MY JOURNAL (January 22-28, 2006)

January 22, 2006

           Seven AM, Aileen woke me up by her call. I was disappointed by her bad news. They could not leave because Kuya Jape would do driving for his boss.

          Anyway, there is no reason to be sad. I'm expecting a victory today. God has showed me a sign of winning the lotto jackpot.

          I was so excited to know the result. Eight, when Tyo Boy showed us the winning numbers. I was disappointed by it. Nineteen (19) was just the lucky one we got.

          However, I understand God's will. There is another day to come. Maybe tonight I will win it.

          I wanted to go home in Bautista. But I couldn't due to Mj's 'pleases' and of course due to Hanna.

          Hanna has diarrhea. She's poopooing from time to time. Maybe it was due to her new milk.

          I watched dedicatedly Morales2Pacquiao--The Battle. It made my tears-of-joy fall.

          Three, Tyo Boy ran to the lotto outlet to bet. I used the numbers pointed by Hanna last Friday. Those are: 03 12 26 30 45 46.

           I know God will give it to me. It's His will! I know lotto is a gamble, and gamble is an evil thing, but God knows how much I longed to win on it and He knows how could I use the prize. Here's the budget for the following:
          Flor Rhina/Mama 2M/200T/10T
          Jano 1M/100T/10T
          Taiwan 1M/100T/10T
          Lolo Candoy 1M/100T/10T
          Lolo Aton 1M/100T/10T
          Lola Alice 1M/100T/10T
          Auntie Belen 1M/100T/10T
          Tito Boy 1M/100T/10T
          Tito Ben 1M/100T/10T
          Tito Zaldo 1M/100T/10T
          Auntie Vangie 1M/100T/10T
          Auntie Emol 1M/100T/10T
          Tito Sam 1M/100T/10T
          Papay Benson 1M/100T/10T
          Mamay Gaya 1M/100T/10T
          Nanay & Tatay 1M/100T/10T
          FMBC 1M/100T/10T
          Bethel Temple 1M/100T/10T

          The following above are my priorities. But of course I should not forget the following persons who had been part of my life somehow: Efear, Frenel, Amy, Ramon, Glenn, Hilario Family, Batch 1993 of SFES, de Leon clan and whosoever helped me, loved me and respected me...and Aileen Motilla (Sia) -- as she was the instrument of God's sign, I will help her to have their own house.

          God is so kind. In return of this promise, I will share my winnings to the said persons and churches, because according to the Bible, "Charity is the greatest among the virtues."

          I have also planned to franchise Jollibee trademark. I will rise a building in Bulan for a Jollibee chain. I think, it will hit there.

          These are my craziest daydreams. It's funny, but who cares? God is faithful in His promises. Impossible is nothing to Him.

          Nine PM I watched lotto draw. Unluckily, I didn't win the jackpot. I got nothing even a single digit. It frustrates me.

          Anyways, there's another draw. I might win the next time.
     

January 23, 2006

          It was Mj who told me that there's a jackpot lotto winner and it was from Camarines Sur. I lost my chance of winning P150+M.

          Few minutes later I have recovered from frustration. I could still win, anytime, because it's God's will.

          Hanna's diarrhea is striking still. We spent too much for her diapers. In this reason, I'd rather use my few pesos in buying diapers instead of betting in lottery. But I wished I could bet again.

          Thanks God, Tita Ning donated Alactamil and medicine for Hanna's diarrhea, when she had known my baby's condition.

           Mj insinuated that the Alactamil given by Tita Ning is not enough. It's good for one day. I knew it, but what can I do? I have given up my trip to Bulan, and I only have P45 on my wallet.

          "God, please help us! You know what we need beforehand. Please don't make it hard for every one of us. Thank you!"

           I hope our trip to Bautista tomorrow to buy pig for Tito Danny's wedding, will not be postponed.


January 24, 2006

          I waited for them to tell that we're going to Bautista, but they don't. Alas! I could have bee home.

          This day seemed so gloomy. I was so sleepy and feeling tired. It's maybe because Hanna has been so disturbed last night.

          Good thing happened to Hanna today. Her frequent poopooing has stopped and her poopoo becomes solid. Thanks, God! It's due to Tita Ning's kindness. I also thought, Alactamil is better than Bonamil.

          Lola gave P500 to Meann and the latter gave P150 to Nanay and Nanay gave P100 to Mj for Hanna's milk. It made me glad. Sincerely, I only have coins in my wallet, and these are good for 2 or 3 diapers.

          Seven, something tragic happened to Hanna. She had bumped her forehead in a wooden sala set while Nanay was cuddling her up. I heard the loud sound. I pity her. I wished I was the one who had bumped the forehead.

          Prayer Concern, tonight: More financial blessings for Espinosa Family and stoppage of my chest pain.


January 25, 2006

          Past twelve AM, we're awaken by a very loud cry of Hobee. Her face turned red due to bumping on a metal. I pity her, again. Why do things like this happened to her? She might not bear the pain.

          Nine, we ate our breakfast.

          It's raining today! I remember my roofless house in Polot. I wished rain there is not day long.

          Hanna's coughing soundly. It is a pitiful condition of a baby. I could feel her hardship of breathing. Good thing is that she's still hyperactive and happy. She only cries when she is hungry or there is weewee or poopoo on her diaper.

          Frequently, we battle on each other. Mj is always insinuating that I'm valueless ---that I didn't want to work. I tried to let her understand my point, but it (always) turned out useless.

          "Lord Jesus, You know me well. I love to make someone happy, especially my own family. But I could not do it because I'm sick. I want Your help. Please change my physical attributes so that I could have superiority."

          I know God will not let me down. He will make a way so that I could reach my dreams. I only wish that I'm always near a church where I could fellowship with often.


January 26, 2006

          I woke up with three pains in my body--- severe chest pain, mild appendix ache and slight backache. What is happening to me, Oh, Lord? The two aches were gone, and chest pain remained. It is bearable but unstoppable. "Lord God, I know it is my second life, however, is this my last? I don't want to pass away yet. I'm not afraid to die. What I'm scared of is leaving away from my loved ones without heritage. Please, heal me and give me my dream work I really love."

          Moneylessness makes everyone irritated. That was what I've noticed to Mj and her family. That's true that money makes the world go round, but it doesn't mean that you would go around with it.

          I have only P1.00 on my wallet. Hanna Margaret has no diaper. She's only wearing 'lampin'. It hurts me seeing and knowing their condition, which adversely affects everything, including Hanna, my baby. In addition to their problem, mineral water is out of stock. Haay! What a sad thought!?

          Again, they sought help. Michael went to San Isidro. Luckily, Lola gave him. As the result, Hanna have had an Alactamil and diaper.

          I read dictionary and found there a new word ---ephemera. As a person who loves to collect, I memorized it. It means "collectibles not intended to have lasting life." Its examples are tickets or posters. Ephemera is in plural form. I also have seen its adjective ---ephemeral, which is synonymous to: short-lived, passing, fleeting, transient, evanescent and transitory.

          Around seven, I read some chapters of the book, Building Vital Health. I took notes which are vital to me as a writer and as a person with inferior quality. I have learned there the reason why I'm coughing whenever I'm in Espinosa's home ---it's because I'm lack of exposure to sunlight. I have also learned that the best time to drink water is when stomach is empty--- in the morning, just after rising and before or after meals (half hour).

          Reading is such an intelligent activity. It provides knowledge, really. That's why I'm taking notes during reading.


January 27, 2006

          The morning seems so gloomy. I can't understand the surroundings. My housemates had been so problematic.

          Hanna, too, is 'cryingful' today. She has an annoying action. She really affects my mood, which result to annoyance of Mj over me and vice-versa.

           Mj and Michelle, of course with their babies, went to San Isidro. Today is Tito Dan's wedding with woman named Alon. Mj wanted me to come with them, but I declined. I, myself, don't understand why I'm ashamed to go there. It may be due to Lola's goods deeds to Family Espinosa, to Hanna. Although, I could see their kindness towards each other’s, I can't afford to mingle with them. It is a shame for me.

          Past 4, Hanna arrived. My hot flaming head lowered and cooled down, it was not due to the bihon they brought and stuffed toy Teddy my robbed for Hanna. So, I and Mj had a nice conversation about things. We tackled the exaggerated treatment for Manny Pacquaio. The government and the Filipinos called him hero. Why? He only won over Erik Morales and his prize is not given all to the Filipinos. He must be called champion as what he was called --- The People's Champ. The real hero fights for his country enable to gain governmental changes such as freedom, peace, etc. Yes! He has changed the Filipinos' outlook but it’s just temporary.

          I started to read a book of Irving Wallace and Amy Wallace due to TV news' exaggeration of Pacquaio welcome and treatment. The book is entitled "The Two". It is the biography of the original Siamese twins -- Chang and Eng Bunker.

          Then, Aileen called me. She and Jasleen will go home on Sunday. She didn't tell me that they would pay my fare to Bulan. I expect it, so I didn't fret. What for? Besides, when, I get there I have no allowance.

          Because of the wonder of the "The Two" story. I asked Mj the book. She declined. We just ended up in a photo album, she kept in 'baul'. We fight against its security. I shut my mouth.

          Before I fall to sleep, I pray. I asked God to continually bless Lola and Lolo so as their siblings. I also asked forgiveness to our sins, mistakes and lacking.


January 28, 2006

          Kung Hei Fat Choi!

          But, I couldn't feel the warmth of Chinese New Year's welcome.

          I still don't talk to Mj. My pride is acting again. I will let her make a first move.

          Chinese New Year seems so scanty. We lunch sardines, that no one wants to eat. However, I'm accepted the fact-of-life.

          Michelle and Bernie (with Tetel, of course) packed their stuffs up. It made me happy. I really don't feel their presence. I don't know why, yet it's the truth. "Forgive me, Oh, Lord."

          Today, Hanna showed crucial improvement in her body. She could partially sit. Someday, she would sit totally, freely, never mind the bumps!

          Few minutes to 3, client, I mean, regular client of Tatay came with his vehicle, with mechanical problem. I thanked God for it. It's an answered prayer! Really, it is a blessing. At least, we could have a bountiful viand tonight, not to mention the 'handa' for Nanay-Tatay anniversary today.

          Then, at last, Mj talks to me. She asked me if I want to bet in lotto. "Of course,".

          I used the numbers --- 05 06 17 19 31 41. I hope we hit the jackpot. "Lord God, please give it to us now. We need it badly. Thank you!"

          Four-thirty PM, we watched "Wish Ko Lang". One of their featured common people was "Big Boy". He has a group named Luneta Boy Acrobat. Their story and breath-taking acrobatic skills touched my heart. Good thing is that they were blessed through the help of the said program. However, my kind side craved to help in my own way. I promised to help them too when I have the chance.

          We will be going to Boso-Boso tomorrow. At last, I could go home. I'm sure Mama would be surprised to see me again. She thought I have got back home in Bulan since I left Bautista last January 18.