MY JOURNAL (January 1-7, 2006)

January 1, 2006

It's the very first day of the New Year, which is the Year of the Dog!

Another year has come. It means another hardship is about to be burdened, another war against life is about to be battled.

Last night, it was 11:45 PM, when the surrounding became noisy, I quietly took a plunge to bed and started missing my daughter, Hanna Margaret. I wished I'm with her and we're celebrating the new year in our own house, in our own special way.

Honestly, I welcomed the New Year sadly. Maybe, it was the saddest new year I have ever experienced. However, I'm optimistic enough to face the new challenges of the newest year. I thanked Him instead, for he continually blesses me and my loved ones, through the year.

Though Matthew 19:23 says, "That a rich man shall hardly enter into kingdom of heaven", I'm still wishing for a bit of wealth which is enough to gladden my families.

"Pardon me, Oh God for I have broken my promise.."

Because of complexity of the story and lack of time and bond paper, I haven't finished yet the script, which was due on December 31, 2005. Nevertheless, I will finish it as soon as possible, so that I could start another story.

The weddings of my brothers are just around the corner. I wished they will send me money for fare so that I could join them with their once-in-a-lifetime memoirs.

I didn't go to church, though it's a FMBC reunion, because I wanted solitude. When they were gone, all I did was sew… sew...sew.. and sew all day long. I've finished two pillowcases, a blouse and a "bestida" for Baby Marge.

That's how I celebrated New Year.

Because of tiredness, I was not able to pray. So, I apologized to God. Thanked Him for he gave me a sound and tight sleep.


January 2, 2006

The day after New Year's Day.

I swept the dried leaves and other mess in the yard as if I own it. Then, I ready myself in going to Polot.

"Lord, God, please provide the roofs for our house so that we (I, Hanna and Mary Jane) could live happily and united in the same house."

A home is not a house. Our roofless house will not be a home until it is not dwelt by united family. "God, I want home."

All I can do now is hope and pray, while doing the best I can, for "I can do all things through Christ which strengthened me (Phil. 4:13)"

I have not visited my house because Kuya Bambi escaped the bike. So, I just sew and sleep afterwards. When I woke up, I prepared our meal.

After eating, I start writing the script which was temporarily stopped due to the hardship of its possible ending. And now, I am out of bond paper. I do not know when I can buy another 25-pieces because I'm penniless. I only have P84.25 on my wallet.

Before I close my eyes, I ask God for the happiness, success, safety and blessings of my loved ones. I also asked Him for financial blessings.


January 3, 2006

Five-thirty in the morning, I rose and have a cup of coffee. Then, rushed to Polot through bike so that I could clean the surroundings there.

When I was sweeping at the front yard, I saw Bolodoy's wife, wearing maong jacket. I remember the robbed jacket of my wife. I think, I'm sure, she robbed it.

Then, I found out that our casserole was gone. It was robbed though our door was shut. It made me annoyed. I knew the culprit is Federico, my uncle. Thus, i jotted down a note on a piece of paper: "Sige, magnakaw ka pa. Mamamatay ka rin!" Then, I posted it on the door.

Though, I'm hungry, I rushed home happily. And when I get here, I ate contentedly. Then, watched Lifestyle Channel.

Sisters Gina and Nelly come for a Bible Study. They tackled "perseverant prayer" using Luke 11:9 to as a text. According to them, God is so kind that before you ask, He already knows what you would ask Him. All you need to do is knock and hear His voice, according to Revelation 3:20. So, don't wonder if sometimes our prayers still unanswered. We must persevere.


January 4, 2006

It's a rainy day! I could smell a very gloomy day.

When the rain has stopped temporarily, I bought this notebook, bond paper, alambre dulce and needles.

After lunch, I sew a gown for Hanna. But the rain has stopped again. I quickly dressed up and rushed to Polot.

There, I swept in and out our house. I thanked God that He took care of the house, which is not concrete and free to external bad elements. But a carabao or carabaos have entered the garden. I suspect someone is letting his carabao/s enter/s the garden of mine. It irks me.

I go home after cleaning because the weather is not good and i don't have something to do there. I had time to watch lifestyle channel because Ate Jennilyn is at the shop. Then, I continue sewing but it is not yet finished, the machine is malfunctioning.

After dinner, we attended prayer meeting. Brother Rodel spoke about "death". He defines it as "separation" and enumerates three kinds of death: physical, spiritual and temporal.

They asked me what my prayer request is, I said nothing. But they insisted that "health and loved ones". Really, I wanted to request for job or my house to be roofed. Anyway, I prayed for it, too.

"God, I already have accepted that it's my life."

An unknown person quotes "I asked God for all things so I could enjoy life, He gave me life so I could enjoy all things." I could relate on this. I do not have abundant earthly materials, but I still enjoy life. Life and being alive are what make me happy. The new life, in my baby's personage is enough to be thankful for. Birth of Baby Marge is the most appropriate reason to enjoy life --- a life that is gift of God.


January 5, 2006

I rose up gladly and started to work usual chores--- dish washing, cooking, sweeping, etc..

Then I took the opportunity to go to Polot when Kuya Bambi arrived, it was 8am.. There, I did the usual things, too. Afterwards, I roamed around Lolo Aton's "kalubihan" to look for fern nests or nest ferns. Fortunately, I have seen four "balete" trees, two cacao trees and I-don't-know tree. I made them bonsais, except the cacao trees and one "balete".

But before planting them, I read first one feature in a Decision Magazine. It's about the story of a childhood trauma that put her to pain until womanhood. But according to her, she has recovered from it through Jesus Christ, because God says, "Be still, and know that I am God." (Revelation 46:10). It is applicable too in disappointments, hopelessness, frustrations, and gloom. It is true that God strengthens us when the going gets rough. All we must do is "Be still" and Have faith."

Honestly, I do not feel the presence of Ate Jennilyn here. I could not do nothing, but to face the fact. Now that she's here, I could not often view Lifestyle Channel if I want to and many more reasons, like doing household chores and eating issues. How I wish she and Jing-Jing would go home to Polangui soon.

I re-cut the gown--I supposed to be, into a pillowcase. I have finished it. It is so cute and wonderful!

At night, I sew the cloth cover of this journal to protect it from tear and scratches. It is not made perfectly, but it's so nice.

Sia's Family had a property problem. Gonzales' is pressuring them to pay a rent of P350 per month. Gonzales' changed the verbal agreement they had made months ago that they are giving Sia Family one year to pay them a lump sum. They tried to contact Evelyn Diokno but she didn't reply.

My chest is aching again. I felt it last two days, if I'm not mistaken.

Tonight, before I sleep, I will ask God to heal it and take it away from me.

"Lord Jesus, I want job. I want to work at Bulan Municipal Hall. Please, Lord!!"

I prayed for Ate Jennilyn's recovery--what I mean is that may her illness be healed, because it affects their life, so as it made her lazy.



January 6, 2006

After doing the usual chores, I went to Polot and did usual things there. It was quarter to eleven when I arrived in Iraya.

Without a rest from biking fatigue, I started to cook 'tahong' for lunch. it was delicious, but I ate less because I don't really feel like eating it. A couple of minutes later, my stomach craved for solid food...

I remember Yaya Impang's command which is to tell her the exact number of coconut trees that are bearing fruits, that she might redeem it to Roty. The truth is I haven't counted it yet. But I wish she would realize what she'd said so that I could ask for another P10,000 as additional pawn. If that so, I could use the money for our house renovation. I am tired of living in with relatives! They're nice, but the time, chance and effort are what I think about.

I have sewn a 'bestida' for Hanna, but it is not yet finished because Ate Jennilyn took over.

Four-thirty PM, I prepared the dish of the night, which is Beefed Fern. During dining, Mama Leling complimented me. though it was her first time to eat that menu, I know, it's true. Imagine, rice was ruptured!

I've read a quotation from a bookmark, saying "When God gives, it is always what we need, what helps us grow, what draws us closer to Him --- only what is best for us." (Miriam Grace Go). Now, I understand why God didn't give me wealth, that I might turn away from Him and live earthly. God has purpose in everything, to everyone. God really loves us. It never ceases, said Lamentations 3:22 "Steadfast love of the Lord never cease. His mercies never come to an end."

"Pardon me, Oh, Lord for I don't feel Jing-Jing.."

She's so naughty, so bad! She hasn't touch my heart, really.

Tonight, I will pray for the following:
 1. My loved ones
 2. My health
 3. A job in Municipal Hall
 4. Forgiveness of sins

Tomorrow, I will go to Polot as early as I can.


January 7, 2006

At the very early time of the day, Dasok annoys me. Hmp! He is really a "commanding officer" , who can't work without extra hands. I wish he would have another two hands, so he couldn't rely on someone when he's working.

Bambirto, also, is reliant (too much). He neglects household chores.

So, after I've eaten the "nilusak na saging", which is the instrument of my irritation, I biked through Polot. There, I would brighten my day and cool down my head.

I saw Reno Fortes and he said that Mama sent, cared of Elek, P500 for my fare. He confirmed that only Taiwan is scheduled to be married. He also told me that he will give it to me soon, because Elek have used the money.

10:30 AM is my arrival. Minutes later we ate our dinner. For the first time, I ate without guilt. I don't care!

Jing-Jing expectorated my face, so I crumbled her mouth. She cried, and my body trembled. I was so upset really to this girl. She's not disciplined well, I reckon.

I pity Eking when he was beaten by Ate Jennilyn. Although, Eking is really a hard-headed boy, he deserves not that treatment. Will she beat Boboy as well when he's mistaken? She's unfair!

All day, I was almost gloomy. I didn't know why. Maybe because it was started by irritation.

In Polot, I sought my copy of Ways on How To Have Happy Marriage, instead, I've found this:

25 Ways To Be Happy
1. Change your thinking.
2. Keep a journal.
3. Get some perspective on things.
4. Don't let the small stuffs bug you.
5. Do any unpleasant/difficult chores that need doing.
6. Change your routine.
7. Don't try to keep up with "withs".
8. Have a big clean out and divert yourself of useless stuff.
9. Learn to say "No".
10. Remember to love your partner for who he/she is.
11. Don't familiarity breed contempt.
12. Tell your partner, family and friends that you love them.
13. Are you always a shoulder to lean on for troubled friends?
14. Phone, e-mail, even write to same old friends.
15. Enhance your mind with greenery.
16. Go to the beach.
17. Create something.
18. Breathe fresh air.
19. Go for walk.
20. Rent a funny video and have a good laugh.
21. Move your furniture and ornaments. "A change is as good as holiday."
22. Give yourself something to look forward to.
23. Invite friends for dinner.
24. Smile.
25. Make someone else's day happier.

Starting tomorrow, I will do at least one of the following ways. It is better, if all of them.

I also have found the quotation of Ginger Rogers, I have taken note. It says, "When two people love each other, they don't look at each other, they look in the same direction." It is a wonderful and meaningful one. I'm going to give it to TaiJhen on their wedding day.

I thanked God for the blessings--- fare to Antipolo, strength and continual gift of life.