October 1, 2007
Alarm clock's ring woke me up. Mj was ready to get up, but when I did I felt dizziness. And since it was raining, I decided not to go to work. I have to get well first.
Later, Mj and I got up for a coffee. We lie down again after it. That's when I decided to quit my work at EMCI. I pitied myself very much. I have got sick twice in my one month at Eastland, wherein my usual is once a year. Therefore, my work made me sick.
Mj is both disagree and agree to me. I wanted to apply in a call center tomorrow, after talking to Sir Louie.
I was still freezing or feeling like I was in an air-conditioned room. Thus, I spent the whole morning under the blanket, especially when Mj and I arrived in a misunderstanding. It was when she reminded me of Zildjian's antibiotic. She thought that I don't want to buy. The truth is I was mad about it. I hate to see my children sick. I also hate to purchase antibiotics and medicines, especially with my earnings. My wage is only good for milk, diapers, toys, dress, and accessories of my kids. I'd rather spend my money for these, but not for the negative items.
After lunch, I set myself. I then went to Metrobank. I have only withdrawn P2700. I expect for P3300. I was very disappointed and mad.
Then, I phoned on Mama. I have learned that Jano has handa yesterday. But, the revealing fact I have known was her scheduled eye operation on Friday. She told me that she sacrificed in falling in line at PCSO just to have a free operation. However, she didn't know if she still will need money for it. Thus, I was obliged to pay the property tax of our lot in Polot. It was actually ten years ago yesterday when Mama paid.
In Bayan, I came in at F Salon. I have had a new haircut. Before that, I sent P1100 through Cebuana Pawnshop to Ate Juliet. The charge was surprisingly expensive. When I got home, I immediately texted her. We conversed for a few hours. They were asking when my blowout would be taken place. I said I will find time. They were too excited when I told them that I have got lots of stories to be told to them.
I also texted Jano. I have learned from him that Ate Juliet texted him, too. Later we talked about her marriage contract. I told him that I could not pay him today because I have to pay the property tax. I promised him to pay next week. He didn't reply.
I was not feeling well, but I knew I could work tomorrow.
Mama needed prayer, so I did. I asked God for His guidance and help.
October 2, 2007
I knew I was well already, but I still took extra care. I just walked slowly.
Early at 6:30, I arrived at EMCI. I started immediately. I was scared my flu comes back. Thus, I worked slowly, as well.
My back ached. My head was aching, too. My work was affected. I couldn't do more.
We had an overtime work till 7 PM. I rushed to highway, however when I got there, I have had a hard time getting a jeep to ride. I think I took an hour in the highway, till I decided to ride a Junction jeepney. I made two rides.
I bought Centrum at Mercury before I walked home.
On the way home, I could feel the tiredness, lingering on my body.
I was home at 9:00 PM.
Mj told me that Duran texted me and said, he/she was in Sta. Cruz. She might be Ate Quennie or Delon.
I have lost time to compute my old salaries and to rewrite the suggestions, thus they would be done tomorrow at EMCI.
October 3, 2007
Before I started washing at 6:40, I first rewrite my rough draft. I only did one out of four.
I was well already. Only my back and my chest were the problems. My back was aching every time I curve in my body to washing machine, drum, and extractor. My chest jeopardizes my breath. I could feel asthma in it.
I paid Kathy P100. I gave P100 as a premium of my Avon account to Ate Malou.
Twelve, I pursued rewriting. I did the last three drafts. I hoped they would be approved. They would gain from them, too.
Before overtime work, Sir had annoyed me. My high resect to him was deducted. It's because he's always considering me as a culprit for every fabric defect. It hurts me. Thus, I was not hoping anymore for the award. I was no longer a nominee. I accepted it already. It won't hurt me.
Overtime work. My chest tightened. My back ached. But, I have no time to wipe it with Kwan Loong, a medicated oil, which I brought.
Six-thirty, Sir asked why I already quit washing. I told him that it's due to my backache. I also reasoned out that I was starting early (6:30AM). Okay, he said, with a smile.
I got home at 8:20.
Before I took in my diner, Mj told me that Zildjian was diagnosed with broncho. "Ano ba 'yan!?" I exclaimed. I was so mad. I told her to take care of herself. I also complained about the never-ending credit.
I pity Zildjian. He was coughing hard. Plus, his poo seems sira. I hoped it's not amoebiasis.
"Lord God, please help me overcome these trials. Heal Zj. I can't afford to see him like that. Please, give me good health. Amen."
October 4, 2007
At the wee time, I have experienced different kind of nightmare. It was like a real scenario at Eastland, wherein I was so tired and pressured. Everybody was throwing bundles of fabrics to my face. The result of this was headache.
I started washing immediately, but I took it slowly. My head was aching terribly.
When Sir arrived, I was the first one who was called. He has learned, I think, from Arlyn, that I dropped four suggestions yesterday. He then asked me to enumerate them. So I did. Then I opened up about my first suggestions I dropped in last September. Finally, he has known that I couldn't really meet the quota. I confided to him the wrong system being done by the most of us. He didn't believe that Ate Agnes do the same. Thus, he called those who have quotas and announced that starting today IPR's must be submitted before going home.
While washing, I pondered Sir's directive. It's not good anymore. Then I decided to resign today. Hence, after break time, I approached him. At first, he didn't mind me, but he called me again. He asked me why. I cried in front of him. It was because he was stopping me to do so. According to him, I am industrious and kind. He urged me to change my mind by saying good words about me, such as "Ikaw lang ang naging bago na nakitaan ko ng kasipagan at kabaitan. Akalain mo, kahit bago ka, na-consider ka nila as nominee for Top Performer of the Month." He then offered me something. Fritz will be the washer and I will be the utility. I said, "Don't do that, Sir. I didn't want Fritz to get angry to me. He's lazy. He will not like it. So, he talked to Fritz, who suggested something. The latter didn't want to be a washer, with quota. He could help me if I want. I was forced to say 'Okay', but the truth is I didn't like the set-up. He could not really give me help.
I was decided already to resign at 3:00 PM, thus I worked slowly. Sir talked to me again, but I did not mind it. I did not even collect the tickets.
My resignation was no longer secret to everybody. Everyone was asking me. I told them the truth. But, I did not tell them about my decision. Some said I must not, for my kids' sake. Some said that nowadays is so hard to find a job.
I declined to work overtime.
Joan Usero, after I congratulated her for winning the "Top Performer of the Month", suggested that I wait for her to be laid-off on November. She will tell Sir to give her position to me. I commented not. She asked me if I really want to resign. I told her the truth.
In Bayan, I phoned on Mama. Her operation tomorrow is not postponed. She declined to be accompanied by me. Thus, I haven't had a chance to tell her about my decision.
I slept early.
October 5, 2007
I was coughing hard when I woke up. I did not know if what Zildjian was feeling is what I also feel.
Before nine, I have made this:
Dear Sir:
GREETINGS!
I personally have told you about this matter last Thursday, but I have been emotional to your good words to me. The truth is I was already decided to quit my work at that time. Thus, I formally resign this very day.
I just want to thank you for being the best supervisor for all of us. Thank you for the good words. I'm grateful for having experienced working with you. It's one of a kind working experience.
More power to First Revising!
Mj did not ask why I was absent. I knew she knew already about it because I
already brought home my stuffs from EMCI, such as tumbler, towels, and apron.
At ten, Hanna and I went to Bayan. I withdrew at Metrobank. I thanked God for I have withdrawn P1000.
Before going home, I bought diapers, Zildjian's Ventolin, and sandals for Hanna. I handed P500 to Mj. It was the request of Nanay last day, so that they could pursue the construction of store.
Zildjian is so pathetic. He's couching hard. He has no energy to play. He always wants to be cuddled up. He lost weight, too.
I was so sad when I saw myself in the mirror. I became thinner. My cheekbone became visible. My face lost flesh. My nerves came out. They're now even more visible. My flat chest became flatter. My waistline decreased. My ribs were now embossed. In short, I look like a living dead. My co-workers are true to their comments.
I slept early, hoping I could regain my old physique.
October 6, 2007
I never had a tight sleep. I was still dreaming of Eastland. It made me exhausted.
Zildjian was rushed to a clinic after he vomited. It was 9 AM. I talked to God. I asked Him not to give me an unbearable trial.
Past 12, Nana arrived from Acop Clinic. I knew Zildjian's not fine. I took in my lunch. Then, Berie and I went to bring Mj her lunch.
I saw Zj with dextrose. That was my first time to see him on it. But, it was not his first. I pity him. In his age, he has experienced a thing like that.
After Mj has taken her lunch, I went to Metrobank, which is a walking distance from the clinic. I withdrew my salary. I have withdrawn P2000. I bought cheeseburgers for Mj and me. Finally, she asked me if I resigned. I told her that I was supposed to be there this afternoon to give the resignation letter, but due to that, I couldn't do so. I also told her that Sir Louie did not permit me. She hoped I could still have a job there.
Zj has consumed two bottles of dextrose till 4 PM. Minutes before 5 when Nanay arrived. We then left the clinic after we paid the bill. I paid P830 in all for the two bottles of dextrose, 3 tablets, and check-up fee. According to Mj and Nanay Dr. Acop doesn't ask for doctor's fee anymore. Thus, we have saved P250. He gave us 2 pediatric soaps, too.
Nanay and Zildjian went home directly, while Mj and I went to market. We bought Tempra, Salinase, Bonamil, and Happy diapers. I knew I have spent so much, but it was okay to me. I must be thankful that Zildjian was not diagnosed with dengue or amoebaisais. My expenses would not only be like that or I would have been spent more than that.
Nanay called for a mangtatawas. Though, I'm against, I paid P30. Funny, it may seems, his findings: Zildjian was being played by an angel. Aguuy!
October 7, 2007
Seven, I was waking up Hanna. We're going to Bautista today. It's Taiwan's birthday today.
Past 8, we left Rancho. We first dropped by at St. Anthony de Padua Parish and paid Jano-Gie's marriage contract. We arrived at 9:00. Tito Boy and Tito Bentot
were drinking there. Good thing is they did not pester me.
Nine-thirty, Taiwan and I went to Veterans to market his panghanda. Hanna came with us.
My brother and sisters-in-law were telling me to pursue my job at Eastland. I told them that it was very hard. Yet, they still want me to work. I came to think of it.
I started cooking bihon at 1:00 PM. It was cooked before three. Hanna and I slept after eating bihon. I got up at 4:30 and ate again. I then waited for Hanna to get up. She did at quarter to five. However, sudden fall of rain made us delayed for few hours. We arrived at my in-laws' house at past six. Minutes later, I went to a nearby internet café. I inserted my diskette, wherein my resume was saved by Gie. However, I couldn't find it. I couldn't open it. Thus, I instead did internet explorer. I made a message for Myles, but unfortunately, I did not know if it was sent to her.
One hour was spent. I quit.
At home, I was thinking if I will go to Eastland tomorrow to resign or to work. I was waiting for a sign from heaven. Mj has told me before I went to the café that Michelle is about to pass a resume. She was inviting me, too.
She also told me that Zildjian was pinatawas and pinahilot. Mangtatawas has formed a foot out of a candle. I laughed at it secretly. They were accusing my left foot as the cause of Zildjian's sickness.
I slept with my confusion.
October 8, 2007
Seven-thirty I got up. Minutes later after I have taken a hot drink, I took a bath. I was then decided to resign.
It was past 9 when I arrived at Eastland. Before I came in, I first rewrote my draft. I waited for the First Revising's break time. Ten, I saw Ate Malou. According to her, Sir was absent. I handed down the letter to her, so that she would be the one to give it to Sir. Then, I waited for Ate Divine, who would half-day, according to Loreta. It was minutes before eleven when she arrived. However, she could not give me back my money in paluwagan because according to her, it is the rule. I have to wait for my turn. But, I insisted. I said I need money. Then, she told me to wait till 12 noon, if she could make a way, when she came back, she told me to return on Monday, next week. She also told me that my balance to Ate Malou is not P50, but P220. It shocked me. Ate Malou would have been mistaken. I knew it's only for 149 and I have pad P100 already. The P320 is too expensive for a 110 ml body spray. It was all in my mind. But, I just laughed at it. I have no choice, but to accept it.
I went home sadly, after the lady guard talked to me. I have learned from her that I have to surrender my ID and ATM cards. She also told me that I would have a 13th month pay, somehow.
In Bayan, I went to city hall for Jano and Gie's marriage contract. I got it numbered and furnished a certified original photocopy. I have spent P37.50 on it.
I arrived home at 1:45 PM. MJ immediately served me lunch.
Then, I spent the afternoon sleeping. It was past five when I got up.
After dinner, Mj had a chance to ask me about my lakad a while ago. She then asked when I was going to apply and where. She's afraid our children lose milk and diapers. So do I. thus, I have to act soon, before it's too late to do so. Job will not come to me. I must look for it.
Mj told me that I have to stay in Bautista first, while I'm jobless. She's so
ashamed with our condition.
October 9, 2007
I have had a 'satisfied sleeping' today. It was quarter to nine when I totally got up. Bad thing is we have no breakfast.
I was planning to walk-in apply at VXI, a call center located near SM North Edsa, however, I have no shoes. I wanted to buy even an imitation one, but I would have my salary on Thursday or Saturday. I couldn't afford to wait for that day anymore. Besides, it's so hard to stand by.
I have already made a draft of my resume last night. It must be printed tomorrow.
October 10, 2007
Before six, I woke up Mj, so that she would prepare a hot drink for me. Thus, before 7, I left to Cubao.
In Cubao, I edited my resume, which was saved to a diskette I have had a hard time fixing it. In fact, I have spent almost two hours, before it was printed.
I was very hungry. I never had a breakfast, so while walking, I was munching crackers. I then composed myself, before entering Vision X, Inc. (VXI). Next, I filled out application form carefully. Minutes later, I have finished it. I was called for a preliminary interview. I was asked to introduce myself. Expected salary was questioned, too. My strengths and weaknesses were also queried. Finally, I was told to read a tongue-twister-like sentence. I have read it clearly, but I forgot to read it with an American accent. I hate speaking with accent. It's maarte for me. As the result, I failed to go to the next level. The interviewer kindly told me that I did not make it and I could re-apply after six months. She gave me a cellphone handset with VXI print, as a souvenir or as a booby prize.
I went out the building sadly. I was ashamed. I was so mad about myself.
I went to Sauyo.
Mama and Lola Salud were there. They both say that I became thinner. I told them why and I told them that I already resigned. Mama has no disagreement about my resignation.
Tita Lani was there, too. She also said the same thing about my body. When Lola Alice arrived, she uttered the same comments. Haay! I must regain weight.
Mama, Lola Alice, and I talked about the selling of our lot in Polot. My mother wanted me to go to Bulan, but Lola Alice induced Mama to personally sell it to Papay Benson. She's the rightful one to do this thing, for legality's sake. Thus, Mama has decided to go to Bulan tomorrow. She must be back on or before October 26, because she's scheduled for an eye operation at San Juan Medical Hospital.
I pity and admire Mama. She's so brave. She never lost hope despite of her physical condition. She has tumor of cyst on her back. Her left eye needs to be changed. She really needs money for these. Good thing is PCSO is willing to help, although it couldn't shoulder the whole expenses.
Mama has received P10T free eye operation from PCSO, but she still needs P10000. The P6000 is for the operation and the P4000 is for the materials and medications.
She is willing to help, but, so far, she must be healed. That's why she's selling our property. She needs financial for fare and allowances in walking for free
operation.
I have also opened up to her my need of money. I reminded her that Mj still wants to work abroad.
Past six, I left Sauyo. Before eight, I was home.
October 11, 2007
They rise up early, thus my sleep was disturbed. I have no choice, but to get up.
After having a hot drink, I started reading aloud. It was a practice in my upcoming job search. On October 16, there will be a job fair at Ynares Covered Court. The job fair is sponsored by HMT, if I'm not mistaken, a call center in Libis.
I hoped I will be hired. It will be my second time.
In my boring times, I missed my work at Eastland. But, I did not permit it to affect me. Blaming my self has been no chance. I just thought of its disadvantages to me and to my health. I instead craved for a job in a call center.
Today, Mama was scheduled to go to Bulan. I asked God to make her safe and to bless her financially, when she got there. I then think of business.
Mj criticized my way of reading. It gets me mad. Her comment is as is. I've never heard any good words from her, since then. I knew, I'm not that good in oral English, but I knew there's an improvement. She didn't, however, see it. All she sees is my flaw. Haay! How could I gain confidence, nerves, and guts, if she will just downgrade me? It hurts.
October 12, 2007
Again, we got up early. I did not have a chance to sleep anymore. But, I knew I have completed 8 hours of sleep.
I was not satisfied with our breakfast-- coffee and few-cookies. Thus, I went, together with Hanna, to a nearby bakery. We eat bread.
Then I pursue reading. I was working out the right accent. I have to master American accent before October 16 I have to have a job in a call center. I couldn't take this state. I felt like I was useless.
"Lord God, thank You for this wonderful day. Thank You for blessing my in-laws. Thank You for the strength. I could slowly feel the return of my energy. Lord, please help me master the right American accent. I have to get a job from the sponsor call center on October 16. Job fair at Ynares covered court. Please, bring back my original weight and physical attributes. I wanted that body, before I worked at Eastland. Give me self-confidence. Give me patience, too, while I was standing-by here in my in-laws' house. I hope I will not hear anything bad from them. Bless us always. Make my kids healthy. In Jesus' name, Amen."
October 13, 2007
After breakfast, I pursue reading. I've already nothing to read. I actually have read almost all pages of Philippine Star, dated October 7, 2007, but I still read for mastery of accent's sake.
I could see some improvement. My tongue was being twisted, but it was okay. At least, I could now pronounce it well. I have just to work on my 'tottering tendency'.
Ten, I decided to go to Bayan. I and Hanna went to Shopwise to withdraw. I
have withdrawn only P1000. I wondered where my P500 goes.
Hanna and I window-shopped at Shopwise, and after hours of walking around, I treated her at Jollibee. She ate more, although she has been pasaway.
Before we go home, I bought milk, diapers, vitamins, and pasalubong. It was 1 PM when we got home. I was so tired. Hanna's so heavy already.
Afternoon, I spent my time in front of TV. Hanna and her cousins were all so pasaway. I couldn't catch sleep because I kept on guarding Hanna against hurting and stumbles or falls.
Today, I realized and noticed that my in-laws were on the big problem. Their house is affected by widening. It might be demolished. Alas! They have started to build a sari-sari store. It might be just destructed.
I could see Tatay and Nanay's worries and fears. They were 'problemizing' now, where they will reside.
"Lord God, please don't put it that way. Don't make Rancho a widened place, because there are hundreds of families which would lose their homes. Thank You very much!"
October 14, 2007
From breakfast till six-thirty, expenses were made. Breads for breakfast. Eggs for Zildjian. Softdrinks for merienda. And, certain amount for fare to Ynares.
Immaculata Family, Mich and Tetel, Ilek and Nicole, Mj, Hanna and I went to Ynares. We rode a carnival ride, which was 'Kalesa'. It was my first time, indeed, so as Hana. Mj declined to accompany Hanna, thus she instead took pictures of us, through Meann's cellphone.
Then, we roamed around the tiangge, where we bought Zildjian's clothes, Hanna's toy and Mj's earrings and toothbrush. It gladdened me. Spending for them is not a bad idea, as long as I have enough money to do so.
It was six-thirty when we got home. I know my parents-in-law feel bad because we prioritize the unwanted needs of pleasures that to our viand. I was sorry, but I have to treat my family naman. Happiness couldn't be bought by money. And, I think, I have given them a simple happiness tonight. Mj was so glad with her new earrings, worth P5 and with her new toothbrush worth P10. Hanna, I think, liked to re-experience riding a carnival horse. Though, Zj couldn't express yet hide gladness, I knew, Nanay would be glad to see her first grandson wearing his new clothes, I bought.
I spent hours, despite of sleepiness, just to witness the most awaited premiere of Pinoy Big Brother celebrity Edition 2. It was past 11 when I decided to take a rest, though it was not yet finished.
October 15, 2007
I was awakened by noise at 6:30 Am, but I got up at past 7. It was minutes before eight when I eft to Pasig. Traffic was tremendous. Good thing is 'Tambalang Balahura at Balasubas' of 93.9 FM was on the background. However I got mad when I have noticed the deserted factory. I confirmed to lady guard if there's no pasok today. She said, 'Yes'. She then talked awhile for me. I bade goodbye and later told her that I would be back tomorrow.
On the way to the highway, I have seen multifarious ads posted on the walls or on the posts. The ads' contents were similar to each other. The only difference is the "Look for: Who/Text/Call 09xxxxxxxx. Thus, I decided to apply. I took out one flyer, which was partly pasted on a big ad. I rode on a jeep to Robinson-Edsa. It was then 10:40.
The rain fell when I was at SM Megamall. I entered the mall and waited few minutes till the rain stops. Then, I started to look for my itinerary—Philippine Stock Exchange. But, before I pursue searching, I first dined in at Chowking. It was the newest promo which I ordered, worth P49. It filled my stomach and soothed my hunger.
Next, I double-minded if I will print a resume at the St. Francis Square or look for Phisix first. I opted the latter.
After hardship of finding the Phisix, at last I found it. I hesitantly and timidly entered the sophisticated establishment. However, shame stopped me to ride an elevator to 10th floor, where I was going. My get-up was so shameful. I knew I might be interviewed by sophisticated people. Thus, I decided to step out the building. Besides, I haven't had a printed resume, because I haven't found an internet café near the Philippine Stock Exchange building.
It was drizzling outside, yet I started to look for the street where I must have a ride going back home. Next thing happened, I was gone astray. Ortigas Avenue is not that big, but it's my first time there. The buildings are almost the same in height or in name. I was being ignoramus, I knew.
I was so tied. My palatandaan that I was exhausted started. It was the feeling of deafness.
While on the bus, I was computing my expenses. God! I have spent P100+ for just like that. My lakad was useless. I was blaming the fact that I am cellphoneless. I knew Divine texted me. I have not just received it because I only inserted my sim card last day
In Bayan, I confirmed first the job fair, which will be taken place morrow at Ynares Covered Court, in front of Antipolo Church. Then, I exhaustedly walked home.
It was minutes before two, when I got home. I was very tired. I lied down before Mj told me to eat. I have lost my appetite due to my merienda. Yet, I managed to eat.
Mj asked me what had happened. I related to her the whole story. She then started to worry. She in fact proposed the moving in to Bautista. She also accused me that I was insensitive of what Espinosa Family was experiencing nowadays. Of course not! I knew that if she only knew. I am so ashamed, too. I couldn't even contribute for our daily consumption. But, I was hoping for their understanding. I'm jobless, yet I am looking for a job. They must not think that I am impatient in my last job. I really couldn't bear it. My health has been in danger, there. They however must know that. It showed to my physical attributes now. I look like a zombie. I realized that when I saw myself in a mirror—at an internet café, where I printed my resume. I felt sad about my looks. I was losing my confidence. It is indeed true that pleasing personality is one of the bases of job placement.
Haay! I was the most unfortunate person in the world!
I pity myself, while I was walking home. I wish I'm rich, so that I don't have to work, or I wish I'm masculine, so that I have the so-called pleasing personality, or I wish I'm an alumnus of a prestigious university in the country. The truth is they are only wishes. It's elusive. I must accept now the fact that due to these: (1) poor body built, (2) and an RGCC product, I always have a hard time searching for a decent white-collar job. Because of these, I never have been an employee of a well-known company. Because of these, I haven't practiced my degree yet. And, because of these, detractors, such as Auntie Helen, April, and Rodea, find ways and reasons to downgrade me, although it must not be.
Sometimes, I am asking "Where did I go wrong?" Sometimes, I wanted to turn the hands of time and take the path that I knew I would be successful at. Sometimes, I wanted to give up. My endeavours seemed always useless. I always failed. I was always the result of my actions.
Good thing is I'm still sane...
And because of Mj's worry and fear and shame, I decided to work again at Infinite Enterprises, though it's so shameful. I will eat my pride. I will just cover my ears and face, just to have a source of income. It's for my mag-iina's sake. I don't want them to starve. Also, I don't like Mj's proposal. Gie won't like it, too.
I was supposed to text Auntie Vangie tonight, but because charger was destructed by Hanna yesterday, I couldn't do it now.
I must accomplish it at the soonest time. Tomorrow, after my lakad, I have to text Auntie and ask if she can still accept me—the prodigal worker.
Nine PM, I texted Auntie Vangie. I sent this: "Gud eve po! Msta n po kau? Nkkahiya n po tlg snu, pro klngan q sbhin... Pwde pa po b akong bumalik s nu? Ngresign n po kc aq dun dhil ngkkaskit ak s chemicals." She replied, saying "Ganun ba? Antagal q rn hnd nkabalita sau ah kala q ok n klgayan u dyan... Nka ilang months k lng dun?" I told her that I still have no cp and I have stayed there for 5 weeks. I also opened up the job-searching effort and result. She sent this: "Gnun tlg. Hindi nman kc tanggapn ngaun dhil umiiwas n s 13 month pay. S Januanry pa tanggapan uli. Kmi hndi n rin 2matanggap ngaun...Pro subukan q sbhin kay Rey." It disappoints me. I knew she was always the decision-maker. She overpowers Tito Rey. But, this time, she seems that she doesn't like me to work again in their factory. Yet I still texted her saying and telling her what had happened to me physically. And, after a long while, she bade good night. "Cge, bukas txt kta wla p kc Ti2 Rey u nsa gawain pa. Mala2man u bukas tpos nmin mag-usap mgpahinga n u at ma2log u ng spat pra 2maba u khit konti. Gudnyt!" I also bade "Gudnyt". I also thanked her.
The mobile phone's battery charge becomes low. It automatically turns off. Alas! My text conversations with Jay-R and my gal friend were obstructed. Thus, I have to sleep.
October 16, 2007
Six AM, I was already wide-awake. I tried to sleep again, but I failed to. Thus, I did thinking, planning, and praying, instead. I asked God to help me in a job fair. I am going to join this day. I also asked for a positive decision of Tito Rey and Auntie Vangie.
Eight-thirty, I left home. I never have a breakfast, like what happened in my first job application in a call center, October 10.
When I arrived at the venue, applicants were in queue. Hence, I fell in line, too. I registered my name.
The interviewers (3) arrived late. It was past nine. Unfortunately, they set up thir things for too long. Thus, they have started at 10 AM.
I was on the 18th line of male applicants. The first batch was composed of 20
females and 20 males. The interview goes one by one. Each interviewee spends 10-15 minutes in front of the interviewer. And, it bores me.
Eleven-thirty, batch 1, including me was minused to 9. Suddenly, the interview-type was changed. It becomes panel. Ten female applicants were called. Later, 5 males, including me, were hailed. I felt sad that it goes like that. It's bias.
We're not interviewed, as the result, we were just told to read 3 articles. Unlike the firsts, they were interviewed and had a chance to sell theirselves.
I was the scond one to read. Thus, I have had a chance to quietly peruse the articles, before the actual. When my turn comes, I did my all. I read with intonation, with right diction, with accent, and in right modulation.
The article I have read at VXI is the same as what I read today.
After reading, the facilitator, who looks hungry, says, "Unfortunately....blah... blah." In short, I failed. She told me why, but it shocked me when she pointed out that I have a problem in pronouncing 'v'. I, according to her, interchanged 'v' to 'b'. I can't believe it. I have been very careful on these two. In fact, it almost rains due to it. My saliva wants to flee out my mouth because of my effort of pronouncing 'f', 'th', and 'v' correctly. She was the one, who has a problem in listening. I have observed her. I could see her distracted mind. She's not listening. Grr! Why I was put to her? I wished it was the male interviewer, who interviews me.
Disappointed, I left home. My first job fair attendance has been a frustration and failure. However, I knew I have been avictim of a wrong deliberation and hastening. They're just hastening their jobs, so that they could have their lunch.
I was home at 11:55 AM. I related to Mj the devastating experience in a job fair I joined in t0day. She teased me not.
Twelve-thirty-five, I left to Pasig, despite of terrible heat. I arrived there at 1:30 PM.
I wanted to go to HRD and Accounting Dept., but I instead prepared to postpone it. I then waited for 3 PM—the 1st Revising breaktime.
Break time. Ate Divine did not come out for merienda. I have senn and talked to some of my ex-coworkers. Edna, my new ex-coworker, told me to get well and she said goodluck to me.
Since, Divine was not at the canteen, I decided to go to 1st Revising. It was after I asked Rosalie Flores, if Sir was there.
I met Sir at the hallway, 2 PM) He patted my shoulder after saying this: "Ikaw talaga, hindi mo na ako nahintay. Si Loreta lang pumalit sa'yo.. Wala na kami OT. Wala na gawa. Sige..." Then, I have seenmy name in the bulletin board as a finalist for the September suggestion.
Unfortunately, I was seen and hailed by the lady guards. They scolded me. The head security was very angry, too. I apologized and explained. Later, we conversed. My guard-friend initiated the questioning. The 'masungit' lady gurad joined me the asking. She then objected to the fact that I was applying in call centers. She frankly says, "Wag ka ma-offend, ha? Hindi ka matatanggap kasi mukha kang may TB." It doesn't hurt me because I knew that. But, what hurts me is her being sacriligioues, She had no right to prejudge me. Yes, I have no pleasing personality, but not all company is looking for that personality. Some searches for academically qualified applicants. She was underestimating my brain. But, it's okay!
Then, my guard-friend advised me to undergo physical check-up, so that I could apply and train as a security guard, since I was a graduate of a 4-year course. I might have a high rank. She told me the perks of being a guard. I have learned from her that it has only 15 days of training (mostly theoretical). We also talked about going to PCSO and affording free check-ups, medications or operations. I told her my willingness to gain weight and be masculine and be a security guard.
Later, a male guard who ahs vexed me at my first time in the factory came in. He joined our conversation. He also asked me few things and advised to apply at Crame.
While waiting, a kind lady guard offered her merienda (macaroni soup) to me. I once declined yet I accepted it. I thanked her.
Alone at the waiting area, a once irksome male gurad approached me, asking if I have a ROTC degree. I said yes, but my diploma is missing. He told me that it would be an advantage to me if I will only apply as a police or a security gurad.It interests me. So I asked what to do. He said that I have to pass neuro and drug test and to have NBI clearance, TOR, and diploma. He also told me this, "Magpataba ka muna. Tutulungan kita." I replied, "Pag tumaba ako, bablik ako dito." Then he left and smiled kindly.
Four, I have seen most of my ex-coworkers. Ate Malou has been so aloof. I wanted to ask her why the Blacj Suede Body Spray (110 ml) I ordered from her last September was so expensive. I wanted to ask "Where's the brochure?" But, I opted not to. I don't want to offend her.
Finally, Ate Divine and I met. We talked while walking. Unfortunately, she could not give me even P1. She reasoned out the 'Kawalan ng OT'. I was so disappointed.
Before we separate ways, I got her mobile number.
Before walking to Ever Gotesco, I first went to Metrobank and inquired. Sad thing, my balance is still P85.65.
I decided to walk froom Metrobank to Ever Gotesco just to think and emote. I was very sad. I knew Mj would be sad, too. Thus, I was thinking for means.
I enterd the mall, stayed there foe fw minutes and rode a jeep to Antipolo.
Auntie Vangie's text is what I was waiting for. Ilek's cp, I brought. Yet, it only frustrated me.
Six, I was home. So tired, I was. Mj asked immediately. She then became fretful and worried.
Past six, Auntie has sent a text mistakably to me. I replied. Then, it has been the way to our text conversation. After few exchanges, the decision is not favourable to me. She wants me to heal first my sickness. I felt sad. I wanted to cry.
Another disappointment was when Tawan replied to my text. He says, "Wala aqng pera." I was asking if he could lend me P500 (with interest) because I haven't claimed my P900 paluwagan premiums.
I was so sad. Where will I find money for Hanna's milk? What I should do?
Then, Auntie Vangie proposed that Mj must be the one to work at Infinite. I immediately asked mJ. Unfortunetly and sadly, she declined. I wanted to yell at her, but I opted to be calm. I instead understand her.
After few minutes I texted Auntie and apologized. I thanked her, too. We ended our conversation there.
Then I pursued texting with Sharon, using her sister-in-law's number. I confided at them. They somehow alleviated my burden. Their advses made me decide to stay. I must not escape, according to them.
Bad thing is my load became zero.I haven't had a chance to thank them for spending some time with me, who was in the midst of self-pity.
Thus, I lied down and tried to catch sleep. And, as always, I failed to fall intosleep. I've been restless for one hour.
Mj and I did not talk about the work offred by Auntie Vangie, anymore. Besides, I couldn't insist it. She really didn't like to.
October 17, 2007
When I woke up, I did not get up immediately. I felt uneasy (not eased). I was starting to feel shame. However, I have to keep it. I have no choice, but to stay here and wait for Mama. We agreed upon ths already. She will drop by here from Bulan.
After breakfast, I diverted myself from uneasiness. I wrote a complete rough draft of my rsume. After this, I indulged in reading.
Hanna was asking for dede. She was shouting. I overheard Mj, saying “Wala ka nang milk! Dun ka kay Papa mo humingi!” I deadpan. I was just waiting for Mj to approach me. I have P95 in my purse. It’s enough for a 180 gras of lactum 1+ and two of three pieces of large diapers. However, Mj was not talking to me.
This situation makes me depressed. I wanted to leave, but conscience stopped me. I pity Hanna. I couldn’t afford to leave her. If only they will permit me to take Hanna away. I will give her needs. She’s enough for me. I could sacrifice Zildjian, but I couldn’t live without Hanna Margaret.
After lunch, I spent my whole day on the bed, depite of mosquitoes’ presence. Thre, I was not sleeping. I just self-pitying, thinking, planning, etc. I was also waiting for Mj’ approach.
When she did not talk to me till two PM, my mind was crating scenario. I started to think of separation and leaving my kids to her custody. My mind was asking, too—Wht she’s doing it to me? She got angry because I’m now penniless and jobless. It’s unfair! She must understand that I resigned because I don’t’ want to be a buto’t balat. I did my best in two, especially at HTMT, call centers’ interviews. I also tried to work again at infinite, but unfortunately, Auntie Vangie does not like to. She must not show indifferne to me. I need her support, understanding, and moral upgrade. I was so down to date. Yet, what she’s doing is a downgrade. She was putting me so down.
If this state would last long, I will not double-mind anymore to leave her. My kids will be separated to me. But, I think I have to accept it and learn to live normally.
Five, after I took a bath, she treated me a cold coffee. It doesn’t satisfy me. I knew she wasn’t the one, who made it. She really doesn’t care for me anymore.
The asking for dede of Hanna becomes often. I still pity her. I knew she’s really hungry. Thus, I decided to give my purse to mj. However, she does not accept it. It shocked me. I could not believe it.
Past six, my in-laws were on the verge of crisis. There’s still no rice. No viand. Plus, they’re problemizing the mneral water of the children.
I was sorry. I offered my last money, but Mj declined to accept it. I would not do it agan. First attempt is enough.
Tomorrow is Thursday, when EMCI’s Accounting Department enters the money in their employees’ ATM account. I might withdraw the lacking P300 tomorrow. If that will so, I can buy Hanna a 400 grams of milk and diapers.
I was also praying to God for Mama’s early arrival. She’s my only hope now, except for God.
October 18, 2007
I was afraid to get up because I knew whole day would be a depressing, boring, and frustrating day for me. I knew Mj’s dealing with me would still be the same. It didn’t get me wrong. Cold treatment continues. Being-a-lonely-one killed me. I just consoled myself by writing, then by reading my past journal.
After lunch, I watched tv, since I couldn’t lie down because Michael occupied the bed.
I enjoyed watching tv till six.
Past six, I walked through Bayan. I inquired my account balance at Metrobank. I was then partly disappointed and partly gladdened by the amount, I have seen. Disappointed because I expect for P300+, but it was only P273.15. Glad, because, at least, I could buy milk for Hanna.
I have had hard time looking for Lactum 1+ Vanilla 400 grams. I wne to Ultra Mega, but it’s out of stock. I also looked at Gem’s, Mercury, prime Drugstore, and other drugstores. And, the last store I visited was Mercury Drugstore near Mc Donald’s. Unfortunately, they have no more stock, too. Thus, I resorted in purchasing U-Care 1-2-3 400 grams. It’s cheaper than Lactum. I just hoped it would not give Hanna any stomach problem.
I arrived home at 7:30. All were quiet seeing me, except Hanna, who was so noisy and excited for her milk.
Then, I bought one gallon of purified water.
Michelle was borrowing from me P50. I failed her. I didn’t even give tyhem P4 for whatever thing they wanted to buy. I didn’t know, but I have to be stingy nowadays. I need money. Anytime, if Mj and I would not be on peace, I will leave their prsences. I have experienced this before, when I couldn’t go because I did not have any amount on my hand. Besides, I have to thnk for my kids’ needs two or three days ahead.
“Lord, thank You for tonight’sfinancial blessings. I’m just sorry for I have been stingy to them. I just thought for my sake and kids’ needs. You know I was just trapped. I really did not want to fail them. It merely popped out my mind. Pardon, Lord. Thank You, Amen!
Mj just talked to me because of the milk I bought. What if I did not?
October 19, 2007
Right after getting up, my boredom started. All I knew to turn boredom into gladness is to read and write. Thus, I write. I rewrite my rough drafts of ‘Black in White’ captions. I have written and complied many months ago.
Black and White is one of my business plans. It is a boutique, specializing in men’s t-shirts. Thw white hirts will be printed with funny, green or naughty captions or quotes using black paints. And, vice versa.
Here are the samples of the captions:
- I hate balut, but I love chicks.
- My name is Dick Schlong.
- I win a booby prize. Yeheey!
- Bookworm also reads porn mag, right?
- “Doc, I want to be castrated.”
I also read while writing another BNW captions.
Because I forgot to thank God before dining, it resulted to dissatisfaction. I was not satisfied by our lunch. I still want to eat, but Mj didn’t get another serving of rice. “Lord, God, I’m sorry.”
Stress affected my entire body. Wrinkles composed voluntarily on my forehead. Sleep hated to visit my system. Worst of all, my scalp was occupied by tremendous dandruffs, not to mention the poor hair of mine.
Haay! I’m so tired being me. I’m very exhausted being poor.
Obviously, I couldn’t gain weight here, especially this very moment. They were on a great crisis, too. Daily consumption has been so hard to provide. We’ve been eating poor lunches and dinners, such as sardies, dried fish, etc. We’re just drinking a mere a hot coffee in the morning.
I pty myself today when I saw my chest and abdomen. I have exclaimed, “O, Diyos ko!” I almost cried. My chest and abdomen are in shameful forms. It’s not the condition I was carving for. I was supposedly gain weight because I already have no job – alaborious job. But, it seemed that being by-stander is tantamount to working. Yet, I was not blaming myself.
My chest was aching today. I could feel that there’s really bad about my physical body.
Nanay went to Lola. I knew for what reason-- to ask for financial help. We need rice and viand. Milk, too, for Nicole or Neiczel.
Plus, Art and Bernie are jobless, too. The former has just been terminated, two days ago. The latter is a long-time by-stander, while, I am exactly to weeks jobless. Tatay’s vulcanizing job, sometimes, helps, sometimes fails us.
Good thing about this family, though so extended, is they understand each other. They also practice it with their in-laws, like me. In fact, I wasn’t condemned because I’m useless. However, I should not be eliant to this. I must act, still.
October 20, 2007
I was awakened of preach of a pastor, who was on air. After his touching message, I uttered a prayer to God. I thanked Him. I knew thses crises are His trials and He couldn’t permit us to suffer so much on these. His love is unconditional.
When I got up, I started to look for something to defy my boredom. I thus read. I have found on my plastic folder a compilation. I did not know what kind of literature is this. So, I rewrote it.
Writing, somehow gives me relief. It diversifies my stress and depression.
I was waiting for Mama’s arrival since yesterday. I hoped she arrives early.
After writing, I indulged in tv-watching. It also diversifies my mind. I have somehow forgotten my burdens.
Two-thirty, I tried to sleep. Bad thing is I failed. It’s due to Nicole and Hanna. I safeguard Hanna from Nicole’s hurting. She’s so maarte this afternoon. If only I could spank her. I realized that she’s the product of spoiling. I can call her poor-spoiled brat. She has no right to be one because they’re not rich.
Three, Mj served me a hot coffee and two pieces of bread, in bd. She says, “O, baka magutom ka.” She smiles, but I didn’t.
My pagkayamaot to Nicole continued. She’s so noisy. She cried and showed meanness, is ecretly laughed, when Nanay hi her with slipper many times. “Yan ang dapat,” I said quietly. It was the first time I saw the maarte stricken by her garbdmother. I hoped it’s not the alst. She really deserves it. Hanna is not like he, but if she wil, I will not be hurt to see her being scolded by Nanay.
Six, I walked through Bayan. At Shopwise I inquired my ATM balance. Unfortunately, I still have the same balance. I tried to withdraw P50, but I was not permitted by the machine. Alas! I have proclaimed to my mind earlier that if I could withdraw P400 or P500, I will buy five kilos of rice for our consumption. Bad thing is it wasn’t given to me.
When I was home, I gave the P100 to Mj. I told her that I have withdrawn. The truth is it was the change from my last withdrawal last Thursday. She accepted it immediately, huh. Then, she asked me when Mama will arrive. I just nod down my head.
Funny, iy may seem. My P100 changed Mj’s attitude. During our unch, she keeps on filling my plate with rice. She did it twice. When I was done eating, she asked, “Tapos ka na?” I wondered to her care. She didn’t talk to me days ago, but now… she did. She cared for me na. She in fact handed me down apiece of banana for dessert. How sweet?!
October 21, 2007
Six, Mj woke me up, announcing for Mama’s arrival. Everybody was disturbed by it, nut it seemed okay.
When we’re having coffee, Mama told me that Papy Benson didn’t buy our lot. Instead, she scolded Mama. He didn’t want us to lose our one and only remembrance from Papa. Thus, he only gave Mama P20000 as a pawn payment. We already pawned our lot since they redeemed it from Romy Vitualia. It’s now P45000 in all.
Good thing is Ate Ningning sent P1000 for Mama. Thus, she has P35000 in all.
Mama has learned about my parents-in-law’s widening/demolition problem.
Past 5 when Mj, Zildjian, Hanna, Mj, and I left Rancho.
In gate 2, I market viands. Mama treated us at Jollibee.
Past nine when we arrived in bautista. Gie and Flor were only the present ones. Jano was out-of-town. It’s been second week now. He’s going to be home on Saturday.
I cooked bangus cocido for our lunch.
Gie and Mj were given by Mama a sum of money—P1000 each. Mj would not be worried now that we could give our kids what they need, although it’s only god for a week.
Mama and I were going to PCSO tomorrow. She’s going to accompany me there.Thus, I sleep early at 9:30.
October 22, 2007
The alarm clock rang at 4:30 AM. I got up and boiled water. However, Mama announced that our lakad was postponed. She remembered the schedule for lungs. It’s every Tuesday. Thus, I slept again. Before I have fallen back to sleep, I have had hard time catching it. I’m still worrying about our future.
Whe Giw woke up, my sleep was disturbed. Mama too, was awake. Thus, decided to start my day. After having coffee, I swept and cleaned the surrounding. It’s due to the mosquitoes and insects that entering the house. Snakes, too. The surrounding must be clean while we’re here.
After our nutritious breakfast, mama pushed me to induce Mj to leave today and get here birth certificate. She assured me of help. She will finance Mj’s expenses in going to aboard, since it was the reason why she has got money from Papay Benson. The money must be spent, not only for her operation, but also for pag-aabroad of either me or Mj.
Withour further ado, Mj prepared her self in leaving. So I did. We brought Zj and left Hanna.
It was 9:30 when we left Bautista. And, past 10 when we arrived at Rancho. We left j there. They know that we’re only about to buy milks an diapers and getsome clothes of Zj. They have no idea about birth certificate thing.
We shopped first at Shopwise before we have successfully contacted NSO Helpline Plus through 737-1111. Since, we couldn’t afford to go to Metrobank at Imperial, id ecided to do the payment at Metrobank Gate 2.
Before going home, Mj and I dined at Chowking, where I saw my high school classmate, named Mark. He didn’t approach me, so I did not, too. I tried to hide my face while hes’ serving our lunch.
Prior to that, we met Ale Amor there. Small town or city, huh!
Past 12 noon when we arrived at my in-laws’ house. After few minutes, we left to Gate 2. There, I went to the bank, which I supposed a Metrobank. Unfortunately, it’s Alied bank. Thus, I have to do it tomorrow instead.
I bought viands before we left Gate 2.
Past 2 wheen we got home.
I have learned that Hanna has been a good girl. She didn’t cry. She just played.
Past three, ilek arrived. She was borrowing money for they’re mapuputulan ng kuryente. Without hesitation, Mama lent her P2000.
While Ilek was being enteryained by Mj in front of merienda, Mama told me that if they pay us back, the money will be for Mj’s palakad ng papeles.
I swept and burnt dried leaves. Minutes later, Diyang arrived. She’s with her son. I didn’t entertain her, but she dropped by for a while because she saw Mama. I have no amor anymore with her, especially to her mother. They’re plastic, humbug, rumormonger, and fabricator. They’re putting e down.
Mama and I talked about it later. I related to her about what Helena has told me, using Flor’s name. I also told my ill-feeling towards them. Mama says, “Magsumikap ka na lang. Huwag kang magtanim ng sama ng loob.” I replied, “Hindi ako nagtatanim. Umiiwas na lang ako.”
We also talked about Mj and her eagerness to work abroad.
October 23, 2007
Zj’s being maligalig made me sleepless. I got up thinking it was 4AM. But,
when I turned on the tv set, I have learned that it’s too early pa pala. Thus, I tried to catch sleep again.
It’s so hard for me indeed to sleep back. Yet, I have had few dreams. The last dream I dreamt of woke me up.
We have no more track of time because wall clock’s battery became empty and nobody has a wrist watch. Hence, I didn’t know what time it was.
I fried eggs, tocino, and rice. I prepared my baon such as egg sandwich and fried rice, and tocino. Iate my breakfast and took a bath.
I left immediately. I think it was 5AM. Mama says, “Ingat ka,” before I totatlly left the house.
When I arrived at PCSO, indigent patients were numerous already. I have registered my name in the 78th slot.
Long wait came next. When I was called, I was asked by a nurse about my health problem. My BP was gotten, too.
Another waiting happened and when my turn came, I was questioned again by a female doctor, from the pain I was feeling in the right chest to the time I last cough. She was looking for my chest x-ray result, especially the first one that noted the Koch infection in my lung. Thus, she couldn’t prescribe me drugs about it. She just gave me vitamins B-complex (20) and Diclofenac Sodium (10). The latter is just a pain reliever that I have to take twice a day, if the pain continues. She repeated the x-ray result before we parted ways. I could come back anytime.
I was at the jeep (going to Cubao), when I have learned the time. It was then 10:40. I decided to go home immediately and eat my packed lunch in bautista instead. But, I have eaten my sandwiches while waiting and while on the jeepney.
My head was achging, when I was in Cubao. I got home at past 1. My headache was gone after lunch.
Past three, Diyang came in, minutes later when Taiwan arrived from his work. She greeted me. I just replied quietly. According to her, she just wanted to see Zildjian. I hope she could feel my coldness with her or with them.
I don’t want to do the same with Tittin. But, when she visited us at 4 PM and stayed till the rain stopped, I didn’t talk to her. However, it didn’t mean she belonged to them. No. I will do it to her. She’s fine. We’re okay. In fact, she is one of Zildjian’s god mothers. I just didn’t know how to entertain her.
October 24, 2007
Although, it was so cold, couldn’t afford to stay long under my blanket. I woke up early.
Past nine, I went to Veterans and did marketing there. Mama entrusted me P1000 for groceries, 10 kilos of rice, and viands.
Three hundred pesos was left. It would be for our fare on Friday.
After marketing, I did laundry. I washed my dirt clothes, after rinsing kids’ clothes, which were soaked by mama yesterday.
My chest tightened after washing. I wondered if the medicine I took in in the morning is indeed effective. It was more painful than the ache I felt when I have not taken any pain reliever.
October 25, 2007
I cooked fried rice and pancit canton for breakfast, plus the leftover tinapa. And, I cooked tokwa’t baboy for our lunch. It filled my lean stomach. It made me sleepy. Good thing is I have fallen asleep from past1 to 4 PM. Onderful life.
Merienda came first before taking a bath.
Mama and I cleaned the room that being occupied by Flor Rhina. We’re both mad seeing the clutters, dusts, and knickknacks. I proposed the padlocking of the room. Mama disagreed.
Tomorrow is Mama’s scheduled operation at San Juan Medical Center. I somehow prepared myself after Mama told me that we must not be pathetic in their eyes. Although, she’s having a free operation, we must be presentable on our own common ways.
We also talked about our trip and about riding PUV. I proposed riding FX, instead of taxi. Eonomizing is needed nowadays.
I have had a hard time catching sleep after I tuned off the tv set at 11 PM.
October 26, 2007
Mama woke me up. I think it was 5:30 AM. I got up immediately though I only had few time sleeping. We have to be early. I then quickly fired eggs for breakfast.
After dining, I did ironing for Mama, so that she could take a bath.
Six-thirty, I think it was, when we left Bautista. We took two hours before we get in our destination—San Juan Medical Center, wherein patients of Dr. Enriquez were already waiting there.
We waited for forty-five minutes, till the doctor’s assistant arrived. It was when Maama registered her name.
Waiting came again. Thus, we went outside and bought something to eat. There we have learned that former president Joseph E. Estrada will visit his mother today at the same medical center and San Juan City Hall. In fact, media are starting to come at the vicinity of the city hall. If ever, Mama’s operation will be memorable.
Ten, Mama was the first one to be called and underwent biometry. She paid P300 in all – P200 is for the biometry and P100 is for the eye glasses. So expensive, huh!
Third waiting… It bored us, especially Mama. She’s so excited to her operation, however she has learned form other that she would not be operated at the medical center. Another one confirmed that she would be rescheduled today. She would not be operated this very day. We were both disappointed.
When she was called, she has confirmed it. She was rescheduled on November 15, 2007 at St. Jude Medical Center.
Aother truth that ignited me was the fact that she could not be operated eif she has not paid P6000. It was told me by a woman, who can not pay P6000. Thus, I told Mama about it. However, it seemed okay for her. According to her, it’s better to pay because she can ask again for financial help for her other eye. I couldn’t do nothing, but to accept the mistake. Thus, I pushed her to ask for receipt. Bad thing is she was given with informal and unofficial receipt. It was written solely by the doctor’s assistant, named Mila. It was not signed by the physician. Ans, it was only written in a prescription paper.
In my dismay, Mama and I parted ways. She went to Sauyo and I went back home. It was after she bought the doctor’s prescription and sge gave me P500 for our food.
I did marketing in Gate 2, although it was almost lunchtime. I was really hungry. I held my cravings to eat, even a piece of bread. I economized. I didn’t want to spend the money of mama for luho or unwanted needs. I preferred to go home quickly than to dine in a food chain. It’s a waste of money anyway.
When I got home, I immediately took in my lunch. Good thing is there’s a leftover.
Afternoon, we all sleep. Past four when we woke up.
Mj ang I talked about her papeles, that must be walked on the soonest time. We agreed to do it on Monday, but I remembered that that day is a holiday. It’s a barangay and SK election. We instead set the paglakad on Novemeber 5, on her birthday.
I was so worried about my kids’ milks. Next day or on Monday, my children’s milks are for sure empty and consumed. I don’t know if I could provide it. I don’t want to rely on Mama anymore. She needs money. I can’t take it if she becomes penniless because of me. Thus, I was thinking of job application, despite of my physical condition. I would rather eat my inferiority complex than to see my kids starving.
Mama has already given me or us the right to spend the P200o, owed by Nanay. That amount would be used on Mj’s papeles. We must prioritize her pag-aabroad. Above all because Mama is so eager to help Mj. Besides, that money is intended for it. She has had hard time convincing Papay Benson. She then must be obeyed. Good thing, Mj is now willing to work abroad. That’s why she’s cooperating.
October 27, 2007
I got up early at 6:45 AM. Immedaitely, I cooked macaroni, in spaghetti way, while my mag-iina were still sleeping.
After breakfast, I attended Zildjian, while Mj was washing the dishes. She took him after she has done all the chores.
Zildjian is so malikot. Taking care of him requires energy and patience. He’s playful, except if he’s hungry.
Jano and Gie arrived very early, at 4 PM. Their presence made me uneasy. I was naiilang. If only Mama arrived. Thus, I started to prepare our viand. Cooking our dinner alleviated what I was feeling.
I decided that we will go home or I will accompany my mag-iina in going home tomorrow. Then, I will be back her.
October 28, 2007
I got up early to cook or prepare our healthy breakfast, which was hotsilog. I do it before they got up.
Minutes after we have eaten our breakfast, Mama arrived. It gladdened me that I could not feel the feeling I felt last night.
Mama has pasalubong for Hanna. My daughter’s so happy.
Before ten, I went to Veterans and did marketing there.
Jano did not give even P1 for my pamalengke. It was Mama, who gave me, but the truth is it was P400 that was spent because I returned the P900 to Mama. She only shared P100. But, my P400 was the change form the P500, Mama gave me on October 26. Never mind.
I was just worrying about my kids’ milks. I didn’t know how to provide it. I was so ashamed now to ask and to rely it to Mama. She already gave us the P2000, owed by Nanay. I must therefore not to expect no more. It’s charity already on her part.
I proposed something to Mj. She goes back home today with Zildjian and I would go home tomorrow with Hanna. It was in front of Mama. She didn’t say a word. But, when we talked about it again, she disagreed. She couldn’t afford to leave Hanna here with me or in my custody, as if she’s afraid I will take Hanna away from her. She also reasoned out my being busy and occupied during my stay here. She didn’t know that I’m so caring for Hanna every time my daughter stays here with me.
This talk led to blaming. She blamed me for being jobless. She says, “Wala ka kasing trabaho, e.” It was after we talked the milklessness of our kids tomorrow. I replied, “Ano ang gagawin ko? Patayin ang sarili ko? Alam mo nang may sakit ako, e.” Finally, we stopped talking. She hurt me. I knew she sensed it. My silence has been the proof.
I was so tired to explicate. She’s so insensitive. She didn’t understand me. She didn’t care about my health. She always cares for money.
If she only knew how much I wanted to work… I’m workaholic. She knew that. During my employment at Eastland, she complained about it. She told me that I didn’t even have time with them, that even Sundays I was working. But now that I was unemployed, terrible blaming sang downhtadings were what I’ve got from her. I have not heard from her that she’s supporting me any condition.
I’m so tired, indeed!
I didn’t even want to write her a letter, since her birthday and our mensisary are around the corner. What for?
There were times that she’s daring me for a separation. Once I told her that she couldn’t make it alone. I would love to, even if it would be hard for me to live without my kids on my presence, but I always opted to be patient.
She’s indeed mad.
The only thing I admire about her is her unconditional love to our kids. I am indeed thankful that she’s the mother of my son and daughter. In fact, she can live without me, but she can’t live without Hanna and Zildjian. Nice mother!
But, I hate her when she becomes stingy every time I wanted to stay here with my daughter, as if she’s taking away my right.
I also hate her when she pretends that she and her family could provide my kids’ needs, the way I can. In fact, they could only give Hanna the cheapest milk—Alaska, which is not recommended for her age.
I’m not blasting. I also have no fixed capability to provide my kids’ needs, but I always want the best for them. Most of my salary is in fact spent for them. I didn’t feed them with cheap and inappropriate milk. Yes, I bought cheaper diapers, but I think it’s not a factor for my being irresponsible.
I can accept if they will call me a useless husband, but I can’t accept if they wll judge me as useless father. I can’t take it.
Change topic…
Today is our one-week stay here. I could say that I have already gained weight, somehow. My cheeks were beter now. Thanks to Mama! She must be complimented for this.
October 29, 2007
Gie and Mama’s voices had disturbed my sleep. They’re talking loudly, while having breakfast. Thus, after a while, I decided to get up. I woke up Mj, too. She has annoyed me when she declined to get up immediately. Good thing is she still followed me.
After breakfast, I let her prepared their stuffs, while I was taking care of Zildjian and Hanna.
Before I dress up, I asked Mama if I could borrowP1000 from her because were not sure if the padala for Nanay by Tito Jay has arrived already. Nice thing, she did it without hesitation.
Eight-thrty when we left to rancho.
Hanna and I went directly to Bayan, while Mj brought home Zildjian. We went to Metrobank, hoping they’re open. Unfortunately, it wasn’t open. Thus, I inquired my ATM card. I was so glad to see my balance that amounted to P450+. Without further aod, I withdrew P400 and ledft immediately.
Before going to my in-laws’ house, we bought milks and diaper. I also bought Curly Tops chocolate for Mj.
Past ten AM, when we arrived at Rancho. My sisters-in-law and Mj were about to go to their precinct. Minutes later, they left. Hanna was crying. Thus, I decided to stay till they get home.
Nanay handed me down the P2000. It’s tah payment to their debt to Mama.
I bathed Hanna when they arrived. I was ready to leave, but before I left, Mj was asking for money. I did not give her even a centavo. I just gave her Jano’s number telling her, “Text mo ako ‘pag wala nang milk.” When I was about to go out, I told her, “Ihanda mo na… Alis tayo sa Lunes.” I saw Ilek that was why I did not pursue the words “Ang mga papeles mo.” It must be keptsecret to Mj’s family.
I bade goodbye to my pareant-in-law. However, Tatay didn’t say a word. He’s angry or he’s just busy? I didn’t know.
Taiwan and his mag-ina were here when I arrived home at 12 noon. They’re going to have their lunch. I fund myself eating, too.
Mama was absent at that time. I did not question them about her whereabout. I knew where she was.
I washed the dishes, then I took a bath. Later, Taiwan and I went to Old Boso-Boso Elementary School to exercise our right of suffrage.
We have had a hard time looking for our precincts. It was my first time to vote in a barangay election. I unfortunately haven’t experienced voting in SK election.
I have no chance to vote wisely for the candidates are all unfamiliar to me. I only knew and saw one candidate. She’s Kagawad Aying I voted for her. I hoped my votes count.
Taiwan cut my hair at past 2. I was so satisfied with the result.
Mama arrived before 3 PM. She brought bags of groceries and others. I immediately have satisfied my belly with her pasalubong. Then, I returned the P1000, I lent that morning. I also interviewed her about her check-ups. And, before I forgot, she gave me the terno, she bought for Hanna and Zildjian. Yoshimi was given, too, of course. Zildjian is too lucky for he has two sets of sando and shorts (Sponge Bob and Popeye). I’m sure, Mj would be glad to see the clothes.
October 30, 2007
After breakfast, I waited for water supply truck. I would wash my clothes and my mag’iina’s clothes today. And, since it’s too boring to wait, I visited the two boxes. I reorganized them. Then, I have found something to do. I would reweite my comedy skits.
The truck arrived after fifteen minutes. I then started washing immediately. I have accomplished it so fast.
Next, I rewrite the comedy skits. I was writing them on a personalizd booklet. Poor Froilan.
I have no money yet to publish my my works. Good thing is I have come to this idea. At least, I would have a book-like product that I could hand to the next generation. I always wanted to be remembered, not by what I did or said, but what I wrote.
I pursue writing though I have to cook and to tae a bath,
Past one, I took a nap.
Past four, I went to Veterans and bought LPG. My P50 was used because Mama has given me only P500. I also bought string beans and squash for our dinner. I decided to cook a ginataang gulay tonight.
October 31, 2007
I got up early at past six. It was when after the couple left. Mama and I then took breakfast. Minutes later, I faced writing. I pursued rewriting. I fin ished it it in one sitting. I have now 34 comedy skits in all. My booklet has more than half vacant pages. Thus, I have to pursue writing skits.
My family-in-law arrived at past 11. My mag-iina were with them, too. Mj and my kids were dropped by them and they went to Boso-Boso.
I was so happy to see my kids. Mj and I dined after few minutes of their arrival. And, later I entertained Mj with ginataang kamoteng-kahoy and biscuits. We also talked. I told her to prepre, for we’re going to the metro on Novemeber 5 to get her birth certificate and NBI clearance. But, she declined. She says, “Hindi ako umaalis ‘pag birthday ko.” I managed my anger. I just told her that on Novemeber 6. I will accompany Mama to her scheduledoperation at St. Camillus. Then I enticed her. I said, “Sayang, ite-treat pa naman kita sa Chowking.” I think her mind changed, but she confirmed it not.
My in-laws arrived at past 12. They were asking for papaya and luyang dilaw. Unfortunately, we could only give them the ginger.
My mag-iina came with them.
I took a nap in the afternoon. I have had a disturbed, untight sleep last night. Good thing is I have fallen asleep though it’s too noisy.
My head ached after I took a nap, yet I still took a bath.
After dinner, I wrote the chapter 2 of my masterpiece, ‘Loyalty Award’. The first chapter was written on my December 24, 2006 journal entry.
The second chapter tackled my Grade One experiences and life. It was long to be written here, thus I decided not to write it here. I just wish I have an extra notebook.
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