keep on coming from nowhere because Jano advocates hospitality and 'pakikisama.' Mama, Jano and I entertained them. We give them liquors, something to eat and drink. I could see my father-in-law, who was disagree on what I was doing. He's quiet. Next thing happened was there was a drunk and unknown man, who amok. He was holding a bolo, but an arrow was left to his hand, as if there was a secret weapon on his bolo. Then, he tried to target somebody. I saw Hanna and immediately caught her up. The invader was targeting us. Thus, I protected Hanna. The time runs fast that I could see the fast-approaching arrow. I turned around as if we were no place to hide, to go or to run to. All I did was I let the arrow hit me. Presto! It hits my back –my left back. It's not that hurts but I could feel it's numbing! I then woke up to see if it's real. My back was indeed numb.

It was quarter-to-eight when I got up despite of drowsiness I still feel. I prepared pancake batter in a jiffy. We're having our breakfast while "Kabuhayang Swak na Swak' was being aired. I have learned there the 'fossilized leaves', which could be made into artworks, such as flowers.

Then, while Mj was doing laundry, I attended Hanna. While doing my part, I swept and burnt dried leaves at our far front yard. I was doing that for Mama. She was the only one, who sweeps there. Now, I did it too. I started doing it since Mama left to Sauyo.

Evening. I have noticed in a song-hits magazine a well-known, Desiderata. I didn't know exactly what the English translation of this foreign word. But it interests me –the contents are interesting. Thus, I copied it.

It would be an inspirational e-mail for Rodea. Come what may!

 

December 14, 2005

I was so occupied to date. Thus, I preferred to duplicate my Auto-Summary, dated today. My 'mag-ina's' presence was the reason of this. But I don't blame them.

MISSION: To see what I could do

VISION: I could see productive ends at the end of the day

DESIRE: To finish my project, that must be done before January 6, 2007

NECESSITY: Glue, paste, colored papers

HEALTH: I could feel a lowering swell of my gums

WEALTH: P150+ on my purse

DREAM: I was too sleepy to reminiscence my dreams

THOUGHT: I was thinking what possible job Tito Jun could give me

MEMORY: I remember Hilario Family

MOOD: Actively happy at AM. Sleepy at PM

LOVE: Hanna has been so hyper

HATE: I hate sleepiness. I couldn't sleep though I tried

FEAR: I'm afraid Jano asks where the budget was used

SECURITY: Secured. Mj wrote a letter for Tito Jun asking him for help. It's for me --- a job.

ANGER: Secretly upset when Flor decided to absent morrow though she has a fare.

ACTIVITIES: Household working--- cooking especially. Getting 'baging'

ATTAINMENT: I've cooked yummy 'ginataan'

INSPIRATION: Mj's endeavour to help me to have a job

OBSERVATION: Hanna prefers bigger shoes, slippers or sandals

APPRECIATION: I appreciate For. She gave me a Christmas gift. It's so early, huh!

EXPECTATION: Unexpected invitation from Auntie Lida. She invites me to join 'simbang umaga' on Dec.18.

VIOLATION: I cut my own hair, again. Good thing, it's nicely done.

QUESTION: Auntie Lida's invitation: to join or not to join

RECOGNITION: I thank God for He slowly heals my swollen chin

SECRET: I would like to join 'simbang umaga' in Prayer Mountain but I didn't know if I could afford the fare expense

PROBLEM: My swollen gums I was problemizing, started to swell down

HOPE: I hope Tuto Jun would be touched by Mj's letter

ADVERSITY: Sleepiness and sleeplessness at PM

BELIEF: I knew Tito Jun is willing to help me

IDEA: Mj's idea to write Tito Jun was nice. It's her own idea.

EXPERIENCE: Cutting my own hair is practiced by me two years ago.

DIVERSITY: Cutting my own hair again

LEARNING: Salimpapaw (airplane), Dagitab (electricity), Ruweda (cockpit area), Gabadora (stapler) Recipe (Latin kunin)

Mj told me to write on a Christmas card we would give to Tito Jun including her letter of help-searching. I then wrote this:

Tito Jun,

Every day of the year

is God's blessing

Christmastime is right time

To count such blessings

Today is our privileged time,

Our blessed moment

To greet you

A Merry Christmas!

HAPPY HOLIDAYS!

Froilan,

I hope he would bless us with what he could. A job is enough for me.

December 15, 2006

This is my AutoSummary today:

MISSION: To ask April when we would go to Quiapo for her abortion

VISION: Envision to have an artwork

DESIRE: To accompany April to Quiapo

NECESSITY: Glue or paste

HEALTH: I'm well so as my chin

WEALTH: Our budget was almost spent. P83 was left.

DREAM: I forgot to remember my dream

THOUGHT: I was thinking of what gift I will present to Flor

MEMORY: I remember my scriptwriting manual/book—'Quaipo'. It was my first autographed book.

MOOD: Bored

LOVE: My 'mag-ina' left Bautista at 11AM

HATE: I hate myself for being afraid to a medical examination

FEAR: Cosmos is a beverage company. I'm afraid to apply, as what Taiwan told me.

SECURITY: Oppurtunity is unlimited. It's everywhere and timeless. There's a right job for me.

ANGER: To myself when project becomes 'poorly done'

ACTIVITIES: Pursuing my project--- Letter compilation

ATTAINMENT: A half-done Letter Compilation

INSPIRATION: Taiwan's text inspired me to leave the house tomorrow

OBSERVATION: My chin was now on its original form

APPRECIATION: I was thanking God for continually healing my swollen chin.

EXPECTATION: Unexpected text from Taiwan --- telling me to photocopy my requirements

VIOLATION: Making Mj jealous to my x-gf, Analyn. She caught me looking at her.

QUESTION: Why Flor presented me with stationeries?

RECOGNITION: When I opened Flor's gift for me, stationeries were there, inside. I liked it! Car is the design.

SECRET: Willingness to be romantic and sweet to Mj

PROBLEM: Sweetness. I couldn't take myself a sweet and romantic partner

HOPE: I hope I could meet Taiwan tomorrow at his in-law's house

ADVERSITY: Bitterness towards Mj's 'paglalambing'.

BELIEF: I knew she (Mj) understands me.

IDEA: I knew now what to present Flor as gift. Pocket mirror.

EXPERIENCE: I wanted to experience working in a big company but I don't want to undergo medical exam

DIVERSITY: Making the Letter Compilation

LEARNING: I have been so busy this afternoon thus I have no time to learn.

Gie and Jano arrived at 8:30 PM. The latter wowed when he saw our viand –'tortang talong.'

 

December 16, 2006

I slept early last night. Thus, I had so many dreams:

One. "Before Jano and Gie left for work, the latter gave me P58. The former has been oppressive to her. And, though he tried to lower his voice, I could still hear it. I counted the money with a hard heart. Budget of P500 was what I was expecting for."

Two. "Downhill, Mj and I saw Ate Lani, her husband and two other men. They were busy doinga 'buko' stuffs. I wondered why and how they found the place. I noticed the two sets of bulky buko. They looked fresh, yummy. Then, Ate Lani asked if I have got a job. When I said no, she offered me to apply at their buko stand in Veterans. I didn't promise. But I showed her my willingness."

Three. "In Iraya, Sia's house has been busy. Ate Ningning was there. They're all busy in a same thing –building a tree house or something. Mama Leling commanded me to look for a carpenter. She was telling me some other things to do. Kuya Bambi and Ate Ningning add some more."

Five minutes to six when I got up. Today is a baptismal day of Tito Danny and Tita Alon's daughter at URS compound. I would go and join the party, as I promised MJ. Thus, I prepared, gathered water, swept, dishwashed, etc. I don't want to leave the house dirty and unorganized because I would like to come home in a clean and organized house. Besides, Flor is a negligent girl.

While preparing to leave, I waited for Mama. But she did not arrive. Thus, I left Bautista at 7:30 AM.

There, at 8 AM, I noticed them not yet ready for baptismal. Mj then told me that it would be taken place in the afternoon. Hence, I waited so long, which upsets me and bores me.

Here's the entry to my AutoSummary:

MISSION: To go to Bayan

VISION: I could see myself goes fatter to the food I would eat.

DESIRE: To find job

NECESSITY: Resume,' biodata, and ID

HEALTH: Fine

WEALTH: At the end of the day, my money was only P11.50

DREAMS: (1) P58 given by Gie, (2) About Ate Lanie and her husband, (3) About Sia Family

THOUGHT: Thinking why Mama did not go home today and when will she be home

MEMORY: Christmas parties in RGCC

MOOD: Active when I prepared to leave. Bored, when I was in my in-laws' house

LOVE: Mj paid me P23.50. It was P30 she used in her fare yesterday

HATE: I hate to know that the baptismal would not be taken place in the morning. So, I have to wait.

FEAR: I have no fear today.

SECURITY: I knew Tito Jun would appreciate Mj's letter to him

ANGER: Waiting is obnoxious thing. I waited from 8Am to 2PM at my in-laws' house

ACTIVITIES: Going to Bayan. Attending Shamira's dedication

ATTAINMENT: I have talked to Taiwan about Cosmos' hiring of employees

INSPIRATION: Inspired to find a job so that I could help my friend, Epr.

OBSERVATION: Mj wants me to stay at their house.

APPRECIATION: For Taiwan, who wants me to have a stable job.

EXPECTATION: I expected for Mama's arrival. She didn't.

VIOLATION: Lying to Jano about what I did in Bayan. I told him that I also talked to Tito Jun and asked him for help.

QUESTION: When will Mama go home?

RECOGNITION: I could see Hanna's superiorities. She is taller than Neiczel.

SECRET: Willingness to have a decent job.

IDEA: Taiwan's words of encouragement gave me an idea to apply in Cosmos

EXPERIENCE: Attending Shamira's dedication wasn't my first time

DIVERSITY: Hesitant to apply or inquire the sign :"Wanted: Canteen Helper"

LEARNING: Nerve-cracking means 'nakakakaba'.

Tonight is 'Grand Dream Night' of Pinoy Dream Academy. I longed and waited for this night. However, sleepiness comes. I then end up in chewing sour candies just to escape from that trouble.

It's the most awesome live TV show I've ever seen so far. It inspired me much. I realized that 'There's no big dream." All is possible to a determined person.

And the winner is---- Yeng Constantino!

Hawak-Kamay. Di kita iiwan…

It's already 1AM, December 17.

 

December 17, 2006

Past seven when I got up. I was just disturbed by the noise of water supply truck. I thought we could buy water too. But I realized that Jano has not given me the budget yet. Thus, I swept at the garden.

Jano hands me down the budget at 9, when water supply trucks were already gone. It was only P300.

Since I have done garden works, I waited for a truck. The truck did not arrive after 30 minutes of waiting. Unexpected arrival of my 'mag-ina' and my in-laws comes next. They're going to Boso-Boso. I come with them.

There they make a gate. I did some visitations, too. I visited my plants. I then noticed the changes and differences. I pity the surroundings. It was a total difference. Everyone could say or would say that our presence in that house has been productive.

I, then realized that I could hardly accept the possible offer of Calove. If they offer me to live again thee, I will think more times and I would make sure they would give us what we really need – not lacking, not 'more than'.

One, while burning the dried grasses and cogon, it was worsened by strong wind. Tatay becomes hysterical to the incident. At once, I didn't worry but when they shout for worry and when they over-react, I started to be afraid. It was a nerve-cracking scene.

Fire was so furious. It was so speedy. In a blink of an eye, other piles of cogon were infected. It was so hot. I couldn't come near to kill the approaching fire. They help, except for Mj. Good thing is there were two gallons of water. The fire that was about to ruin the neighbor's properties such as bamboo fences, fish nets, piggery and pigs, etc.

I thanked God. But the result was I started to feel shame. It's an embarrassing deed I ever have done, though it was unintentional. I just consoled myself.

Till I have got home at 2, I was still feeling ashamed. It affects me much. Though I waited my 'mag-ina' to stay here, I preferred not to because of it.

I was so sleepy. Thus, I tried to sleep. Four-thirty, I have been in a short nap when I heard Rodea's voice. I told her sincerely that I missed her. However, she doesn't mind it. Instead, she asked for apology about her incapability to pay me. I showed her that I was sad. Then I reasoned out why. It was because I need it tomorrow for fare to Cosmos. She assured me that she would make a way to pay me. She left after that. Alas! I want to converse with her.

She came back at 7:30 PM. We had a talk. Then, Flor was asked by Rodea about Christian. The former related the story. I did not trust her story, but Rodea blamed herself because she has been prejudiced to Christian. Thus, I used the word 'instinct.' There's no reason to be jealous if she has no intuition that her fiancé was being infidel. It's so happened that my cousin-sister is a friend by the girl and Rodea's bf.

Haay! I don't know. I just couldn't understand why Christian accepted Rodea's decision of splitting with him. He's cowardice. He escaped from responsibilities.

Thus, I advised Diyang not to ruin her life.

We're not yet done talking when couple arrived. She then bade goodbye.

Since, I asked God a sign earlier, I decided not to apply in Cosmos morrow. What was the sign? If Jano brings home groceries, it was a sign that I must pursue job application in Cosmos. But, he didn't. So, it means the position was not mine.

At first, Jano has been defiant to my reasons: (1) having no birth certificate (2) my diploma has unusual size which needs to be reduced in a Xerox machine, but in the end, he agreed silently.

 

December 18, 2006

Six minutes after Jano and Gie left, I got up. It was because I couldn't catch sleep anymore. Hence, I did these activities:

*dining area rearrangement

*project pursuance

*household chores fulfilment

While doing the first two tasks, I was watching TV. I was then inspired to try candle business.

Then at 9:30, I went downhill to converse with Diyang. Unfortunately, she wasn't already there. Thus, I contend to converse with April. She served me with coffee and bread. I had disturbed her sleep.

I went home at 12.

One PM, April came in. I was, that time, making art piece out of 'baging'. Like me, she was also bored. We, then, found ourselves having a naughty, semi-serious talk.

It was six when she bade goodbye. When she's gone, I contemplated what we have talked about. We have talked several issues both comic and serious, but what I couldn't forget was the fact about his brother-in-law, Romeo. It shocked me.

According to her, he was caught in the act by Rodea who has about to 'bolo' Tito Ben when the latter remorse him. They were both drunk. Tito Ben cried. When they're both sober, her in-law asked for apology.

I commented about his bad demeanor. He must not act like that. Tito Ben did the same way to me (not the same words) but I did not practice such 'sacrilege'. His attitude is far from his phtsical attributes. I couldn't believe it.

Since I missed Mama so much and I wanted to see her again, I came to an idea of preparing a greeting card for her. And, I have done this:

Mama,

The most precious and meaningful book

Ever published is....

THE BIBLE

Better life is what you must have.

It is what I want you to give.

Be just patient and hopeful.

Lord God's promises are truthful.

Even Bible says it is so.

Birth of Jesus Christ itself

Is a hope.

Thus, we must cherish it and

Let's celebrate!

You and I must have a

HAPPY HOLIDAYS!

Poroy,

For you, Mama:

THREE WISHES FOR YOU

A wish for prosperity from day to dayA with for peace and happiness this Christmas season

And throughout the New Year... and

A wish for good health forevermore.

From Me,

I was so excited to give the card to her. She for sure would be happy to have it. She's been appreciative ever since.

Jano arrived at past 8 with Gie.

 

December 19, 2006

Since I and April talked about Aileen and her newborn baby yesterday, I dreamt about them.

"I visited Sia Family, when I opened the door. Aileen was there, doing some folding of 'nilabhan.' I greeted her 'Hello.' She was startled to see me. I could see her bodily changes. She became chubbier. I, then climb up the stairs after asking where her baby. There, I saw Eking, who takes care of Emmanuel. The baby was on the top of center table (glass). He's as if a king, sitting on the pillows. He's cute!"

It was quarter to six when the couple left the house. Minutes after, I got up to start the day. Actually, Jano woke me up before they left because he hands me down P100 as an additional budget.

After drinking coffee, I was sweeping outside. Wew! It's so tiring!

Eight-thirty, I was almost done doing household chores.

I was so occupied all day long. Thus, I haven't had enough time to write. So, here's my AutoSummary:

MISSION: To know if we would go to Quiapo but we don't

VISION: I knew our trip to Quiapo would be realized today

DESIRE: To write my biography that focuses on my 3 levels of education

NECESSITY: Notebook for my next project

HEALTH: I'm well. I'm active.

WEALTH: Jano adds P100 in our budget.

DREAM: About Aileen's baby boy.

THOUGHT: I've never thought that Mj's check-up would be tomorrow.

MEMORY: Reading that book gives me a chance to look back at my past education

MOOD: Mood of working at 6Am. Mood of talking the next hours.

LOVE: My mag-ina arrived at 5PM. Mj has good tidings

HATE: None

FEAR: None

SECURITY: I knew I could make it tomorrow

ANGER: None

ACTIVITIES: Household chores and gardening. Chatting with April

ATTAINMENT: Swept the clutters outside. Mingled with April

INSPIRATION: Inspired to look for a job because of Delon's sermons.

OBSERVATION: April was problematic about her baby on her womb

APPRECIATION: I appreciated April for appreciating and showing her gratitude to my advice.

EXPECTATION: My 'mag-ina' arrived at 5 unexpectedly.

VIOLATION: None, except for forgetting Mj's check-up tomorrow

QUESTION: I was interested to a job told by Mj so I inquired her about it.

RECOGNITION: None, except for an interesting book I read today.

SECRET: I was hurt when Delon says I must look for a job since I'm a graduate of BSC.

PROBLEM: I faced no problem today. I only faced with a problematic cousin.

HOPE: I hoped and anticipated for Mama

ADVERSITY: None

BELIEF: I knew April was blaming herself for what's she's done to their baby.

IDEA: Idea of texting Delon. I texted him and we had a long conversation.

EXPERIENCE: Being kind and being hospitable to April.

DIVERSITY: Reading a book ABNKKBSNPLAKo by Bob Ong

LEARNING: BELEKOY (Pinoy slang) "kuripot"

I was excited for my job application tomorrow. Goof thing, Jano has been so supportive to it. He lent me his newest (not yet worn) pants.

I slept early.

 

December 20, 2006

When Jano's alarm clock rings, I woke up immediately. I prepared for my job application. I did it not because I wanted to impress him but because I have to. I like the job. It sounds professional.

I experienced today the 5-AM-bathing though it was so cold.

My 'mag-ina' must wake up early too. They would commute, while Jano and I would ride on his motorcycle. We would meet in Gate 2.

In Gate 2, before Jano and I part ways, he wished me good luck. It gladdens and inspires me. That was when I told myself that I must make it today. Thus, I have been optimistic. I knew I could.

Six, we're already in Rancho. I noticed the house. We're almost complete. All my in-laws' grandchildren were there. The house was full-packed.

I appreciate Nanay for she prepared my 'baon,' too.

Seven, Michelle and I left the house. While on the jeep, she orients me some few pointers.

In Fortune Building, where Standard Chartered Company was nestling, I waited almost 30 minutes. Cathy, Mj' cousin who would be my backer was not yet around. Good thing is Michelle did some alternative for me to be entertained. I was then entertained before Michelle's training starts. It was her third day.

I filled out application form. Next, I was given four sets of exams: logic, reading comprehension, true or false and I forgot the fourth. Finally, I was entertained by Mr. Bob (I saw his name on his cubicle.). He reminds me of Mr. Manrico Pebrero, my gay professor in RGCC. But he's (Bob) not gay. He’s accommodating. He focused on me that time. I have no contemporaries at all.

He asked me if I have selling experience; what my idea about the company and If I am willing to deal credit card to prospects. He also told me about salary, training, exam every training session and about NBI clearance. He gave me a chance to ask him. That way, I've been secured. I knew I was almost hired. Training is just for company's sake/ But I knew they're not discriminating applicants. In fact, I could undergo trainings gain if I fail to the exams given in the end of the lecture.

Ten-thirty when I went outside the building. I thanked God. That workplace was great. It's a decent one. It was my dream working area.

Twelve, I was already at my in-laws' house. Nanay told me that Michelle called asking if I was already there or home. I also told them the good news that happened to me. They seem reactionless but I believe they're glad for me, deep inside.

Mj wanted to go with me here in Bautista. I wanted it too, but I have to hold it for myself. I have no money. Hanna would be milkless, too. Despite of her insistence, I never gave up my will. It would be hard for the three of us if I would.

She gave me P100 which was supposed to be for her check-up.

Two-thirty, I was home. Flor Rhina wasn't here. Thus, I took a nap through a TV show. Good thing I have fallen asleep. My drowsiness was gone. It was 4:35 when I woke up.

Five, April arrived. We went downhill at their house. I talked to Tintin about how to get a clearance from NBI. She revealed and oriented me all about it.

Six-ten, Jano arrived while we are talking about Flor's absence at that time. He immediately asked me what happened to my application. I excitedly and gladly related him all. I opened up about NBI clearance. Without saying anything, he declared that I must have it tomorrow. I have just to go to Tatalon and ask Gie for money.

We talked about my possible job in Standard Chartered Company, He, too, believes that it's a decent and prestigious credit card company. He's glad about my success. He is too optimistic that I could make it till I start working there.

He's supportive. Thus, I must show him I'm willing.

Tomorrow, I will come with him.

"Lord God, thank You so much! This is it! It's your promise. Thank You! Being told to get NBI clearance is such a security, plus, the training. Wow! I couldn't believe I would have this whirlwind and unexpected opportunity. Thank You! You made Jano so supportive, so as Mj and her family. I would be forever thankful for this success. Just continually bless me. Pardon me. Amen."

 

December 21, 2006

I immediately got up when I heard Jano's noise at 3:45 AM. I was that time dreaming.

My dream was a realistic one: "I was in the same house, busy in reorganizing the cluttered. I saw Gie in that scene, while I was angry due to the wet ‘labahan' damped carelessly on laundry basket. I was supposed to leave but I was 'petrified' by that mess.''

Jano saved me from that dream.

Without one hour after Jano and I preparations, we left the house. I was confident to have NBI clearance today. Then, I also have planned to get an SSS number in Marcos Highway near Sta. Lucia East Mall. But before that, I will go to Tatalon at Gie's office, as Jano told me. I must call first and tell her that we need P200.

I have at last seen NBI Clearance Center before 5:30 AM and after I have gone astray near the site. There, I took extra care to the fixers' offers of merchandises/stuffs that are useless. As what Tintin advised, I didn't buy 'cedula'. What for?

While waiting, I have noticed fixers and their styles of enticing ignoramus persons-on-the-queue. I have seen a stout woman who fixes. She tries to blind everyone she plays important role that she's not. She makes me despise her. Thus, I portray her on her mind. She must be avoided.

Another thing, I noticed is that she's 'malakas' to the security aide there.

It was a long wait, but when I was starting the first process, I found it quick-paced. I have done it for 20 minutes only. Then, I realized (1) that community tax certificate being sold by fixers is useless (2) that my name is the only one/is unique (3) that I'm not a criminal.

Then, I went to Sales St. Sta Cruz, Manila and tried to look for Frenel. I asked to a woman, but she did not know her. A boy knew her. His descriptions were exact but the fact that she already has a grade school kid was not real. She's not her. But I knew that place is the exact place where Mj and I have been two years ago.

I left the place disappointedly.

Then, I roamed around Plaza Miranda Mall. I only have no money to buy items for gifts. Thus, I left Quaipo.

Ten, I was already in Tatalon. In Gie's office, I called firstly Mama who wants me to go to Sauyo. Then, I also called Mj and talked to Hanna who never speaks. Mj told me that she would go to Bautista. So, I permitted her.

After Gie has given me my intention (P200), I bade farewell. I also have her calling cards which would help me get more commissions, when I start working in Standard Chartered Company hopefully by January 2007. I promised her that if Mama gave me money I would return to her the half of her money.

Eleven-twenty, I was already in Sauyo. Lola Alice was there. She has learned about my employment success. Mama, I knew was also happy for me.

Hour later, I was going home, with bags of gift and merchandises, worth P2000. I was like thin Santa Claus. But it's okay. Mj would be happy to see Hanna's gifts from Mama.

Everybody has gifts from Mama.

Mama is indeed selfless. For sure, she didn't but for herself. She only bought stuffs such as plastic wares and toiletries for all of us.

For this, I was planning to give back. I just hope I would have money this Christmas. Lola Alice gave me P200, but it would be paid to Ate Grace.

Lola Alice gave it for my fare to Pasig. She would not know where I spend it. Jano and Gie must not know about it.

Since I was feeling nausea and I wanted to poo, I had to expedite home. I unintentionally have forgotten to drop by in SSS Marcos Highway to get an SSS number. But's it's okay. It was not required to me by the interviewer.

In Gate 2, I decided not to buy fresh viands. I instead bought hotdogs. Jano should understand. I was so burdened by two bags on my hands and my knapsack, plus, my headache and poo-feeling.

In Bautista, I immediately faced my 'dala-dala.' I fixed some of the gifts wrapped by Mama. Some were wrapped by me. I also named them.

April was so delighted to see the gifts and to know that Denise has gift too.

Mj and Hanna arrived at 4:30. April left minutes ago. She thanked me.

Jano was so glad for the success of my 'lakad'.

I slept early.

 

December 22, 2006

While Jano was preparing to leave, I was wide-awake. My mind started to travel. Excitement to my work (training) begins to grow.

Six, April came in to wait for water supply truck. Thus, I woke up to. We must buy water too. Mj would wash our clothes, so as Flor. However, the latter took over the load. Mj was saved. Thanks, Flor!

Night. I made two Christmas greetings. Here they are:

Mj,

Some people say, Christmas is just for kids…

for children.

Some doesn't celebrate the day when Jesus Christ

Was born…

Some believes it is family-time…

And some prefers to celebrate the new-year day

Whatever!

All I knew is that…

I'm happy...

Celebrating with you is what

Makes it...

A Joyful Christmas!

Honey,

I have no material gift for you this season.

All I have is my wish:

MAY THE TRUE SPIRIT OF CHRISTMAS BRINGS YOU

PEACE AND HAPPINESS!

I am financially poor, but wealthy of

LOVE, CARE and UNDERSTANDING all throughout the year..

HAPPY HOLIDAYS!!

Bee,

Hanna Margaret,

This is your 2nd Christmas. It is, however, our 1st Christmastime and New Year's day together...

I wish we would celebrate more holidays together... so that I could start introducing you the real Santa Claus…

Merry Christmas!

Papa,

The project I was doing as present to Mj was almost done. I have pasted all the letters, notes, and cards on it. I also have decided to call the compilation as "Letters, Etc.."

It's still unknown to Mj. She has no idea of what I was doing.

Here are my entries in my AutoSummary:

MISSION: To attend Hanna

VISION: I could see a finish product – "Letters, Etc.."

DESIRE: To finish my project

NECESSITY: Nizoral. My scalp was so itchy.

HEALTH: Fine. I'm active.

WEALTH: P200 was starting to pop off.

DREAM: was too tired and sleepy to remember those dreams.

THOUGHT: Excitement due to my scheduled trainings made me sleepless.

MEMORY: Last Christmas. It was the saddest Christmas ever.

MOOD: Happy

LOVE: Hanna started to pronounce clearly. She just repeating the last syllable of every word.

HATE: I hate dandruff!

FEAR: No.

SECURITY: Financial security begins to show.

ANGER: No.

ACTIVITIES: As usual. Plus, project pursuance.

ATTAINMENT: I have covered the "Letters, Etc.."

INSPIRATION: Because of my success, I'm inspired.

OBSERVATION: April was penniless.

APPRECIATION: April liked the 'pinakro' I cooked, and which is indeed inspired by her.

EXPECTATION: No.

VIOLATION: No, except for robbing cassava scions at King's plantation.

RECOGNITION: Commendation for Flor, who washed our clothes.

SECRET: My project is still unknown to Mj.

PROBLEM: Slight problem. No need to mention.

HOPE: 100%. I was wishing to win the job in Standard Chartered Company.

ADVERSITY: I couldn't sleep.

BELIEF: I knew I would have a lucky, happy New Year (2007)

IDEA: I cooked 'pinakro'.

EXPERIENCE: No.

DIVERSITY: "Letters, Etc"

LEARNING: Earlobe—part of ear where earrings are put.

 

December 23, 2015

Jano did not come home last night. Yet, I got up early. And, without even sipping a hot coffee, I started to sweep at the garden. It was 8 when I was done.

Past 1O when Mj and Hanna were about to leave, Jano and Gie arrived. Good thing, he brought home 'tilapia' for lunch. He also gave me P100.

While cooking, an offer from Gie surprised me. She told me that if her co-worker named Jun, company's sales agent resigns, she will recommend me. Her intuition about Jun's frequent absence was good news for me. I showed her my willingness. I would rather choose to work with her than to work in a credit card company.

They left at 1PM. Jano confirmed that they would go home tonight. Fine! Thus, I told him to bring home siomai and shirts.

Five, I felt cold. Thus, I went outside and swept and burned the dried leaves.

Seven, Diana arrived. I gave her the P200, Jano left me. She was about to talk or ask for additional premium from Jano so that they could have a pancit on Noche Buena.

When she was gone, I came to an idea of repairing pants. I have repaired one.

Pants is my problem now that I would be having a job, I mean training (job after training).

 

December 24, 2006

Jano and Gie arrived from Infinite at 2AM. They have not disturbed my deep sleep at the dawn. But I have known their arrival when I got up to pee. They have brought no 'ulam,' n especially siomai I requested.

The couple got up after I have swept at the garden, I have learned that Auntie Vangie gave us bag of giveaways. There's no t-shirt too.

They left the house at 8:30 AM, while I was writing my newest literary piece which I entitled –Loyalty Award.

Nine, I started washing our clothes, our blankets, rags, and Hanna's rubber mats. It was 10:15 when I was done and that was also the time my 'mag-ina' arrived. It was unexpected. I was more surprised when MJ revealed the reason of her arrival--- its' because Tito Jun was offering me a job. He wants me to be a collector in Cogeo market.

Wow! I'm so lucky. I have now 3 options: Standard Chartered Company, Bradford, and Gate 2 (collection of rental fees). Thus, I prepared myself. I must meet Tito Jun this afternoon.

One PM, we left Bautista.

Quarter to four, Tito Jun called. So, I have to meet him at their house at 4. Not more than 15 minutes ago (of waiting), we went to Gate 2. There, I started electric bill collection (it was electric consumption) from the tent tenants.

It was owned by Tent City Trade Exhibit. I liked the job because I would only consume two or three hours to collect all, every 6 PM. I was thinking if it's for a long time or till when.

Tito Jun told me that I chose me chose because he wants the money to be secured. It means he trusts me.

He's also the one who would give my salary. We have not yet just talked about 'how much my salary is'. It doesn't matter to me. At least I have had started in a jiffy. In fact, I never expect for this. I just want to thank Mj who wrote a letter for Tito Jun. the letter helped me, too.

However, I was still thinking of Gie's promise. I'm still interested to work with her company as sales agent.

My tonight's collection was P510. One hundred pesos of it was borrowed by Elek who promised to pay it back tomorrow.

My in-laws were so busy preparing foods for our Noche Buena.

This is my first Noche Buena here.

And this is my happiest Christmas in my 27th years because of the following: (1) I have Hanna, (2) Mj is pregnant (3) I have a job.

December 25, 2006

I wasn't awakened up by MJ at Noche Buena. Even them, didn't wake up. We're all asleep.

Nine, despite of my disagreement, Mj, Hanna, and I went to church. There, I and Hanna roam around at the 'tiangge' nearby. I bought chirping toy and alphabet for Hanna.

Churching in Our Lady of Peace and Good Voyage is not that holy and solemn. Imagine, the churchgoers were standing merely outside the church. There's no holy spirit in there. But, it's okay, at least I took Hanna out to see how Christmas was celebrated by everyone.

My in-laws' house has been packed by visitors both adults and children. It was so noisy and in hodgepodge. Thus, I decided to go home with my 'mag-ina.' We left at 12:30.

Immediately, after our arrival, Hanna and I went downhill at Auntie Helen's house. Diyang wasn't there. Thus, I invited April and her 'mag-ama.' We left at 12:30. April handed down P150 to Hanna. It was from Auntie Helen.

I felt ashamed. I only expect for a material gift from them. Thus, I decided to give what I bought recently in Bayan for Hanna. For that I could return some of the equivalent of it.

Taiwand and his 'mag-ina' arrived at past 5. It was unexpected. He gave P50 for Hanna.

I then totaled all Hanna's monetary gifts. She received today.

Lola P80

Tito Jun P100

Auntie Helen P150

Ninong Onad P50

Lolo Midyong P50

Taiwan P50

P480

Plus, the material gifts:

Ate Donna doll

Auntie Lida telephone toy

Ninang Concon dresses

Bernie toy

She's luckier than me because I haven't experienced what she is experiencing. I want commend Lola Alice, who gave me P200. She was the first one who gives me this year/Christmas.

I have had a bonding with April and Dick this afternoon before Taiwan came. Dick becomes more at ease with me, so as me to him.

Minutes before six, I rode on a jeep to gate 2 for my collection job. I was afraid that I might collect nothing because of tardiness. Good thing is I have collections, though some were closed.

I have collected P340. Tito Jun's direction, however, were not realized because I did not see Daisy or anyone in our meeting place. Thus, I put the blame on me.

To tell what happened I called Nanay.

Before I left Gate 2, I bought Hanna's milk. I have had a hard time looking for Bonakid because some grocery stores were closed.

This night, I was determined to stop doing my AutoSummary due to my job. I'm busy. I would be overloaded.

Jano and Gie arrived at 11:45, they bring us 'tiramisu, pancit and menudo. I only eat the cake.

 

December 26, 2006

Seven-thirty when I got up. I was gone mad when I saw the black ants feasting on the menudo, pancit and sautéed squid. I immediately shoo them away. I intend to eat them.

Eight, I was greeted by Rodea. We bonded while taking I breakfast. I have learned that she's indeed determined to give her baby to her employer. I tried to change her mind, but it seems useless. I told her that she rather kills her baby than to give it. She would suffer it forever.

I could see a big party in this house today, which means privacy would be gone. Thus, I forced Mj to go home. They left at 11.

Fifteen to twenty minutes ago, Chris and his 'mag-ina' arrived, that was when a noisome gets worse and stronger. The house becomes 'magulo'. But I was not mad of their arrival. I just wanna say that my decision to force Mj in going home has been right and timely.

I did my part.

Then, 4 PM, Eric arrived. He was our valedictorian classmate in ANHS. He greeted me. I just nod. I couldn't still forget his bad deed to me. I don't like him, indeed.

Quarter to five when I left to Gate 2.

There, I started immediately.

One hour later, I have done my job. The problem was Daisy was not there. She was supposed to be the one I must give the collections to. I waited to Eden so long for her to finish her job but the problem in tenancy arises. She got involved. Another reason why I haven't remitted the 3-day collection was that Tito Jun hasn't replied from her text. She, too, was confused. Thus, I asked her if I must go home or not. She permitted me. It was 7:30. She was asking if I have a number.

Eight, I was home. Chriz wasn't there already so as Eric. Tito Sam, Wallace and Jano were singing along, not to mention Gie.

After dinner and after I have washed the dishes, I joined them. They were surprised when I received the mic. I sang "How Can I Tell Her About You." They praised me for having self-confidence though I was not drunk.

Then, Jano gave me his beer in can. Ia lso sang '25 Minutes'.

Since the songs being played, are 70's, I become vacant for a short period of time. However, I was singing along with them without mic.

Tito Sam and Wallace bade goodbye when Jano and Gie get inside the house to sleep. Taiwan was there already.

I want to sing more. I was having fun.

Taiwan and I continue 'videoking' till 11. I have sung one of my favorite songs --- 'Unwell.'

 

December 27, 2006

It was 7:30 AM when I got up. I immediately started doing households. I also swept at the garden.

Today is supposed to be my training in Pasig. Alas! But it's okay! At least, I am working now.

Past 9, when I envision a 'viandless' lunch, I went downhill to spend time there. I did not want to be problematic in terms of food.

There, we have a bonding. Dick was totally at ease dealing with me. In fact, he was inviting me to join with them in 'pamamasyal' in a carnival this New Year. I did not commit but I suggested that it's better if it would be on January 2.

Eleven-forty-five when I went back home.

Still, there was no viand. They buy 'tuyo' and noodles, instead.

Jano asked what our shares in our Media Noche would be. I said 'haleyang ube' and rice cake. I told him that it would be dependent on my salary.

April and Dick have bonded with us. Dick watched DVD with them. It gladdens me. I had a merry afternoon.

Five, I left Bautista. My collection amounted to P1380.

Six-thirty, I was done collecting. It amounted to P530, and the total collection for 4 days was P1910.

While waiting for Eden, I was known to Ms. Tess, the organizer. Then, the basket of fruits was waiting for me to deliver. Thus, I went to Rancho. It was not on my plan.

There, Me-Ann texted Tito Jun so that I could remit the collection. Good thing is he replied that the money must be left to Mj.

I borrowed P40 from Mj. I don't have a fare allowance anymore.

It was 8:30 when I left my in-laws' house. Tatay tried to stop me from leaving. I don't know if that was because it his birthday today or what. But I still went on.

Nine, I was home. I then told Taiwan about the job opportunity which was offered by Michelle's friend to her. It was in a credit and loan company. Our backer is a unit manager. It interests me, for the location is so near to my present work.

My plan of applying to an eatery was not realized.

Before I plunge into my subconscious, I thanked God for giving me a job. Collection of electric consumptions of the tent tenants in Gate 2 is a decent job. Though, I didn't know till when it would be. What matters most was the truth that I was now occupied for good. No one could ever condemn or vex me.

 

December 28, 2006

Seven-fifteen, I got up. I took care of Yoshimi while her parents were still sleeping. Ten minutes ago, I cooked 'maruya' for our breakfast. Then, I faced my opportunity--- it was keeping the surrounding clean and green.

Taiwan decided not to apply in a job I told him last night. So I did. I haven't a resume yet. But I would apply.

Since, I have no money, Taiwan took over the budgeting. I pity him for he had to save for Yoshimi is consuming milk.

One, I took a nap. Two, I watched DD specifically 'Lilo and Stitch.' I found it nice. I was touched by the story.

Ten minutes before it ends, Dick and April arrived. Dick was about to go home. April was about to wash clothes.

Dick and I left Bautista at past 4. On the jeep, he confided with me. He has grievances against Romeo and Tintin, about their living-in together.

In Gate 2, I inquired to a canteen that was looking for a canteen helper. Unfortunately, they already had hired one. However, he did not report this morning. So, I decided to go back tomorrow morning.

Collection time. I have experienced many queries and grievances. I also have noticed hodgepodge such as tent position confusions and electric interruptions.

Seven, I went to my in-laws' house. There, I left my collection of P490. Mj handed me down a transfer form from Comelec. And I borrowed DVD from them—24. I received also my P100 fare allowance.

Before I left, I told Mj that I would be there tomorrow morning so that I could go to Comelec for a purpose.

I bought 'longganisa' and 'talong' in Gate 2 from the P30 Taiwan has given me.

On the jeep, I met Wallace. He paid our fares, but he did not notify me. Later I paid P34 for our fares. I knew our fares were doubled but I couldn't do nothing. I waited for him to tell me that he paid my fare. He didn't. Thus, when I stopped the jeep, I told him about it. I wished he refunds for it. Alas!

My plan of not going home tomorrow was postponed because Taiwan directed me to but Yoshimi's milk.

 

December 29, 2006

Four-forty-five, I was awoken by Jano, for my scheduled trip to Antipolo-Bayan.

I changed my mind. I would still go home tonight.

Past 5, when we left the house. It was drizzling that time.

Ten to six, I was standing here the carinderia, I planned to apply. The owner I have talked with yesterday was not yet there, so I rode a trike to Bayan.

In Comelec, the queue was terrible. Applicants were numerous. Yet, I still fell in line. However, due to a long wait and standing position, I felt I want to poo. I walked through my in-laws' house. There, I was given directions by Me-Ann. She would do a way to help me expedite the transfer of my voting precinct.

Not more than 15 minutes, we meet at a certain place near the Comelec. We then waited for Tony, an employee of the said office and her ex-co-worker. While waiting, I have noticed applicants' angst and grief. I also heard a voice from Comelec official that it was not the office' fault, it was applicants. It's true. We're given by them enough time to register or transfer but we waited December 2006 to do so.

Presto! I meet Tony. He and I entered the office. I felt shame and guilt. But I have to.

Inside, I could still see confusions, grievances, and hodgepodge. Good thing is there's someone who could help me. I was prioritized.

Finally at past 9, the transfer was done. I thanked Tony. Then, I realized, while I was walking home, that 'padreno' system is rampant. However, it is somehow helpful. It helps me a lot. I have saved time and effort.

I wanna also thank Me-Ann for this.

After lunch, I used Michael's laptop. I made and saved a resume there. It was my newest resume, which I will use in applying for a job referred to me by Michelle.

Five, I left to gate 2. There, I have been in a slight confusion. However, it would be favorable to me tomorrow because I don't have to go back and forth. The tenants' tents were now on one line. It's okay if their numbers were not followed.

I have had a 'kabiruan' there. They (two women) were kidding me always. Tomorrow, I would not collect from them as I promised. Since, December 28 has been a bad day for them because of electric interruptions. I understand them. At least, they have got my ticklish.

Eight, I was home. I noticed house' untidiness. It was so 'makalat'. The kitchen was messy—unwashed dishes, disorganized utensils, etc. Flor's room was such like an 'ukay-ukay' center. It almost maddens me.

Bullshit! I found out after extensive and thorough calculations that I was lacking P20. Bad thing is I only have P31 on my purse. It was my fare allowance. How could I mend it?

I slept early.

December 30, 2006

Five-thirty AM, we were awakened by Mam's call. We were surprised. Next thing happened was we were rumbling with her 'pasalubongs' – junk foods, chocolate, etc. Mama gave P200 each to me and Taiwan. We're like in a flea market. Mama seems a 'balikbayan', who only arrived from her long stay in a far land.

Tito Ben arrived. He was anticipating. Mama then opened up about Lolo Aton's fall. I pity them. They lost their green pasture. However, a side of me says "They deserve it.'' Lola Lipin was being fooled by them for a long time. People in Polot knew about their fraudulence. Now that the property (11 hectares of coconut farm) was waiting for tenant or caretaker, I want to win the tenancy. But Mama does not want me to be included in Tito Bading's revenge that includes NPA.

Lolo Candoy wants me to be a tenant by that. It was planned by them long ago. I'm the first choice. Now, Mama says, no one dares to accept the tenancy because of fear.

I swept around though I wanted to talk to Mama.

I also want to wash our clothes but there's no water.

Mama and Tito Sam talked about the plan of the latter to rent a tent in the Tent City Trade Exhibit, where I am working. I told Mam that Tito Sam must act now if he really wants to.

By Mama's request, I made this greeting for Belleza Family, especially to Lolo Angel and Lola Alice:

Belleza Family,

I couldn't offer you my wealth

But I could tell God to—

Bless your business and give

You good health

I could only wish from Him

To make your family united always,

With respect to each other and with

Trust to everyone..

HAPPY HOLIDAYS!

Your grandson

Poroy

Lolo Angel and Lola Alice,

All I want for each of you

is happiness.

With best wishes

For a joyous Christmas

And a truly happy

NEW YEAR.

Start the newest year with

PEACE and LOVE

Your apo,

Poroy

After lunch I washed our clothes. I don't want them to meet the new year.

Then I told Taiwan about job opportunity in Singer. But when he was done filling out his biodata, I remembered that it's a holiday. It's Rizal Day! Thus, our prospect would possibly be closed today.

Four, I started to groom myself. I must always be presentable though I was just a collector.

There, collecting job has been easy. Some notices me. Some asks me or inquiries from me. Some kids me. Some does not know me. Yet sometimes I still don't know them either. But the total was I am now comfortable with my job.

Seven-thirty, I was already at my in-laws' house. After dinner I went to Tito Jun's house to remit the collection for 7 days that amounted to P3460. There, I waited so long for his arrival from Shopwise. But when he arrived, he immediately started checking the receipts. The end result: correct and exact.

He gave me P200 for fare allowance. But he did not give me salary yet. It disappoints me. How about my plan of dating Mj and Hanna tomorrow? How about my 'haleyang ube' and 'rice cake'?

I have no grievance against Tito Jun. It's okay. I was just starting.

Ten, I was home. I was so sleepy.

 

December 31, 2006

I got up before eight, then I boil water for coffee but when I was about to make and drink, I noticed that no more coffee. Good thing, it does ruin my day. Thus, I swept around the house, waiting for them to buy.

Before Jano, Gie and Flor, he directed me impliedly to scrub the "uling" of the cook wares. I texted Me-Ann saying that I couldn't go to their house to fetch Mj and Hanna due to a certain reason, Tito Jun has not yet paid my wage. She didn't reply. So, I worked on.

The three arrived at 12.

After lunch, I started cooking "biko." Then I started to worry why Mj and Hanna were not still here. I texted again.

I was so sleepy, but I couldn't sleep. All were so busy.

Four, Mj and Hanna arrived. It gladdens me, I thought there not coming.

Five to five, I left to Gate 2. I knew Gate 2 market was so full-packed by last-two minutes buyers. My guess was right!

I did my job in a short period of time what takes me so long was looking for pork or 'giniling.' I decided to go to Bernie's house to ask if I could borrow a cellphone so that I could tell him (Jano) that there's no pork already. Good thing, Bernie was not yet there. Thus, I preferred to buy frozen pork and I told them to grind it.

When I arrived home at 7:20, Hanna was already asleep.

Jano, Gie, and Flor were not around.

Eight, I started cooking "spaghetti noodles." At 11:30 PM. I have cooked it, so as fried chicken and I have prepared pear pineapple salad.

While waiting for 12mn, we were singing along with videoke. All of us except my 'mag-ina' put coins on our body. We're all excited.