My Journal -- March, 2007

March 1, 2007

When I got up, I could fell some annoyance in my spirit. I did not know why. All I know is that we don't have water. Plus, we did not have coffee. They contributed to what I was feeling.

I was thinking if I will buy water or not. I started to think 'stinginess'. We would all suffer if I would not. Thus, I decided to. However, it annoys me again. Water supply truck arrives not. I also shed tears when Flor becomes irresponsible in waiting the truck. I pitied myself for being too kind and noble. I shouldered everything.

We only lunched in pasta because we do not have rice.

After lunch, I tried to nap, though it was so warm. Good thing is water supply truck arrived early. It reduces my anger especially when I took a bath. Then, I pursue 'baby book making.’

Five-twenty, I was cooking our dinner. My head was already cold.

 

March 2, 2007

Minutes after I woke up, Diyang came over. I was then taking care of Yoshimi because her parents were still sleeping. She has been so inquisitive about mu plan of going to Bulan. It annoys me. However, I managed to answer her patiently.

Ten, I was amid confusion. I was anxious too. I was waiting for Mj to give birth so that we could have a reason to escape from spending in daily needs here in our house.

It was ten-thirty when I decided to hide inside our room and pretended to forget the time by doing 'pag-eempake' of my stuffs. I wanted to flee from buying rice and viand for our lunch.

Minutes after I have started it, Tita Be arrived. She has brought yummy bread.

Taiwan tried to ask from me a share. I told him to buy on credit instead because I couldn't partake to our expenses. I explained to him that we were saving for Mj's ultrasound, since we're worried. I thought he's not going to buy on credit, but he did. However, I was the one who cooked. It's okay!

Afternoon, I was already cold headed.

Dinner time, Taiwan asked what our viand would be. As usual, I shouldered the expenses. Mj pushed me, actually.

Mj and I were anxious (so much anxious) to see our second child. Mj was starting to worry too. However, we tried to console ourselves that it's not yet the due date. Tomorrow is the date set by the midwife, who last checked up Mj. We would wait till tomorrow evening.

"Lord God, thank You very much! You're not giving us problems that we couldn't bear. Please, don't put us on hodgepodge. Amen!"

 

 

March 3, 2007

When Jano and Gie arrived at past twelve, we're all awakened. I also have learned that Mj was undergoing a so-called 'labor'. That was when I stay alert. Any moment she's going to give birth. Thus, I conversed with the Lord again. I asked for help.

 

The pain, Mj was feeling was getting worse. She tried to wait for 'panubigan,' but I couldn't take it anymore. Thus, after I put water on an electric air pot, I woke Mama up and told her about it. She commanded me quickly to fetch Tya Ruby, the sitio's 'hilot.'

 

Flor and I called out for her many times. I was so anxious to bring her my wife. However, she suggested that we must send Mj to the nearby clinic ot Holy Chaplet.

 

I did not waste any second. I talked to Roy and asked him if we could use his trike. Without further ado, we rush Mj to Dra. Alcala. She was shouting in pain. She bit me due to pain.

 

Though she's crying in pain, it doesn't scare me. I worry not. I knew God is with us. I only got mad when she was complaining to a slow response from clinic crews. I have condemned the 'ale' there who tried to get the doctor's attention.

 

Without ten minutes, after Mj has lain down, she gave birth to a healthy baby boy. It was 12:50 AM of March 2007. I was so glad to see him. I expect for him. His gender is a God's sign. Lord God gave and showed me a sign. Thus, when I saw his genitals, I was a mere half-surprised.

 

For this, I have kissed Mj's forehead twice. It's my way of saying 'Thank you!'

 

I was so blessed!

 

Thus, I have borne Mj twice to put her on bed. Imagine, me bearing Mj..

 

Taiwan arrived with his cell phone. That's when I remember to take photos on my newborn babe. I shot more than 15 shots regardless of its 'photography'. I also pitied Hanna, who hadn't had an opportunity like this. However, they're both lucky. Their lucks were like each other. But I was so luckier than them because I got them. They're both beautiful! I could now stop craving for more child or children. Now that I have a girl and a boy, I would be a more industrious man. I would take every opportunity that will come.

 

The excitement and happiness I felt when Hanna was born is the same as the excitement and happiness I felt when Zildjian was born.

 

Mj and I hadn't had sleep. We thought of ways on how to pay P4,500 as total hospital bill of Baby Zildjian. I texted Tito Jun. Unfortunately, he's on an outing in Quezon. So, he couldn't afford to help us financially.

 

Mama talked to Tito Sam. He has no money, too.

 

Ten, I brought Hanna to the clinic as what Mj has requested. Hanna was so amazed to see our ne born baby. I could see a kindness within her as a sister.

 

We also bother Nanay. We told her about our problem.

 

One, Michael texted us. He said, Lola have provided P1000.

 

I also texted Ate Daisy, who owes P200. Good thing she was willing to pay me.

 

Last person I texted was Jano. I told him that I have texted every prospect, but no one has a financial capacity to help us. He partly told us that he could lend us P2000 if we could give it back before March 15. I assured him. Thus, I rushed to Bayan for two reasons. First, to get Lola's share of P1000. Last, to receive Ate Daisy's payment of P200.

 

I accomplished both even though I was with Hanna. At 3, we're already at the clinic.

 

Four, Hanna and I left for Bautista. There, I bury Zildjian's 'inunan'.

 

Mama was not in good condition. I pity her. "Please, Lord, heal her. I want her to enjoy her new grandson, the very first grandson."

 

 

 

 

March 4, 2007

I had long hours of sleep. Mj hasn't had. But we have taken a rest somehow.

 

It was six AM when Mj and I started to text Tito Jun and Jano. We want to leave the clinic as early as 8AM. However, our efforts turn into a confusion, frustration, and boredom. We're confused what to do. We need P2000. Jano did not replied, Tito Jun as well. I was so mad waiting for their messages. I was so anxious to flaunt my baby in Bautista. Good thing, the couple arrived before 9 AM. They lend me P2000. After, doctor's some parting words of advises and prescriptions, we left the clinic. We only commuted.

 

In Bautista, all were glad to see Zildjian. Some says he's not my resemblance. Mama says it's only the nose. It's okay! At least, I knew, he is handsome. H's masculine due to his 'balbon.' He's 'balbonic.' He has a pointed nose. He has hair.

 

Mama washed some of our dirty clothes. She left hers. I pity her. I wanted to thank her. I was thinking what my siblings’ reactions about it would be. They're jealous, maybe. But, they have to understand my situation.

 

I pursue baby book making. I wanted to finish it so that I could showcase it to every visitor. In fact, I've shown it to Tintin. She made a 'pakimkim' of P20 to Baby Zildjian.

 

I decided to call my second child 'Astig' as his nickname because of its two 'puyo' on his head. He would be 'pasaway' when he grows up. But I want him to be 'astig' in good ways.

 

I pass my e-load business to Taiwan because I couldn't finance it anymore. Alas!

 

Jano reminded me about the March 15 due date of our 'utang', after Lola Alice has fetched Mama to Laguna for death vigil. He has heard about P500 that was given to me by Mama for my 'mag-iina'. That money would be saved. If ever we couldn't provide P2000, we will have money to pay back Jano.

 

Hanna has been so 'pasaway.' She needs close care and attention. She's jealous, too.

 

"Lord God, thank You or we're already here. Thank You for Mj gave birth safely. Thank You, You gave me a healthy son. I wish, God, for Mj's breast milk. We couldn't afford to buy formula anymore. Please, help us. Amen!"

March 5, 2007

Since Mama was on a sojourn, I must get up early so that I could clean the surroundings. Nothing has changed. Zildjian's birth does not stop me from doing chores. In fact, it increases.

 

Past nine, Hanna and I left to Gate 2. I would get a 'cedula' there for Baby Astig's birth certificate. There, I have experienced the hardship of marketing with a child on my arm. However, I have managed to market systematically.

 

It was eleven when we got home.

 

Mj hasn't breast milk yet. Zildjian was crying every time he could sip milk from her. It doesn't fulfill his hunger. We must feed him with formula.

 

"Lord God, please give Mj adequate breast milk. Thank you!"

 

I tried to help Mj in taking care of Baby Astig. However, I must focus more to Hanna, who's so 'pasaway' and 'malikot,' especially when she was playing with Laurence.

 

March 6, 2007

Since I was going to do the first laundry of Baby Astig's clothing, I rose up very early at 6:45. I immediately cleaned the surroundings. I must do some extra chores though I was washing because no one would do it. Jen was occupied. Mj couldn't touch cold water.

 

It was a hard job for me – doing laundry while helping Mj in taking care of our kids. But it's okay!

 

Since, we have no water I rinse the clothes in Bukal. It's sacrifice. But I must fulfill it because I have no money. The P500, Mama gave us was being saved for Gie and Jano.

 

My 'labahan' was 'tambak.' I already have no soap. Thus, when Flor arrived, I asked her if she could lend me P1 so that I could buy. She declined to lend me or to make my P4 into P5. It hurts me. However, when she came back from the store and she was giving me the coin, I told her I don't need that anymore. I said, she must remember that bad deed. I could not forget it.

 

Thus, I decided not to talk to her again.

 

My laundry job was postponed due to it. Good thing Mj has P.50 to fill my P4.50.

 

Again, while doing laundry, Laurence and Hanna were playing. They we're both 'pasaway.' So, I have to beat Hanna and ban her outside. Their tandem is not good.

 

It was three when I finished washing. I made 'banlaw' at 4:30 PM.

 

Since, I was so tired in an all-day works, I have fallen asleep so as Mj. We haven't had our dinner due to 'viandlessness.’ We're waiting for Taiwan, actually.

 

It was 9:30 PM when we eat. Taiwan brought no viand.

 

Haay! What will happen to us tomorrow?!

 

"Lord God, thank You, for Mj's breast milk was starting to increase. It almost satisfies Baby Zj. Thank You for the blessings. God, please help us in finances. Give us our financial needs morrow. Give us a happy day. Protect my 'mag-ina' in harm. Save us from any bad fate. Amen!'

 

March 7, 2007

I woke up at 8. It was very late waking-up since Baby Astig was born. Mj and I were both sleepless due to him. He's always awake at the dawn.

 

Since Mj has related to me her dream that I was leaving to Bulan this Saturday, I'm worried. I knew dream is an antonym of reality. Thus, it means I was going to stay here for a long time.

 

I wanted to go to Bulan as soon as possible. I don't want to stay here in Bautista if I do not have a job. It's hard! Our lives would be so harder. Plus, I was 'problemizing' our debt to Jano and Gie. I have thought of Mama and pity her. She's the only one I could run to. However, she must work there in Sauyo. I also 'problemizing' our daily consumption, not to mention Baby Zj and Hanna's milk in the next days. Haay! I want to escape from these. I want to hide. Zildjian was stopping me to leave. But my heart says I must go.

 

Before Mama's 'padala' of P300, I have had a load. I have planned to text Lola Bening, thus I texted her immediately. I have received a reply after an hour. It's bad news. It frustrates me. It's gonna be in May. It's the formal turnover of tenancy from Lolo Aton to us (Mama/me). Shit!

 

 

 

March 8, 2007

Morning, I was texting my friends. Only Anying and Josephine have replied. They somehow have taken away my gloom.

 

Then, I was expecting for a visit for Baby Zj. No one has arrived. It's another disappointment. I expect Tito Jun would give us what we're asking, and it would be sent by Nanay and Tatay.

 

One-thirty, I left to gate 2. I would do marketing. I would buy 'halaan' for Mj. I wanted her to possess flowing breastmilk, so that Zildjian will be satisfied. He's always crying. He's always hungry. If we would feed him with formula, we would be on crisis again. Besides, breast milk is the best!

 

In Gate 2, I called Mama, who was in Novaliches. I told her about my problem. Jano asked if I could pay him back. Unfortunately, mama couldn't help me. Thus, frustration struck me after the call. I couldn't move and walk. I then stayed in one place.

 

Four, Jenny texted me. She told me that my in-laws were at our house. I felt some happiness in my heart. I hoped they have got good news. Thus, I decided to go home.

 

Here, I never have seen them anymore. It's okay, at least, they visit their grandson, the very first grandson, and they brought a crib for him. It's alright, too, if they have no good news, at least, they were trying to help me or us. They contacted Tito nick and asked for financial help.

 

Five, Taiwan texted me. He told me that I would have an extra employment, like him, in Jano's company. I almost shout for joy. It gave me hope.

 

Eight-thirty, Cherry Gibaga, my colleague-classmate, texted me. At last! Thanks to her mother. I contacted her, 'kanina.' I have learned so much from her, about her love life, career and about Marie Jaye, my ex. Haay! It's a small world. She also gave me some of our classmate's numbers. Now, I could text them so that I could find Glenn and Ramon's numbers. They're my best friends, who I have never seen for a long time.

 

 

March 9, 2007

I got up at 4 AM, then, prepared myself in leaving to work –extra work. It was quarter to five when Taiwan and I left Bautista. It was so cold.

 

Past six, I and Taiwan were already at the Miles & Levels. I did not feel shame or nervousness. On fact, I was as if working there.

 

Minutes of waiting, we're preparing for deliveries. I was assigned to deliver two boxes of gloves in SM Bacoor. It's portable. I could bear it though I would commute. It's not my first time in SM Bacoor. I've experienced a commute delivery once when I was working at Infinite Enterprises.

 

Past 7:30, I left the company's place. I left my packed lunch, hoping I could come back before twelve.

 

Commuting is not that hard.

 

On the way to SM Bacoor, I was texting. Christian Garilao and I exchanged news about ourselves. It doesn't bore me.

 

Ten-thirty, I was there. Though it's not my first time I committed mistakes. Then, I waited so long to release my receipts. It almost maddens me. Plus, my gall bladder was aching. I was worrying too that Miles & Levels might condemn me for being late.

 

Eleven-thirty when I left SM. One-fifteen, I was already at Miles. I was so hungry. Then, I almost lost my appetite. In fact, I wanted to faint due to hunger and terrible heat.

 

After eating, I have another two destinations. One is East Tower, nearby. Two, Chino Roces Ave., Makati City.

 

Past three, I was already at Miles. After some reporting, I went out. My salary wasn't given to me yet. It's okay. At least I have secured money. It would be paid to Jano.

 

On the way home, I wanted to sleep. My head was aching, too. Then, Taiwan texted me that I would still be an extra morrow. It partly gladdens me. Delivery job is so tiring but I need money.

 

March 10, 2007

For the second time, Taiwan and I left to Miles &Levels. There, I have experienced the 'kalakalan,' especially every morning. It was so confusing.

 

Eight-thirty when we left to Sta. mesa. I was assigned to deliver the five boxes at SM Sta. Mesa. It was 11:30 when the receipts were released. Twelve-thirty, I've got back to base.

 

Alas! I would only half-day. My P100 worth of fare was equal almost to my half-day salary.

 

I went home sadly and tired. Yet I managed to roam around EDSA Central Mall where I have bought a magnetic album.

 

Past 4, I was home. My in-laws were here. They just dropped by from Boso-Boso. There was no good news from them. Thus, Mj and I were worried about our credit to Jano-Gie.

 

I was so sleepy and tired hence I took a nap..

 

"Lord Jesus, thank You for this day! It's such a wonderful, blessed day! Give us hope. Give us what we need, oh God. Forgive me for I didn't pay fares –in bus and in jeep. It's because I want to save. Please, God, provide our needs. Amen!"

 

March 11, 2007

I woke up early because I would do laundry today. I have started it after I have taken a hot drink. It was 10 AM when I have done it.

 

Jano hasn't approached me about our debt to them. But I was guilty that I haven't paid the amount on time. It's been a week now. Thus, I was thinking to work. I thought of working in Sauyo, at Lola Alice's store. I would call Mama.

 

Three, Hanna and I left to gate 2. We or I do marketing there. I called Mama first. She wasn't in good condition or health to date. It's obvious. I could hear it, though she hasn't told me.

 

Then, she announced that she's going to go home, finally we have agreed upon that we were going to Bulan together as soon as possible. She was going to owe money from Auntie Vangie for our fare.

 

I was wondering why Baby Zildjian's body did not develop. It was as is. He's still lean. I was also asking why Mj's milk was insufficient. When she squeezed it once she hadn't gathered even an ounce of breast milk. Haay! What's happening?!

 

March 12, 2007

Right after I got up at 7:45, I displayed Baby Zildjian under morning sunshine. It was Dr. Alcala-Alejandrino's prescription. He needs it so that his 'yellowishness' turns into normal color. We sunbathed for 50 minutes.

 

After garden works and household chores, I followed laundry. I was occupied, as always.

 

I needed load because my best friend, Glenn texted me last night. I have no reply on it. Bad thing, Taiwan couldn't afford to have me a load though I had given him beforehand. Alas!

 

After dinner, I got mad because no one washes the dishes. I have taken over the cooking so I must not take the dishwashing. it is simple, as arithmetic. However, my housemates were so insensitive of my and Mj's situations. Haay!

 

Now, I understand Mama. I knew now why she likes me more than them. They must not make any implications about it. It's not favoritism. It is fair. In the name of fairness, Mama knew all of us. Mothers know best, they said.

 

In this regard, I decided finally to decline when or if ever Taiwan-Jen lives with us. It will be better if we will have separate houses.

 

"Lord God, thank You for everything. Again, we're asking for blessings from You. Have mercy on us. Amen!"

 

 

March 13, 2007

Though I got mad the night before due to the laziness of my housemates when it comes to dishwashing, I still managed to be calm. I washed them still. My morning becomes good and cool.

 

However, when the night came or after our dinner, the situation repeats itself. Jen and Flor left the used plates unwashed. They don't even organize them. Thus, it ignited me again. They make me mad. If only I could voice it out. I, instead, held my tongue. I took silence inside our room.

 

Then, Jano and Gie arrived. Mj was then washing the dishes. She, I guessed, didn't take the fact that it would be left unwashed overnight. But I knew she's mad too.

 

I become madder when Jano announced that the salary I expected was not given. My anger worsens.

 

That then I hoped for Mama's arrival tomorrow, she's my only hope. I wanted to go to Bulan already. I want to escape from all of these.

 

"Lord God, please..."

 

March 14, 2007

Waking up early is so tiring. Thus, I did not get up that early. Yet, I did my usual chores.

 

Jen left at 10AM. I have breathed at last. Minutes after she left, Hanna and I went to Holy Chaplet to claim Zildjian's birth certificate. However, it wasn't there yet. So, I have to come back tomorrow.

 

In Cabading, I bought Hanna's milk, viand, and e-load.

 

Eleven, I was texting with Glenn. I have learned that his gf was leaving today to Austria. I told him my amazement. He confided that he really loves his girl and he's not that playboy anymore.

 

Six, Divina texted me. She regarded my being family man. I told her that I was so much happy. We, then talked about her being loveless. She signed off when I texted this: "Kung binata lang ako, e."

 

Aileen called. Our conversation was cut due to something. Then, she texted again, announcing that Jasleen has honors –4th honors. I replied to tell them that I was so happy.

 

Jano approached about our debt. I said I might pay them tomorrow.

 

 

 

March 15, 2007
I was so lazy to get up this morning. I was also worrying for today is the day we're supposed to pay Jano-Gie. At eight, we texted Michael. He didn't reply. We wanted to go to Rancho. I planned to go to Sauyo.

 

I was really confused. Thus at 12 noon, I decided to go to Novaliches. Mama might help me. When I left, Mj frowned. She'd disagree about my idea.

 

It was three when I get there.

 

Mama was surprised to my arrival, but she's not madded to my intention. She has told it to Lola Alice already, who promised to give at the end of the month. She also has no capability to help me financially.

 

It was four when I left Sauyo with few vegetables, one hundred pesos from Lola and two hundred pesos from Mama, which was borrowed from Ate Sabel.

 

I was so ashamed to my uncles there.

 

It was past seven when I got home.

 

After I have cooked our dinner, Jano and Gie arrived. I then told them that our money did not arrive. It seems okay for them. It's a good thing!

 

Nine, Sharon Gimena, my college classmate, texted me. Next thing happened we're exchanging queries about our lives. I have known from her about her past job experience in Dubai and about her bf, who is our schoolmate. It was past 11 when we end up our texting. It's due to my load. However, it was good that my 'Alltxt' load was extended.

 

I told her how happy I was tonight that she texted me and that I have located some of my college classmates like her. She also confided to me about her bf's plan to support her 'method of education' at KRAMS/SLI, which was like mine. We might be classmates again, if ever.

 

Since, I asked Marjs' number from Cherry, I texted the former. Unfortunately, she did not reply. It's okay.

 

 

 

March 16, 2007

Alas! The sim card I used in texting Sharon was blocked. I blamed the 'not charging mobile', Good thing is I have copied the active numbers in the phonebook. So, I have had a secured copy of my friends' numbers like Glenn, Happy and Sharon. It's my sim card.

 

Eight, I was starting to anticipate for my in-laws. They promised us that they would be back today. However, hours passed. They arrive not. It disappoints me. I was thinking of our debt.

 

When Jano and Gie arrived, I was hiding at our room because we couldn't pay them tonight. They did not ask me, though. But Jano announce 'unsolicitedly' that he has no 'sahod' yet. It means, my salary was pending, too. And the saddest truth is he couldn't give us the usual budget for a week. It saddened me. I, then, thought of our consumption next day. I was worrying, where could I get the budget for our food, my children's needs, our water, etc?

 

 

"LORD God, I know it's just a trial. But, please, don't make it hard for me. You know me well. My weaknesses. My strengths. Lord, provide our needs. I don't want to commit any ungodly deeds just because I need to fulfill my family's needs. What if you give me a job, wherein I could immediately give my loved ones a financial support. Besides, no one could help us but only us. I must endeavor to reap a fruit of hardship. Lord, I'm willing to accept any opportunity that you give me. Bless me. Bless my family. Pardon me, too. Amen!"

 

 

 

March 17, 2007

Six-thirty, I was already awake. Minutes later, Flor handed down P300, from Jano. It would be our budget for one week. It gladdens me. I thought he would not give.

 

Today is Hanna's 20th month birthday.

 

At her age now, I could say that she has learned a lot—both good and bad. The good side first: She got a good memory, for she could recognize whose clothes she could see. She could be directed like "Get the...", "Put it in/on the...", "Close the door." "Call, Mama or Papa.", etc. She could point where her nose, eyes, tongue, hair, etc. She could act the popular nursery song, 'My Toe, My Knees'. She has got so many favorite songs and TV jingles. And she knew how to be auditioned. When I say dance, she will dance. When I say cry, she will cry. And the bad side: She was so naughty and hyper. She always stumbles and falls. She also often bumps herself or her head or body. She's not behaving goodly as a girl must do. That's why I was always beating her. She also hurts Zildjian like how like how she hurts all of us. Imagine, she has bitten Baby Astig. She bit his toe. She also throws whatever to Baby Zj. Plus, she's always disorganizing stuffs. In short, she's 'pasaway.'

 

Three, Hanna and I went to Cabading. There, I claim Baby Zj's birth certificate. Good thing, the entries are correct.

 

 

Jano did not speak about our debt. He instead wants me to look for a job while waiting for a call from Lola Bening. He, in fact, tells me some prospects. However, I do not want to work because I want to go to Bulan as soon as possible. I just show him that I was interested.

 

 

 

March 18, 2007
Six-thirty, I was already awake. I prepared myself in doing chores and laundry.

Next thing happened; we were all busy. Gie and Jano did reorganization and cleaning, while I did mine.

While cooking, Tintin came. She announced that Taiwan's cellphone was stolen while he's sleeping in the truck. Alas! If he did not redeem it from, it wouldn't have been robbed. Alas! Zildjian's photos were still there. Thus, it's like, he would not have pictures taken after he was born.

From ten till evening, I was texting. Bernadette, Divina and Marie Jaye were my text mates in the morning. Marj texted again in the afternoon. Then, I texted Rean's sister, Sierra. She's a nice text mate. Then, Rean, herself, exchanged messages.

 

It is nice to do texting. I have known my friends' lives. I have had new contact numbers.

 

March 19, 2007

Because of Jano, Gie and Flor's noises, I was forced to get up early at quarter to six. Though, it was so cold, I started sweeping outside. And, while doing laundry at past 8, drowsiness strikes.

 

Ten, I sold scraps. I have earned P107 from 'bakal' and 'carton.' It would be used for Hanna's needs. Haay! I must do this because I could not earn for them.

 

My in-laws arrive not. What's happening to them?

 

Three, I bought Hanna's milk and diapers and our viands. Good thing is I have earned today.

 

Four, Gie texted me and asked what we need to be bought, because my salary was given to Jano at last. I replied that I wanted to pay them even P500 from my salary, but I have to buy Zildjian's milk, even a smallest box.

 

They arrive at 8. Jano handed me the money. My one and a half day of work pays P514. Not bad! Another thing is they returned to me the change.

 

Jano then told me to re-open my 'ukay-ukay' business. It was a good idea. It would give us earnings, somehow. Later, however, I was double thinking. We should have 'new arrival' so that customers would be enticed to buy.

 

I re-started loading business today. Thanks to my salary.

 

"Thank You, Lord! You're so kind. Bless us always. Amen!"

 

 

 

March 20,2007

I woke up early to think if I am going to re-open the 'ukay-ukay' business or not. In fact, I was on a second thought, after a dram that awakened me. That dream was about re-opening the 'ukay-ukay' wherein Jano took out all the stuffs/merchandise, so that I would pursue. That then, I decided to re-open it.

 

Today, Baby Zildjian has been 'pasaway'. He is always crying, even when he just peed, especially when he's hungry. His cry is confusing, irritating sometimes. But it's okay at least he grows fast.

 

Today, I have had a communication through text messages with my friends such a Leonisa Gimena, Jenny Altarejos and Marlene Quiobe. Glenn texted me, too. Marjs and I have had a secret text affair, as well.

 

Leonisa is working in an electronics company in Cavite such like Marlene, who is in Sucat, Paranaque. Jenny is working as retailer/cashier in a drugstore in Tondo. Leonisa's bf is our schoolmate, who's now a teacher in San Mateo, Rizal. Jenny's bf is her text mate just like MJ and I.

 

I was so glad to know about them. I just hope I could have Amy and Frenel's numbers, through texting with them.

 

 

Today, I have earned P25 from 'ukay-ukay-. Thanks, God!

 

 

 

March 21, 2007

Though I was sleepy, I pushed myself in getting up and working. I immediately swept the yards. Then after I have taken a hot coffee, I started laundry.

 

I rinsed the 'lampins' in Bukal so that we could save water, despite of far distance and sun heat. I was so tired when I got home. Then, I must held Mj and bathing Zildjian and Hanna.

 

After we've taken our lunch, I took a nap. My head was aching. Like Mj, I always lacked sleep. Thus, taking a nap would be of big help.

 

Five, I have discovered that Hanna's milk was already few. It made me problematic. I did not know where to find it. 'Ukay-ukay' today was zero. I did not want my e-load capital to be used.

 

Past eight, Gie arrived. It surprised me. Haay! She's gonna consume water tomorrow.

 

 

"Lord God, thanks for the strength, happiness and blessings. Please, bless us again morrow. You know already what we need, before we ask You. Pardon me for I am committing a sin. Amen."

 

 

 

March 22, 2007

When I woke up at seven, I was so weary. I didn't know why. It's maybe because we're out of budget.

 

April and Dick2 visit Zildjian at ten AM. Good thing, they did not stay long here. Mj and I were not in the mood of entertaining guests.

 

Two, I sold scraps. I have earned P100 from it. Thus, I could buy Hanna a box of milk.

 

Past seven, 'ukay-ukay' has had P50 sales. It gladdens me. It would help us.

 

From 2 PM to 9, I was texting limitless. I have a new contact. Mechel and I exchanged queries about ourselves. I have learned that she already has a daughter, who's an age of Hanna. Eva and I also interchanged news about ourselves. She was up to date employed as company checker. While Irene Dreu is a municipal employee in Irosin.

 

 

Still, no one knows Amy and Frenel's numbers. Alas!

 

"Lord God, thank You for the financial blessings! Thanks for everything. Amen!"

 

 

 

March 23, 2007

Usual, I woke up early. I swept the dried leaves. I did laundry. And many more.

 

Ten, my in-laws arrived. They give Hanna biscuits, when they come back at one-thirty. They stay for 15 minutes and leave. They had no good news for us. I was so disappointed.

 

Then at 4, Jano texted me, telling and reminding me with our debt. He suggested me to make a way to settle it as soon as possible that Gie is so ashamed to her boss. I did not reply because I did not know what to say. Besides, I did not know where to get money for it.

 

 

Before I sleep, I prayed to God. I asked Him for financial help.

 

 

 

March 24, 2007

As always, my waking-up every day is a forced one. I must open the store. I must sweep in the yards. I must wash Baby Zj's traditional diapers. Haay! It's so tiring. Sometimes, I wanted to flee I wanted to escape. But is shall not.

 

Plus, the budgeting. I did not know how to spend every peso, I was holding. The fact is I really do not have the money to be budgeted. I was just being wise. I see to it that nothing is being used in a non-basic need.

 

My e-load business is not that green pasture. It helps but it couldn't take us away from financial crisis. It is just a 'raket.'

 

Our lunch was one-pack of instant noodles with a few left-over rice. Since, I was thankful for it, it satisfied me. I did not fret.

 

I was hoping for 'ukay-ukay' buyers, but no one comes in to buy. I was so sad the whole day.

 

 

 

March 25, 2007

I did not compute the recommended 8-hour sleep though I had managed to make pancakes for our breakfast. I was hoping for God's blessings today.

 

Nine, Rose visited Baby Zildjian. She and Mj bonded through Zj and the former's baby girl. They had serious talk as if they were close already. In fact, it was their first time to converse. It gladdens me for Mj. Later, she gave us boiled cassava.

 

Afternoon, we still have no 'ukay-ukay' sales. It makes me fret.

 

In the middle of my 'fretting', Sarah hands me down a plastic bag of smoked fish. It was given by Papay Benson and carried by Yoyi. It was a double blessing. First, we would have viand this night. Second, I surmised that Auntie Belen has been there. It means money for all of us. That's what we were all waiting for. It made me glad, somehow.

 

Thus, I have confided my plan of schooling to Mj. I told her that I was planning to pursue my education in Bulan. I would take an education course. I started my reason –my sole reason. It's because being a teacher is my first choice ever since. Besides, teachers are respected people. It's the noblest of all professions.

 

I also opened up about the 'tampo,' I felt towards Taiwan-Jenny. The couple left when they're about to have a financial security. When Taiwan gets a job, he left Bautista. I wonder why, they had planned to stay here and put up a sari-sari store. It was when I had a job. Right or wrong to leave us here without nothing? They both know that I am jobless. They of course know how much we spent in Zildjian's birth. Thus, we need help. I knew Yoshimi is about to have a first birthday party, but it is misery if they would leave us in the middle of crisis.

 

At this very moment, I was asking 'That is why his mobile phone was stolen?' Is it karma?

 

"Lord God, You know that we're in crisis. Please, please, God help me in budgeting, tomorrow. Give me a good mind, body, and soul. Forgive me. Amen."

 

 

 

March 26, 2007

It was one AM, when Rean and I bade goodbye and stop texting. We have had a long, ice conversation. I have learned that she was committed to an industrious man who is 3 years older than her. I found her accommodating. She has been patient in answering my queries.

 

Though, I had only 3 hours of sleep, I preferred to get up early. I was six. I planned to go to Gate 2 so that I could buy Alaska and diapers for Hanna and load wallet for business.

 

Good thing, Tintin came in. She was about to go to Gate 2. Thus, I asked a favor from her. She did the buying of load. I have saved P34 for that.

 

 

Past three, Ate Diyang came in. We talked about what bad luck, from a man who made her pregnant, she gets. She shreds tears due to my kind, consoling words. She plans to go home in Bulan. I second the motion. I advised her to escape and hide, for her partner —irresponsible partner, is not willing to support her and their child. A poor girl, she's perplexed to date. She doesn't know yet where to go, what to do and whom to lean on. However, I saw a positive outlook-in-life on her. She's now willing to give her baby a proper care and unconditional love. She has already decided to give her child to someone else.

 

 

 

March 27, 2007

Very early at 9, April came in. We talked about Rodea and Christian. We both disagree and think that Dea was still hoping for her reconciliation with the man who demoralized her badly, through text messages. We also talk about Josephine's invitation to her daughter's first birthday celebration on April 5, 2007.

 

Lunch time, Rose gave us 'cocido'. It's such a blessing for us since our viand were leftover 'adobong sitaw' and 'tinapang tamban'. She gives back since we give her daughter used bath clothes yesterday. When I hope it would be the beginning of our friendship, which was ruined due to cashew almost a year ago. I also wish I or we could give again some of Hanna's 'up-grown' clothes.

 

Five, Jenny arrived. She was going to pick up the money sent by Taiwan and hand-carried by Romeo. According to her, Taiwan was 'tampururot' because they did not hear from Mama. He was thinking that Mama has favoritism. I felt guilty since Mama contributed physically on Hanna Margaret's first birthday party. And now Yoshimi's 1st birthday is around the corner, Mama is not around.

 

If only Taiwan knows...

 

 

 

March 28, 2007

Haay! Waking up early is so tiring. Although, I still did for goodness' sake. Besides, it's hard for me to sleep back whenever I was awake.

 

Still, 'ukay-ukay' did not make sales. Alas! If only it does, we could but our needs.

 

I was just worrying that Flor was crediting goods at Ate Grace store on Jano's name. What if Jano gets mad because of it? We should not pursue it anymore. He has not permitted us, anyway. Thus, if I could, I will pay Ate Grace.

 

"Lord God, thank You for the wonderful, blissful day. Again, I am asking for your blessings. Help us, oh God. Amen!"

 

 

 

March 29, 2007

Happily, I rose up at 6:30. Nine, I was in Bukal, rinsing Zildjian's 'lampin' and our clothes. If only we have enough water, I would prefer to do it at home. Haay! Water here in Antipolo is what jeopardizes our lives. It's the most expensive of all expenses. In fact, the four of us did not take a bath so that we could bath tomorrow for our scheduled 'lakad'.

 

Past three, Rodea came in. She talked to me about her problem. However, I found her 'paulit-ulit'. She was quite confused. She's thinking of weird things such as 'pagpapaampon' and 'pag-aasawa' of a man she does not love. She was bothering my private and precious time. Yet, I still have been patient in listening and advising her. The total reason of her confusion was merely hunger. She was just hungry. That's why she hasn't had a normal mind. I pity her.

 

While watching TV, I was letter-cutting for Yoshimi's party banner. It was due to jenny's request. Good thing, I have kept art materials for this.

 

"Lord God, thank You very much. Bless our 'lakad' tomorrow. Please protect us and bless us physically, mentally, and financially. Don't disappoint us in our agenda. I hope Mama has already got money when I arrive there. Amen!"

 

 

 

March 30, 2007

I woke up early so that I could prepare for our leaving. Thus, at nine, we left Bautista.

 

Quarter to ten, we're already at Rancho. Then, I got frustrated when Mj proclaimed bad news. It was about the pennilessness of Michael, for whom we're expecting money. It was Tito Jun's words to claim P500 from him.

 

Quarter to one, I went to Novaliches. There, Mama was startled to see me. She was about to go home. She knew Yoshimis'a birthday. She gave me her one-month salary of P1,500. The P500 of it would be used in Yoshimi's party. Mama and I agreed to make gelatin.

 

On the way home, I was texting with Jenny. I asked her what are their 'handa.' I also inquired if they ordered balloons because I was thinking if it's what I will shoulder, instead of gelatin. But then, she has ordered already.

 

In Cubao, I telephoned Mj. I asked if she already told Tito Jun about her plan of borrowing money. Bad thing, she hasn't yet. It doesn't frustrate me. However, I was thinking of our debt to Jano and Gie.

 

Then, I did shopping. I bought Zildjian's clothes, gift wrapper and CD (nursery rhymes). The CD would be our gift to Shimi.

 

I got home at 7:30.

 

Tito Jun was so busy. He's not replying to their text messages. Thus, Mj did not text him anymore.

 

I told Mj that Mama and I would be leaving on or after Holy Week. She was bargaining. Yet, Nanay was so excited to know that our house there would now be fixed.

 

"God, please, bless us tomorrow, especially the party. Amen!"

 

 

 

March 31, 2007

Four-thirty, I was already awake. I have experienced 'pamamahay.' Thus, I daydreamed just to spend the time.

 

Six sharp, Mama called out. We're all awakened by her unexpected arrival. I thought, she was going directly at Golden Hills. Next thing happened, Mama and Nanay were talking about our plan of going home to Bulan.

 

Mama was amused to see Zildjian. According to her, he has grown up quickly. However, her sympathy was focused to Hanna when she has learned that the latter's milk was now Alaska.

 

Six-forty-five AM, Mama and I left for Jen's house. There, they're not yet ready. We're too early. It was past 9AM when Taiwan's in-law has arrived from the market. That's when we had started cooking and preparing the 'handa.'

 

It was so hot in there while we're working. My sweats were excreting terribly. But it's okay. I was doing it for Yoshimi. I just hoped Taiwan would appreciate Mama's presence and help. He should not be jealous anymore.

 

There, Sharon and I were texting. She wants to meet me. I, then, invited her to the party since she's in Tikling already. After a long conversation, she declined to meet me, for her boyfriend called to meet her, too. Alas! She could have seen my 'mag-iina'. But it's okay. In fact, I did not want too, because I'm not yet ready. I haven't taken a bath yet. And I was so tired.

 

The reception has taken place at past 4. April, Tin and Chriz and his 'mag-ina' were there. Chriz did not come near to my newborn baby, as if he's not interested. Well, fine! I don't care, too.

 

The party was as usual as others. Unlike Hanna's first year birthday, Yoshimi's birthday was a plain eating only. Thus, I have compared them to each other, and I have claimed that Margaret's birthday party, last July 16, 2006 was one of the kind.

 

Six-thirty, April, Tintin, Flor, Mama and I left the parry venue. I could see Mama's tiredness; she wanted to rest and sleep. So, do I.

 

 

Jano and Gie arrived at quarter to ten. Mama was the one who opened up the issue of 'going to Bulan.' She also points out that I couldn't pay P2000 to them. Jano has been supportive to our plan. Gie? I didn't know, she did not say anything. Jano advised us t leave as early as tomorrow. He also says that if he has spare budget, he'll give support to my 'mag-iina.'