My Journal -- August 2006

August 1, 2006

First day of the month--- the 8th month of the year. It must be a good start. Thus, I woke up early to begin my day. I cooked. We ate.

Nine AM, I sold bottles and plastics. I earned P10. We bought 'junks' and bread-- since it's so good to eat on this weather.

Eleven, while I was cooking, my good beginning was ruined when I saw Donald, my black duckling, waggling like an epileptic person. It made me mad--which affects my dealings with Hobee and Mj. In fact, Mj and I quarreled for a nonsense cause. It's my fault, indeed!

I incubated Donald. He was dried by a light bulb, yet he's still shivering and tumbling. I didn't want him to die. I separate him also from Daisy and Donna --who are very cruel to him.

Prayer Concern, tonight: The healing of Donald.

 

August 2, 2006

God's really great! He healed Donald, the duckling, last night, 11 PM.

I woke up early..The sun was already set. I guessed it'll not rain today-- all day long. Thus, Mj had washed the clothes and others. I planted in the field.

Today, I was bored. I wanted TV.

In my boredom, I had fed my ducklings with earthworms I personally dug on. I also tried to sleep but Hanna Margaret disturbed me. I tried to run the grass cutter, too. "Ayaw."

"Lord God, please give us television to enable us to entertain and educate, especially Hobee. Please, Lord..."

August 3, 2006

When I got up at six-thirty, I saw the dead body of Donald, the duckling. Alas! I then blamed myself why I put water on their makeshift cage.

All day long, Mj and I discussed about our past consumption to the worth of P1000 stocks of groceries. We haven't bought charcoal and rice. And they were what we're 'problemizing' today. We long for Calove's visit and his promise of giving us again. He doesn't know that Lola/Tita Lo gave us P1000. So, we're not supposed to be anticipating for another P1000. However, we badly needed that amount. We have planned already what to buy on that money.

All day long, I craved for something to eat. Hunger in this remote area is noticeable. And it is being accentuated by our TV-less state. I told MJ that if we have TV, at least our stomachs are also busy, and they will not strive for food.

Three-thirty, I made a pool to be planted with 'kangkong', MJ's favorite. I also watered the plants.

As usual, we eat supper early, to sleep early.

Prayer Concern, tonight: Calove's visit tomorrow or even Lola's.

 

August 4, 2006

Early to bed, early to rise. I got up at 6:45 to cook macaroni soup. While cooking, worry starts to linger on my head. I was worried that our stocks might not stay long before Calove arrives.

Ten-thirty, after the rain falls, I stopped from waiting. Thus, I ripped off the 'saba.' It would somehow help in alleviating our worry and hunger. I then boiled one 'piling' for our 'merienda.'

All day long (again), I thought of better ways to do. I have thought of owing shamelessly to nearest store, tomorrow. I have also thought to use timbers in lieu of coals. Using coals jeopardizes our lives, indeed. In the end, I decided to let God do the best for us. I just asked forgiveness for this worry.

Five-thirty, while cooking our dinner, I again, think of means. However, I was undecided, still. All I knew is that we only have 5 canned goods and P80+ on my wallet.

Prayer Concern, tonight: Postponement of upcoming storm, "Inday."

 

August 5, 2006

I woke up at 6, but I didn't get up. I pondered what would be our breakfast. I double-minded if it's bread or 'pinakro'. After 30 minutes, I got up and went to store. I found out that the coconut costs P13. Thus, I decided to buy P10 worth of bread. I, then realized that it's really hard to be a poor.

It's so tiring to anticipate for nothing. I gave up waiting for Calove. Yet, I couldn't deny that we need him here.

Hanna's powdered rice for was already out of stock. Thus, we have no other choice but to prepare her a pure milk (Nido 1+) which would be more expensive. She has also out of diaper. Haay! It's a maddening state.

I wanted to work but I couldn't afford to look for one, or apply, because it would only put us in uppermost crisis. Applying for a job is indeed a money-matter. Besides, I didn't even have a resume and ID--not to mention the requirements needed such as police and NBI clearance, SSS number, medical certificate, and birth certificate. That's why I need a job that I will not have them to submit. I wanted to approach Ivan but I'm ashamed.

After almost 3 months --from nursery to date, at last I have picked two fruits of my eggplants. It's such a long time, huh!

"Please, Oh Lord, don't castigate us like this. We need a peaceful and bountiful life. Now that Mj's pregnant, we really need your blessings. Please, God, change this state into a wonderful life condition. Amen!"

Past seven, I tuned in the radio to AM and found out a program named "Business 101". I listened up till 8:30 PM. That night, the announcer tackled rabbit -raising. I've learned that rabbit is more delicious than chicken, and it is more advisable to raise because rabbits eat everything green or veggies. However, it needs P900 to start. Rabbit costs P300 each. And it is advised to start with one male and two females. Thus, I will rather pursue the 'Itikery' plan of mine which is P20 for 3 ducklings. Though, it will spend more time in raising ducks before I could have products.

I sleep with backache.

 

August 6, 2006

Seven, when I rose up to cook our breakfast. And, while cooking, I have come up to to an idea of going to Bautista. I was supposed to go there tomorrow for Mama's birthday.

I, then finished my chores till nine. I've fetched water. I also have cooked rice for Mj's lunch.

Ten, I was already in Bautista. Jano was about to go to Gate 2, when I arrived. They would make 'handa' for Mama.

I handed down our personalized birthday card to Mama. It gladdens her. She more prefers a hand-made card than commercial one.

Mama, I think, is very happy today. She was just blaming me why I didn't bring Hanna. If only I knew that Jano and Gie will prepare a small banquet for her.

Five, I left Bautista with a big piece of cake, bihon guisdao, laing, pork afritada, and Hanna's diapers (I owed to Ate Grace). I asked P20 to Taiwan, but he also borrowed Hanna's stroller and my Newport shoes.

Five-thirty, I was home already. Mj was glad to see my 'pasalubong', so as Margaret to her tea pot set, which was the gift of Auntie Vangie to her.

I listened again to 'Business 101.'

Prayer Concern, tonight: Mama's happiness, good health and prosperity.

 

August 7, 2006

Last night, I had a very long consumption of time in pondering, reverie, and planning. I have come to an idea of going to a place nearby our house: approaching Ivan and the store owner for employment and credit purposes: writing a letter for Tito Nick, telling him about my business plans such as renting an space in a mall or in a market: and so on and so forth. I've taken 5 hours on these--from 9 to 2. Yet, it's okay. It was my choice --of not to sleep.

Seven, we get up. I could not feel sleepless-effects or whatever. in fact, I have done several field works.

Eleven, I decided not to roam around our place or barangay. The feeling of drowsiness made me lazy.

Past two, after snacks, Mj and I talked about my plans. She agreed on it, especially in writing and asking Tito Nick to redeem the lot from Romy so that I could collateralize it in a lending institution. I need a capital for my business plans. I wanted to have a commercial space enable me to start a selling enterprise--selling goods such as clothes, accessories, novelties (both bought and personalized) and whatnot.

Mj and I knew that we're running of stocks. Hanna's milk is good for a day. We have no more rice for tomorrow night. We only have P39.75 for fare to 'bayan'.

Prayer Concern, tonight: Blessings!

 

August 8, 2006

Since I had a sleepless night, the last night, I dilly-dally in my 'higaan.' It was, in fact, past 7 when we had our breakfast.

This morning is such a lazy day for me.

Two, Mj decided to postpone their trip to 'bayan'. I wanted her to leave but I couldn't do nothing, but to permit her to stay here this night.

Since, we only have 1/8 kilo of rice, 3 packs of sotanghon, 1 can of meatloaf and 1 can of sardines, I have had a hard time pondering the menu. After a while, I came up with an idea of cooking porridge with sweet corns. I called it "A-mais-ing" arrozcaldo. It's yummy, huh! It's also comprised of chicken cube, roasted garlic, immature corns, and rice. Hanna Margaret liked it.

I rewrite my letter to Tito Nick, after I have made eight personalized stationeries for Hobee.

Mj, eventually, made a thank-you epistle for Tito Jay. She'll send it morrow.

Prayer Concern, tonight: Success of Mj's trip morrow.

 

August 9, 2006

I got up at 5:30, when the alarm clock rang. I, then cooked 'sotanghon ala bihon' with sardines for our breakfast.

Seven, Mj and Hanna left to 'bayan'. I then quickly fed my pets so that I could start cleaning and dusting the interior of the house.

Nine, I had finished my job. I rested till ten. Tiyo Ruben arrived with 3 kilos of rice, 2 packs of tuyo and 2 cans of sardines. He didn't know that my 'mag-ina' was there. He only came to get the Meralco bill. He left immediately. Thus, I cooked my lunch. I had an early lunch, huh!

Two, after resting and napping, I did some field works till three. Mj, my in-laws and Immaculatas arrived. Tatay installed fluorescent lamp in our sala. I reckon Mj related the last night's incident, which we felt someone was passing by our vicinity.

When they left, I asked Mj about her trip. It was not a success. Calove have learned that Lola gave us P1000. Thus, he has no obligation to us anymore this month.

Mj was only given P200 by Lola and Lolo. She bought Bonakid and diapers. The change was only P63.50. good thing is Lola and Lolo gave us with Milo and breads.

I, then, told Mj that I would only finish our contract here. It would be on September 9, 2006. I give up!

Mj still did not tell her family about her pregnancy. I condemned it.

Six, I did fieldworks. I wanted to have products from my veggies---- soon.

Prayer Concern, tonight: Good result of my conversation plan with Mama tomorrow.

 

August 10, 2006

I woke up early due to my scheduled trip to Bautista today. I noticed Mj's unexpressed disagreement about my leaving home. She did not talk to me when I left at seven. At least, I've boiled water for her breakfast, and I've fetched water for her bathing need.

In Bautista, I immediately told Mama about my intention. I related to her Mj's bad luck last day. We also tackled my in-law’s crisis. When I opened the fact about finishing my 'vale' to Calove till September 19, she disagrees. She, then, suggested me to look for a job first before I left Calove's property.

I confided so many things, as usual. Even the way I treat my in-laws. I also boasted Lola's kindness to us.

Mama was so kind that she omitted their groceries just to give us. She cooked rice and egg for our dinner—not to mention the viand. I've had also from her an instant noodles and laundry soap. Haay! Until when will this crisis end?

Three-thirty, I left Bautista.

Three-forty, when I was home. Mj was gladdened by my 'pasalubong'.

I then planted my brought plants. I also transplanted my tomatoes.

My chest was aching today. I've told Mama about it and I blamed Jazzy about it for her 'poopoo' was so stinky. Every time I smell them, I could feel a menthol effect in my diaphragm.

Today, I have collected two baby boy names from watching TV. They're Iñigo and Zildjian.

Mj and I were very excited to our upcoming baby. We both want a baby boy. Thus, we're thinking or listing names. Among our collected names were Sean Kinley, Lee Andre, Scott Lance, Jan Marion, Hans Christian and Iñigo and Zildjian (the new ones). The first four are supposed to be the names for Hanna.

What if it's a girl again? asked Mj. No problem! I said. Isn't it you like Yishin? That's her name if she's a girl. She agreed.

Before I forgot, Mama and I also tackled about the plan or decision of MJ of having or undergoing ligation after the birth of our second child. Mama related a true story of her acquaintance who repented afterwards why she decided to undergo ligation. I will 're-relate' it to MJ some other time. But it doesn't mean I wanted more children. I only want a baby girl and baby boy. Just two!

Prayer Concern, tonight: Total acceptance of my decision.

 

August 11, 2006

I woke up happily, yet my day became moody. As a result, Mj and I had a misunderstanding. We didn't talk to each other, from 8:30 to 6:00. But before that, my morning has been so glad that we listened to our favorite radio tandem--- Nicole Hyala and Chris Tsuper aka Balahura at Balasubas. They indeed complete my day. I can't now live without them. They're fun to listen to. Their antics are original and natural. If only we have TV, I will watch their TV shows.

Our lunch was 'sauteed eggplants in sardines". It's yummy, huh! Saucy.

Our dinner was 'sinigang na sardinas sa puso ng saging." It's delicious, too! Amazing.

After supper, I hand-sewn and repaired a long pants—which wasn't appealing to the eyes. It became 'common cut'. I'm gonna use it when I hopefully have a job.

Prayer Concern, tonight: Continuous good harvest from my veggies.

 

August 12, 2006

I got up with a smile in my face. I knew life is not that had. It depends upon merely on how you carry it. In fact, today I have had a simple happiness in my heart –when I cooked our lunch which was sotanghon with meat loaf. Cooking—it makes me glad. It's maybe due to Mj's happy appreciation to my cooking. That's life! Full of ups and downs.

My back was aching still. It's arthritis, indeed! It attacks me during cold weather.

I picked my first ever squash. It gladdened me much. But, when I chopped it up to be cooked, I found out that it was pestered by worms. It then disappointed me. Yet, it would give us viand tonight.

Seven to 8:30, I listened to 'Business 101' in DZEC. I then prayed to God. I asked Him for tomorrow's success of Mj's trip.

 

August 13, 2006

It's raining still when I got up.

Seven-thirty, Mj and Hobee left toRancho. And minutes after they've gone, I re-read my third script – "Tinta". It's been a long time since I last face it. Then, I wrote three sequences (59-61).

Boredom follows. I didn't know what to do. I tried to sleep yet I was disappointed. I thought of productive ways, but I did find not. I waited for my 'mag-ina,' they arrived not.

Six-thirty, after feeding the pets and securing the safety of the house and grass-cutter, I left the house. I've no money to ride thus I did a walkathon from here to Bautista. I found it hard. I will not do it again! For a chance of eating a dinner, I walked 2 or 3 kms., huh!

There, I watched TV till ten. After I've turned off the set, I asked God about the safety and security of our house. Then, I've had a hard time sleeping. Maybe, it's due to a so-called 'pamamahay.'

 

August 14, 2006

Though I had a sleepless night last night, I still awakened by the noises of Jano. When he left to work at 5:30, I got up. I wanted to stay there till seven, but I have to walk again, going home. Mama gave me P10. After having a cup of coffee, I started to walk from Bautista to 'Kanto ng Boso-Boso". I rode on a tricycle to Cadcad.

I thanked God when I found our house untouched. Nothing was robbed.

Nine, Mj and Baby Marge arrived.

Only P1000, Calove gave Mj. She bought Hanna's milk, diapers, biscuits, and baby powder. It costs P400 in all. She only remitted P530 to me. She hasn't even bought viand. Good thing is Mama gave me a can of canned beef.

After lunch, Mj opened up (the truth about why they could not still provide us TV). It made me angry. I pity her that she was the one I condemned for in lieu of stingy Ka Sonny.

One, I build a peen for my ducks.

Two, I harvest few sweet corns for merienda so as for dinner.

Four, I made a market list. I (also) put their estimated prices. It was so hard indeed to budget minimal money.

Prayer Concern, tonight: Guidance on my marketing job tomorrow.

 

August 15, 2006

Without having a cup of coffee, I walked very early at five-ten to Veterans market. It's a dual-purpose activity: exercise and marketing. Besides, I must do this just to save a certain amount to a supposed fare.

I did the walking for forty minutes. However, I haven't did my intent (when I arrived there) yet, because the store was still closed.

Six-thirty, I finished marketing. I walked again to 'Kanto ng Boso-Boso'. On the way, I computed on my mind the expenses. I have spent P316 in al. I've not bought everything we need yet it will loosen up our hunger.

Seven-ten, when I got home.

Our lunch was sautéed squash-eggplant with sardines. We had a nice dining, huh. I wished then that veggies stay yielding at all times so that chemicals we gained from the canned goods might be covered by freshness and natural taste of my organically grown vegetable plants.

Four, Mj and Hobee went to Bautista for Flor's birthday morrow. I pushed them to go there in advance so that Mj's intimidation to Jano will be gone.

Through radio, we've learned that "Katring" is the name of the lastest storm in the country. In fact, "Katring" is the sixth hurricane we felt since we moved in here on May 9. The first was Esther. The next storms were Florita, Glenda, Henry and Inday. And the present --- Katring. Haay! How many more 'bagyo' will come till we would be given a kitchen by Calove. It's so hard to cook while raining, indeed!

Prayer Concern, tonight: My safety.

I forgot!

I've planted three ---another three Bangkok santol seedlings. In all, I've planted four.

 

August 16, 2006

I had a sleepless night last night. It's maybe due to mosquitoes.

Four-thirty, I was awakened by disturbing insect bite. Thus, I got up to prepare my walking exercise.

After I've fed the dogs and ducks, I left the house. It was four-thirty plus. So early huh!

Five-forty plus, I was already in Bautista. My baby was already wide-awake and playing.

Since, today's Flor Rhina's birthday, Mama told me to organize the former's things and study table. So, I did. It turned nice.

Flor's 'handa' was only 'frutti-latin'. I reckon Mj was a bit disappointed to it. She was there for the thought that Mama would cook. Yet, Mama told her to stay another night that Gie might come with 'panghanda'.

Four, while watching TV, Mj was irked by my sensitiveness. She became snobbish. I had no choice but to do it then. I left Bautista with this misunderstanding.

Five, I was here already. I was so sad to what had happened. Our misunderstanding indeed affects me. I don't want to hurt her feelings because she's carrying my second child and it might affect the fetus, but she doesn't understand me, and she doesn't learn. "Di na natuto." It's always happened. Why she couldn't understand that I don't want to be touched or to be caressed, especially if I'm not in a mood?

Prayer Concern, tonight: Sunny day tomorrow.

August 17, 2006

Five AM, I was awakened by my weewee habit. One hour later, I got up to start my day. I must do some productive works, I thought. Thus, I cut some bushes in the field.

Eight-fifteen, my mag-ina arrived. Mj greeted and regarded me 'na'. When I asked her what Gie was and Jano's gift to Flor, she said none. In short, Flor has no 'handa' last night. I could see Mj's disappointment on her two nights stay in Bautista.

After our lunch, I let Mj do the laundry, while I was attending Hanna-- who's so hyper and 'pasaway'. Her hyperactivity annoyed and tired me. That was why I beat her many times.

Past-three, I pursue bush-cutting through bolo. I then partially harvested my sweet corns. And when I cooked them, I found out and have proved that they're really sweet. My effort paid off!

Six, after I have lulled Hanna to sleep, I hand-sewn her hotdog pillow casing so that her three small pillows would be made into one. I made it till 8.

Prayer Concern, tonight: Strength and happiness.

 

August 18, 2006

I was awakened by early bird Hanna at 6:30. Minutes later, I got up to prepare our delicious healthy breakfast, were fried rice, egg and meat loaf. First time, huh!

Eight, while attending Hanna, I found out that our baby's poop includes a regular-sized button. Mj and I were both shocked. How could she swallow it? Mj guessed she swallowed it when she plays on Mama's sewing kit. Never mind! At least. She excreted it.

Four, when I asked our neighbor if I could fetch water from them, the young owner declined saying "There's no electric current!" But the truth is that he only doesn't want me to do so. Since then, I've seen his meanness. His attitude is different. Thus, I told Mj that I will never ever fetch water from them.

There's no current today. Bad thing is we don't have water on the drum. What will happen to us? It gave me moment to ponder. Hanna's mineral water is also out of stock.

Prayer Concern, tonight: Return of electricity and water blessing.

 

August 19, 2006

God is really great! He answered my prayer of a quick return of electric current which was 9:00 PM that night. Thus, I woke up early to fill our water containers and pails. I also fetched for our drinking water. But it would be boiled first, though it's safe to drink because the well is already 3-months old.

When I boiled the well-water and tasted it, I found it good, tasteless!

Three, we already had our fish ball snacks. Then, I did some field works. I uprooted my still-living sweet corns. I couldn't see any fruits from them. Although my effort doesn't pay off yet, it's okay. At least it would not put me to shame.

Five, I made personalized frames. They're wonderful!

Prayer Concern, tonight: Healthy body

 

August 20, 2006

One AM, I was still awake. I mean, I was awakened by weeweeing habit. It made me sleepless for more than an hour. Yet, I still managed to wake-up early.

This day is windy and cloudy. There's a frequent drizzle fall. However, I came to an idea of going to Bautista. Mj disagrees. But she's not the one that stops me from doing so. It's the possible presence of Jano and Gie in our house.

Thus, I bought purified drinking water in Boso-Boso.

Before I cooked our lunch, I did some planting. I wondered why I love to plant even it's raining.

I took a nap at siesta time. Hanna's so noisy and 'magulo'. Thus, I couldn't sleep.

Before I cooked pancakes for merienda, I first planted the three coconut seedlings here in Calove's lot. The three coconut trees were three of the four excesses of 15 coconuts brought here by Tito Ruben from wherever. I planted the eleven by his command, in Tiyo Jun's lot-- which I partially waiting to be appreciated. I also 'riff-raffed' the front with broken hollow blocks so that I'd not be slipped down.

After merienda, I continue gardening, which completed my day. This is my amusement here since we don't have TV yet.

I told MJ that our money was now only P123.25. Then, she tried to convince me to go there in lieu of her when our budget is already spent off. I declined. She must do it herself, I said. She reasoned out her travelling sickness. She vomits or feels nausea every time she travels. I kid her that that's not the reason. It's the fear of revelation. She's afraid that her family might know she's 3-months pregnant. She's kind of weird, huh! What's the big deal?! They're her family. No one would ever understand her but they. That was why I confessed it to Mama too early. I, too, am afraid to reveal something, which was supposed to be unleashed in the early time. So, why wait for a long time?

Prayer Concern, tonight: Healthy meals tomorrow.

 

August 21, 2006

After our healthy breakfast, I listened to Nicole Hyala and Chris Tsuper's segment in Love Radio. They complete my day. However, Mj has hurt my fragile feelings. She doesn't know it. I just keep myself quiet. She then asked me why, but I said nothing, till she decided to keep quiet, too.

God is indeed great! He gave us today, healthy meals. Breakfast was fried rice, hotdog, and egg. Lunch was 'tortang talong and bulaklak ng squash'. Snacks were hot coffee and pancakes. And dinner was 'sinigang na baboy'.

I told Mj, after I bought a half kilo of pork, that the remaining P40+ was good for her fare to 'bayan'. She (again) tried to decline. I just didn't fight with her. Simple sentences-- "Ayoko ring pumunta roon." "Mangungutang na lang tayo sa Bautista.", closed the topic.

Before we eat our supper, I measured our rice, and I showed it to Mj. It's only good for two eating. On that, she would decide whether to go or not and when to go. I just don't want to meet Calove. I'd rather not to see him till he flies abroad. He's such an insensitive man! He must know our lacking and do something to provide them.

Prayer Concern, tonight: More works to be done tomorrow

 

August 22, 2006

Last night, 8 PM, I've written a poem entitled 'Exactness.

While we're having our breakfast, Mj and I had a hard time convincing each other who should go to 'bayan' today. I confirmed that I would never ever.

Past nine, she, with Hanna, left the house --after I scared her that I might do something she will not like. She knew me when I'm hungry. Thus, it helped her to decide.

I did some of her chores at ten, so as mine.

After lunch, I did a general cleaning. I moved some (mostly) of our knick-knacks. It tires me much, yet it satisfies me. The new look of our room might amaze Mj.

Three, I did field works.

Six, I read magazines. I also practice reading aloud. It will somehow develop my speech defect. If that so, Mj will never tease me again.

Prayer Concern, tonight: Mj and Hanna's successful and safe going home tomorrow.

 

August 23, 2006

I got up with backache. It's been so cold last night; thus I was attacked again by rheumatism.

After having my breakfast, I started to do field work, while listening to our favorite morning-weekdays radio segment. I was anticipating too to my mag-ina.

After lunch, I stay home. I did arts and jotted down poem --lyrical poem. Its topic was not clear thus I did not finish it. I just lie down and think.

Past two, when I was about to go to store (to buy egg for hotcake), my mag-ina and my in-laws arrived. They brought us mineral water and dispenser. They left afterwards.

Mj's 'lakad' was unsuccessful. She was just given by Lola of 3 kilos of rice and P100. Mj turned over the P46 change from Hanna's milk and diaper. Good thing, she brought two pieces of 'daing na bangus'.

It doesn't frustrate me, or it doesn't matter to me because Lola promised to send us whatever she had on Saturday through Tiyo Ruben.

Five, I planted the yellow gingers given by Lola.

Prayer Concern, tonight: Blessings tomorrow.

 

August 24, 2006

Four-forty, the alarm clock rang. I got up in a jiffy. Three minutes later I left the house to walk through Bautista. It's my third time to do so.

Five-thirty, I was already in Bautista. I immediately watched morning show while talking to Mama about my intention.

During my stay there, I gathered stuffs to be brought to Boso-Boso such as reading materials, Christmas decors, plants, and foods. My hunger in a delicious food was temporarily wiped off due to pork-adobo-and-guisadong-alamang-and-rice I eat on breakfast, lunch, and snack. Mama has been so understanding and sensible that she's letting me dine how much I could.

Past four, when I set myself of going home. I have bags of stuffs (mentioned earlier) and groceries, I owed to Ate Grace.

Our credit to Ate Grace totalled P168 in all. The P45 was the 5 Happy diapers, we owed before and the P123 was the groceries I owed today, such as Alaska, sugar, Argentina, sardines, coconut, Homi noodles and Speed bar. These items must be budgeted till Saturday.

When I arrived home, i watered my plants, cooked 'ginataang talbos ng kamoteng kahoy' and planted the 'pananim', I brought from Bautista. Planting both ornamental and edible plants is merely my outlet of boredom and anxiety here. It indeed heals me. Thus, I must do it.

Prayer Concern, tonight: Thanksgiving.

 

August 25, 2006

Quarter to six when I got up to prepare our breakfast which was champorado.

Almost all day, Mj was doing laundry while I was taking care of baby Marge --who's hyper, 'makulit,' 'malikot,' and 'pasaway.' She could now reach everything we put on high.

From 4 to 5:30, I was in the field --planting. And I've learned from the radio that planet "Pluto" was not already a planet but a satellite.

Six, strong wind passed by. It was the strongest wind we've ever experienced here, so far.

Prayer Concern, tonight: Blessings!

August 26, 2006

Despite the rain, I woke up joyfully. It was my opportune time to do filed works. As a matter of fact, I've planted sweet corn seeds and ornamental plants; I've transplanted four santol seedlings and chili peppers; I've gathered timbers; I've fenced a few --with 'cacaote' branches; and so on.

Ten, I started to anticipate for a visit --which was promised by Lola.

Eleven, I quit waiting. Instead, I prepared our lunch which were boiled camote scions and eggplant, rice, and heated sardines. I've also cooked, in advance, champorado for our merienda.

Mj and I planned, what to do (next), since no one has arrived this day. we've came up with a decision of going to Bautista.

Six, we left the house-- after we made sure that our suspects of stealing the iron tube were not looking at us.

In Bautista, Mama and Flor were surprised to our arrival. Jano and his fiancée were not yet there. I t was past eight when they arrived. They're also surprised yet gladdened to our presence.

Jano told me about employment prospect. He gave me the address and numbers of "Blade", a sister company of his company. He also taught me of significant matters about winning a job position. He is more experienced than I am.

His referral interests me.

I watched the premiere of most awaited "Pinoy Dream Academy". It deserves to be watched.

The TV set was on till 12:45 PM.

Finally, I asked God to help me get that job.

 

August 27, 2006

Four, I was already wide-awake. I was thinking still about the prospect job.

Five-thirty, I got up when Margaret was already awake.

Six-thirty, I left Bautista to Cadcad. Jano gave me P15 for a jeepney ride, so as trike. He has lent me P50 already last night for Mj's fare to Rancho.

Seven, I was home. I thanked God that iron tubes were not robbed. It gladdens me. However, it was changed to sadness when I discovered that alone Daisy duck was missing in her pen. I don't know if she was robbed or was eaten by dog or other animal or just escaped due to boredom. I looked for her. I couldn't just accept that the P20 worth of ducks were all gone. Last August 24, Donna --the weakest one passed away and now the voracious and vigorous Daisy has gone. I think, she left not because she's hungry but because she's all alone. I then realized two things: (1) It's not indeed good to live alone, and (2) Lost of precious thing is heart-breaking.

Ten, I've repaired two second-hand briefs. They're supposed to be trashed away but due to poverty, I must accept the fact that they were third hand already. It's so hard for me to buy new ones. Besides, no one will ask me whether My undie is new or not or second-hand. I must be thankful that my four underwear were added by two. That's life!

My lunch was rice-chocolate cake. The rice was not glutinous. Thus, it's not yummy.

I took a nap, but I was awakened by an ephemeral slight diarrhea. I thought, it's due to what I've lunched in.

Four-thirty, I've written a poem entitled "Pamilyang Ayayay". And at 5 PM, I've finished another poem entitled "Why".

Five-thirty, Mj arrived. She's sad. I asked her ad I found myself terribly affected from what she related. I could feel the exact feelings she felt toward Calove --who inhumanely declined to entertain Mj's intent of making 'vale.'

Ka Sonny is totally different now compared to the Calove I knew before. I think, he was just possessed by "Dating Daan's spirit."

Now I was decided to leave this hell. My in-laws suggest me to sell six cuts of iron tubes in a junk shop.

I wanted to go to Bautista. I need to tell this to Mama, so as to Jano. No one could help us to this crisis except my family. But Mj wanted to stay here this night because she was tired.

Mj related me the whole devastating story--- the real devastating scene:

In Tito Jun's house, Lola, Tita Ning, Tito Jun and the bald man were there. Mj came in to make 'vale'. She hasn't told yet her intention to Calove, because our stingy 'amo' was starting to regard his ugly, stinky dog, Jazzy. He also asked several questions such as "If I regularly bath his look-a-like dog."

Since they're talking with a far distance, Lola was pushing her to come near to our boss, so that she could tell her purpose. But latter stood up and left, before Mj could come near. Mj hadn't told it.

A minute later, Tita Ning comes in from the kitchen to tell Mj that Dating Daan's member was moneyless in the very moment. Besides, she added, it's not yet time to receive our salary.

Without further ado, Mj goes out to go back home. Her tears were about to fall but she's resisting it.

Lola gave her P100 and P100 again by Tito Jun. They for sure noticed her cries.

She left without saying goodbye to them, as if she's rude. She's crying.

That's the tear-jerking story --which disappoints and irks me. It made me think like Satan. I thought of revenge.

Good thing is Mj brought viands from their house, which are two fried 'galunggong' and 'ginataang dahon ng kamoteng kahoy'. At least, my heartache due to Calove's attitude was healed by this dinner. I was full!

Prayer Concern, tonight: Ka Sonny.

 

August 28, 2006

Mj and I had a misunderstanding due to last night's incident. I've strongly declined from her 'paglalambing'. I don't mean to hurt her feelings. I was just problematic last night. Thus, we don't talk to each other...all day.

Our breakfast was fried rice--- noodles. Our lunch was porridge with chicken broth cube and roasted onion and garlic. It's yummy though it was poorly cooked.

They're the very last stocks we have...

Four, I told Mj to pack their things up. I've used an inappropriate word—'maghiwalay'. I just want to say that we must part ways temporarily. I'll go to Bautista and she (with Hanna) will go to the house. But what I've stated was ''Maghiwalay tayo!" Another reason why it was misunderstood was that she declined in a jiffy without even listening first to me. She immediately cries and pretends to be sleeping.

Five, I talked to her again. At first, she was determined to stay and to be left alone. I was so furious, yet I controlled myself not to ignite. I let her understand.

Thus, we left at six. I walked from "Kanto ng Boso-Boso" to Bautista, while the two rode on.

There, I've only explained few things to Mama because Mj did the explanation of our stowing away. I also was determined to tell the truth to Jano --who arrived five minutes later.

He's semi-surprised to our revelation. But I was fully surprised to his brand new Honda XRM --that he acquired in an installment basis last Sunday.

Mama was the one who tells about borrowing money to Jano so that I could apply for a job he referred to me. As expected, and obviously, he has no money, at all. All he had was just good for his motorcycle's fuel till Friday. He also commented to what heart-befalling experience we have got in Cadcad. He's indeed right that Calove just induced us. The latter's once kindness to Hanna (or when he spent P1000+ for my daughter's needs such as milk, diaper, feeding fork and spoon, etc.) was part of his plan of getting our hearts to care-take his property. We were blinded and deceived by his colorful promises and synthetic kindness.

 

August 29, 2006

I got up at 5, sipped hot coffee, ate bread, and left to Boso-Boso. Jano pitied me. Thus, he gave me P20 so that I could take a ride.

Quarter to six, I was home. Home? I don't think so!

Nothing was robbed. Then, I gathered scraps. I saw some long iron bars so that I could bear that unnoticeable to the nearest junk shop.

Before I sell the scraps, I gathered and prepared, I canvass first for the prices. I then undressed few electric cords/wires to enable to get the bronze. Finally, I sold them. I earned P60 in all (P25 for a ¼ kilo of bronze and P35 for 7 kilos of iron)

My lunch was only a P5-worth of bread and two pieces of guavas. They're enough for me.

It's so hot today! I have had a mere short of sleep –which I considered a nap. I took a bath, yet I still was sweating terribly. Instead, I tried to locate the shortcut way to Cabading. I haven't found it. I actually stopped searching for it because I thought it wasn't really a shortcut but a long cut.

While waiting for 3 o'clock to come, I have come to a realization and reiteration. Jano is right! I have, indeed, to find a job. I could still remember that we have had a slight fight over employment and its benefits. I, then, strongly disagreed and instead boasted Calove that I don't have to work or be employed because the latter would not permit me to do so and he would give more than what we need. And now... I was suffering from my wrong inference. If only I listened to him.

I wanted to leave this mess house but whenever I see my plants, I started to pity them. They're, as if, telling me not to go. In fact, I found myself watering them underneath the tremendous sun heat. Besides, I'll stay here still till we've paid our vale or cash advance from Calove. I was supposed to be here every day till the third week of September or the 23rd day, to be certain. Thus, I must water the plants that would enable to ease my burden in their wondering ways.

Three-thirty, I locked the door up and left.

Past eight, Jano and Gie arrived. The former thought we're not there anymore.

Ten, though I wanted to watch Pinoy Dream Academy, I slept instead. I was feeling nausea and vomiting.

I talked to God before I fall asleep.

 

August 30, 2006

Four-forty-five, I got up. Hanna was awakened, too. I took her out from mosquito net, and we had our breakfast.

Five, I set myself in walking to Cadcad. I was too drowsy, yet I managed to walk briskly and fast.

Five-thirty, I arrived home. I then took a plunge on the foam and pillows to sleep, without even feeding yet Jazzy and Lassie. It was 7:35 AM when I got up.

Then, I watered the plants. Next, I washed the rubber tiles of Hanna Margaret --which would be brought to Bautista today.

Ten-thirty, I lunched in a pack of bread. I felt hunger early because I have my breakfast early.

Twelve-thirty, I started answering a Conceptis Sudoku puzzle. I completed it at 1:50 PM. it's indeed puzzling and hard. But I'm so proud for I have got it!

Then, I have read on Starweek Magazine dated August 6-13, 2006 an invitation of 7th NVM Gonzales Awards for best story and best essay in English. It interests me much. I estimated the due date and the working time. I could do it. I copied the details. All I must do now is write an English essay/short story and send it to a reputable journal or magazine to be hopefully published by them within September 30, then, send again the published article to the award-giving body, on or before October 15, 2006. The earlier submission, the better.

Five, I watered the plants.

Six-twenty, I left the nipa house.

I prayed to God before I fall asleep. I asked Him to bless Jano and Taiwan continually from their employment. I'm so thankful for their blessings!

 

August 31, 2006

Quarter to five, I got up with a terrible chest pain. I could feel it since last night. Yet, I had a good night sleep. It also doesn't hinder me from leaving. I still walked to Cadcad after sipping a hot cup of coffee.

Six-o-five, I arrived home. Due to the pain and sleepiness, I laid down first before I did the laundry. They're only few yet I got tired.

Nine, I left the house to Bautista. Mj would go to their house today. I would take care of Hobee. But when I arrived there, she was not in a good mood. It affects me, so as my dealing with our baby. i want her to leave early so that she could catch Meann on time. The latter has a financial obligation to Mj and would receive her salary today. Four o'clock was the time she set by.

My in-laws arrived at 3. They knew that we're there, huh!

I didn't go outside to see them. Mj did. When she came back, she announced that Calove gave P1000. I got angry. I don't want to accept the money because I've already made such decision. However, Mj was more furious especially to what I've said. According to her, she couldn't do nothing but to accept it. Besides, Hanna's milk was good for two feedings. Thus, we packed up our stuff to go home.

When we're about to leave, Mj and I overheard the Mama's revelation to her 'balae' about Mj's pregnancy. It's okay! It could not be hidden till last week of March. Mj must be thankful to Mama that the latter took over the revelation --which scared her to do so.

I was quiet even when we got home. They did not stay for so long. And, after a few moments they left home, I started to accept the fact that I need this caretaking job. Besides, I need money for job-searching.

Mj and I talked about Calove's despidida party on Monday. She'll go there. But I'll be the one who will leave the house early because I'll pass my resume to Blade -- a company referred to me by Jano. We will meet there may be in the evening. We must meet Ka Sonny before he flies.

Lola is indeed thoughtful, I thought. She wants the best for me and my mag-ina. She doesn't want MJ and I to separate or live the way we did before. In fact, she gave rice and Bonakid-- not to mention the mineral water.

Prayer Concern, tonight: Guidance in marketing job morrow.