My Journal -- October, 2006

October 1, 2006

 

I got up at past 4, when I heard the noises made by Mama. We immediately work while sipping hot coffee. I was not sleepy, huh!

 

The next seven hours was consumed in cooking. That's not my first time to cook with Mama but that's the time I realized that cooking or being a cook's helper is quite hard. I also have learned that the secret of delicious dishes is how they were merrily cooked. Mama and I cooked them with happy hearts.

 

Eleven, we're almost done. Rodea and I had a chance to converse, while waiting for the guests. She was asking me about her confusions and crises. She has learned much from me, I think.

 

Since, the guests were not yet around at one, we lunched what we prepared. It was a maddening experience. We spent much time and effort just to come up with yummy menus but then they seemed to be useless. Alas!

 

Past one, I left Sauyo. Lola gave me P100 for my fare. I also have 'viands' for us and for Mama's brothers. I left early because I wanted to rest, so as, to see my girl.

 

In the bus, I felt nausea. Good thing is I blew up not.

 

In Gate 2, I bought VCD of children's loved songs. I tried a so-called 123 (One Two Three). I didn't pay my fare to the jeepney ride from Cubao to Gate 2 for the first time. I haven't felt nervousness, huh! The money I have saved was the money I paid to that CD. I was supposed to buy milk of Hanna, but my money wasn't enough even for the smallest box of it. Instead, I bought 4 pieces of diapers and P10 bread. Haay! If only Lola Alice paid me for my effort! I wished she would give Mama after her job. Hanna needs milk. So, it must be.

 

When I arrived home, I immediately played on the VCD. It's nice. Hanna danced along.

 

Jano, Gie and Tiya Letty arrived at five. They're disappointed to know that Mama was not yet here. It's been such a very long time when Mama and her 'kumare' see each other.

 

They left at six. Jano and Gie came back at 7.

 

Though I was so tired, I haven't slept early. I played Game Boy, kasi.

 

October 2, 2006

 

We (Mj, Jen, Yoshimi, Hanna, and I) got up early yet we sleep again after the three (Flor, Jano and Gie) left. We rose formally to start the day at past 7. Fifteen minutes later, Taiwan arrived from work. I asked him if I need to pass a resume at Aramis Inn. He said, 'No'. I only must pass NBI clearance. He also told me about the company.

 

All of u waited for Mama's arrival from Sauyo. She didn't come over this morning. I then thought that she would at the afternoon.

 

I started to prepare Yoshimi's baptismal banner. It would only be personalized because Taiwan told me make a market list for his baby's 'handa' on October 7, 2006, so as his birthday. The banner would be our contribution for Yoshimi.

 

Afternoon, we're all anxious to see Mama coming home. I have cooked rice, yet I haven't cooked our viand, hoping she would bring left-over viands. However, quarter to seven, Jano told me to stop waiting. Then, I cook.

 

The great rain came. Jano turned off the TV. But when the rain has stopped and I turned it on again, the electric current gave us a saddening problem. Blackout! We all thought it was due to fuse. But after some efforts, Jano found out that it was due to Meralco's line problem. Our chairman experienced the same interruption.

 

Thus, we all sleep very early.

 

Prayer Concern, tonight: Mama's arrival so that we could buy Bonakid for Hanna, who was having a diarrhea due to change of milk (from Bonakid to Alaska)

 

 

October 3, 2006

 

Six, we're awakened by Mama's arrival. Later, Hanna vomits. Mama has become worried to her condition. She wanted to stay and not to go to Sauyo today but she has to. She was hoping our daughter's diarrhea stops.

 

Eight, I went to Veterans. I brought P500. There, I paid Ate Lani P100. I bought milk, diapers, Hydrite, mineral water, etc. I have saved P140.

 

The Bonakid, I made for Hanna was not drunk by her. She declined to accept it. And we all were worried. She doesn't like to eat also. She hates the taste of Hydrite, which supposed to be helpful to her illness. It would bring back her natural hydration. I was afraid the history repeats.

 

Mj blamed me of feeding Hanna with 'mirinda'. Jenny reiterated the 'liver spread' that Mj fed her. We also thought it was due to unsafe water she took in. However, we're not yet sure what's the real cause of it. We're both sad and worried.

 

Mama, Taiwan, and I agreed upon the taking care of a pig that would be given to us, free, by Lolo Angel. The pig would be slaughtered on Yoshimis's birthday. I would be the caretaker, Taiwan would be the financier, and Mama would be the manager. Nice setup!

 

Four-thirty, Mama was fetched by Lolo Angel to Novaliches. I hitched in his owner through Sumulong Highway. I went to my in-laws' house to tell them the sickness being felt by Hobee, so as, to borrow dress for Yoshimi's baptismal.

 

There, I was blamed by Nany that I preferred Alactagrow. I should have bought Nido 1+, she said. If she only knew.

 

On the way home, I met Tito Sam and Sarah inside the jeepney. He paid my fare.

 

Gie arrived with Jano at seven-thirty. They were both gladdened and amazed by the new look of our dining area. I think, they'd like it.

 

Jano asked me if Mama gave me money. I told him that he handed me P500, but it was my wage from assisting Mama. I boasted the 5 kilos rice I bought.

 

He was interested to Mam's money, as always.

 

Thanks, God, Hanna could now take at least 3 oz. of milk from her regular 4 oz. It's not bad! I hope, she gains weight, the weight she loses. Tomorrow my in-laws will arrive. I'm sure, Hanna is well when they come over.

 

Prayer Concern, tonight: Hanna's healing.

 

 

October 4, 2006

 

Quarter to eight when we got up. Chriz was here. He arrived early. I don't know why.

 

Hanna was still vomiting. Good thing is she could now drink more than 4 oz. of milk. Her 'poo' was semi-solid, not like yesterday's. She was not hyper. She has slight fever. Her body falls. I pity her.

 

My stiffed neck was gone, but ache in my in my lower right back begins to pest me. It made me irritably uneasy. I wanted to do more chores such as gardening, etc.

 

Two o'clock, my in-laws arrived. I came with them to Boso-Boso. We checked out the nipa hut there if it's destroyed by the typhoon that destructed billion-worth of houses nationwide. Good thing, it was still there. Nothing has happened to it. The only affected was our makeshift kitchen roofs.

 

The house (in and out) was miserably abandoned-like. It seemed to be a house of a witch. The surroundings were grassy. Yet, my plants were still alive and growing and bearing flowers and fruits.

 

I got my things there. That's the best thing.

 

Mj and Hanna came with my in-laws when they left. My daughter will be brought to a doctor for check-up. I gave Mj P100. When they left, I clean the sala. I also sweep the dried leaves outside. If only I was not feeling any ache.

 

 

October 5, 2006

 

It was 8;30 when we ate breakfast. I wasn't supposed to fry the rice but due to Chriz' presence, I did it. He contributed indeed to my chores.

 

After doing kitchen works, I washed Hanna's rubber tiles. My backache severed. I couldn't freely move.

 

Taiwan arrived at 9. He had brought an apple for Hanna.

 

Past 12, Flor Rhina's friend including Garbo, a tomboy, arrived. They're so noisy. The former accepted them twice. The first was yesterday. It irritates me. Chriz and I were watching TV. We deserve privacy at that time, but they were roughly rude people. Thus, I was thinking if I'll tell it to Jano or not.

 

I accidentally have read Flor's diary, which was she started only this October 3. I have discovered something shocking Jano and Mama might be furious of if they would know about it. Thus, I let it read by Taiwan and Chriz. They're not quite affected. But me? I was so worried that her studies and teenage life may be destroyed by that abnormal, tomboyish person named Garbo.

 

Jano arrived very early. Flor was lucky enough that her friends were not caught inside our house, particularly in the room. He asked only if she went to school this day. He didn't get angry because he didn't give her 'pamasahe.'

 

My 'mag-ina' arrived before Jano.

 

Hanna has now a noticeable fallen physique. She loses weight. Yet, according to Mj, she has no amoeba-- the disease she has got when she was 5-month-old. She, as the doctor says, only has bacteria in her stomach, which causes her to vomit and poo that way. She was given proper medicines which was kindly paid or shouldered by Lola.

 

I just don't know what the pedia prescribed apple juice drink. It should have been a fresh apple.

 

Taiwan handed me P1,500 before he left for Aramis Inn. It was the budget for Yoshimi's party on the 7th.Jano disagreed to Taiwan's plan, particularly in preparing dessert. it annoys me. And, I reckon, it also irks Taiwan, who had been quiet.

 

Prayer Concern, tonight: Flor Rhina

 

 

October 6, 2006

 

Flor Rhina made my day more annoying. She really needs to be spanked. If only I could do that. Her attitude is indeed squatter-like, big-mouthed, lack of attention. Haay! Many to mention.

 

Thanks, God, Hanna started to regain her appetite. In fact, she fancied Taiwan's 'pasalubong' to her, which is Yakult. She could now drink 4 oz. of milk or more. Yet, her poo was still semi-solid.

 

I prepared baptismal banners of Yoshimi. I also have made a personalized greeting card for her.

 

Five o'clock, I went to Cogeo for marketing purposes. I had a hard time doing it. My head ached. I felt nausea. I realized then that marketing alone is not advisable.

 

Seven, I got home. I immediately prepared the 'lumpia'. Mj and I rolled them.

 

When Jano arrived at past 9, he asked what time the reception is. I said I didn't know. Taiwan must have told me. I don't know when to cook.

 

 

October 7, 2006

 

I got up in wee time to prepare. I had to prioritize the chop suey, so I chopped, cut and peeled the veggies. However, I had to clean the surroundings. Thus, I did some garden works.

 

It was almost easy but then Flor has been so annoying. I had to shout first before she accomplishes my commands. If only I could do everything such as errand, I could not bother her.

 

I thought cooking at 8 or 9 in the morning was so early, but it causes me not to attain Taiwan's plan -- the plan of having a cooked chop suey for his in-law’s reception.

 

Mama did not arrive. Taiwan would be jealous, for sure. However, she has a reason, too. I'm sure...

 

I was so crammed the whole day, so as MJ. Yet, I was glad doing these. Helping someone through my abilities somehow gladdens me. And, without waiting for return, I knew they would have a chance to pay the same thing.

 

Taiwan's 'hand' was excessive. He has only few visitors. Thus, the leftovers jeopardized my disposition. I didn't know how to keep them. I didn't want them to spoil. Thus, I refrigerate them.

 

All in all, the party-- a double celebration, was successful.

 

 

October 9, 2006

 

Since I protested, by hunger strike, last night with MJ, I was hungry when I got up. Thus, Mj, Hanna and I eat the supposed-to-be dinner, as breakfast. I was okay now. I just have got angry and irritated due to three reasons: (1) tiredness (2) Jano's Channel 7 preference over Channel 2 (3) Flor Rhina's declination of lending me the 'Gameboy'. Consequently, I condemned Flor to her 'uselessness' in this house.

 

When Taiwan arrived, I have implied to him that Hanna was already 'milkless.' He didn't give me money. Yet, I was still hopeful. Then, I collected bottles to be sold.

 

Eleven, Jen handed me down P58 for our viand. I have had hope. I, then, came up with an idea of saving the cash and owing the fish to Ate Lanie, instead. So, I did! However, the cash I've saved was not enough for Hanna's milk, even for a carton of Bear Brand 1+. Thus, I went home with no growing-up milk. It doesn't disappoint me. I've thought of something.

 

Four, when Taiwan and his family left home, the former handed down P100 to Hanna. God is indeed omnipresent and a great provider. He never sleeps.

 

 

October 10, 2006

 

I rose up lazily at 7. The morning seems so gloomy. My arthritis strikes again. And it contributes to a bad day.

 

Waiting endlessly to a water supply truck also increments to what I was feeling today. Jano left P30 for water. But then he could not bath tomorrow. He might be angry. It scares me.

 

Mj took over Flor's washing job. The latter arrived very late at 4. I was thinking if I will tell it to Jano or not. She's not doing fine these few days.

 

Kuya Japi arrived by their delivery truck. He startled me partially when he announced that Aileen would give birth this week. When he left, I give my regards to his family.

 

Past five, Mj and I went to 'bukal'. It's been a long time since I last went there. If only the supply arrived.

 

Seven, Jano arrived. He caught Flor, who was talking with someone near the highway. The former was furious. Thus, he asked rudely if she was a 'pokpok'. The whore-like sister/cousin of us has been so quiet. Yet it doesn't resist me from adding up my grievances toward her. I confided to Jano the Flor's 'kalokohan,' such as her twice staying in our rooms; her relationship to a tomboy and her going home late from the school. Jano had decided to quit his financial educational support to her. It should be a lesson to her. I agree to Jano.

 

 

October 11, 2006

 

I woke up early so that I could catch up the water supply truck. And, while waiting, I swept the dried leaves in the front yard, so as the yard that was far from our garden. Mama is the one who's doing it.

 

Thanks, God, water supply arrived at 9.

 

Nine-thirty, Hanna and I went to Bentot's house. April and I talked about several things. But what I couldn't forget was what Flor Rhina had told them. Our sister announces her grievances towards us. It was about the laundry she was doing now. It occupies her so much, as if she was punished. Then, I explained it to April just to let her know that it's not true. Yet, I didn't know if she was blinded by Flor or not.

 

Because of this, I was determined not to talk to her or to care for her as long as I can. She's a ne'er-do-well person. We could survive without her.

 

Five, I went to Veteran's. I bought there Hanna's milk in can, diapers, powder, and biscuits. It costs P388.50, huh! Then, I paid P100 to Ate Grace. Mama has a balance of P222.50, which I planned to pay next time.

 

The P500, Mama sent me was spent already. I have decided not to tell it to Jano. He would be jealous. Thus, Mj and I would be industrious enough in this home's chores. In fact, Mj has initiative. She was focusing on Jano's clothing. I just hope the latter would be satisfied to her efforts. Jano is so meticulous. Thus, Mj is scared, he might not like her 'labada.'

 

 

October 12, 2006

 

Since I was not talking to Flor Rhina, Mj and I took our breakfast like thieves. I didn't want to partake what I bought personally. It's such a mean, stingy thing but I don't care. She deserves it!

 

Mj, despite of hardship of doing laundry, still washed our clothes except Flor's. The sloth must learn how to do her own laundry. She started it, thus we would finish. We're not that bad, but we have to.

 

Eleven, we're disrupted, I mean, our sleeps were disrupted by Hanna's loud cry due to the black ants that intrude our mosquito net. She seemed not to stop from crying. Good thing, Mj let her drowse again, while I was eradicating the pests away.

 

I was pestered too in the middle of my sleep. My scalp was their bull's eye, huh!

 

 

October 13, 2006

 

It's Friday the 13th! Yet, it doesn't promote worry. in fact, we face the new day merrily. Mj and I watched TV shows such as "Kabuhayang Swak na Swak'' and "Mobile Kusina." The two give me new ideas in business and in cooking.

 

Flor's stay in our house after her classes ruined my afternoon. She was such a pest! I didn't like her presence anymore. She tried to attract our attentions. But Mj and I were laid-back to it. She must not be attended.

 

Four, I went outside, in the garden, just to cool down my temperance, which was caused by a ne'er-do-well. I, then productively did some garden works.

 

When Jano arrived from working, he handed me down a box of Promil Kid. I wowed secretly. It would be Hanna's first time to drink one of the expensive milks. He also gave P40 for our viand tomorrow.

 

 

 

October 14, 2006

 

Eight, when we rose up. I, then, sold empty bottles for breads.

 

Since, the 'haliparot' left the house, Mj and I had a good time watching Saturday TV shows. Yet, she annoyed me hereafter.

 

Every move she did was irritating. She also dilly-dallies the laundry. I, then, told Mj that she let her wash her own clothes. Every action she made was giving me anger. I wanted really to hurt her, but I held my temper. I instead keep quiet. She must be sensitive enough why I was not talking to her.

 

In fact, her presence affects my dealings to Hanna. I wished she would stay away with us all the time. I would be happy if she's not here. I was so… so furious to her face, to her attitude, to her bad personality. I indeed lost my love and care and respect to her as sister. Sister?! I mean, as cousin...

 

Today was supposed to be Mj-and-I's wedding day. The free mass wedding has taken place already. it doesn't matter if we lost the rare opportunity. I knew God planned it. He has something good for us. I don't know what it is, but for sure, it will be better.

 

Today, also, Hanna has been so 'pasaway'. The three of us had a bad temper. We hit her many times. I pity her. She deserves a tender loving care and not a tender loving whip. "I'm sorry, Hanna."

 

Good thing about her is she knew now how to get me lower my temper. She would kiss me when I was about to get mad over her naughtiness. Sometimes, she would kiss me first, as if she was asking permission to do her stuff. Smart gal!

 

 

October 15, 2006

 

Since, it's Sunday--- a family day, I expect for a complete Sunday. Thus, I cooked 'laing' and 'ginataan.' They're yummy, huh! However, Jano, Gie and Taiwan, so as Mama did not arrive. My effort was spoiled. And it became grievous when Diana Go arrived for a purpose--- to ask money from Jano. She waited from 12 NN to 7 PM, huh! If only I have P5 for her fare, I would give her. Her presence obstructs our privacy, indeed. I hadn't accomplished productive deed.

 

Diyang came over at 6. She conversed with us and caused vehement and dirty talks. She opened up my sexual pasts. She puts me on shame. Mj, then, have learned about my naughtiness with Analyn Lomotus. However, it was covered by her bad tidings about Mama. According to her, Mama and she were suspected strongly and blatantly that they robbed Lola Alice' gold watch, which was worth P5000 and was given by Tita Merly. I knew Mama very well. She couldn't do that. Their accusation made Mama cried, and it gave me guilt. I was blaming myself why I let Mama work. Diyang's right. Mama is working just to support us. She's doing this martyrdom just to provide our needs. She's so kind. Yet, she's killing herself. I was thinking if I would tell it to Jano or not. Diyang was supposed to keep it secret, but she couldn't take it. That's the advantage of her being talkative. I've learned now that Tito Nonoy is not a good person. He deserves to be condemned. "Ginago niya si Mama!"

 

Jano and Gie arrived at seven. He hadn't done grocery because he would let me do it. He gave me P300 and told me to budget it for a week-viands. It gives me burden. My ability to spendthrift would be measured. I must be careful and wise in spending it.

 

In my sleep, the thought of Mama's condition bothers me. I was planning to tell Mj that she and Hanna must go home with my in-laws for a temporal time till I have got a job.

 

 

October 16, 2006

 

Mj and I started the day in horny way. We watched porn, huh!

 

Nine, Tito Sam came over. We had a talk. Since, he was looking for Mama, I have had an opportunity to open up what had happened to my mother in Sauyo. He, too, was furious.

 

We also tackled 'abroad' topic. He wanted to tell me how lucky he was, or they were now. He induced me to do so. Well..it's not a bad idea, anyway. Why not!?

 

One PM, I walked through Cabading. I bought viands there. The P300 was minused by P105 plus P7 for laundry soap. I hope the difference would extend till Friday night.

 

Mj now has proven how abominable Flor is. The latter was commanded by the former to make 'banlaw' the clothes, which was washed earlier by the first. Angrily, the ne'er-do-well girl deadpans as if she heard nothing. She did it, too, with a snob and with a rolling eyeball, turning into white. I instead did the job at "bukal". My partner had decided not to talk to her too. She loses her amour towards her.

 

If anyone would say that we are bad due to what we're showing her, he/she, for sure, is blind. That girl is useless! She is ingratitude! All the bad or negative adjectives will suit her.

 

When Jano arrived, he didn't query me about the P300 or what I have bought.

 

 

October 17, 2006

 

Flor woken me up so as her intent of taking in the pork adobo for breakfast, that I was securing for the next consumption. I told her that it's not for just once and keep it. Next thing happened was Mj saw her writings in her room, saying:"Ma2tay ka na sana may karma ka rin!!!!" It maddens me. I wanted to padlock that room so that she leaves away with our lives. Good thing, I haven't found one. I wanted to confront her, but I decided, instead not to show any affection about it. She must conclude that we're not affected by her actions. Mj, Hanna, and I are more righteous to stay in the house.

 

Six-thirty, she scared MJ through an insect. Thus, my partner angrily showcased her real self. The former has been quiet, and she wondered to her. I pity the poor gal but she indeed deserves condemnation. Her being 'maldita' would not be tolerated by anyone of us. I'd rather have a pet than to have her in my life.

 

If Hanna had HD (Hyperactivity Disorder), Flor has ADD (Attention Deficit Disorder) Poor gril!

 

Prayer Concern, tonight: Flor Rhina

 

October 18, 2006

 

Mj and I started the morning by busying ourselves in household chores. I did the sweeping of the dried leaves and water reservation for Jano's bath, while she's doing laundry.

 

Our daily routine was indeed hard. I now understand Mama-- who was then grieving for this hardship. She's doing everything, even without Flor's help and considerate assistance.

 

One, I went to 'bukal' to make 'banlaw' there. Nonoy and his girl were there. I did not regard their presence. i wish, they're not there or I wish I didn't come very early. Thus, I did my intent in a hurry. I hope then that they, especially Tito Nonoy, who treated Mama like a rag, would realize that I was mad at them.

 

Then, I've read Flor Rhina's note. It says:

 

"Sana si Kya pag-aralin nya ako kc gustong-gusto kng mag-aral kc kng mag-i-stop nman ako sayang pagod di ako kumakain ng tama pra sa grades ko tapos naniwala pa sa sinabi ni _______ di nya kc alam kng anong dahlan" --Rhinalyn

 

That's the exact note that I accidentally found. I knew she's the one who wrote it and I was the blank, she's pointing out. I was sorry. But if she really meant to study hard-- as we all wished and wanted, she has to do something just to bring back our trust to her. Mama has no idea about it but I'm sure it would be okay for her. If she was blaming me for it, it's okay. It's her fault, not mine.

 

I was facing again in a tight budget job. I was amid a budgeting dilemma. I didn't know what to do with the money, Jano gave me for our daily consumption. We must buy water. We already out of sugar and other crucial stocks such as laundry soap. Haaay! It's measuring my ability, indeed.

 

When Jano arrived, he has a happy mind. In fact, he gets Hanna and plays with her. He advises me, too that I must let Hanna playing all day long to enable to have good and tight sleep at night.

 

 

October 19, 2006

 

Six, I was already wide awake. It's due to an intent of buying water. Minutes ago, Mj found out that Hanna was feverish. It scared me. I absolutely thought it was a dengue. Yet, I asked God that it wasn't.

 

She was vomiting. Good thing, after she has taken "Myremol,' her fever lowered down. Mj and I reckoned it was due to her new or arising teeth. However, it goes back again.

 

Jano arrived with Gie.

 

Hanna's fever continues.

 

I prayed to God before I fall asleep.

 

 

 

October 20, 2006

 

Though Mj and I were disturbed by Hanna's sickness last night, we're thankful that she's fine now. Her fever lowered down already. Thus, I got up early and swept the yard's messes.

 

Quarter to ten, while Margaret was sleeping, I started reading "Success Through a Positive Mental Attitude" by Napoleon Hill and W, Clement Stone. It's a book, I found at Jano's room. It interests me.

 

After reading its introduction and Chapter One, I've learned something new.

 

I found this book not just inspirational but (it's) godly. I'll read it cover-to-cover. That's a promise. I would gain positive thinking from perusing it wholly. Although I have obtained optimism since I started viewing business shows, I still need to read. Reading is indeed crucial in every phase of life. In fact, I've learned today from what I've read what S.B. Fuller applied. He says: "We are poor, not because of God. We are poor because father has never developed a desire to become rich. No one in our family has never developed a desire to become rich. No one in our family has ever developed a desire to be anything else."

 

It's absolutely true! Papa has never developed a framework of success. He's so neglectful to our future. Though, I'm not blaming him. Instead, it gives me a visual aid of a possible circumstance if ever I fail to promote that philosophy. So, as a father, I must practice it now for the next generation's sake, for my children's sake.

 

Hanna is well now. Her hyperactivity strikes back.

 

Jano arrived at 7:30 PM. I thought he would have a box of milk or diapers for Hanna, but he hadn't. Today's his 'sahod' day. He only brought home an ice.

 

Before I sleep, I talked to God. I wished for Hanna's milk and diapers.

 

 

October 21, 2006

 

One AM, Hanna's fever came back. She had disturbed our sleeps.

 

At six, Lolo Angel dropped by. He brought the blessings from Mama. IT coincides. Hanna's milk was about to go empty. She already was out of diaper. Good thing, Mama sent two boxes of Bonakid (400g each); four pieces of EQ diapers and two sorts of biscuits. I thought she would arrive today, but she didn't. I think she's a reason why.

 

Morning breeze was so cold now. I could still smell Christmas.

 

It causes us to dilly-dally. We have been so lazy to move and do our chores.

 

Eight, I pursue reading "Success Through A P.M.A.,”

 which I started yesterday. Upon reading it, I've learned that "I can change the world!" But how? I just must apply imperatively the 17 Success Principles:

 

A positive mental attitude

 

Definiteness of purpose

 

Going the extra mile

 

Accurate thinking

 

Self-discipline

 

The master mind

 

Applied faith

 

A pleasing personality

 

Personal initiative

 

Enthusiasm

 

Controlled attention

 

Teamwork

 

Learning from defeat

 

Creative vision

 

Budgeting time and money

 

Maintaining sound physical and mental health

 

Using cosmic habit force (universal law)

 

I must imprint them indelibly in my memory. I would need them in my daily life.

 

Then, I have also learned that "I was born a champion!" I won a millions-of-sperm-cells-battle. Victory is built into every living person, in fact.

 

Now, it's unfair if I tend to blame the world. There's no need. "If the man is right, his world will be right." This is true, because I'm the captain of my fate, the master of my soul.

 

That book includes I Dare You self-motivator. It motivates me to dare myself, huh. Thus, I am now daring myself to obtain or own a handsome house and lot! Obtain or own a handsome house and lot! House and lot! House and lot! I dare myself. Officially, today is the beginning of my time frame of this dare. I must get it within two to three years (from now). Timer starts now!

 

According to Plato, a great philosopher, that "The beginning is the most important part of a work." Yup! In fact, I was starting now, although, it's so hard to begin something. I have to consider several factors such as budget. I only have, at this point, special talents that would contribute to my goal. Yet, I'm optimistic enough. I know I could do it! Ralph Emerson says: "For everything you have missed, you have gained something." I missed bountiful life for 26 years. From this, I knew I could gain my goal.

 

Flor went to Sauyo. The three of us would have a privacy for an ephemeral time, since Jano would not go home tonight. Ha ha ha!

 

While watching TV, I have watched a slogan of an ad, saying: "Success is not the fruit of your ambition, but of your desire to achieve." Now I know! It is not bad to be ambitious or to have ambitions. What bad is if you did not have a determination.

 

I was full packed by it. From time to time, my desire to put up my own business grows. If only I could start now.

 

Our supper was spaghetti with sardines’ sauce. It's yummy, huh!

 

Minutes to go before eight, I was startled by Jano and Gie's arrival. I thought, they're not going home. Thus, I had to cook again. Good thing, I bought eggs. They were supposed to be our lunch tomorrow.

 

Jano thought Mama sent viands. He did not buy anything for our dinner because of his presumption. What would happen if I did not buy eggs? Haay! I knew he's in need of money due to his motorcycle's premium, but he must think of our needs here. He instead blames himself of buying Nido 1+ of Hanna. According to him, he should have bought viand.

 

 

October 22, 2006

 

Seven-thirty when I got up. I was so lazy to do so. Yet, I was forced to.

 

We have no breakfast.

 

Jano and Gie bought breads only for them at 9. Good thing, they bought pork for our lunch.

 

My Sunday-TV-watching habit was disturbed when I prepared our food. Although Jano was the one who cooked the 'sinigang', I was still occupied by cooking 'adobo' and boiling rice.

 

Five, when I measured the ice, left from Jano's company incentive. I was saddened by the truth that it was only one kilo. It was only good for a day. It gave me time to worry.

 

It has been a long time since Mj and I have had a misunderstanding. And, tonight, she misunderstood me. Over a pork of 'pansit' she got angry to me. I just wanted it to reserve for Jano and Gie, who would need a breakfast morrow. I was just being considerate to them. If it has been an inconsiderate act to her part, then, I was sorry. Now, I realized something. She prefers pancit than pork, as viand.

 

Her irksome towards me worsened by other shortcomings of mine. I wanted to confront her, but my calm side stopped me to do so. Besides, the couple was here. They would hear us battling.

 

Mj became more sensitive now. Do I have to admit that I have been a brutal speaker? No! I beg to disagree. In fact, I'm a soft-spoken person according to Ofelia Giray, my schoolmate in RGCC and my co-staffer in our school organ, The Rover. I am watching my words, I speak. I don't want someone hurts me, so I didn't hurt someone's heart. If I did it's due, maybe, to the so-called revenge. In our situation, she was indeed overly sensitive.

 

Nine, I was finishing the third chapter of the book "Success..." I've learned there the lesson of our quarrel, I mean, misunderstanding, which resulted to not-talking-to-each-other. The book suggests "When you are faced with a problem that involves a misunderstanding with other person, you must first start with yourself." It also tells that "One word can cause an argument, develop misunderstanding, generate unhappiness and end in misery." So, I have to apologize to her.

 

Change topic.

 

The book I was reading taught me that "I am what I think." My attitude was evaluated by what I think. Or my thoughts are evaluated by what I think.

 

Jan did not hand me down the budget for a week. I was hoping he would give it to me before he sleeps but he didn't. Maybe, it was due to his drunkenness tonight.

 

 

October 23, 2006

 

Since my sleep was disturbed by very loud videoke-ing at Tito Boy's house last night, it was 7:30 AM when I got up. Unfortunately, my morning has been a weary one. I could see sugar jar in its empty state, so as the coffee jar. Jano didn't leave money!

 

I ate the cause of Mj-and-I's misunderstanding. She didn't take coffee when she starts washing clothes. I pity her. Thus, I attend to Hanna, who wasn't feeling well.

 

What had happened between us caused me to think of something. I wanted to tell MJ that she must go home because of her being sensitive and 'maarte'. I don't like these attitudes especially if I was not in a mood. I had a lot of problem to solve and here, she goes. She adds on it. Haay! I'm so tired! If she only knew how much I desired to have our own house, where we could do our chores freely and without someone to consider. Since, I'm a real member of this family, I knew already what to do in every situation. I knew Jano's attitudes, habits and so on. I was just teaching her how to deal with them especially to Jano, who's the one that shouldering our responsibilities.

 

It was already one PM. She was declining to take in her lunch on time. I kept myself calm, though. Instead, I read and write. She lunched at past 3.

 

I have learned today from the book I was reading that I am a mind with a body.

 

Unexpectedly, Jano and Gie arrived without groceries or food stuffs. I wished they have.

 

Before we sleep, Mj and I were already at peace. She, however, ever had her dinner because she's ashamed to eat, since I ate first.

 

 

October 24, 2006

 

I woke up lazily. We have no more sugar and coffee. It seems that morning was so hard to start. We only eat the leftovers for breakfast.

 

When Jano rose up to buy food, I told him that we already have no more rice. He's partly shocked, as if 20 kilos of rice is enough for one month. So, they bought. Yet, it's only 1 ½ or 2. He handed me P100 for the next day consumption. It saddens me. What?! Will it be sufficient till Friday? We must buy water, laundry soap, rice and viands. Haay! It's indeed hard to live in with. If only Mj and Hanna were not with me.

 

I hoped for Mama's arrival. But she didn't come. She's the only one who gives me hope. If she's present, I would not be scared like this. I know she will do something just to fix everything.

 

Good thing is Jano bought fishes for our dinner. I thought P100 would be deducted (again) by our viand tonight. I really don't know what to do if that so. It was subtracted by ten pesos because of dilis. Mj wants to go home this coming Sunday which I want to be tomorrow. So, she'll need P30 for fare.

 

Speaking of going home, I want her and Baby Marge to go home at my in-laws; house so that Jano would realize that Mj was not at ease living here. In fact, washing clothes—dirty clothes, is so tiring. If he would pay for a laundry, I'm sure he would pay more that he spends to us here. HE needs our presence here especially now that Flor and Mama were not present.

 

Six, while I was cooking, electric current stopped. Bad trip! I could not pursue reading the "Success...". It was 9:30 when it resumes. I watched TV, instead.

 

 

October 25, 2006

 

Right after I woke up, my worry started. I was 'problemizing' our very tight budget, which was now only P90. I must buy viand and water today. Tomorrow, we must buy rice again. Haay!

 

Reading the book of Napoleon Hill and W. Clement Stone helped me realize that all this worry was just caused by NMA. I must apply positive mental attitude, which was the prime approach of the said authors. It somehow gives me positivity that I could make it. It was just a matter of budgeting!

 

Ninety pesos was deducted by P40 for fishes and P15 for water. Hanna has no more diaper. I was thinking if I would buy one, in lieu, I gathered scraps to be sold. Unfortunately, buyer came not.

 

I've learned today from reading that "The little difference between success and failure is often something more."

 

 

October 26, 2006

 

It was quarter to eight when I got up, due to a cold breeze, it was.

 

Nine-thirty, I sold scraps. I earned P36 in all. It would help us a lot. I would buy Hanna's diaper tonight. She must have one because she's getting wet overnight. And she's giving Mj so much laundry works.

 

Last night, I started a 'correspondence book'. I called it that way because it would be written by me and Mj corresponding to each other's letter. I could now tell her my thoughts and feelings whether it's bad or good, sad or glad.

 

God is always a good god. That's what the "Success..." points out. He's the only one who guides us.

 

The book I was reading taught me knowledge. I have learned that there are 7 virtues (moral excellence, valor, rectitude, or chastity) such as: prudence, fortitude, temperance, justice, faith, hope and charity. It also stresses that everyone has problems. So, if you've got a problem, that's good!

 

At night, before I fall asleep, I ask God for the healing of Hanna's cough. I pity her for she hardly coughs, especially during dawn. I also wished that Mama goes home.

 

 

October 27, 2006

 

I was in a great financial crisis at 9 AM. I did not know what to buy or to do in P10.25, which was left from the budget or from the scrap income. Thus, I have done a sin. I omitted P12.25 from Jano's teddy's bank. I will not tell it to him unless he asks. I will also pay him secretly, the same amount and denominations.

 

Watching TV is indeed educating. I've learned today, from "Kabuhayang Swak na Swak,' the formula of fabric softener. It is as follows: 94% water + 5% cationic + 1% fragrance/colorant.

 

I want to venture on this when the right time comes.

 

Noontime. Mj and I have been stingy to Chriz. We never call him to eat. Since, we only have sardines spaghetti for lunch, we're ashamed to do so. He anticipated to be called till 12:30. I was sorry.

 

Since, I was anticipating for Mama's arrival morrow, I did some garden works. I landscaped the black part of the house. I also did some planting and few clearing operations. I hope she will be glad to the results. For that, I could express my gratitude to her for taking over my responsibilities to Hanna for a short period of time.

 

Mj and I had a teasing time when she gets angry to me. She's too 'pikon'. I thought we would end up in war again. However, at 6 PM, when she declined to pursue corresponding to my newly initiated correspondence book, she disappoints me. I didn't know why. I didn't understand her. I was sure she too did not understand my intention. If she only knew. Alas! It might be the beginning of my affectionate revelation to her.

 

To reduce the frustration level on my body, I instead read the Success book. It somehow alleviated the bad feelings/emotion. It also gave me wisdom.

 

This knowledge would be helpful on my future dispositions. Since I was reading a book which talks about positivity, it already gives me the said attitude. I was optimistic enough that someday, somehow, through positive mental attitude I will get that successful state.

 

Gie arrived first. Jano arrived next to her. The former brought 'pasalubongs' for us and for Hanna. Jano brought Bonakid for my daughter. Then, he handed me down P590. The P200 is for Diana Go and P390 is for our weekly budget.

 

 

October 28, 2006

 

I did marketing in Cabading. Jano and Gie dropped me there. They're going to 'bayan'. It gladdens me. Their presence is our privacy.

 

After I have fulfilled my job in Cabading, my temperance hits at the highest peak due to deceitful 'tindera-owner of the grocery'. She fooled me. I paid P182 for the groceries that were supposed to be P172 only. Thus, it affects my mood. My dealing with my 'mag-ina' was affected too, especially to Hanna. Ten pesos is crucial to our budget, huh! That, then, I promised myself I will never ever do marketing to her grocery, again! She's not using her calculator, so she intends to do it.

 

All day long, my temper has been in worse condition. Since, I was attending Hanna, she was one who feels it. I pity her afterwards. I was sorry for her.

 

It lowers down only after I hand-bathed. If that was so, I could say that water has a calming effect. Therapeutic, huh!

 

Six-thirty, I read the 8th chapter of the "Success...," which has a subtitle of "The Secret of Getting Things Done". I've learned that the secret of getting things done is DO IT NOW! It suggests the elimination of procrastination and inertia. The quoted quote of William James, a great psychologist and philosopher adds to it. It says, "Sow an action and you reap a habit: sow a habit and you reap a character; sow a character and you reap a destiny."

 

I think, I don't tend to procrastinate. In fact, I called myself "Mr. Hot" on 2001 because whatever comes to my mind, I would act it immediately. It would be called curiosity or venturesome. But I reckon it's appropriate to be termed as 'timewise'. I always spend time productively: writing, reading, art working, planning and most of all--- daydreaming! It's true! As a matter of fact, I'm impatient-- impatient to attend, impatient to everything useless, impatient to wait till November 17, 2006 (The endo of Taiwan). My eagerness to work grows every day for it would "Success through A PMA" advocates.

 

Tonight, before I fall asleep, I'll pray to God. I'll him to protect, to guide and keep away from any harm Mj and Hanna tomorrow on their trip to Rancho. I'll also ask him to let Mama home. I missed her. I pity her. She's not supposed to be working. Then, I'll ask apology to our Lord for my sins and shortcomings. I've been too hot-tempered this whole day.

 

 

October 29, 2006

 

I was awakened by water supply truck at 8. Thus, I got up and bought water. My 'mag-ina' was still on 'higaan'.

 

Today is supposed to be the trip of Mj and Hanna to 'bayan' but due to a drizzly day, they're forced to stay home. Though, I prefer them to leave I couldn't do nothing about it.

 

Last night, Mj got angry to me because I declined to accept her sweetness. She tried to embrace me, but I pushed away her arm in a jiffy. I should have let her embrace me even for a while. I really did not mean it. I just want to kid her. My vexation caused war. We, as an effect, sleep without talking to each other. Haay! I really couldn't understand myself. I was so stingy. I think she deserves my sweetness in spite of everything, she's still there for me. I could call it an emotional battery. However, she's a superwoman that perseveres just to get my heart. A pathetic woman! I just hope she stays strong. I told her twice in my letters. Hold on!

 

Sunday is a day for lifestyle shows, especially cooking shows. That's why I like mostly to watch TV on this day. It educates me. I could learn new cooking techniques and terminologies, for instance: teriyaki (Japanese term which means glaze for 'teri' and broiled/grilled for 'yaki') I could learn ingredients names both foreign and local. Besides from its entertaining value and aesthetic value to a naked eye, it also turns somebody to a gourmet individual. In fact, Mj has now becoming interested to the cooking shows. She was delighted to them.

 

Now, I could prove that the saying "The fastest way to a man's heart is through stomach". I'm not hard to please. Just give, prepare, or serve me a delicious food and I might like you, here after.

 

Then, I read Chapter 9: How to Motivate Yourself. It motivates me to read the entire chapter with comprehension. Thus, I've learned that hope is the magic ingredient in motivating yourself and others. Realization comes next. "I'm motivating myself because I'm hoping for…" I realized.

 

After I lost my appetite in watching TV, I continue reading. I perused Chapter 10, which was subtitled "How to Motivate Others". The chapter taught me that "A letter can change a life for the better". Starting the habit of motivating loved ones by writing letters, containing wholesome, good suggestions is advised. In fact, I was more induced to write a letter for MJ, even though she refused to correspond at my initiated "Correspondence Book. I just want to motivate her to change her thinking, attitude, etc.

 

Jano and Gie arrived before 7PM. They're gloomy. Why?

 

Before I sleep, I talked to God. I asked Him to use somebody in Polot who could remember Papa's tomb, which was supposed to be visited.

 

 

October 30, 2006

 

When I got up at 7:30 AM and opened the door, I saw Tito Sam approaching. He then borrowed P7 from me for fare to Gate 2. He also asked me if I want to "magpabili." So, I said yes. He actually did. Yet he did not ask for payment.

 

Mj and Hanna's trip was postponed again due to Super Typhoon Paeng, which was Signal #1. And I reckon it was also the reason why Mama did not arrive.

 

Twelve noon, I tore u the pages of Correspondence Book I have written and made it int a "Summary of Daily Life". Or I preferred to call it "Autosummary". It is like a slam book. The only difference is that the questions are only keywords such as: mission, vision, desire, wants, necessity, health, wealth, dream, thought, memory, mood, love, hate, fear, security, anger, activities, attainment, inspiration, observation, appreciation, expectation, violation, question, recognition, secret, problem, hope, adversity, belief, idea, experience, diversity, and learning.

 

I, then, filled out my "Autosummary." I found it nice!

 

One, I read Chapter 11. It reveals the short cut to riches--- Thinking with PMA and Grow Rich. I was thinking optimistically, does it mean I would grow rich? I think so!

 

Past six, I pursue reading. Chapter 12 is entitled 'Attract-- Don't Repel Wealth'. It gives me an idea on how to attract wealth. It's "to learn how to set goal". In this chapter, I confirmed the vitality of using "pencil-and-paper' like genius Thomas Edison did. Now I resolve to myself that I would practice it starting tomorrow. And the most captivating lines I this chapter were (1) money make money, and I have no money (2) This is a negative mental attitude. In fact, it was I have read in a booklet "Good Housekeeping". Now I confirmed it is potentially true. A success story of Cristina Decena is one of the examples.

 

That topic is actually Chapter 13. I couldn't wait till tomorrow to peruse it.

 

When Jano arrived at 7PM, he wowed upon seeing our 'paksiw na salmon' viand, despite of his bad delivery experience today. It gladdens me. It seems that I was appreciated. Thanks, Tito Sam!

 

After dinner, I excitedly read the 13th chapter. Yet, I haven't finished it.

 

This would be my prayer tonight: "Lord God, thank You for You're always there. Thank You for You're our God who provides, who guides, who blesses, who pardons. Thank You for Your blessings. You equipped me today with multifarious learning. You gave me hope. You inspired me to make our lives better. Lord, Jesus, stay with me all the time. I need You in my life. I couldn't do all of my plans without You. Please, continue guiding me. And pardon me for I hurt Mj tonight. I was so temperamental, and she was so sensitive. Pardon us, Oh, God. Amen!"

 

 

October 31, 2006

 

Quarter to six, minutes after Jano has left, my cousin-sister arrived from Novaliches. She wasn't I was expecting to arrive. I anticipated for Mama. Yet, her arrival secretly gladdens me. Mama would have, hopefully, sent money for Hanna's needs or for whatever. Since, however, I was not talking to her, I didn't ask why Mama was not with her.

 

Then, I did the clearing operation after breakfast. Ten minutes ago, it was.

 

Super Typhoon Paeng, which was Signal #1 in Rizal has been so kind. He only clutters the surroundings with few leaves. Thus, I only spent few hours in sweeping.

 

The sun shone. So, there's no reason at all to postpone again Mj's plan of leaving for Rancho. Thus, I forced her. However, due to my strong persistent forcing, she refused hard-headedly. It turns me furious. I, instead, went to the room and locked the door, saying "Bahala ka nga!" Next thing happened she was packing up Hanna's stuffs and hers. She drags angrily. When I tried to calm her, she illogically replied "Kapag umalis kami, hindi na kami babalik! I, then, said, "E, di wag!" I knew she could not do that. Besides, she couldn't carry all their stuffs. She have to come back again..to make the story short, she and Hanna left at 11 AM. She still was mad towards me. It scared me. Fretting might put them to harm. I hoped it would not happen.

 

I couldn't understand her. I have explained to her why I was pushing her to leave--- it's because I wanted to have NBI clearance as soon as possible before November 17 comes. And I was telling her to borrow money (P300) from her sister, Me-Ann who might receive her salary this day. She really doesn't want to leave and to delay it again.

 

She thought maybe that I was escaping from my responsibilities. "Hindi kita pinapalayas." I spoke. I was just begging you to help me, I added. Yet, she went on. She has really a bad attitude.

 

I realized, there is something wrong with me, too. I was like a film director who motivates actors scornfully.

 

When they left, I spent my time in laundry. I gathered all the dirty clothes, except Flor Rhina's. I also brushed Hanna's rubber mats.

 

Twelve-thirty, Michelle, Mj's sister unexpectedly arrived. She was looking for Mj, who left 1 and a half hour ago, my in-laws wanted Mj to visit them, because Nicole was there, two weeks ago and because today's Arthur's birthday. Alas! Michelle spent time, effort, and money for nothing. If only Mj decides early.

 

Laundry job is indeed a hard work. It caused me backache. Yet, doing so gives me a sense of fulfillment. It just not only gladdens me, but it also makes me forget Mj and I's misunderstanding.

 

It was 4 when I had finished it.

 

Five, I started cooking, while resting for a hot bath. I've been systematic, huh!

 

Six-thirty, all my household chores were done. Thus, I faced my hobbies—writing and reading. Then, I have learned the real essence of business. "It is other people's money". It also suggests that "Bank or banker is a good friend".

 

When Jano and Gie arrived, they automatically missed Hanna. They, especially Jano, missed to recognize my laundry effort. It's okay, that he thought Mj did the job, as usually she does. It's her credit, not mine. Yet, it's okay. Besides, good deed must not be flaunted.