MY JOURNAL (January 22-28, 2006)

January 22, 2006

           Seven AM, Aileen woke me up by her call. I was disappointed by her bad news. They could not leave because Kuya Jape would do driving for his boss.

          Anyway, there is no reason to be sad. I'm expecting a victory today. God has showed me a sign of winning the lotto jackpot.

          I was so excited to know the result. Eight, when Tyo Boy showed us the winning numbers. I was disappointed by it. Nineteen (19) was just the lucky one we got.

          However, I understand God's will. There is another day to come. Maybe tonight I will win it.

          I wanted to go home in Bautista. But I couldn't due to Mj's 'pleases' and of course due to Hanna.

          Hanna has diarrhea. She's poopooing from time to time. Maybe it was due to her new milk.

          I watched dedicatedly Morales2Pacquiao--The Battle. It made my tears-of-joy fall.

          Three, Tyo Boy ran to the lotto outlet to bet. I used the numbers pointed by Hanna last Friday. Those are: 03 12 26 30 45 46.

           I know God will give it to me. It's His will! I know lotto is a gamble, and gamble is an evil thing, but God knows how much I longed to win on it and He knows how could I use the prize. Here's the budget for the following:
          Flor Rhina/Mama 2M/200T/10T
          Jano 1M/100T/10T
          Taiwan 1M/100T/10T
          Lolo Candoy 1M/100T/10T
          Lolo Aton 1M/100T/10T
          Lola Alice 1M/100T/10T
          Auntie Belen 1M/100T/10T
          Tito Boy 1M/100T/10T
          Tito Ben 1M/100T/10T
          Tito Zaldo 1M/100T/10T
          Auntie Vangie 1M/100T/10T
          Auntie Emol 1M/100T/10T
          Tito Sam 1M/100T/10T
          Papay Benson 1M/100T/10T
          Mamay Gaya 1M/100T/10T
          Nanay & Tatay 1M/100T/10T
          FMBC 1M/100T/10T
          Bethel Temple 1M/100T/10T

          The following above are my priorities. But of course I should not forget the following persons who had been part of my life somehow: Efear, Frenel, Amy, Ramon, Glenn, Hilario Family, Batch 1993 of SFES, de Leon clan and whosoever helped me, loved me and respected me...and Aileen Motilla (Sia) -- as she was the instrument of God's sign, I will help her to have their own house.

          God is so kind. In return of this promise, I will share my winnings to the said persons and churches, because according to the Bible, "Charity is the greatest among the virtues."

          I have also planned to franchise Jollibee trademark. I will rise a building in Bulan for a Jollibee chain. I think, it will hit there.

          These are my craziest daydreams. It's funny, but who cares? God is faithful in His promises. Impossible is nothing to Him.

          Nine PM I watched lotto draw. Unluckily, I didn't win the jackpot. I got nothing even a single digit. It frustrates me.

          Anyways, there's another draw. I might win the next time.
     

January 23, 2006

          It was Mj who told me that there's a jackpot lotto winner and it was from Camarines Sur. I lost my chance of winning P150+M.

          Few minutes later I have recovered from frustration. I could still win, anytime, because it's God's will.

          Hanna's diarrhea is striking still. We spent too much for her diapers. In this reason, I'd rather use my few pesos in buying diapers instead of betting in lottery. But I wished I could bet again.

          Thanks God, Tita Ning donated Alactamil and medicine for Hanna's diarrhea, when she had known my baby's condition.

           Mj insinuated that the Alactamil given by Tita Ning is not enough. It's good for one day. I knew it, but what can I do? I have given up my trip to Bulan, and I only have P45 on my wallet.

          "God, please help us! You know what we need beforehand. Please don't make it hard for every one of us. Thank you!"

           I hope our trip to Bautista tomorrow to buy pig for Tito Danny's wedding, will not be postponed.


January 24, 2006

          I waited for them to tell that we're going to Bautista, but they don't. Alas! I could have bee home.

          This day seemed so gloomy. I was so sleepy and feeling tired. It's maybe because Hanna has been so disturbed last night.

          Good thing happened to Hanna today. Her frequent poopooing has stopped and her poopoo becomes solid. Thanks, God! It's due to Tita Ning's kindness. I also thought, Alactamil is better than Bonamil.

          Lola gave P500 to Meann and the latter gave P150 to Nanay and Nanay gave P100 to Mj for Hanna's milk. It made me glad. Sincerely, I only have coins in my wallet, and these are good for 2 or 3 diapers.

          Seven, something tragic happened to Hanna. She had bumped her forehead in a wooden sala set while Nanay was cuddling her up. I heard the loud sound. I pity her. I wished I was the one who had bumped the forehead.

          Prayer Concern, tonight: More financial blessings for Espinosa Family and stoppage of my chest pain.


January 25, 2006

          Past twelve AM, we're awaken by a very loud cry of Hobee. Her face turned red due to bumping on a metal. I pity her, again. Why do things like this happened to her? She might not bear the pain.

          Nine, we ate our breakfast.

          It's raining today! I remember my roofless house in Polot. I wished rain there is not day long.

          Hanna's coughing soundly. It is a pitiful condition of a baby. I could feel her hardship of breathing. Good thing is that she's still hyperactive and happy. She only cries when she is hungry or there is weewee or poopoo on her diaper.

          Frequently, we battle on each other. Mj is always insinuating that I'm valueless ---that I didn't want to work. I tried to let her understand my point, but it (always) turned out useless.

          "Lord Jesus, You know me well. I love to make someone happy, especially my own family. But I could not do it because I'm sick. I want Your help. Please change my physical attributes so that I could have superiority."

          I know God will not let me down. He will make a way so that I could reach my dreams. I only wish that I'm always near a church where I could fellowship with often.


January 26, 2006

          I woke up with three pains in my body--- severe chest pain, mild appendix ache and slight backache. What is happening to me, Oh, Lord? The two aches were gone, and chest pain remained. It is bearable but unstoppable. "Lord God, I know it is my second life, however, is this my last? I don't want to pass away yet. I'm not afraid to die. What I'm scared of is leaving away from my loved ones without heritage. Please, heal me and give me my dream work I really love."

          Moneylessness makes everyone irritated. That was what I've noticed to Mj and her family. That's true that money makes the world go round, but it doesn't mean that you would go around with it.

          I have only P1.00 on my wallet. Hanna Margaret has no diaper. She's only wearing 'lampin'. It hurts me seeing and knowing their condition, which adversely affects everything, including Hanna, my baby. In addition to their problem, mineral water is out of stock. Haay! What a sad thought!?

          Again, they sought help. Michael went to San Isidro. Luckily, Lola gave him. As the result, Hanna have had an Alactamil and diaper.

          I read dictionary and found there a new word ---ephemera. As a person who loves to collect, I memorized it. It means "collectibles not intended to have lasting life." Its examples are tickets or posters. Ephemera is in plural form. I also have seen its adjective ---ephemeral, which is synonymous to: short-lived, passing, fleeting, transient, evanescent and transitory.

          Around seven, I read some chapters of the book, Building Vital Health. I took notes which are vital to me as a writer and as a person with inferior quality. I have learned there the reason why I'm coughing whenever I'm in Espinosa's home ---it's because I'm lack of exposure to sunlight. I have also learned that the best time to drink water is when stomach is empty--- in the morning, just after rising and before or after meals (half hour).

          Reading is such an intelligent activity. It provides knowledge, really. That's why I'm taking notes during reading.


January 27, 2006

          The morning seems so gloomy. I can't understand the surroundings. My housemates had been so problematic.

          Hanna, too, is 'cryingful' today. She has an annoying action. She really affects my mood, which result to annoyance of Mj over me and vice-versa.

           Mj and Michelle, of course with their babies, went to San Isidro. Today is Tito Dan's wedding with woman named Alon. Mj wanted me to come with them, but I declined. I, myself, don't understand why I'm ashamed to go there. It may be due to Lola's goods deeds to Family Espinosa, to Hanna. Although, I could see their kindness towards each other’s, I can't afford to mingle with them. It is a shame for me.

          Past 4, Hanna arrived. My hot flaming head lowered and cooled down, it was not due to the bihon they brought and stuffed toy Teddy my robbed for Hanna. So, I and Mj had a nice conversation about things. We tackled the exaggerated treatment for Manny Pacquaio. The government and the Filipinos called him hero. Why? He only won over Erik Morales and his prize is not given all to the Filipinos. He must be called champion as what he was called --- The People's Champ. The real hero fights for his country enable to gain governmental changes such as freedom, peace, etc. Yes! He has changed the Filipinos' outlook but it’s just temporary.

          I started to read a book of Irving Wallace and Amy Wallace due to TV news' exaggeration of Pacquaio welcome and treatment. The book is entitled "The Two". It is the biography of the original Siamese twins -- Chang and Eng Bunker.

          Then, Aileen called me. She and Jasleen will go home on Sunday. She didn't tell me that they would pay my fare to Bulan. I expect it, so I didn't fret. What for? Besides, when, I get there I have no allowance.

          Because of the wonder of the "The Two" story. I asked Mj the book. She declined. We just ended up in a photo album, she kept in 'baul'. We fight against its security. I shut my mouth.

          Before I fall to sleep, I pray. I asked God to continually bless Lola and Lolo so as their siblings. I also asked forgiveness to our sins, mistakes and lacking.


January 28, 2006

          Kung Hei Fat Choi!

          But, I couldn't feel the warmth of Chinese New Year's welcome.

          I still don't talk to Mj. My pride is acting again. I will let her make a first move.

          Chinese New Year seems so scanty. We lunch sardines, that no one wants to eat. However, I'm accepted the fact-of-life.

          Michelle and Bernie (with Tetel, of course) packed their stuffs up. It made me happy. I really don't feel their presence. I don't know why, yet it's the truth. "Forgive me, Oh, Lord."

          Today, Hanna showed crucial improvement in her body. She could partially sit. Someday, she would sit totally, freely, never mind the bumps!

          Few minutes to 3, client, I mean, regular client of Tatay came with his vehicle, with mechanical problem. I thanked God for it. It's an answered prayer! Really, it is a blessing. At least, we could have a bountiful viand tonight, not to mention the 'handa' for Nanay-Tatay anniversary today.

          Then, at last, Mj talks to me. She asked me if I want to bet in lotto. "Of course,".

          I used the numbers --- 05 06 17 19 31 41. I hope we hit the jackpot. "Lord God, please give it to us now. We need it badly. Thank you!"

          Four-thirty PM, we watched "Wish Ko Lang". One of their featured common people was "Big Boy". He has a group named Luneta Boy Acrobat. Their story and breath-taking acrobatic skills touched my heart. Good thing is that they were blessed through the help of the said program. However, my kind side craved to help in my own way. I promised to help them too when I have the chance.

          We will be going to Boso-Boso tomorrow. At last, I could go home. I'm sure Mama would be surprised to see me again. She thought I have got back home in Bulan since I left Bautista last January 18.

BIDYO

 
      Kawawa naman si Mam, nabidyuhan ng estudyante habang nagagalit at nagmumura.
   
      Kumalat ang bidyo. Pinagpiyestahan. Ang masaklap pa nito, nagreklamo pa ang ang mga magulang ng batang minaltrato daw ng kanilang guro. Dumulog sa prinsipal. Hindi pa nakuntento pinaabot pa sa media.    

      Kawawa si Mam. Ang sama ng tingin sa kanya ngayon ng mga tao. Suspendido na. Mawawalan pa siya ngayon ng lisensiya para makapagturo. Paano na niya bubuhayin ang pamilya niya? Paano ang pag-aaral ng kaniyang mga anak?     

     Gusto lang naman niyang mag-aral kayong mabuti. Nais lang naman niyang bawat estudyante ay nakikinig habang siya ay nagtuturo, gumagawa ng mga gawaing pansilid-aralan at sumusunod sa kanyang patakaran. Wala siyang hinangad kundi ang matuto ang buong klase at walang nagpapakatamad at nagpapakalubog sa kamangmangan.

     Masama bang magalit si Mam kapag may sutil at tamad sa klase? Tao lang naman siya, gaya natin. Natural lamang na magalit siya sa mga likong gawain at masasamang ugali ng mag-aaral ngayon. Nararapat lang naman siguro na alimurahin niya ang mag-aaral dahil sa dami ng pawis at dugong dumaloy sa kanya, babalewalain lamang ng nagpapakabobong mag-aaral. Halos, nakakalimutan na nga ni Mam ang sarili niya upang unahin ang pagtuturo at paghuhulma ng mga kabataan na siyang pag-asa daw ng bayan.       

     Kawawa ngayon siya Mam. Dahil lamang sa bidyo, nasira ang reputasyon niya. Hindi man lamang siya pinaniwalaan ng gobyerno. Mas pinanigan pa nila ang estudyanteng naalisan daw ng pagkatao dahil sa pagkakapahiya. Anong klaseng pamahalaan meron tayo para sa mga guro ng bayan, gaya ni Mam? Hindi ba't sila ang bayani ng bayan? Bakit ngayo'y sa isang bidyo lamang ay kaybilis mo silang hinusgahan? Bakit? Andoon ka ba noong nangyari ang lahat? Nabidyuhan mo ba ang pangyayari bago siya nagalit at nagmura? Wala ka doon, di ba? Di mo alam ang buong istorya. Hindi mo alam kung paano kahirap ang araw-araw na pagsasaway sa mga mag-aaral. Ang alam mo lang kasi ay napakainosente pa rin ngayon ng mga kabataan. Bulag ka sa katotohanan.       

     Hindi lang si Mam ang kawawa ngayon. Pati sina Sir at iba pang maestra ay maaaring maging biktima ng kawalang-awang pambabastos na ito sa karapatan ng mga kaguruan. Ang lahat ngayon ay nangangambang baka sa susunod na araw, sila naman ang makuhaan ng bidyo at maalisan ng karapatan. Kaawa-awang mga guro dahil sa mga kagagawan ninyo, sila ay napapahamak.     

       Mag-isip naman kayo. Bago kayo manghusga, kilalanin niyo muna ang mga kabataan ngayon. Mas maigi, kilalanin mo muna ang sarili ko. Baka ikaw ang karapat-dapat na tanggalan ng karapatang mamuhay ng simple at respetado. Bakit di mo kaya ibidyo ang sarili mo?! Huwag si Mam, wag si Sir.     

      Lahat ng guro ay may mabuting intensiyon para sa kabutihan ng mga mag-aaral. Kung nagaglit man sila, may dahilan iyon. Kung nagmumura man siya, bugso lamang iyon ng damdamin. At kung nakakapanakit man siya, patunay lamang iyon na mahal ka niya. Ngayon, kung nagalit siya, minura ka at saka tinanggalan ka ng isang tainga, iyon na ang masama. Pero, kung simpleng sermon lang, gaya ng sermon ng tatay at nanay mo, karapatan iyon ni Mam.

IDOLO 8

ANG BISITA


          "Lola, sino po ba talaga ang bisita? Bakit ayaw nyo pong sabihin sa akin?" Nasa kalagitnaan na kami ng paglalakad pauwi nang nagtanong ako.

          "Ayaw ipasabi e. Kaya wag ka ng mausisa. Dahan-dahan..hindi naman aalis ang bisita mo."

          Tahimik na ako. Hindi naman ako excited kung sino man siya. Mas excited akong makabalik uli sa tabing-ilog para mas makilala ko si Pepita ng husto. Kahit hindi siya makapagsalita, alam kong marami siyang gustong ikuwento sa akin. Naramdaman ko kanina, habang nag-uusap kami na may malaki siyang problema. Gaya ko, wala rin siyang mapagsabihan. Hindi dahil pipi siya, kundi dahil walang taong gustong makinig sa kanya. Ako, gusto ko.

          Natatanaw ko na ang gate ng bahay ni Lola. Pero, hanggang ngayon ay wala pa rin akong clue kung sino ang naghahanap sa akin. Sana naman hindi ang mga pulis na tinakasan ko sa presinto. O baka ang doktor. Baka lalagariin na ang semento ng paa ko.

          Nasa sala na ako..

          "Papa!" Walang mapagsidlan ang kaligayahan ko. Niyakap ko siya at hinalikan ang noo. "Kumusta po kayo?"

          "Mabuti naman ang Papa mo, Roy." ang tagapag-alaga ni Papa ang sumagot. "Pero, wag muna natin siyang piliting magsalita. Nahihirapan pa rin siya. Naipaliwanag na ni Sir sa akin ang mga dapat niyang sabihin sa'yo."

          Hindi ako makapaniwalang kaharap ko ngayon ang aking ama. Siguro ay labis siyang nag-alala sa nangyari sa akin. Napakasaya ko. Hindi naman pala sayang ang pagiging sutil at pagiging mapangahas ko.

          Sumisenyas si Papa kay Ate Fely, ang tagapag-alaga niya.

          "Sabi ng Papa mo, huwag mo na daw uulitin ang paglalayas. Labis siyang nag-aalala sa'yo." interpretasyon ni Ate Fely.

          "Opo, Papa. Hindi na po mauulit." Nahihiya tuloy ako sa aking ama. Mabuti na lang ay pinilit niyang ngitian ako. Hinimas pa niya ang buhok ko kahit nahirapan siyang igalaw ang mga kamay niya. Naalala ko tuloy ang mga kabutihan sa akin ni Sir Gallego, na Papa ko na ngayon. Madalas din niyang guluhin ang buhok ko kapag nakakagawa ako ng mabuti at kapuri-puri.

          "Sir Gallego.." Si Lola naman ang nagsalita. "...iwanan ko muna kayong tatlo. Maghahanda ako ng pananghalian."

          Tumango-tango lang si Papa.

          "Papa, matutuloy ka po ba sa America?" Lumuhod ako sa harapan ni Papa. Hinawakan ko ang kamay niya. Pinisil-pisil ko. Ang sarap sa pakiramdam na nalapit uli ako sa idolo ko.

          Tiningnan ako ni Papa. Matagal siyang tumitig sa mga mata ko. Nakikita ko ang nangingilid niyang luha. Tapos, tiningnan niya si Ate Fely.

          Si Ate Fely ang sumagot sa tanong ko. "Roy, isa rin sa dahilan kaya kami pumunta rito ay para magpaalam sa'yo ang Papa mo. Next week na siya aalis. Matatagalan siguro bago siya makabalik dito.."

          "Huh? Bakit po? Ganun po ba katagal ang therapy?" Nalungkot akong bigla. Akala ko matagal pa siyang aalis.

          "Hindi natin alam. Pero, gusto ng Papa mo na.. tumira na doon. Pag pwede na daw uli siya makapagtrabaho, sisikapin niyang mai-petition ka. Sa ngayon, pagpapagaling muna ang priority niya. "

          Hinimas uli ni Papa ang buhok ko. Di na ako makatingin sa kanya kasi naiiyak na ako.

          "Huwag kang malungkot, Roy. Pasasaan ba't magkakasama na kayo ni Sir."

          "Sige po. Babalik naman po kayo, di ba po?" Tumango si Papa. " Maghihintay po ako."

          Masaya ako buong maghapon na kasama ko ang aking ama, bagaman hindi naman kami ang nag-uusap. Makasama ko lamang siya sa bahay ay sapat na. Makita ko lamang siyang nakangiti kapag tinitingnan niya ako ay napakaligaya ko na. Tapos, magkatabi pa kami ngayon sa higaan.

          "Pa, tulog ka na po ba?"

          Umungot si Papa at gumalaw ng bahagya.

          "Pa, okey lang po ba na magkuwento ako hanggang makatulog tayo pareho?" Nagparamdam ng pagpayag si Papa. "Salamat po! Na-miss po kasi kita, Sir. He he. Alam mo po, Pa..hindi po ako makapaniwala na anak ninyo ako. Sa una, nagtatanong ako pero na-realize ko po na dapat pa nga po akong magpasalamat dahil..dahil natagpuan na kita. Hindi niyo lang po alam kung gaano ako kasaya nang malaman ko na ang iniidolo kong guro ay ama ko rin pala.." Dinikit ko ang aking ulo sa braso ni Papa. "Isa na lang po ang aking hiling... ang mapatawad ka na ni Mama."

          Nagulat ako nang kinabig ako ni Papa papalapit pa sa kanya. Niyakap niya ako kahit nakatihaya siya at nahihirapan. Ang sarap sa pakiramdam. Ngayon ko lamang ito naranasan. Hindi ko naipaliwanag ang ligayang dulot nito. Handa na akong maghintay sa paggaling niya. At pangako, lagi ko siyang ipagdarasal sa Diyos upang mapabilis ang kanyang paggaling at mapatawad na siya ni Mama.

          Alas-sais na ng umaga, ang sarap ng tulog namin ni Papa. Napakasarap palang matulog na katabi ang aking ama. Tila, nawala lahat ang mga takot at pag-aalala ko.

          "Magandang umaga po, Pa!" Nginitian din ako ni Papa. "Sandali po, tatawagin ko lang po si Ate Fely para tulungan kayong makaupo sa wheelchair."

          Nasa hardin si Ate Fely, kasama si Lola. Magkasundo yata sila sa paghahalamanan. "Gising ka na pala, Roy. Gising na rin pa si Sir?" Si Ate Fely iyon.

          "Opo. Magpapatulong sana ako sa inyo.."

          "Ah.. sige ako na lang. Kaya ko na iyon. Dito ka muna. May sasabihin daw sa'yo ang lola mo."

          "Ano po iyo, La?"

          Nakapasok na sa bahay si Ate Fely nang magsalita si Lola. "Darating ngayon ang Mama mo.."

          "Ha?! Talaga po?!" Sobrang saya ko. Ngayon na yata kami mabubuo. Pakiramdam ko ay hindi ko kailangan ang saklay. Bigla akong lumakas. Gusto kong tumalon sa galak. Kaya lang..malungkot si Lola. "E, bakit naman po kayo nalulungkot? May problema po ba?"

          Tumango muna si Lola. "Ayaw kasi ng Mama mo na maabutan ang Papa mo dito sa bahay.."

          Bumaligtad ang mundo ko. Hindi ko alam kung ano ang mararamdaman ko sa balitang iyon. Kanina lang ay napakasaya ko, ngunit ngayon ay mas hinihiling ko pang huwag na lang munang umuwi si Mama kung mababawasan pa ang araw na makakasama ko ang aking ama.

          "Maaari bang ikaw na ang magpaliwanag sa Papa mo tungkol dito?" Nakikiusap si Lola. Tila napakahirap para sa kanya ang gawin iyon, gayong siya naman ang may-ari ng bahay. Marahil ay mahirap nga para sa kanya na ipagtabuyan ang kanyang bisita.

           Hindi ako makapagsalita. Parang ayokong sundin ang nais niya. Gusto kong magkita sila ni Mama. Hindi ako papayag na paalisin si Papa. "Ayoko po, La." Nangingilid na ang luha ko. " Hayaan po natin silang magkita. Gusto ko pong mabuo ang pamilya ko.." Tinalikuran ko na siya.

          Sa kuwarto ako dumiretso. Bumalik ako sa higaan at nagkumot. Nalulungkot ako. Gusto kong magrebelde. Bakit ba ang daya-daya nila? Bakit ba ayaw nila akong maging masaya?

          Nag-lock ako ng pinto. Tinatawag na nga ako para mag-almusal. "Antok pa po ako. Mamaya na lang po ako kakain." Hindi nila ako mapipilit. Mabuti pang matulog na lang ako. Baka sakaling paggising ko ay narito na ang aking ina na mapagtawad. Baka sakaling, pagmulat ng mga mata ko ay kaharap ko na ang nagmamahalan kong mga magulang.

          Pagdilat ng mga mata ko, si Mama at si Papa ang nakita ko. Nakaakbay si Papa kay Mama sa paanan ng aking kama. Nginitian nila ako. "Hihintayin ka namin sa dining para mag-lunch." sabi ni Mama. Tapos, lumabas na sila ng kuwarto.

          Isang sigaw ang narinig ko, pagkatapos. Naalimpungatan ako. Si Mama iyon. Nandito na siya. Lalabas ako.

          "Masamang tao ka! Lumayas ka sa pamamahay namin. Hindi ka kailangan ng anak ko!" Narinig kong sabi ni Mama. "Umalis ka na ngayon din...pakiusap."

          Nakikita ko na si Mama gayundin si Papa. Naaawa ako sa aking ama.

          "Roy?" Nakita ako ni Mama. Lalapitan ako. "Kumusta ka na, anak?" Yayakapin niya ako. "Ano ba kasi ang naisipan mo? Bakit mo ginawa iyon?"

          Hindi ako kikibo. Naiinis ako sa kanya. Bakit pa kasi siya umuwi kung ang ilang araw na makakasama ko si Papa ay mawawala pa?!

          "Miss you, anak.. Di bale na.. Hindi na ako babalik sa abroad. Hindi na kita iiwan.. Gusto mo yun di ba?

          Titingnan ko lang si Mama. Hindi ko siya sasagutin upang malaman niya na galit ako sa ginawa at sinabi niya kay Papa. Gusto kong maramdaman niya ito.

          Nakita kong lumuha si Papa. Pinipilit niyang ikubli ang kanyang mga luha.

          "Marami akong pasalubong para sa'yo.. Halika, buksan natin ang bagahe ko.. "
         
          "Hindi ko po kailangan ang anumang materyal.."

          "Roy..aalis na kami ng Papa." si Ate Fely.

          "Hindi po." Binitiwan ko ang pagkakahawak ng kamay ni Mama sa kamay ko. Lalapitan ko si Papa. "Hindi po. Dumito po muna kayo.."

          Pinipilit magsalita ni Papa. Itinuturo niya si Mama.

          Nauunawaan ko ang sinasabi niya. "Ma, kapag pinaalis mo si Papa ngayon.. sasama ako.."

          "Huwag matigas ang ulo, Roy. Hayaan mong umalis 'yan. Layuan mo siya!"

          "Bakit, Ma? Dahil ba masamang tao siya para sa'yo?"

          "Oo! Masamang tao iyang itinuturing mong ama!" Papalapit si Mama sa akin. "Halika dito, hayaan mong umalis ang rapist na iyan! "Dinuduro pa niya ang Papa ko. "Masamang tao ang iniidolo mo!"

          "Masama man siya..mas masahol pa kayo sa kanya!" Isang malutong na sampal ang dumapo sa aking pisngi. Magwo-walk out ako. Dali-dali akong lalabas para doon umiyak.

          "Roy! Saan ka pupunta. Sorry, Roy.,"

          Hindi ko na lilingunin si Mama. Bibilisan ko pa ang paglakad, gamit ang saklay ko. Pupunta ako sa tabing-ilog.

       
         

         
         

         
       

       
     

       
         

       
         

MY JOURNAL (January 15-21, 2006)

January 15, 2006

          Mama made me awake, it was past five AM. But it is OK. At least she's well now. The wedding preparation will be okay if she is in good condition. Frankly, our life is destabilized if she is not present. So, she must have good health always, forever.

          "Thank you, Lord..Lola Alice has been understanding and considerate to us. Taiwan's worry has gone. And now please give us patience, clear minds and hearts to realize the goal. Help us in budgeting the money. Guide me in my marketing task. Thank you, Amen!"

          Going to market is not an easy task. That was what I realized when I did. Although I've been exposed to marketing since then, marketing nowadays had been so tiring, difficult and mind-puzzling. I had P2,500 on my pocket for groceries and vegetables. I consumed P1,700, thinking I have bought all. On my list, I completed it all, and bought I thought necessary. However, it turned out incomplete. But the best thing is I have P800 change. I kept P500 on my wallet and gave back P300 to Taiwan.

          Then, I went to Rancho to borrow 555 pots and to confirm the deal of Mama and Tatay about being a cook of Tatay. Four o' clock when I went home with only pots on my hands. Mama's brothers asked where's the cook. I said he couldn't come. Tito Boy asked again. He's drunk. It irritates me. So, I disrespected him. Jano, as his favorite nephew, was annoyed, saying who are me and I'm not on the right position. I don't care! I knew I'm right.

          Tiredness and sleepiness are what I felt on the preparation of their nuptials. Although, Tito Sam assists us, Mama and I almost took the hardest part of the work/goal.

           I slept from 2 to 5:30, Mama didn't. "Thank you, Lord you healed her and strengthen her for a 24-hour preparation.

           I have no complaint because I set my self to help. At least, through this, they would be glad.

           I made, by request, nuptial banner of Tai-Jen. Though it was rushed, its result was so nice, as if it was made beforehand.


January 16, 2006

          Wedding Day of Jenny and Taiwan!

          Arrival of Lola Alice woke me up. So, I started to assist Mama. I'm the one who took over the cooking of menudo. It's hot and tiring. I told myself that I must not take a bath.

          All is set! The dishes --- menudo, estofado, chopsuey, calderata and asado. The rice was cooked by us. While waiting for a vehicle to come to be used as our service, we do picture-taking.
         
          Past 8, when the owner-type jeep of Lola Alice came. I rode there with Tito Zaldo, Flor Rhina, Tito Ben and others. The rest would wait for Elsie's Adventure.

          We fetched Mj (with Hanna, of course) and looked for 'Overlook Resort'. We're gone astray but saw the venue ---at 10.

          Past 11 when they arrived in the resort. Aileen and Jasleen were there. We took 1 table.

          Chris and his family were there. Nanay, Tatay, Me-Ann, Michelle, Akisha and Neiczel were there, too.

          I could see on Taiwan's face a satisfaction, joy and gratitude. I noticed Jenny's family's strong tie and support.

          The menus we prepared were adequate to feed all the guests. Some took out. I gave Tatay a bowl of caldereta.

          Past two, when we arrived in Bautista. Mama started to cook "guisadong gulay" and "adobong pig faces". I washed the dirty dishes and pots. Then, I refreshed myself.

          Primetime... All I did was wash! I prepared the fruit salad, Aileen helped me.

          Roy has annoyed me when he invited me outside and said "Anong pinaggagawa mo dito sa loob? Lumabas ka naman, 2006 na!" I wanted to tell him that I'm not meant for that kind of enjoyment. I'm happy if someone is happy especially when I had helped him.

          Something bad happened. Taiwan walked out, forcefully, pulling her bride. It was after he didn't like the attitude of Mama, who only wants to rest.

          I, too, was so tired and I wanted peace and to rest but they continue their merriment. They sing-along until 11 PM.

          Dirty pots and dishes are still there. But, I was thankful that the wedding is successful.

          Tomorrow will have a party for Hanna. I had prepared fruit salad awhile ago.


January 17, 2006

          Dawn. Hanna coughed soundly. Maybe it was due to the coldness of the dawn. She is so pitiful, when she is coughing.

          It's Hobee's 6th month birthday today. She can now speak syllables like pa--pa. She's now eating Marie biscuits. She's now starting to sit. And the most important--- she can now notice me as her handsome Daddy.

          Eight AM, I started washing the dishes left dirty by the drunkards and the pots used in wedding. I was inspired because of Baby Marge's birthday.

          After lunch, I started preparing spaghetti and pancit canton, with the help of Aileen.

          Winston was here.

          Past one I had cooked the spaghetti. I thought it is pale but it's perfect. It was my firsf time to cook spaghetti on my own taste.

          Past two, Nanay and Tatay were not yet around. I worried. So, I didn't cook yet the pansit. Thanks God they arrived at
past 3 o'clock with Me-Ann, Akisha, Art, Michelle, Tethel and Tyo Boy. Then, I quickly sauteed the vegetables and pork for canton.

          They complimented my spaghetti. It's yummy, according to them. But my pansit canton is quite salty.

          Mama told Nanay about her wedding plan.

          Taiwan arrived. He went to Belleza's piggery to full pay his debt.

          Espinosa Family went home at 4. Then I slept. A few minutes later I enticed myself to take a bath.

          While talking to Taiwan, with Jano, I was dusting the divider and the rack.

          What had happened last night between Mama and Taiwan has been disregarded, without dramatic scene. It just happened!

          After 2 days of working, I was really tired and sleepy. I thanked God for the wedding success and Mama's good health.


January 18, 2006

          I was scheduled to go to Rancho today!

          Aileen and Jasleen went home (Ermita) with me. We parted in Cogeo. There, I bought Bonamil for Hanna using my P500 supposedly as fare. I wanted her to buy Cerelac but I couldn't because I want to go back to Polot early.

          Ten o'clock, I accompanied Mj to Health Center for Marge's vaccine. Quarter to 1 when we got home.

          I bought airmail envelope so that I could send the letter of Papay Benson to Auntie Belen. I saw coincidently at a store nearby, Analyn Fano-- my former secondary classmate at Antipolo National High School. She' s still beautiful but unlucky woman. She was left alone by our batch mate, Archie, with two kids. However, I could see her strength and fighting spirit.

          Fever starts to fill Hanna's body. She becomes irritated. But she's still active and jolly.

          Anyways, she was scaled and weighs 7 kilos. I hoped her weight is appropriate to her age.

          Prayer Concern, tonight: Continual guidance to our house in Polot.


January 19, 2006

          I wanted to go back to Polot but I couldn't because I've spent my money for Hanna's diapers. Anyways, I'm with Baby Marge.

          Hanna became irritated. She's so hard to cuddle up. However, I've been so patient. I love her so much.

          I could still remember our house in Polot, so as my bonsais and my valuable things there.

          They owed P30 from me for lotto. I, too, bet, wishing, and hoping to hit the jackpot of P122 M. I used the numbers ---- 05, 06, 17, 19, 31, 48. Five (05) is the birthday of Mj. Six (06) is our anniversary. Seventeen (17) is Hanna's birthday. Nineteen (19) is my birthday. Thirty-one (31) is the sum of our birthdays. And forty-eight (48) is the number that is meant to be included, because I've written it incorrectly, twice.

           "Lord, Jesus, please let us win the lotto jackpot. Please, God! It's for your glory, promise! Thank you!"

          I promised that 22M will be given away to my loved ones and relatives.


January 20, 2006

           I was so excited to know the lotto result. I woke up early. I assumed I'm the jackpot winner. I've even planned who are to be blessed with the money and what to do with it.

           Unfortunately we have only got two numbers. The result was 04, 05, 24, 36, 40 and 48. I wished no one wins the jackpot, so I could aim to win it again. If it's God's will, why not?

           Mj blamed me for I incorrectly summed up 05 + 17 + 19. It is not 31, it's 41. But she expects me to add 17 and 19. If that was so, we would have won P60.

          However, I don't lost hope. I'm still hoping that I will win it.

          "Jesus Christ, please let me win it. Give me a sign if you will make me a millionaire. Thank you!"

          I set my sign. If Aileen calls me before January 29, 2006 that is the right time to bet in lotto.

          We have already prepared numbers, which was chosen by Baby Marge. These are: 03 12 26 30 45 46.


January 21, 2006

          Going-to-Boso-Boso was postponed. Alas! I might earn money there, for Hanna's Bonamil and diaper.

          Aileen called me. It was the sign of my being millionaire. I thanked God immediately.

          According to her, they will go to Bautista tomorrow. She will call again if it sure. She also insinuated that she will pay my fare to Bulan. It gladdens me truly, I expect that.

          Because what we prepared yesterday was not applicable to 6/42, I prepared another number. These are: 05 06 17 19 31 41. The same as the last time I used 31 again because it was the number we'd mistaken. And 41, because it was the real and correct sum of our birthdays.

          Aileen confirmed the trip to Antipolo with Kuya Jape. I asked her if I could go with them so that I could save money for fare she would call again tomorrow morning.

          Mj packed Hanna's things excitedly.