My Journal (April 9-16, 2006)

April 9, 2006

 

          We’re all excited for the party. We bathed Hanna very early. We make sure she was fragrant and beautiful.

 

          Nine, Calove, my in-laws and Tiyo Ruben dropped by to ask Mj if she will come over the, after they visit Cadcad. I gave cashew seedlings to him. They were supposed to spend more time there, however they arrived here at one. Calove requested sampalok seedlings and to dig the year-old mango down there. I was hesitant to nod yet I still did. I knew he’s doing it because he had given Hanna her needs week ago. So, I have no right to say “no”. When they were gone, I prepared tamarind seedling. Then, I dig small mango tree in lieu of his request. But, after a few mindful thinking I started to dig soil around it. I realized that it was so hard to have gratitude.

 

          Five, Espinosa Family arrived, riding in a very new car. At once I hesitated to meet them but when Mama called me to help her, I was forced to do so. They first met my daughter and as usual--- they proclaimed our resemblance.

 

          After chopping of turkey meat, cooking it, grilling tilapia, I stayed home with mg “mag-ina”. Mj was afraid to meet them. Ten, when Espinosa Couple and Sassy met Mj. Auntie gave Hanna P200. Sassy took picture of Hanna with Mj and kids. I hoped they like my baby so as Mj.

 

          Twelve, Tito Zaldo and Mama fight their opinions about this house. Haay! He is still craving this house.

 

 

April 10, 2006

 

          Five, I was awakened by a shout of water supply. I voluntarily get up because Jano scheduled me to report the last Friday's incident. Eight, I was already in gate 2 Police station, signing a blotter record of meter box lost. Then I went to Meralco. I didn't know what to do when I've got there. I replied on the guard who made me wait for 2 hours. Then I rushed again back to police station to ask for police certification. i met there Eddie Garcia, our neighbor who also had a stolen meter box. We've given what we need. Then, Meralco assured us of a quick action, which they really did. Jano must be proud of me.

 

         Calove came here before I arrive. They get my prepared seedlings. I was scared that he might be angry to me due to disappointment. However, it was a fallacy. He smiled at me before they left with MJ and Baby Marge. I thanked God. He still likes me. Tomorrow, they will fetch me here to prepare the electric wire stands. I was supposed to come by with them but due to Mama's request, I stayed here. She needs help. She's been so busy for a couple of days and for sure it would be a cause of her sickness if I will not help her finish the chores. Mj, though wanted me to come by with them, understood the situation. Good girl!

 

        Due to great fatigue and sleepiness, I slept very early. I didn't know if I uttered thanks to God. "I'm sorry, Lord."

 

 

April 11, 2006

 

       Four+ AM is a wee time for me. My sleep at that hour is very deep. However, Mama called my name twice. It made me rose up in a jiffy and met her in the garden. Then, she pointed the very big, bright star that she noticed how it enlarged in size. It's weird, huh! But, it amazed, that was the biggest, nearest, and brightest morning star I ever have seen.

 

       Seven, Calove arrived to fetch the tubular bars they left here. I haven't taken in my breakfast yet. Tatay asked me to come by with them. It gladdens me. At least I could earn money from helping them.

 

       There, we (Tatay, Tiyo Ruben, Tiyo Boy and I) started working after Ka Sonny left us. I dug the soil to be put on by electric stands. The summer heat is terrible, yet I minded it not, though my sweat glands were actively in action. I fetched pails of water in a far-off pump well. I acted also as a labor. Mixing cement, gravel and sand was truly hard. In fact, my back ached. However, my effort was paid off. I earned P150 today.

 

       Mama told me that she wished upon the star she had seen 12 hours ago. She tried if I could guess her wish, yet I did not. She wished for a big home where we (I and Mj, Jano and Gie, Tai and Jen, Flor, Mama, and her grandchildren) could be accommodated. I said to myself, "I would be the one who will make your wish come true by God's grace and his help." Why not!?

 

 

April 12, 2006

 

      Six, Mama woke me up to prepare in having water supply. I got up with back pain. Then, after breakfast I started doing chores --- I cooked viand, I picked up timbers and did a little bit of planting.

 

      I and Mama talked about her recent fight with Tito Zaldo and her plan to pursue building house down there. I agreed and wanted it to be realized soon.

 

      Then I wrapped my treasure box with tissue. I like it to be finished ASAP so that I could present it to Mj. One PM, I have finished one small paper ball, that was my third masterpiece.

 

      The summer heat is terrible. I couldn't sleep well, deeply, and tight. Quarter to six, Mama and I eat haluhalo. It was our snack.

 

      Tita's package arrived. Mama was invited to select her own taste of clothing. I expected of chocolates, but she hadn’t.

 

       Jano and Gie arrived with foods. I've been busy cooking and keeping. It's okay. The king seems happy today. I could initiate interaction.

 

      Before sleeping, I prayed to God. I asked Him of shower of blessings for Mama, Jano, Taiwan and me. But what I emphasized to God was the coming true of Mama's dream. I could see faithfulness and kindness to her wish; thus, I wanted it to be realized. I reminded God about our agreement. If ever it will be given to by Him, I'm the one who will give Mama a better life or living.

   

 

April 13, 2014

 

      Two AM, I was disturbed by the conversation of Rose and her guests. I could hardly sleep again, not to mention my left arm ache and backache.

 

      After I have cooked scrambled eggs and garlic fried rice and I have eaten some of them, I felt emptiness. My other side says, "You have to go to Rancho." But the other says "No, it's too early." I don’t know where this feeling came from. Thus, I consoled myself downhill. I looked for something edible.

 

      Then, I have decided to go to Rancho. I quickly took a bath and waited for Mama to be left alone by Tita. I had an important thing I asked her.

 

       In Rancho, I was happily greeted via smiles by them. Hanna gladly came with me to be cuddled up. Minutes later, Mj and I went to market. There, we buy Hanna's diaper, Mj's napkin, and Meann's 'mais con yelo' ingredients.

 

       Today has been a tummy day. My stomach has been busy in eating. Mais con yelo. Arroz caldo. Fish and squidball-kikiam. Haay! It's fun eating! Thanks to Meann for the mais con yelo, to Art for the lugaw and for Ka Sonny for the street foods and soft drink. I could now say. I enjoy the Maundy Thursday.

 

       "Lord, God, thank you for the foods. I hope it gives me a... a healthy body (You know what I mean.) So as, Lord., thank you for Mj's almost two months menstrual delay that turned out to be false alarm of pregnancy. I wanted a baby boy, but I don't want him to feel or experience what Hanna has. Please, give me what I'm supposed to be. Amen!"

 

 

April 14, 2006

 

        I woke up at seven, slept again and got up at nine. It has been a Good Friday for me, huh!

 

        It's so hot today. Yet, when Hanna fell asleep, I set myself in the bed. Mj and Hanna sleep beside me. We altogether neglect the terrible heat.

 

        While watching TV at four-thirty, Tatay talked about Calove's property in Cadcad, Boso-Boso. According to him, Ka Sonny wants someone who is willing to care-take his property. Tatay told us about the plans of the owner, and it excites me. I was interested enough. Nanay asked me if I like to. I said, why not?! I knew Calove, he would not make us starve. He's an open-handed person. I just want him to tell me personally. If that will so, I will not spare time in saying 'Yes'. Mama wanted it too. She'll be glad to that idea. All I must do is empty our house in Polot. Things there are still valuable. I need to go back in Bulan, soon.

 

         "Lord, God, thank you for the opportunity. I could now foresee better life for me and my 'mag-ina'. It's a dream come true. I could now practice what I'm supposed to do. I know I would be a responsible husband and father. Just give me strength and confidence. I know this will be the beginning of my success. And bless Calove Family always. Use them for us to be blessed. Amen!'

 

 

April 15, 2006

 

         I had a terrible night last night. I didn't know why I couldn't sleep. I think it was 2 AM when I fell asleep. Maybe, it's due to excitement.

 

        Great excitement leads to disappointment.

 

        I could feel that Elek is much interested than Nono in living at Calove's property. She tried to communicate with her husband. It scared me. It frustrated me. I took so long to recover from bad mood. They are more righteous to earn the tenancy because they are the ones who had told Ka Sonny. They talked about it long time ago, before I and Calove met. I could accept the reality. I just am afraid that I could not give my 'mag-ina' a better life if I would not get it.

 

       Six, I walked through Antipolo market to buy Hanna's Alactamil and to put her 2x3 picture plastic laminated. The laminated photo was now safe from tear and damage possibilities. At least I have it for them to see my product.

 

       "Lord Jesus, I knew you just tested me and I'm sorry for distrusting You. Pardon me, oh Lord."

 

       Mj told me that I was supposed to be called by Tito jay all the way from Japan. It didn't excite me, yet I was thankful that somebody is willing to help us. I was just perplexed. I do not know where I should dwell.

 

       Tito Jay did not call. It was okay. I was so sleepy. I might not communicate with him well.

 

 

April 16, 2006

 

          Today is Easter Sunday. Everyone is commemorating the rising of Jesus Christ from 3 days death in the tomb. However, instead of taking part of today's celebration, I was so disappointed to my life. It was too frustrating that my dream of a new life in a new house and in a new routine was now in danger.

 

           When Tita Lo called to confirm if Nono committed already himself in living at their new-built dwellings, it broke my heart. I could see Nanay's preference for him over me. I could also feel that Tita Lo wanted Reno more than me. It hurts! It is so saddening that Mj and my dreams were cancelled out by a mere truth. The truth is that I am just a second choice.

 

          My only chance is if Nono says he does not like the offer due to a certain personal or whatsoever reason or if Calove, himself chose me. More than all, he is the most rightful to decide whether who is the best tenant to be chosen. And if God desires it, why not accept the fact. Besides, God opens windows when he closes door of opportunity. Mj and I are still hopeful to Tito Jay's promises. I have my own property to be dwelt on and to be cared of. All we need is help and support.

 

          "Oh, God, I know you have plan for us. Please God, I wanted it now. I will be pleased if you are not confusing my mind. Forgive me also for I have sinned. Amen."

 

          Tomorrow is Hanna Margaret 9th month in this world. I wish she grows healthy.